Free stuff time, boys and girls. I know it’s not as cool as Joeprah’s Camera giveaway or anything, but school supplies are important, too. For a refresher; EZ School Supplies has given me a pack of supplies to give away, and is also offering 10% off school supplies for the upcoming school year ordered through this site.

I know I said I was going to have a popular vote for the winner, but I lied. There are 41 entries, and I am a lazy summbitch. So, I ran the numbers through a randomizer and voila! Out popped the number 18.

This one isn’t funny. I had a BIG fight with some stay-at-home mom’s I was jogging with (I was working part-time then, just as a reference point) and they were saying horrible things about the moms that worked and didn’t help volunteer.

(I was a meager volunteer myself, by their standards and probably was getting defensive, to be honest.)

But I was defending the working moms against these privileged PTA Nazis, saying that some people CAN’T ask off an afternoon for a party, or they’re single moms, too tired at night, or….then I said to one girl whose hubs is a big time lawyer here, “Hey, why doesn’t Mark take off an afternoon to volunteer?”

She says, without irony, “Oh, he couldn’t do that!”

My blood pressure was probably almost deadly after that…

Funny thing was, that was one of my favorites.  But, and of course there is a but, that was actually my second favorite entry. My first favorite was this:

I like the look of that bottle of prozac on the side of your blog. Will you send me that as well if I tell you about the P&C president who slept her way to the top?
No, it wasn’t me.

True story. In the end the school mothers discovered that she had slept with all of the school fathers and ran her out of town. I LOVE living in the boonies of Australia.

That one I actually told to my husband. And eerily enough, when I hit the Again! button on the randomizer (because you know I sat here for a full 20 minutes just refreshing and refreshing. Also, I am easily distracted by shiny things) the very second number it kicked out was #1. Which is the number of that comment.

And while we’re at it, here’s my third favorite:

OK. You ready. Sure?
Mothers Day stall. I was vice president of the PTA only because no one wanted the bitch with her head so far up the principals arse any where NEAR some sort of ‘position of authority’.

Some bint decides she is gunna make stuff for the stall. I tell her that some of her costs can be reimbursed but she has to call Bitch From Hell to find out. Bint doesn’t call BFH and hands me a BILL for a HUNDRED FREAKING DOLLARS! I take it to BFH going WTF? And she pays it.

Oh, OK then. THEN I get called to the principals office to explain why *I* have cost the school so much money. Um, huh? Turns out BFH told the school board that I was going around spending all the PTA money. Oh yes she fucking did! AUTHORITIES were called in. I had to explain while BFH stood smugly. Long story short, PTA was disbanded, blamed on me and now BFH does ALL the fund-raising etc on her own. Just like she wanted…

Apparently, I just need to move to Australia where all the cool shit happens.

As much as I am dying to have MomoFali’s address, I’m going to cap this sucker at three. I am now, officially, leaving it up to you. Vote for your favorite, and 24 hours from now, the winner will be announced. All variations of lying, cheating, stealing and other assorted acts of incredulous behavior will be allowed, perhaps encouraged.