Children? Do you know what happens if you have a crazy afro that you positively refuse to wash or allow your sweet mother to brush and put up in cute little pig-tails*? I’ll tell you what. Your darling mother will cruelly take advantage of the fact that you have an attention span rivaling that of a cheap door knob and use the moments after your bath while you are brushing your teeth (with her toothbrush) to take you from this….

to this…

Yes, children, beware the painfully cute 50′s bob.

Yes, children. Your mother hates you and wants you to be miserable.

*No, it does not count if you let your Auntie Nicole do all sorts of fabulous things to your hair. You have to throw your momma an occasional bone, too.