Continued from here, my favorite posts #201-400:
This is my all-time favorite post I have ever written. If you read nothing else here, read this one.
And that the feminist post I’ve re-written one hundred times can just get deleted, because oh yeah…already covered that.
You see, I want my boys to understand what a woman is capable of. I want them to realize that a woman can be strong, and very important, and not necessarily bring home a paycheck to be those things. I want them to understand the importance of parenting, of spouses supporting each other, and of somebody taking charge of things. They know that daddy goes to work, and he is the boss. But they don’t see it happen. They see me do it. They know that a family is like a team, and everyone has a role, and I am the coach. I am here to point everyone in the right direction. Read the rest…
You know what? Kids are absolutely disgusting. And I love it.
Every night he dictates exactly what sort of pre-sleep affection he will be requiring for the evening. Tonight it was the standard kiss and a hug (not to be confused with a hug and a kiss–a whole different matter entirely), with a raspberry on the neck thrown on the end. So he gets his kiss, then hug, and as I go in for the raspberry, he holds his finger up and tells me to hang on. You know, that little “wait a minute” sign. At least I think that’s what he’s doing with his finger pointed up. I ask what’s up and he says, “I have this boogie stuck on my finger”. (shows said boogie to me) “Hold on, I have to put it back.” Read the rest…
Yes, my mother in law actually said this to her 9 month pregnant daughter in law. It’s a really good thing she moved to Africa.
Yesterday, we were discussing the fact that I will be in the hospital a bit longer than expected so I can get my tubes tied. She asked why I’m doing it, as she thought J was, and after I answered her she said, “Well, that’s good. You know, in case you ever have an affair or anything, you’ll be covered.” Read the rest…
My parents’ 13 year marriage, in 100 words or less-ish.
37 years ago today, Ed married a very not-pregnant Pat. This fact may not seem all that significant to you or I, but became an increasingly important revelation to Ed in the days following their nuptials.
Thankfully, 24 years ago, they divorced.
My own marriage, in 20 words or less.
7 years of marriage, and no one’s been shot yet. Not half bad.
Who knew that she’d be covered in black lipstick just two short years later? My first pictures of my first daughter.
Six short weeks after my daughter was born, I came to believe in God.
And the clouds party, and the angels sang. The thunder rolled in raucous applause. The Lord and his son Jesus themselves peered down from above and bestowed unto us this gift, this miracle. Praise be to God…read the rest
What happens when you don’t celebrate Christmas as a child.
I recently caught Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on TV, and I have but one thing to say:
What is wrong with you people?
How do you not realize that this is about the creepiest thing ever? It’s like Satan’s little holiday message of cheer. Maybe you don’t notice because you’ve grown up with it, but for those of us discovering it at 30 for the first time, it’s disturbing. Really, really disturbing.I hope the Charlie Brown Christmas thing isn’t as bad.
Atonement.
After a good long fight with the lovely husband last night, and an even longer night with the baby (though not nearly as long as hers was), I was a bit tired this morning and slept in. Since I was the winner of last nights’ spat, J was still seeking atonement and more than happy to get up with the kiddies.
Allow me to mention here that he never gets up with them.
Here’s what I woke up to…read the rest.
Did you know that the equipment/litter/food and purchase price of a hamster comes to around $50?
Did you also know that it is considered off-season for duct cleaners, and they will come vaccuum out a $50 dead, cooking hamster from your forced air heating system for only $250?
Think I’m not the Worst Mother Ever? You’re WRONG.
We are having a sleepover right now. Over dinner the children were having a lively conversation which I was almost completely successful in tuning out, until I heard B very matter-of-factly say this:
“…blah blah yada yada my parents didn’t want me, but they wanted 2of3 blah blah yada blah…”
*choke*
The difference between having your first baby and your third baby
…is that you would NEVER be holding your first baby while she slept six full months after she was born and happen to notice something in her pretty little belly button that upon closer inspection turned out to be quite a significant amount of umbilical cord remnants. You would never sit around trying to remember the last time you gave her pretty little belly button a good washing, only to realize that you just hadn’t bothered to do that yet.
There is a good chance this could, however, happen with your third.
Maybe you shouldn’t go reading my archives after all, because seriously, I am a shitty parent. And quite good at documenting it.
My son was puking in an empty paper Pepsi cup and for the first time I got to see vomit actually come out of someone’s nose. It’s fascinating. While I was watching this rather than helping him because there is some defect in my brain that allows me to forget I am his mother and it is my job to help him when distracted by random macabre events unfolding, my darling little baby decided that it was high time she did a double backwards somersault off the couch and landed on her tiny little head.
Tagged with: 1000 posts, highlights, whiskey in my sippy cup favorite posts
tenakim
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:09Word up!
My husband has that same defect in his brain where he forgets he is the father- I had to remind him at Walmart today when I was holding up a line at the self checkout chasing after 2 kids and yelling at 2 others, while trying my best to use the self check out with like 800 things in my cart (don’t you hate people that use the self checkout with too many items-it’s ME). Then I realized that I forget my earth friendly bags in the car so I had to run and get them- when I got back there were about 12 people rolling their eyes and cursing me and my husband was reading a magazine on the other side of the store and the children were completely unsupervised!!!
tenakim’s last blog post..Comments, please.
Zoeyjane
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:10so it’s official. you’ve been funny for at least three years. also, holy MIL. that other continent thing could definitely be considered her saving grace.
(if there’s such a thing.)
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..This is the post I write that makes you really uncomfortable.
OhCaptain
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:12But did you learn anything by digging in the archives? If we don’t learn from the past, we are bound to repeat it. I think that’s what someone once said.
I watched my only child at the time run down the hall of our house as fast as she could run. She was mad at Mom and Dad. Well, the speed was there, but the turning mechanism in her little legs just didn’t work well. Instead of turning that zooming body of hers, she ran square on into the door jam with such force her legs and arms flew straight forward, just like you see in the cartoons. With her momentum stopped, she slid down the frame and fell backwards. What did we do first? Yes, we giggled. That was one of the funniest things we’d ever seen. Then in an instant, we figured out…crap! That’s our daughter and that’s definitely gonna leave a mark.
We are parents. We do our best and hopefully we learn from our mistakes and do better the next time. We are human. Thank you for sharing.
OhCaptain’s last blog post..Checking in
Kori
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:14I actually read all of these and loved them all. Especially the puking in the Pepsi cup while your daughter did the dive; classic bad parenting, and I think I feel so much better about my own, um, negligence? :)
Kori’s last blog post..Flashback Friday-My Grandma
Natalie
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:20Ha! My son tried that boogie thing once. I don’t remember what exactly I said when I told him we don’t put our boogie’s BACK, but it worked.
So far.
Your MIL sounds like a gem.
That vomit thing? I’m on the opposite end of that disorder. Why just the other night my son was getting up on the bed when he looked at me rather oddly. He needed to spit something out of his mouth and I could see the panic on his face.
So what did I do?
Why I offered my hand, of course.
It was vomit.
Niiice.
At least it didn’t get on the bed.
matt
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 21:24Very funny stuff. I am extremely relieved that your kid did the booger thing too. My wife and my kid both think its gross when I do it.
matt’s last blog post..Happy Fathers Day, Dad!
MomBabe
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 23:04crap, if that stuff makes you a bad mom I must be a monster. ;)
MomBabe’s last blog post..Mind-Frame
ohmommy
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 23:11Okay. I am loving this… all of it. What a special treat to look back.
My 3rd child SLEPT in that same swing for months until she was 5 pounds over the weight limit.
ohmommy’s last blog post..Flipping Frogs…. I was on TV this morning.
AmyM
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 23:51OMG, is there EVER a big difference between ‘Preshus, Made of Porcelain’ baby #1 and ‘Eh Yeah, We Have Another Kid’ baby #3.
And I hate those damn Diaper Genies.
AmyM’s last blog post..And now a nice shade of fuscia
the planet of janet
Friday, 13 June, 2008 at 23:53i’m loving this little walk down memory lane. so much easier when you do it for me.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the EEEEEEEEEK edition
amy
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 1:07Dude, I threw away a whole Diaper Genie. I was not ready for the science experiment growing in there.
amy’s last blog post..His Idea of Fun
BusyDad
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 1:15I love the Mr Lady Cliffs Notes. You may quiz me now.
BusyDad’s last blog post..Just a Quick Heads Up
molly_g
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 1:47That “hold on, I’ll put it back” has been making me laugh for years. Seriously, I’ll be driving to work, and i’ll think about it. Ah 2of3, ain’t no one like him.
molly_g’s last blog post..Atypical Nation: Soapy Water Version
flickrlovr
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 2:00Ditto zoeyjane.
Lovin’ the pullout of the archive goodness. You are one funny lady.
I know what I’m doing for the rest of the night! It’s gonna be Mr Lady archive night at La Casa De flickrlovr.
flickrlovr’s last blog post..You Must Be A Genius To Read This Blog
Maria
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 2:29I have a lot of shit to read. Christ.
Maria’s last blog post..45 Things: My Internet Experience
Audubon Ron
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 3:41Wuv u
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..No Name Song.2
IM Able
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 3:44Reading this makes me want to have a baby. And then two more.
And even though I’m typically dipped in sarcasm with a side of snark, I’m begin totally truthful here.
Is truthful a word?
Anyway, you get the gist.
IM Able’s last blog post..You know when, like…
NukeDad
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 5:26The Diaper Genie. What a gas. Nukeboy1 got into the habit of helping me empty it when Nukeboy2 came along. “Look Daddy! Sausages!” Then we would break into Aretha Franklin; “Chain, chain, chain……chain of pooh”. He was Wierd Al at 2 1/2.
NukeDad’s last blog post..The Return Of A Virus Named Bob
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 8:28Getting to 1000 posts is amazing ML! Looking forward to seeing the big finale!
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)’s last blog post..Welcome ABC News Readers – Daddies Go Digital Feature
Pete Dunn
Saturday, 14 June, 2008 at 20:46Congrats on 1000.
I wrote a post about parenting daughters here: http://fiddley.com/archive/200806/most-unsolicited-guest-post-ever
Pete Dunn’s last blog post..Just Give It Back And I Promise I Won’t Call INS
janethesane
Sunday, 15 June, 2008 at 2:30Love the guided tour through your archives. Congrats on the nearly 1000 posts. That is amazing :)
janethesane’s last blog post..Sister Drama
Kelley
Sunday, 15 June, 2008 at 4:57Sheesh woman, it has taken me DAYS to read this post! Still going… but thought I would let you know that the weirdo with the same page open for like 3 DAYS is me..
Kelley’s last blog post..Damn life.