Once upon a time, I had a 5 year old son. He was S.O.O.O. excited to start kindergarten. School lunch, full-day classes, desks? Like chocolate dipped heaven, that.
He kept a few of his pre-k friends, but since he was only half day pre-K, he didn’t get to meet all the kids who’s parents were anal-retentive tightwads who forced their four year old to go to school 8 hours a day when they still weren’t capable of staying awake for 8 hours straight because THEIR kid is special and THEIR kid needs the head start into kindergarten cool kids until he started kindergarten. When he did, Captain Social shined.
He made tons o’friends. He was The It Boy. Everyone loved him, and he schmoozed all their mothers Eddie Haskal style, so he always had a playdate and a group of kids who loved him. He changed his name in kindergarten to simply TXU, because it’s cool and that’s how he rolls.
His very best friend was named Sam. Sam was funny, and edgy, and taller than him, and was living with some teachers at the school. Sam was also a girl. Sam came from a really bad home. Sam’s mom was a drunk and a drug addict. Sam’s mom and boyfriend did stuff in front of her. She moved in with her sister and her husband, who were both teaching at the school (as was the husband’s mother, both of my boys first grade teacher, and is the greatest teacher in the history thereof. Just sayin’) and began a normal life with normal people while her big sister battled her mother in court for custody of her.
I. Loved. Sam.
Sam needed something. I don’t know what it was exactly, but she wasn’t horrid or evil or naughty or clingy. She was just older than she should have been, you know, and she needed to be five. I was more than happy to let her be five on my watch.
2of3 and Sam were Best Friends Forever. They were inseparable. They had play dates all the time, they sat next to each other at lunch, she came over so I could babysit her when her sister and brother had to work late.
They all lived a few blocks up from us on the street we all walked down to school each day, so most days we’d catch them at the corner and make the 4 block walk from my house together. One day, however, we were running a little late. We hit the main street and started walking down when we saw Sam and her brother a block ahead of us.
“Hey, mom, there’s Sam!”
“I see them, honey.” *walk walk walk*
“But, yeah, I can’t tell you what I have on her.”
*giggle* “Why can’t you tell me, dude?”
“Because she told me not to.”
*gulp* “Um, now you have to tell me.”
“I have a crush on her.”
“I kinda figured. And what does that mean, to have a crush on someone?”
“It means that I sit next to her at lunch and we hold hands sometimes, too. And there’s one other thing we do, but she told me not to tell you that, either.”
*gasp* “And what is that? You have to tell me now.”
“Well, sometimes we kiss. Like this.”
And that tiny little five year old stuck his tongue ALL THE WAY OUT. And I puked in my mouth a little. I patted him on the head and as we walked on, I made a mental note to enforce that No Doors Closed rule I have a tad bit more strictly.
(Personal aside, I was 18 the first time I stuck my tongue down someone’s Dorito laden, Dr. Pepper Drinkin’ throat. That boy is miles ahead of me.)
Tagged with: first kiss, school crush, they grow up so fast
Audubon Ron
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 7:59While digging around at 3:00 a.m. (my time, not yours) I ran into this blog. I thought it (WIMSC) was a myth or an urban legend. It really does exist.
Veronica
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 10:21Someone thought you were a myth? That is awesome!
And I was 13.
Veronicas last blog post..Articulation
tiff
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 11:55The legend lives! She lives.
Also, I was about the same age, okay, maybe a bit younger and it’s just different when your kids do it, ok?!?!?!?!? It is.
My kids are not allowed to date until they are 100.
Melisa
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 12:02He’s five going on seventeen, I guess. You’d better keep an eye on that one! :)
Melisas last blog post..He’s Learned How To Order Soup, Too.
Mike Marshall
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 12:13Holy Frijoles! Can’t touch this……..da da da da……….da da da da…..daaaaamn. Now I remember why I never had children. Good luck Lady. Peace, Mike.
ohmommy
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 12:20I wish you could see my face right now….. I am laughing out loud like I have never done beofre. That 2 of 3 is so stinking special.
Jennifer
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 12:56Oh wow! I think I was 14. It was all downhill from there. Definitely time for no closed doors. I’m so not ready for that. and my 1 of 1 is 9. Guess I should be getting prepared.
Jennifers last blog post..My Dog Needs An Intervention
Karen
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 13:15My oldest was getting kissed in Kindergarten too. She was too damn cute for that little boy to resist! However there was no tongue involved. Ahhhh!
The way I see it, at least he felt he could tell you. And then you could keep a much closer eye on things!
Karens last blog post..Weekly Words Challenge
Natalie
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:13Oh my gosh! That is so freaking funny! I’ll uh, be keeping a closer eye on Little Man and “Amy” from now on!
Tiffany
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:17OMG I’m feeling sick. My son is 4 now and your story scared the shit out of me. I want him to stay 4 forever. *sniff* He says he already has a girlfriend. But at least he picked the prettiest one at daycare. LOL
Tiffanys last blog post..My First Meme, I’m No Longer a Virgin
Kori
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:39All I can say is eeeew. I was, no kidding, 18. and my daughter is 15 and already knows WAY more about that stuff than I did. I think my Sam knows more as well. Eeew. I think I shall go invest in a chastity belt; do they make them for boys?
Koris last blog post..Double Post Monday
anne nahm
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:45I love that you are already an urban legend in your own time! Plz get your own page on snopes and or wikipedia.
anne nahms last blog post..Let’s Not Even Talk About The Baby Booties I Bought
Maria
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:47Wooowwwww.
I’d have been like “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Don’t do that! COOTIES!!” LOL
Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 14:52Kids these days are SO much further than we were. As I was reading I was thinking … oh no … not THAT. You handled it like a ROCKSTAR though. You deserve a medal!!
NukeDad
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:27Were those Doritos Nacho Cheese, or Cool Ranch?
NukeDads last blog post..Why Does Spandex Come In XXL?
skiplovey
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:32For reals? Five? ohmylawd I am so not ready for that kind of thing. I think I would have freakin’ died. um yeah no closed doors on that playdate.
he is adorable btw.
Zoeyjane
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:39This is where I say something about being happy about the difference in age, right? Oh, wait. My kiddo will totally hit on your kid when she’s old enough to know how.
Zoeyjanes last blog post..I Gots None. Sort of.
Secret Agent Mama
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:41Kids are so advanced these days! What. da. deal. yo?!
He’s adorable, though.. You need to move back where they allow guns.
Secret Agent Mama
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:41Kids are so advanced these days! What. da. deal. yo?!
He’s adorable, though.. You need to move back where they allow guns. I know it’s usually the girls we need guns for, but you can’t be too careful.
Secret Agent Mamas last blog post..Project 365 (327/365)
Allie Bear
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 15:51I used to kiss my boyfriend in Kindergarten and we would play McGyver, I don’t really remember what it entailed but I remember going through a whole roll of tape one day taping belt across the closet door. Anyway, I didn’t kiss another guy till I was 14. Kids are so funny.
Allie Bears last blog post..Please remember to spay and nueter your…husbands.
matt
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 16:16Chicka-bow chicka-BOW-bowwwww. This was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud right here at my desk. I think some people heard me, so I tried to cover it up by shouting “the contribution margin on this sales forecast is totally incorrect!”
matts last blog post..My Husband Is Famous!
Miss
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 16:38Whoa. He looks JUST like you.
Misss last blog post..The Evolution of Love
ms picket to you
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 16:38my 2×3 is the girl you describe, minus the kissing and the drug addict mom. (she can however identify like four different kinds of bee. but that’s normal, no?)
anyhoo, there is a girl in her 1st grade class who apparently french kisses FRUIT. Like peaches and shit in front of all the other kids. she is totally not ever coming for a play date.
ms picket to yous last blog post..OfficePaLoser
Xbox4NappyRash
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 17:20I’m waiting until I get married.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 17:31I was 16. I’m so afraid of little girls getting their mitts on my sweet boy.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..The Suburban Strike of 2008
Tammy
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 18:23ROTFLMAO!!!
OH MY GOD!!!
Tammys last blog post..Weekend Recap…
Lori B
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 18:28With a face like that, I can’t believe 2 of 3 is still single.
Lori Bs last blog post..Confessions of An Addict
Kay
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 18:42Oh my but I must agree with Lori B. Round these parts that boy would of done been married and had 2 kids with those looks and charm! ;)
Kays last blog post..Come fly with me let’s fly let’s fly away
amy
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 19:04Hmm, we have a “fast” 6 year old on the street corrupting all the boys right now. So I make it a point to tell Emma that when she plays with the boys, there will be no kissing to which she replies Gross why would I do that? Which is always what my 13 year old says. I must be doing something right since they are certainly not following in mama’s footsteps!
amys last blog post..The jig is up
the planet of janet
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 19:16*lalalalalalala i can’t hear you lalalalalalalala*
btw, i thought it was SO stinkin’ cute when my then-5-year-old son came home and told me he had kissed a girl at school.
i didn’t think it was so stinkin’ cute 5 years later, when my then-5-year-old DAUGHTER came home and told me a boy had kissed HER.
i’m just sayin…..
the planet of janets last blog post..Weekly Winners: July 6-12, or the chronicles of Carl
ourcrookedtree
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 19:18WHAT! My oldest is three! They are developing way too early now! Ahhh!
Sara
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 19:31I followed your link over from Schnozz’s comments, and I think I’m in love with you. If you get a lot of hits in the next few days, it’s just me, trolling your archives. Mmmmm, delicious new blog!
Saras last blog post..You were always on my mind.
Angela
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 20:08OMG!! No more closed doors for them! He’s too cute!
I was 12 btw. He was 14. It was so gross, I didn’t do it again for 2 years.
At least he told you, means your doing something right, and you handled it way better than I would.
Gypsy
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 20:08They grow up so fast! I think my response would have been, “That Sam is a bad influence and you can’t see her anymore!” And then I would have realized that I sounded like my mother and recanted. But it would have been touch and go there for a bit. Hypocrisy thy name is Gypsy.
melissa
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 20:24oh i’m sooooo not ready for all of that. i think i just threw up in my mouth…a lot!!
melissas last blog post..Embarrassing Moment Brought To You By Seagrams Wine Coolers…
Tara R.
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 20:25I was in high school and the dork left a spit ring around my mouth… ewwwww.
Tara R.s last blog post..(not) Random Wednesday – limits
hubs
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 20:44I’m glad you finally put full posts in your RSS feed. I’ve been meaning to ask for that for a long time.
cory huff
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 21:05I was in 7th grade and I fell in love with the girl for like 4 years afterward. I saw her a few years after high school and man was I glad that didn’t work out.
What a great group of folk. I must come back more often!
BusyDad
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 21:23I propose we release a mutant strain of horny-kid-resistant cooties into our nations’ elementary school AC ducts before this epidemic gets any worse.
BusyDads last blog post..*Sniff*
Ree
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 2:25Shortman was 12 when his first “girlfriend” hugged him in front of me. I nearly slapped her to kingdom come. You’re a better woman than I, Mr. Lady.
HRH
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 2:57The boy is ahead of his time. And I am feeling a little queasy too as the mom of three boys.
Jenni
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 3:45Yeah, I’d get pretty grossed out if my 6 year old told me the same thing. But if I was Sam’s mom, I’d be pissed!! Such a double standard, I know.
Jennis last blog post..Foul, Fecal, Freaking Flies!
flickrlovr
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 6:03Work it out, 2of3 ;)
How cute (and cahrayzee early before his time) is he?!?
I still remember my first kissy. ohmigawd. Neighbor boy. Name was Chad. We were probably 8 or so. Behind the big oak tree in my front yard. He pulled me in (with his charm, then his skinny little arms) and planted one on me. TONGUE included. Phew. It was a biiiiiig surprise. Never had a kiss quite as good since.
flickrlovrs last blog post..The Bloggerati Are On Their Way!
Leslie Dillinger
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 6:13Yeah, seriously. Keep an eye on that one. Aren’t they supposed to hate girls at that stage? But very, very cute. 2of3 and I will likely be BFF.
Leslie Dillingers last blog post..
Momo Fali
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 12:15Yikes! Tongue? My nine year old still says, “GROSSSSSSSS!” when I ask her if she likes boys. I hope to keep it that way as long as possible!
Momo Falis last blog post..Adding Insult To Injury
Karen MEG (pomtini)
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 13:14No he’s way cooler than Eddie Haskell. Tonsil hockey in kindergarten? He will be a legend.
Karen MEG (pomtini)s last blog post..Happy Birthday to the Mui*
Don Mills Diva
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 15:05Wow – that would kinda freak me out a bit. Talk about a ladykillla!
Don Mills Divas last blog post..Old friends, new friends
Kim
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 15:13So not ready for that.. and secondly.. your boy is a looker.. look at those eyes!!!
Kims last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Fill ‘er Up!!
A Whole Lot of Nothing
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 15:44OH, JEEZ. I’m so scared for me. I mean my kids.
MidLifeMamma
Wednesday, 16 July, 2008 at 17:44So I am pretty sure that when this kid I knew when I was 5 or so had another, older kid, hold me down on the ground so the kid could kiss me qualified as being assaulted, but what did I know then. Since I don’t know that kid anymore I can’t even try to get back at him through nefarious means. But at least your kid is a willing and consenting kisser!
MidLifeMammas last blog post..Rocking out