May 26 2008
How to Make a Candy Cane in 8 Easy Steps
1. Have a child. Make sure she has almost no pigment in her skin. A 75% Scotch/Irish and 25% Ukrainian mix should do nicely.
2. Don’t forget that she’ll need to be trampy enough to have 3 kids.
3. Put a couple of those kids in Little League.
4. Get one of those kids into a really kick-ass team who advances all the way to the Championship game.
5. But make sure they spend two FULL bright, sunny hot days at the ballpark before they get through.
6. And sign her up to work the barbecue grill for three hours.
7. And make sure the other kids distract her just enough that she totally forgets about sunscreen.
8. While she’s wearing a wife-beater.
8. Enjoy.
Comments close after 5 days. Spam sucks. 50 Comments to “How to Make a Candy Cane in 8 Easy Steps”
Ouch! Hope it heals up soon!
Marylin’s last blog post..Weekly Winners #22
Ouch! Sorry to see that. Makes me glad to be naturally tan.
Ricardo’s last blog post..Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Even when I get insider information I can’t be the first poster. You have some real fiends reading this here blog. Your chest looks like a Neopolitan Ice Cream. Yum!
BusyDad’s last blog post..If Jeopardy Were Written by Parents
Ouch is right! I feel your pain, woman.
I was at a beach birthday party last weekend, was out for only 2 hours (peak sun hours, but still) and of course, I totally forgot to put on any sunscreen! I was sitting down talking most of the time, and had my hands on my arms…and yes, I got a handburn. I have whole handprints on both my arms. Still. Farmer’s tan + handprint tan = lame.
flickrlovr’s last blog post..Words to Live By Weekends
OUCH!!!
But seriously, next time to qualify for proper candy cane status, you need to apply some sunscreen in stripes. I mean, how pretty would you look THEN?
Veronica’s last blog post..For Lotus
Dude, that just looks PAINFUL.
daysgoby’s last blog post..instant messaging
That hurts to look at it! A home remedy I heard about somewhere: mix a cup of milk with four cups of water and a bunch of ice then apply compresses for about fifteen minutes every few hours.
Musing’s last blog post..I still say I was sucking noodles in my last incarnation
I posted about the same thing yesterday. Apparently 100% German heritage also provides a sufficiently low amount of pigment. Also, an equally low amount of brains as I always forget to put on sunscreen.
Shannon’s last blog post..Meatfest: Cancelled
ouch!
ohmommy’s last blog post..Caption Challenge
Holy ouch! That would be me after sitting fifteen minutes. In the car. With the window rolled up and the sun shining through the tinted windows. If it helps, you totally have a great rack to store that candy cane on.
anne nahm’s last blog post..Thursday
nice one…looks like something only a dumb southerner would do (like me)…I at least like to tie one on and have that to blame it on! I always say “I burn first…and tan later” - my husband just laughs at me as I broil
Feel better soon!
Kat’s last blog post..It’s the weekend?BUSINESS TIME
Ouch! I have only 2 words for you: aloe vera.
Latte Mommy’s last blog post..Oh Yeah, It Was A Good Idea!
“forgot about sunscreen”
You need your arse reddened for that alone.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..The good news
you look like me, every summer of my life. the milk compresses will work, and so will aloe but my die-hard soother, which helps make peeling not quite as gross (but not as fun to obsessively play with)? hair conditioner. seriously, slather yourself while you’re in a warm shower.
i totally feel for ya.
zoeyjane’s last blog post..Starting off with a flurry
Since you are so fair, and careless….(tsk, tsk) here’s what you need to (a) not get cancer (b) not look like a leather purse by the time you are 40……. (cyber nagging–I do it because I CARE!)
Get some Cellex-C and put it on that burn. And take some extra Vitamin C till you heal. (That Cellex-C is $$$ so use some on your face, too…..)
Go, and burn no more, my child….
christy’s last blog post..Cell phones are the new umbilical cords
Ouch, I was a mexican candy cane a couple weeks back when I went to the beach and it HURT!
Jen-The Mom’s last blog post..All the Cliches are True
Nutcase! Sunscreen is important!! Bad girl. Us super pasty white chicks must wear sunscreen! Didn’t you see my ‘Umbrella’ post? Sheesh woman.
Aloe with Lidocaine kept in the refrigerator will be your best friend. Trust me, I know ;-)
Hope you feel better soon. Lots of water and aspirin, too.
rachel’s last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Monkey Bread
Here’s my helpful tidbit: drink lots of alcohol; that’ll numb the pain!
April’s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up
I took my shirt off at the pool yesterday and some kid yelled out; “Hey Mister! Save some sun for the rest of us!”
NukeDad’s last blog post..The Ultimate Sacrifice
Wow. Wow. Sorry to hear that, but I’m happy to say I enjoyed the delivery of this sad story; I love your creative “voice.” (And NukeDad’s comment cracked me up!)
Half-Past Kissin’ Time’s last blog post..Angels(?) Among Us
Wow. Wow. While I’m sorry for your sunburn, I do have to tell you I appreciated the delivery of your sad story very much; I love you creative, humor-filled “voice.” (And NukeDad’s comment cracked me up!)
Half-Past Kissin’ Time’s last blog post..Angels(?) Among Us
OMW that looks SO painful!!
jenty’s last blog post..Guess what was waiting for me?
Owie!! I hope that gets better!! Get some Aloe Vera Juice and a spray bottle!!
nickoal’s last blog post..My Little Darling…
Man.. that is terrible. I hope you are bathing in aloe right now with a BIG bottle of alcohol in hand..
Kim’s last blog post..A Mommy Blessing- May 26 2007
That hurts to look at. One thing to say - Aveeno Oatmeal Bath - works wonders, and feels great.
Tara R.’s last blog post..It’s all over except the crying?
O U C H!! Sunburn sucks!! Hopefully the pain will ease up soon!
Darla’s last blog post..Child Support
My daughter is an Irish and Russian mix. She’s transparent. We were outside for 5 minutes yesterday and her left arm turned bright pink. I totally feel your pain. (I’m the Irish one)
K8spade’s last blog post..Sick Sickety Sick Sick
Ouch that looks painful! Sounds like you had a good weekend though…made it to the championship game…did they win? Even if they didn’t, it sounds like it was an exciting 2 days of games!
Lori’s last blog post..I don’t kiss butts
I wish I could rub some aloe vera on you. Gently. :)
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Project 365 (276/365)
Oh ouch. That looks like it hurts. Allie uses this stuff, Ocean Potion I think, it’s got Lidocaine in it. It rocks. You should try it!!
J’s last blog post..Happy Memorial Day!
Yikes!
Diane’s last blog post..Europe, couples & vacation
We match. I had on a halter so I’m a little more pointed than you though. LOL
I have that same line! And yet, I’m half Lebanese. (Must be the 1/2 I’m not showing, though)
Ree’s last blog post..In Which I Solicit Your Opinion
Oh OWWW!
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..It’s the Little Things
ouch…poor you! dumb ass. haven’t you heard of sunscreen!? like with spf 50, or higher?
xoxo…feel better!
melissa’s last blog post..A New Blog, A New Day
Nice! Can we assume you have the bright red long sleeves to go with it? All of these other commenters and their “Aloe” have it totally wrong.
Whatcha gotta do is go to the kids drawer and get yourself some construction paper. Trace the burned area, then cut out the piece that fits over it exactly. tape it over the burn with rolls of scotch tape. Then lay out in the back wearing only the stencil. Remove and enjoy your seamless, all-over glow! In photography they call this “dodging”.
matt’s last blog post..The Playpen in Motion
yikes!!!!
looks painful!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Just kill me now. It’s so much kinder in the long run …
Ack - looks painful! I sunburn easily, too. Noxema usually helps ease the itchiness for me. Hope yours gets better soon!
SherE1’s last blog post..So I think I can dance
Thats why I hate little league baseball. Its all a scam by the sunscreen companies I tell you. Hope that heals fast.
sogeshirts’s last blog post..Choose your own adventure haikus
Um, twitter won’t let me direct message you. Anyway, in reply to the tweet about the content theft, I think you should give them a virtual punch. or two?
Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..It’s Never ‘As Seen On TV’
Ow.
Maria’s last blog post..You’ll like this…
Since I am a redhead I know this all too well. I can feel the heat coming off of your skin!
ourcrookedtree’s last blog post..Back Seat Driver
Switch Ukrainian for American Indian and you basically have me. Add 4 years of Band Camp and I was you. Hope you feel better SOON!
*btw-delurking here* (geez I’ve been doing this alot. I feel like I’m finally coming out of the closet….lol) You and busy dad rule over at SRD.
Yikes :( I hope it gets better soon. Break out the aloe if you haven’t already.
janethesane’s last blog post..Four Day Weekend
Owwwwwwiee! One word- Aloe.
Hope it heals quickly.
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..One-Sided
Too lazy to read ALL the comments. Did someone already say TEA. Takes the sting out . . .
LaskiGal’s last blog post..Memorial Day
Holy Crap! Girl, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sure you will get plenty of advice on how to take care of that, so I won’t add my two cents, but I hope you feel better soon, cause that has GOT to hurt!
Robina’s last blog post..Will you still love me tomorrow?
Dude. I can’t even look at it again. I’ve been there oh-so-many times.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..I Don’t Mean To Be Crass
Ahh haha. Sorry. I know that hurts. But you did write it in such a clever and funny way, I had to laugh. Yea. I’ll stick with that.
The most shameful part of this post? You did not lower the camera another couple of inches for the money shot. You tease.
Miss’s last blog post..Almost 3 years later?
It puts the Aloe Vera in the basket….