Jul 25 2008
Your Cheatin’ Heart Will Tell On You
Since I’ve been home, The Donor and I have really only had a few hours together, and those were spent mostly recouping from the most impressive, thorough hangover the world has ever known, or ever will know. One for the books, that was. He shuffled off to work the day after I came home, and though we’ve slammed a mug of coffee together here and there, we haven’t really been able to catch up. I mean, he’s been reduced to subscribing to my blog, and, like, almost no one does that.
Tuesday night, he didn’t come home from work until half past way too late to be working and last night he went out with his buddy to “keep him from gambling too much at the casino“, which you know and I know and he knows means oogling dancing girls WAY out of his league, but I digress. We’ll let him have his little story.
Except that this post is going to his inbox as soon as I hit publish. Fuck me.
Tonight, however, he was getting off work early (read: quarter til eleven) and I thought I’d give him a little sumpin’ sumpin’ to come home to. You know, since I sorta owe him and shit. And so, I made a little cheese and cracker plate (on the good app plates, which normally hold fingerpaints) (and I actually sliced them, I didn’t just buy the bag of the pre-sliced ones that always have that stuff in them that looks like cocaine but does not in any way work like cocaine) (not that I’d know, just an observation)
And since we had all this fine, savory, smokey cheese with the Good Crackers and all, I figured we’d ought to have a little sweet to go with it, and everyone knows that chocolate is an excellent aphrodisiac.
I am so classy, what can I say? And then I lit the one and only remaining candle we own and slipped into something a little more comfortable.
But by then I had become so overcome by my own mad ambiance-making skilz that I had to get started without him.
Sorry baby. Next time, I’ll wait for you.
Comments close after 5 days. Because Spam sucks. 44 Comments to “Your Cheatin’ Heart Will Tell On You”
you so funny my love. I love you!
Funny…….but now I can’t get that Jackson Browne song outta my head…..(Jackson Browne?) Rosie you’re alright….you wear my ring…….TMI. Go Lady! Peace, Mike.
I totally respect you and your actions. After all, that is peanut butter and chocolate you climaxed with!
hilarious post chick…I give you an ‘a’ for effort…at least you TRIED! Slipping into something more comfortable for me is taking 2 Tylenol PM and a goblet o’ wine.
Oh man, if someone did that for me, I would find it so dorky that it was super non-dorky and cute. Screw the chocolate - TO THE BEDROOM (bring the chocolate)!
HA! You could do worse than chocolate.
Hysterical.
Those sweats and you? Hawt.
Of course.
Oh, yeah. That’s all I can say.
Yeah, the peanut butter would have put me over the edge, too. (And were those Vinta crackers, ‘cuz I love those things so much that I can’t buy them or I’ll eat the whole box. In the store.)
OK, I guess I’m dense, but… what exactly is that orange thing you’re holding with such affection?
This is exactly why I cannot be in a monogamous relationship, right now.
Damn you and your chocolate and cheese. Now, I have to go find some. Argggh. I swear I’m not even pregnant.
If you’re going to interview me I figured that I should stroll on over and do a little recon to see what makes you tick. :)
Hot. so hot.
Kims last blog post..Some Milk a Three Year Old & Nuts
Chocolate & cheese is a wonderful album by Ween (you may enjoy the cover to that album too, it seems fitting).
I wonder when you first google search for “topless peanut butter sniffing” will come in?
You had me at the cheese.
Aprils last blog post..199th Post
Yer such a tease. Posting chocolate and hot pics of you.
Damn it. I’m driving over RIGHT NOW.
See you in 12 hours.
This post is totally screwing with my staunch heterosexuality. Damn you woman.
anne nahms last blog post..Pregnant as a Wet Hen
You had me at the cheese and I came to a screeching halt when I hit the chocolate shots.
Can’t stand the stuff. Seriously. I know!
Well except for three days out of the month when I become a homicidal bitch. Those are coincidentally the three days my hubby and I actually have something in common…a love of chocolate.
That is just hot. Nothing like some chocolate and sweat pants.
Dude. That last shot could be a print ad for Hersheys, caption and all. Advertising gold, I tell ya. You want me to mock up some mechanicals and pitch it to em?
matts last blog post..My Daughter’s Drawing Is Cooler Than Yours
What IS it with the reeces?? And chocolate in general…. *moan* It gets me every time. I always know when my darling husband is lookong for a little extra… shall we say, ENTHUSIASM?… from me. I get a hershey’s bar all outta the blue.
heehee. I’m so easy.
xo
b.
just beths last blog post..More about my feces.
You seriously let me down near the end there….
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..And here’s your host…
Screw internet porn. I need me some Kraft Singles right now (not as classy, but just as dirty).
BusyDads last blog post..Still Reeling
OHMYGOD ARE THOSE KIT-KATS????
maggie, dammits last blog post..Is this thing on?
Bah! Who needs a donor when there’s chocolate available!
Tammys last blog post..Family Ties
reminds me of a jingle in a Rugrat’s cartoon… ‘choco…choco and cheese…’
mamacrows last blog post..Too late to apologise…
That all looks delicious!
My husband is away with the boys this weekend, and I’m certain he’s ogling a few women at a bar right about now. Why didn’t I think of chocolate? All I have is some lousy Crunch ‘n Munch.
Momo Falis last blog post..Stuck In The Middle
Did you melt the chocolate? Cause my chocolate is melted from that last pic.
A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..Photohunt: Hanging Claire
You even sliced it and shit? Woah. That is very classy. I also love that you just had that candy lying around. If you didn’t just lie to me.
sizzles last blog post..They Make Me Want To Sing That Dionne Warwick Song
LOVED THIS.
And you.
I am the other crazy Canadian who cornered you in Macy’s. I plan on stalking you to the best of my ability.
(Already added you on Twitter)
Consider yourself warned. And possibly concerned.
Angellas last blog post..Permanent Vacation
Dude, I TOTALLY subscribe to your blog - and I did even before we were talking about it today!
Heathers last blog post..My Daughter, The Dress Up Doll
My secret love is Dove Dark Promises. Nothing freudian there I am sure.
janethesanes last blog post..Fess up
Sliced by hand cheese? That means love. Real, true love.
A shame that Mrs Lady (the male equivalent?!?) missed this. A night of
chocolatepassion.flickrlovrs last blog post..Well Put Me In A Box And Call Me Jack!
Man… that pic of the chocolate is NOT helping me in my quest to abstain from sweets!
Darrins last blog post..Saying goodbye to the goatee
Dude, that cheese wouldn’t have made it to the plate here.
A little sumptin sumptin is pretty scarce round these parts since the great teenager coitus interruptus…
Dude, you’re awesome. :-)
that looks like a fabulously romantic nosh and as long as you didn’t start the aphrodisiac induced activities without him I think he’ll survive. Well, maybe he would enjoy that? hmmmmm
rachels last blog post..Princess strikes again or Home Again Home Again, Jiggity Jig
Don’t know what I’d do if I ever came home at night to a spread like that! Not that it’d ever happen in my lifetime. I’m lucky if she nukes an occasional dinner for me these days.
Oh, she owes me and shit…
LOL. You look really happy about that chocolate wrapper. :P
Marias last blog post..I’m in The New York Times, bitches.
Who needs him? Obviously you and the choclate wrapper are soulmates.
You can’t call it cheating if she reminds him of you…
*Duck and Cover*
Eddies last blog post..I Really Think I May Have Actually Left My Heart In San Francisco