So, I’ve been running around my house reading the ingredients on a few things. The Febreeze plug-in air freshener thing? …. Lysol spray?….. The air filter in the furnace?….
Not one of them lists pheromones in the ingredients. Funny, that, because I live in a house with the four horniest people I have ever met.
The middle kid locks the door to the bathroom when he showers, and 30 minutes after he’s gone in, when I am praying for having enough hot water left to wash a few dishes, I knock. I tell him to get out already. HE HASN’T EVEN STARTED WASHING HIMSELF. You know and I know and god knows what he was doing.
The toddler can get her legs into this position on the couch, when the mood strikes her, that I have tried in the interests of spicing things up for the mister, only to be laughed at loudly by several of my more important joints, just because she’s discovered that her belly ain’t the only button she’s got.
The oldest one. I can’t ever talk about this again. Deals have been struck and I get to remain almost totally blissfully unaware.
I will spare you the content of the nightstand on my husband’s side of the bed. I will also spare you the contents of his desk drawer. Let’s just say that the children have been threatened under pain of death to never open either. And he has been threatened the same, at least in my presence.
Is there a point here? No. But if I have to suffer through living in a Las Vegas Sex Club, I am totally dragging you all down with me.
AmyM
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 11:26Wait? What? NINE year olds do that? I was thinking I had until at least 12 or so before I had to worry about that. Man, ignorance IS bliss.
Oh dear. I don’t want my kids to get older.
AmyM’s last blog post..Afraid to move
Chris
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 11:39I think we totally need a photo essay on the contents of the drawers.
Chris’s last blog post..The Weeklies #29
Latte Mommy
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 12:43So we haven’t heard what’s in your nightstand drawers… hmm…
Latte Mommy’s last blog post..Impeccable Timing
Honeybell
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 12:45Damn. 1 Husband + 4 boys = we need to add a coupla bathrooms, huh?
Honeybell’s last blog post..There Isn’t Enough Prozac In The World For This
zoeyjane
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 13:18all i can say is stock up on tube socks.
hahaha.
i laugh because i choose to not be annoyed with how many times a day I have to say, “Isobel, that doesn’t go in there.”
Notice you didn’t leave any commentary on how you are too busy to give yourself a little sumpin sumpin.
zoeyjane’s last blog post..All Over The Place
Tara R.
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 13:48Oh my…I’m so glad this is not unique to my house… thanks, I feel so much better now. =)
Tara R.’s last blog post..Scrolling Saturdays
Karen MEG (pomtini)
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 14:02Gulp, NINE?! I’m so ill-prepared.
Nightstands are a scary place indeed.
Karen MEG (pomtini)’s last blog post..Scrolling Saturdays – My Pickle Story
Piper of Love
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 14:32Yeah, I have no idea how to deal with my sons dealing with their parts… and they do deal with their parts a lot. What am I supposed to do?
Piper of Love’s last blog post..Choosing to Believe the Best
daysgoby
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 14:57Yeah, we do a lot of ‘You can do that in private’ around here, as Cass likes to wander around downstairs in the morning, both hands comfortably down the front of his Curious George (Oh, the irony!) pyjamas
daysgoby’s last blog post..e-vendor
Leslie Dillinger
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 15:58Oh Lord. Come down to Seattle already for an escape from these people!
Tammy
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 16:48hehe….Our nightstands have hidden compartments. =)
I’m with the other comments……NINE!!????????
Dear Lord I have an 11 year old….EEEWWWWWWW.
Tammy’s last blog post..Under a rock for the last 8 years!
andy
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 16:49The boy takes 30 minutes to do it? Sounds like he’s doing it all wrong. When flying solo, it’s not about the trip but the destination. Why, when the mood strikes, I can be done in a mere… uh, moving right along.
In our house, Ewan (2 yrs) likes to run around naked, holding his “part” and yelling “I touch my coo-coo! I touch my coo-coo!”
Fiona is well known to be able to rock the entire minivan making use of the middle strap of her safety seat. I once went around to her side to get her out at a store and she looked up and said “I’m masturbating. I can’t help myself.”
Who hasn’t felt that way, really?
andy’s last blog post..Unto Us This Day a Child is Born
aschoolyardblogger
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 16:50Trust me when they get to 16 or so the pheromones can be scraped from the walls and ceiling. It is hard for me to imagine 2 of 3 in the shower for more than 60 seconds even though you told me that he is changing physically before your eyes.
And on another note, I would like to thank your readers from the bottom of my heart for signing the Vietnam petition. And I mean the very most bottom of my heart and bigtime.
S.
A Whole Lot of Nothing
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 17:32I SO could not have had a boy.
I couldn’t live thinking that he was doing THAT in THERE.
*shudders*
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..Photohunt: High – My Night With Bossy (In Pictures)
Alison
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 18:20And what are you hiding on your side of the bed?
Alison’s last blog post..A Walk to Remember
Ashley Sanders
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 18:57lol yeh…what are you hiding on your side of the bed?? lol.
Ashley Sanders’s last blog post..Thursday 13
Natalie
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 20:02Wait??!! How old is the kid that was in the bathroom forever? Oh my gosh, they start that THAT young? Oh my.
April
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 20:03I’m beginning to feel like I’m raising perves here because my girls started way earlier than nine!
April’s last blog post..WijvenWeek – MommyBloggers
Diane
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 20:12Loved Andy’s comments as he really made me laugh. I can’t even imagine being in your shoes and having too worry what I could be walking into.
Diane’s last blog post..Crazy busy
ohmommy
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 20:58OUR nightstands are full of monkey farts. Will explain as soon as I figure out how to download vidoes onto my computer.
We puffy heart out nightstands at the OHfamily house.
ohmommy’s last blog post..My purse. My story.
Ashley Ladd
Saturday, 29 March, 2008 at 21:04LOLOLOL.
My kids don’t like sex – so they say. They’re not even into romance. My 17 year old says she’s not ready to date.
My dogs, however, both male, are total perverts. They’re constantly taking a lick of each other’s, well, you know. When I come home, they’ll take turns jumping up to greet me. Half the time while one’s jumping up, the other takes the opportunity to lick the other’s genitals. I’m constantly telling them to stop that. Oy!
Ashley Ladd’s last blog post..Customer Service
punk rock mom
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 1:01What are you feeding these people? Oysters and chocolate!
punk rock mom’s last blog post..Weekly Weiners
tiff
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 4:10well, I guess it wouldn’t surprise you if I told you that Noah found something long and vibrating in his father’s bedside drawer…and then brought it out when his grandparents were at the dinner table! Can anyone say, all eyes to that speck of dust on the floor while Mummy grabs the offending embarrassment and stows it away, higher, MUCH higher????????????
tiff’s last blog post..Weekly Winners.
kelly
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 4:47You are all such a bunch of dirty pervets. Must be why I love it here. I fit right on.
kelly’s last blog post..Personal Transformation, Or Something Like That.
jed
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 9:30Well, certainly sheds new light on that “Wet Coast Women” community.
jed’s last blog post..More Info on Left Hand Canyon Shooting Closure
the planet of janet
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 12:13omigod, i walked in on my son doing … ahem … something when he was about 14.
but HIS DOOR WAS OPEN!! i mean, REALLY!!!!!!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: March 23-29
Secret Agent Mama
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 15:03Seriously, he’s doing that? I don’t think Mikey has any idea, what-so-ever. LOL
This post is funny, though! LoveOLove
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Weekly Winners XIX
Jamie
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 15:07Yup, you just made me freakin’ pee in my pants. Thanks.
Jamie’s last blog post..The Sanitation Patrol
Loralee
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 16:01OMG.
This is what SUCKS about only having boys.
I.will.not.think.about.it.
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loralee’s last blog post..When your world turns upside down in the blink of an eye.
terri
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 16:39Boys behind closed doors for questionable amounts of time…. check!
Nightstand drawers with items that shouldn’t be seen by children…. check!
Thanks for confirming that my life is normal, at least by SOMEONE’S standards.
terri’s last blog post..Saturday Morning TV for Catholic Kids
BusyDad
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 16:40That brought back memories. I was 9. I felt like Columbus discovering the New World.
BusyDad’s last blog post..Sure, If You Want to Get Technical
Amanda
Sunday, 30 March, 2008 at 18:41You owe me a new laptop because I think I just ruined mine spitting wine out of my nose…
I also live with 3 (4 if you count me, but I don’t) very horny humans, 2 extremely primal dogs, and a cat that masterbates entirely too freely. My son’s only 6…do NOT want to think about what’s going to happen when he’s any older. *shudder*
I’m off to research those “hidden compartment” nightstands. I think I could use one or two of those…
~~Bloghooppin, and lovin’ it!~~
Amanda’s last blog post..One of the many reasons I love Boog?
Darla
Monday, 31 March, 2008 at 4:30Great…now I know what I’m in for in a couple of years – DREADING IT…
Darla’s last blog post..From Spiderman to the Green Goblin