Jun 23 2008
You only have two months left, you know.
(There’s free stuff at the bottom. Just sayin’.)
On Thursday, I will officially quit the PTA. I loathe the PTA.
This wasn’t always so. Once upon a time, yours truly was elected PRESIDENT of a PTA in Denver. And then she moved to Canada. And then she moved back to Denver, and was elected TREASURER of the PTA. And then she moved to Canada.
I was never the vice president, but I spent two years happily filling the position of President’s Bitch. I actually wrote that on a nametag at one of those Back To School Night things PTA’s seem to love to throw. The president didn’t think it was nearly as funny as I did, but I was the President Elect; what was she gonna do about it?
My job as P-Bitch was to do whatever the president asked me to. She told me one year they were thinking about selling school supplies as a fundraiser. This shit was right up my alley. Spreadsheets, order forms, bundles of things. I volunteered my soul services to the cause.
Here’s how it went. We asked the teachers for the next years supply lists. We received 12 completely different lists for 6 grades and 2 special ed classes. We then sent out order forms the last week of school to the families and emailed the holy freaking hell out of them all summer long. All vacation, we window shopped. We watched flyers, checked online site, we stalked #2 pencils like they were Jodi Foster. The month before school started, we hit Target. We hit Target with everything we had, our Red Cards that give back 3% to the assigned schools in hand. We hit them early in the morning, and gave it to them alll day long, and 15 bazillion hours later we walked out with two trunk loads full of supplies.
We then gave our children the totally awesome super fun task of dividing those supplies into piles based on orders. We then recycled every grocery bag ever used in the history of mankind to package those supply bundles into handy dandy packs. And then we delivered them. And then we spent two months chasing people down who had forgotten to write us checks. Or bounced those checks.
Some went to classrooms, some went to homes. Some went straight up my ass for all I know, because no matter how many spreadsheets I created, the fucking numbers never matched. The first day of school, though, 95% of those kids had a full compliment of markers and tissues and dry erase markers, and 5% of those kids parents had some loud words for us.
I call that a success. We made a little money for the PTA, and only two of us had total, complete nervous breakdowns.
Um, dudes? Right after yesterday, when I was apparently born, someone out there figured out that this arrangement sucks and got into the busines of doing school supplies.
There is a company in Denver, and guess what their name is? EZ School Supplies. Guess what they’re in the business of? Yup, E-Z School Supplies. I think I just cried a little.
The school supply coordinator (on their end; read: not a mother of three who wants to drink heavily by July) takes your school supply lists (provided by the teachers, the parents, or your friendly neighbourhood P-Bitch) and they SAVE IT. You go search for your school, click on your grade level, and hit ORDER. You can customize your supplies, add backpacks and water-bottles and stuff, too. In the mail a little while later comes one very snazy little school supply pack. They also provide marketing supplies for the PTA. Now, as much as I know you like those huge reams of paper and that glitter glue (don’t huff it, shit burns, yo) having it pre-made is pretty freaking sweet.
And no one has to lose their mind.
The best part is that if you order as a PTA, your PTA gets 10% of the net sales rebated back.
And no one had to lose their minds. The best best part is that EZ School Supplies gave me a code to give to you for 10% off orders.
::If you scanned all that and are reading the last lines, here’s the nutshell::
10% off School Supplies ordered with the code through this blog.
10% back to the PTA if your school signs up as a group.
Delivered to your door.
And no one had to lose their fucking minds.
I have this nifty little button, and it will sit in my sidebar all summer long. Click it, enter the promo number, and order away.
And I happen to have, right here in my hot little hands, a sample school supply pack that they sent me all the way up here in Canada, even though they don’t actually ship to Canada. And I’m giving it away. My ten year old said it was “Wicked Cool” and that I couldn’t give it away, but he still picks his nose, so his opinion doesn’t matter.
Leave a comment, and tell me your worst PTA horror story. The worst that’s ever happened to you, the worst you’ve heard, the most hideous PTA person you’ve ever met. Or just say, Hey, hook a sister up! And remember, you’ve got some stiff competition. Winner by popular vote doesn’t have to go school supply shopping at all this year. And maybe I’ll throw a metric ruler or some maple syrup in the box, just for good measure.
Comments close after 5 days. Spam sucks. 41 Comments to “You only have two months left, you know.”
I like the look of that bottle of prozac on the side of your blog. Will you send me that as well if I tell you about the P&C president who slept her way to the top?
No, it wasn’t me.
True story. In the end the school mothers discovered that she had slept with all of the school fathers and ran her out of town. I LOVE living in the boonies of Australia.
tiff’s last blog post..Just stuff and nonsense.
Posts like this one confirm why I am afraid of the PTA.
I’m happy to send in my check at the beginning of the year and call it a day.
LifeAsIKnowIt’s last blog post..Life’s First Ever GIVE AWAY
I’m not sending my kids to school. They will stay with me, illiterate and nutty. I cannot allow them to spend 8 hours a day every day with anyone else. I’m crazy, I know…
Maria’s last blog post..I had a post scheduled for today…
I belong the the early childhood PTA. I do it only because a dear friend is the president and it is good people watching (ya, it doesn’t take much to amuse me). So these are all moms of toddlers and babies and it is more of a mom’s group. At a recent meeting I started talking to a new member at her first meeting. She was laughing because she told me that the first person she met as she walked in said to her, “this place is full of cliches and groups and most of these people aren’t very nice” and then introduced herself as the PTA VP of membership. NICE ONE! Thankfully the new member had a sense of humor which is something we need to get our VP for Christmas (oooo…that wasn’t very nice).
HRH’s last blog post..Monday Potluck: cue the cowbell…
Dood - I’m not there yet w/ the whole PTA crap, but I was a teacher, and those PTA presidents are major hookers. OK - not all, but some are tried and true Nazis.
Seriously - that business has a good idea going. I’ll keep it in mind for next year when #1 starts K.
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..Oh, Jeez - Now I’m a Videoblogger
I just wish Shortman were still at School Supplies level.
Ree’s last blog post..RIP Scott Kalitta
oooh I am so doing that EZ supply thing (Beta mom that I am, I never got around to ordering the PTA version.) I also never got around to joining the PTA. Ever.
Sue’s last blog post..Marriage Math
Now you just scared the shit out of me about school supplies and PTA. My son is only 4 but I can see myself running crazy and fighting off bitches at Wal-mart trying to buy supplies. Um…thanks??
Tiffany’s last blog post..Caffeine???
I am currently complimenting myself on the decision to never have children and therefore never have to deal with PTA. or school supplies, or anything like it. (We’ll not mention all the years I spent braving Target or Walmart on the last week of summer because it was only then that my step-children’s mother thought to let us know she has zero money for school supplies and the kids would get nothing if we didn’t pay for it. I don’t know why it was a surprise every summer since it happened every summer.)
Turtle’s last blog post..Just Finished… Deathnote v. 1 by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata
I refuse to have anything to do with the PTA; too much like high school, where I never was cool enough to fit in, and in all the yeas I have had kids in school (10+), I have never actually seen them, you know, DO anything.
Kori’s last blog post..BlogBlast For Education: It Starts Here
{shivers} PTA is SO not my style. I don’t care if it makes me a bad mom. I’m in CCSD where the PTA milfs are particularly catty. I’d rather die.
While at one of your rockin’ PTA fundraisers a few years ago (watching the kids and parents bustin’ a move under a disco ball to a majorly hot band) I remember thinking that our school could never pull off something like that. And wondering if it would be fun to take down the monarchy of the PTA with an underground association of parents who know how to have a good time.
I’ll check the school supplies thing. Could save me major headaches. May even pass it along to the PTA at their “suggestions” email address. Thanks!
If there’s anything that the show ‘Weeds’ has taught me, it’s that the PTA is evil. ‘Desperate Housewives’ taught me that in order to get everything done for it, an illegal prescription of Ritalin is required. This advice has made me come to the clear conclusion that I will home school Isobel. And take her shopping for supplies, as a date.
Cuz dude? New notebooks get me off better than Justin Timberlake AND Jason Mraz AND an eight-ball, put together.
Too far?
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..Reverse Course
I looooooove school supplies. I totally don’t have a child in school yet, but I love school supplies. The smell of paper, the fresh unmarked sheets, the new pens and pencils…. ahh, the smell of a fresh start to a fresh new year. September was always my favourite. (Soon it will be for another reason.)
Latte Mommy’s last blog post..Ka-Thunk-Thunk
I despise the PTA. My friend tried to suck it up and play, but they ran her right out the door for having *gasp* a new idea. The PTA President got completely upended when my friend emailed people with her idea, and the people had the audacity to love the idea. She nearly threatened suicide if the others went along with the new idea. My friend decided it wasn’t worth it to try to be involved anymore. I lived it all vicariously thru her and have happily avoided any PTA nightmares myself.
April’s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up
I was in charge of my boys’ Fifth Grade Continuation. Problem was that others wanted to help, so I had a meeting at my house and hijacked my meeting with big plans. You would have thought this was a high school graduation. Wanted to turn everything into this major thing and they expected to spend tons of PTA money.
I nibbed it in the bud or so I thought via e-mail to a PTA friend of mine who was on the committee only to watch is spiral out of control. E-mails back and forth and she went nuts. Everything was forwarded to the principal and upset people across the board. In the end, I resigned as being in charge, but still did all the work and the cleanup, but was considered the evil one because I didn’t agree that we should spend hundreds of dollars and turn this into a circus.
I learned my lesson, I decided that I prefer to do things in the background. I won’t get involved like this again as it never seems worth the time or the trouble. I’d rather donate money or time to a cause without everyone knowing all the details.
Diane’s last blog post..Hacked?
AR wuz here and nothing else.
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..Honey I Love You, But You’ve Got Fecal Plaque
Sweet! That is pretty awesome. For Kinder and 1st grade, I did not get a supply list for my son. Maybe they will start in 2nd?
Miss’s last blog post..Classy Chaos Challenge #1
This one isn’t funny. I had a BIG fight with some stay-at-home mom’s I was jogging with (I was working part-time then, just as a reference point) and they were saying horrible things about the moms that worked and didn’t help volunteer.
(I was a meager volunteer myself, by their standards and probably was getting defensive, to be honest.)
But I was defending the working moms against these privileged PTA Nazis, saying that some people CAN’T ask off an afternoon for a party, or they’re single moms, too tired at night, or….then I said to one girl whose hubs is a big time lawyer here, “Hey, why doesn’t Mark take off an afternoon to volunteer?”
She says, without irony, “Oh, he couldn’t do that!”
My blood pressure was probably almost deadly after that…
christy’s last blog post..One of the all-time great female empowerment songs
I’ll file that in the back of my mind, in case I ever decide to participate in the PTA.
MomBabe’s last blog post..starry starry night
I can’t enter because I paid the PTA dues and never, EVER attended one damn meeting.
Not one.
Kay’s last blog post..Bento Box Entry
As a three-year PO President, this post almost made me start seizing and breaking out in hives.
My total, complete empathy.
P.S.
Too bad we couldn’t have worked together as Pres and Veep. We.would.have.rocked.
Loralee’s last blog post..The road less traveled? (Somehow I really don’t think that this is what Frost had in mind.)
Well, I’ll take the Maple sugar, but L only EATS crayons. So, yeh. I LOVE shopping for school supplies. Does that make me crazy? In my defense, I don’t get out much (like, almost never) thanks to gas eating SUVs and paychecks that barely allow hubs get to work. Bygones. That, and we live in a small town….soooo….yeh. Shopping isn’t that bad. Our Walmart is like almost deserted after 8pm. I plan on homeschooling, but I think I will still get cool school supplies because I enjoy it THAT much. Don’t tell anyone, but I love glittery smelly shit. Geez. Something is really wrong with me.
Ashley’s last blog post..Signs she knows more than she’s letting on?
Once again I’m slapping myself in the face and wondering, “Why couldn’t I think of that?” At least, I actually DIDN’T think of it (like you could have), because if I were you, I’d have to go ahead and hit myself in the forehead with a hammer. Just sayin’.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..Chaka, Chaka…Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan
Fight the power mr. lady. I’ve never been to a pta meeting having not been a parent and all but they sound awful.
Tim’s last blog post..Stupid keywords
The only Part Time Anarchy I intend to get involved with will be on behalf of my inner child. The PTA Prez’s kids I knew were primadonnas.
And if biological offspring come along, homeschooling baby, all the way.
Jordan’s last blog post..Faith and the Food Chain
“Hey, hook a sister up!”
I stay clear of the PTA moms…they scare me….really…..
Tammy’s last blog post..M4M substitute
I’ve already been asked to volunteer for an executive position on the PTA next year. As it’s my first year with a child in the “big” school, I said hell no! Reading this just verifies my decision.
Volunteering to get shit on for free just doesn’t sound appealing.
Jill’s last blog post..The Girls Go Rock Climbing…
They still refuse to sell beer at the meetings, so I still refuse to attend. We send them to school with 2 of everything. They keep what they need, and if they can sell the rest, they get to keep the profit. Nukeboy1 bought his guitar that way.
NukeDad’s last blog post..Redneck Riviera Memoirs
I stand corrected. I am moving to Denver; home of the Elementary School Beer Bust! Maybe the kids can sneak in some 40’s in their backpacks! Good Gravy, I’ve got to get some sleep. ;)
NukeDad’s last blog post..The Narcoleptic Labrador
That school supplies store is an awesome idea, which, sadly, my local schools have circumvented. See, they don’t release the school supply lists until about a week before school starts. Which is approximately one week after they go through and completely strip the stores bare of the required supplies.
They then package these supplies into bundles that they sell for about 5,000% more than they paid for them. It’s a very sophisticated racket that manipulates supply and demand until school supplies become as rare and sought after as crack cocaine backstage at an Amy Winehouse concert.
I give my check to the PTA (actually we’re a PTO now). That is all. I tried going to meetings. It didn’t work out.
Jennifer’s last blog post..RIP George Carlin
As a dad to a two-year-old I have yet to experience the PTA thing or buying schools supplies (does Play-dooh count?). From what you’ve wrote I/we will definitely not be volunteering for anything. I will fashion my kid’s notebook out of scrap paper from the office. So what if each page has a bunch of marketing jibberish on the backside. He only needs one side in the early grades.
[...] There’s still time to put your name in for a free school supply pack from EZ School Supplies. Just [...]
Free stuff, oh yeah, hook me up!
I don’t really have a horrible PTA story, which kind of puts me out at the whole winning stuff thing, but ok.
Our PTA was nonexistant until this year. Then? The bitchiest, rudest, snottiest, ugliest Moms got together during their regular lets-smoke-at-school-and-not-watch-our-small-children-running-by-the-street meeting and decided to turn that into the PTA.
Lucky me.
J’s last blog post..3 Months and Counting.
Our school does not have a PTA. Which may be part of the reason it’s in such a mess? I can tell you a couple stories about the school. Like how my oldest is dyslexic but hasn’t qualified for any extra help. I was told at the end of the year that a couple of teachers had referred her for testing for special ed (reading problems) but the school decided not to test since we were moving anyway! Or how my middle child got in trouble for confronting the boy who’s been bullying her little brother on the playground and she was disciplined and the bully was not and spent the rest of the year bullying my son but NOTHING was ever done! Ugh. So glad we’re moving to a new school. One that does have a PTA that I am just dumb enough to probably join.
celticbuffy’s last blog post..Thank You, Thank You!
I am not serving on the PTA but my mom was vice President when I was in grade school. She clocked one of the other parents one evening for trying to steal PTA money that was from a fundraiser. That’s my mom, always looking out for the kid’s!
missy wiggins’s last blog post..Less Words Wednesday
Hey, hook a sister up! I mean–brother.
Sounds like the PTA may have forever scarred you. I’m sorry.
Ed (zoesdad)’s last blog post..Every Once in a While…..
OK. You ready. Sure?
Mothers Day stall. I was vice president of the PTA only because no one wanted the bitch with her head so far up the principals arse any where NEAR some sort of ‘position of authority’. Some bint decides she is gunna make stuff for the stall. I tell her that some of her costs can be reimbursed but she has to call Bitch From Hell to find out. Bint doesn’t call BFH and hands me a BILL for a HUNDRED FREAKING DOLLARS! I take it to BFH going WTF? And she pays it. Oh, OK then. THEN I get called to the principals office to explain why *I* have cost the school so much money. Um, huh? Turns out BFH told the school board that I was going around spending all the PTA money. Oh yes she fucking did! AUTHORITIES were called in. I had to explain while BFH stood smugly. Long story short, PTA was disbanded, blamed on me and now BFH does ALL the fund-raising etc on her own. Just like she wanted…
Kelley’s last blog post..Where is my union rep?
My 6th grade teacher told me to “go back to Shanghai” in front of the whole class. Does that count as a horror story? That’s the closest I can come to for a PTA story… I love pencilboxes. I had to try.
BusyDad’s last blog post..The Little Things
Count me in! (Sorry, no funny or touching PTA stories tonight; I’m pooped!)
Half-Past Kissin’ Time’s last blog post..Summer’s Harvest Breakfast