Everyone who’s ever had kids knows that when you get them, you change, fundamentally. In the core of who you are. Forever and always. I had my two boys, and I really did shift. It wasn’t until I had Little Ms Oopsie, the baby girl, however, that everything I thought I knew about me jumped right out the window. Example? Here’s five:
- Pink. I am as far from being a Pink Girl as is humanly possible to be. If you know me, you’ll know how true this is. When The Donor buys me lovely pink tops, I wear them to make spaghetti sauce. Because after that, I’ll never be able to wear them again. :) When I had this girl, I S.W.O.R.E. she’d wear Social Distortion black onesies and Converse. Well, she has the Converse, but, um, yeah…they’re PINK. Everything she has is pink. And I loves it.
- Panties. We all have a word we can’t or won’t say. Most people’s Forbidden Word has to do with a delicate part of the female anatomy (c*$t) but mine? Panties. I hate that word. I have a mouth like a sailor, but that word feels dirty. Wrong. Naughty. I won’t say it; I say Undies or Chones. Since this kid has come, though, I say it no less than 3,916 times a day. And I’m almost okay with that.
- Ironing. We all know I don’t iron. Which is weird, because I LOVE ironing, I just never get around to it, and I was raised by Little Ms. I Am Not Paying $0.05 Extra On My Utility Bill For Ironing So You Can Wait 3 Days To Pull Your Clothes Out Of The Dryer. Ironing was cheaped out of me at a young age. And, um, bedsheets? Seriously? People IRON things they Sleep on and Do It on? WHAA? Well, now, I have this girl who has a bedskirt that is white with the sweetest little purple and green and PINK embroidered flowers on it, and I totally iron it. It looks like utter crap if I don’t. And that has brought me to ironing everyone else’s bedsheets, too.
- Children’s Books. My mother did not allow us to read Children’s Books. We read The Bible, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I Robot and The History of Physics. And I have no problem with that. I still love all those books. (Yes, even The Bible and yes, I am an atheist. I don’t make any sense to me, either.) When the boys were born, we had a small stash of kid’s books, but my oldest sort of only read non-fiction until a year ago, and my middle child did whatever his big brother did, because I am a shitty mother who perpetuates stereotypes within the family. But then this girl came along. You wouldn’t believe the amount of ridiculously fluffy kids books we have now. Every Sandra Boynton book, the entire That’s Not My series (the best kids books evs, BTW) and yes, even the token Barbie book.
- Barbies. I was not allowed to have Ken dolls growing up. My mother thought that was entirely too much penis laying around, which is sort of odd, seeings how I had, oh, FOUR brothers. Anyway, I was allowed to have Barbies, and since I was a terrible, horrible, no good deviant child and had no Ken dolls, all my Barbies were lesbians. Which has nothing at all to do with the story, I just thought I’d share that. Moving on, Barbie and I have never really been BFF’s, and I was quite happy with the awesome Tech Deck collection my daughter inherited from her brothers and cousin. But then Gramma sent her a Barbie for her first Christmas. And then Auntie caught wind of that and sent her every Barbie ever for her 2nd birthday. And. She. Loves. Them. And now I’m back to buying Barbie shoes and brushing Barbie hair and changing Barbie outfits. And you know what? I don’t hate it. Also, our Barbies are Puritans. Just like me. There will be no hanky-panky ’round here, yo.
This awesome picture courtesy of MommyTime and BusyDad.
I am sure there is more, but that’s plenty of Sell Out Confessions for today. So, How have your kids changed you?
Xbox4NappyRash
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 19:48…Meh…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Missing
Kori
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 19:56I laughed so hard I peed (almost); perhaps I should start wearing a bib and Depnds while reading blogs, becuase I am either snorting coffee out the nose or wetting myself (and the weak bladder is how my four kids have changed me, fer sure). I have one daughter, three boys-and thank god daughter was number one and only. I think I wore my first pink shirt in 35 years a month ago, when everything else was dirty; she loves it, always has. I held firm on the Barbie thing, though; none at our house. Ever. She was allowed to play with them at granny’s all she wanted, but not in with me, LOL.
Kori’s last blog post..I Found This Book….
SherE1
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 19:56Talk about having a mouth like a sailor – I was the worst pre-kids. I think I ended every sentence with “and sh*t” and replaced exclamation marks with the “F” word. Now-a-days, the cursing only slips out when I’m extremely annoyed or angry but it’s rare enough that my kids are SHOCKED when they hear such language come out of my mouth!
I also used to love to party like a rock star and stay up until the wee hours. Now my biggest pleasure is spending time at home with the family and I’m in bed by 9, at the latest. If I’m up any later than that, I’m plagued with thoughts of how I’m SO going to regret staying up that late when the baby is for sure going to be awake and ready to start his day at 5 AM.
BTW, Katelyn LOVES those “That’s Not My” books, too! Those ARE the best books EVER!
And even though I DID have Ken dolls, I have to admit that some of my Barbies liked to swing both ways.
Ree
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 19:57Oh mah holy hell. I didn’t think it was even possible to have a bigger crush on you. Until now. I’m moving to Canada to be close to you.
Ree’s last blog post..Bang Head Here.
hubs
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 20:08I’m pretty sure dirty, wrong, & naughty are the reasons I love the word panties.
hubs’s last blog post..101 Ways To Skin A Cat
Marge
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 20:15I’m swiping that pic and putting it on your bio in my blog.
The whole pink barbie bedskirt panties thing – will NEVER. BE. ME. EVER.
I’m saying that here so that when I have a daughter I can come back and laugh at myself.
I can’t remember the things I said I would NEVER BE before Bart but I’m sure there were plenty, especially considering that would have been during my prude goodie two shoes better than thou stage.
Natalie
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 20:24You had lesbin barbies too?!
I said lesbin because I think you must have some filter on your comments that filters out naughty words. The first time I submitted this it went into missing sock land and now the whole punchline went *poof*.
I got learned. :P
christy
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 20:31I’ve lost about 4 comments…..hmmmm.
So, briefer still.
Love the kids–humorous anecdote–blah, blah–tender closing.
(wipes tear)
Kate
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 21:30I myself could have written the first two points. Pink? Ew. Panties? Yuck. But having a two and half foot princess living in your midst tends to sway one on certain issues.
I still don’t iron though. Unless a brief spin in the dryer won’t take out the perma-wrinkles.
And because I’m a bookworm myself, I started buying children’s books even before my kids were born. And once I was pregnant, I immediately joined a children’s book-of-the-month club.
Barbies? Probably inevitable. I had ‘em, along with a token Ken. Boy, he was a busy guy, let me tell ya.
Kate’s last blog post..A Helping Hand
Joe
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 21:36When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, she swore that any female children of ours would be tomboys just like her and loathe pink. Wouldn’t ya know it, both of our daughters have turned out to be non-tomboyish and both have loved pink at one time or another.
Of course, I don’t let her forget it either. :)
-
I just found your blog a week ago and have to say that it is becoming one of my favorites (if nothing else, name dropping your blog certainly turns heads).
Shannon
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 21:55I’m pretty much with you on all of those items, except for I’ve always been a huge fan of children’s books and had a modest collection before I ever had kids. Having kids was just the excuse I needed to go nuts! :) And can i just say that it is freaking awesome that your mom encouraged you to read The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy which is, in my humble opinion, one of the best books on the planet? I have this fantasy where my kids are precocious pre-teens and we read the whole series while taking a family vacation and driving across the country. Which, now that I write it down, doesn’t sound all that much fun. But the reading part! That would be fun!
Shannon’s last blog post..beam me up, scotty
Loralee
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 22:24Panties, panties, PANTIES!!!
Sorry, just had to get that out. ;)
Loralee’s last blog post..At what point do you pick up the phone to report bad behavior to the parents of a child?
Jamie
Thursday, 8 May, 2008 at 22:50I’m so with you on the panties word. Ullgghhh (can you say that sound?)
I said I wouldn’t spank. Ummm…. oops.
I said I’d sit and lovingly do crafts. Ummmm…. not so much.
I said he could do *any*thing he wants. Ummm… no ballet class dude.
I said I wouldn’t drink before 5:00. Whatever.
Jamie’s last blog post..A Look Back
MommyTime
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 0:18Huh, panties don’t bother me, and you KNOW I have hunormous (Son’s word) stacks of children’s books everywhere.
But, seriously, DUDE! Have you been stealing my brain waves over the phone??!? I started writing exactly this post this morning, and then got distracted. But here’s what I’ve got so far:
(1) alarm clocks: used to need them daily, currently do not own one thanks to the robins I call children who cheerfully jump into our bed every morning at dawn
(2) I eat more vegetables, trying to be a good role model (always loved ‘em, couldn’t be bothered to cook ‘em just for myself)
(3) exercise: used to be very regular, now, not so much — if someone can figure out a device that will restrain a curious and resistant toddler in a jogging stroller without looking like something that will bring down Child Protective Services faster than you can say “torture device,” sign me up.
Also, call me a Prude, by I HATE Barbie and swear I’ll never have one in the house. (Feel free to mock me if that comes back to haunt me.)
MommyTime’s last blog post..Recipes for Life
traci
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 0:49The only major-huge-over-the-top change is the fact I am a great big P**SY now. I CANNOT do anything taking my feet off the ground for entertainment purposes. Chair lifts, skiing, carnival rides, roller coasters, etc, etc. don’t do ‘em.
traci’s last blog post..T13-Jobs I have had
Tammy
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 1:01I was so not a girly girl….I am now….
I used to party hard…now I can’t…
Used to swear like a drunken sailor…now I only swear like a sober one…
I also hated pink…now I love it…
Used to have loud nookie….now I have a muzzle…
too much info…I’ll stop while I’m ahead….
Tammy’s last blog post..Look out…..She’s Gonna Blow….
janethesane
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 1:31I feel the same way about pink. I went out of my way to buy purple and light green. Just as well since everyone else bought pink clothes. She looks adorable in them too. *shudder* I am def going to look up “That’s not my” books because I haven’t heard of them. One way my daughter changed me is I laugh more. I believe more in myself too because I did something so amazing as create a unique and beautiful person.
janethesane’s last blog post..Sirens
NukeDad
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 1:31My favorite Sandra Boynton was “If You Give a Hobo a Pork Chop”, classic. Nukegirl’s favorite Barbie is “Divorce Barbie”-it comes with all of Ken’s stuff.
NukeDad’s last blog post..You Wanna Kiss Me Before You Give Me That Invoice?
crunchy carpets
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 1:55Hitchhikers SHOULD be required reading for ALL children – it had a PROFOUND effect on me.
Before then I read every ENGLISH kids book..so I thought being Scottish sucked and that only English kids joined pony clubs or found magical worlds in closets.
As a mom…..hmmm…has cemented just what an uber geek I really am.
That I am not my mom.
And I understand why mom ‘napped’ so much
mn
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 2:38i like the concept of ironing. i don’t dislike it at all and rather good at it, but somehow it’s the last thing i want to do. i hardly iron.
i don’t mind pink, but it wasn’t like a big color deal for me. American girls seem to be a lot about pink. certain other colors look better on me as a girl of color. i’ve loved orange, white etc.
i HATE the word panties. so i will teach you, if you like, a word to use in a diff language that will not send shivers down your spine. :)
Leslie Dillinger
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 4:17I had Barbies, but I never really played with them. It was more like I invented elaborate stories around them. But I loved them, for sure! Like little props for my storytelling . . .
BusyDad
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 4:47Sad to say that having my son had the opposite effect on me. It actually gave me an excuse to legitimately: go to Star Wars conventions, read comic books, go to monster truck shows, watch spongebob, see iron man on opening weekend, visit the toy aisle at Target, eat mac n cheese…
I was wondering when you were going to unveil that pic!
BusyDad’s last blog post..W8 Loss Wednesday #5 – Seize the (Cheat) Day
dysfunctional mom
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 5:58Lesbi*n barbies? I can’t BREATHE!!! Hilarious…….and I can’t believe you iron bedding.
That’s freaky stuff.
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: These Are My Confessions
the planet of janet
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 6:48i was the biggest tomboy ever, and i still think sometimes i’m part boy.
and god laughed and sent me the girliest girly-girl who ever walked this earth.
(and i have ALWAYS hated the word panties. *shudder*)
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: It’s a baby shower! edition
Kelley
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 9:47My kids have made me do the unthinkable. Mixing red and white wine and whimpering ‘is it wine time yet?’
At 8am.
Cause I totally waited till 11am before kids.
Kelley’s last blog post..This is the way it is goin’ down, yo.
HRH
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 12:19I have ended up getting more girly the more boys I bear…weird. I now love pink and I think it is a testosterone defense mechanism.
My mom only let me have Skipper. So I had several of those…like triplets. She thought the other Barbies were too booby. Probably good since I ended up resembling Skipper in real life…
HRH’s last blog post..In these here parts Holly is known as Fierce Trapper …
Alison
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 13:11Totally will not even write the word that corresponds to your #2. I HATE HATE HATE it! IT makes me feel so dirty!
And barbies…..well, see….I had tons of barbies and what I used to do was take their heads off so that I could change their clothes more easily. This meant their faces would split in half…my mother thought I was disturbed. I stopped getting barbies.
Alison’s last blog post..Apparently I Can Be Random in the Middle of the Week, too
Nissa
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 13:26Ironing! *shiver* That’s a dirty word in my book.
Nissa’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- Prom Reminiscing
Momo Fali
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 16:24Iron bedsheets?!! You MUST be drinking whiskey.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..Beating The Odds
Karen MEG (pomtini)
Friday, 9 May, 2008 at 18:12I always said no freaky big purple dinosaur in the house, evah. Now I find myself humming that stupid “look both ways” song even when the kids aren’t around.
And Spongebob only when they’re college age… but now I’m in hysterics when m 3 yo girlie cusses …’Oh, tartar sauce!”
I’m so full of crap!
Karen MEG (pomtini)’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen – Kids are the best Life Coaches
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)
Saturday, 10 May, 2008 at 2:09I say things like “CRAPTASTIC!” instead of “FUCK!” It has really put a damper on my colorful communication.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..You Don’t Have To
K8spade
Saturday, 10 May, 2008 at 3:02I was a tomboy (although I had Barbies and no Kens, go figure), and swore “no PINK” for my baby girl. The child is 9 months old and I think she’s worn pink every day since birth. Although she has a little camo hoodie that evens out the look, I think. ;-)
K8spade’s last blog post..Mama Said There’d be Days Like This
April
Saturday, 10 May, 2008 at 5:46This is some funny shit!
I used to love Snapple, and have it stocked regularly pre-kids. Then I switched to the more economic root beer. Now I buy myself store-brand black cherry soda. They’ve made my wants simpler.
April’s last blog post..Flashback Friday – Car Encounter
Sleeping with Ward Cleaver
Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 3:04Oh, not to worry. Some day your daughter will ask you to schedule her first brazilian waxing. This will make up for all of the pink, the Barbies, the books with fluffy lamb fuzz in them, all that.
Teenager-dom is the greatest of equalizers–it’s then that your daughter will also unwrap herself from her father’s finger as well LOL
pauline
Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 5:57ha! I love it! I love pink, but the amount my baby has makes me gag sometimes. As for what did change…my hatred of barney is now a dull throbbing…like an earache you get used to.
LOL.
bTW-I am stopping by from The weekend Blog Hoppers!
Nice blog!
pauline’s last blog post..Happy Mother’s Day!
jenty
Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 19:40LOL, I love pink and I’ve got 2 boys… go figure ;)
I really enjoyed this post
jenty’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 4 May – 10 May
amy
Monday, 12 May, 2008 at 4:10Funny, being a mom has forced me to girl up! I HATED pink as well, and now my house looks like a freakin’ Pepto Bismol bottle exploded in it. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I now wear entirely too much pink.
amy’s last blog post..At least they let me sleep in