Welcome Back, Kotter | Whiskey in My Sippy Cup : Surviving Parenting. Kinda.

My husband arrived home after a week out of town for work tonight. He was greeted by his three children in their individual, typical fashions:

3of3 ran up to him, said, “Dadda?” and then whined and clawed at me for the rest of the night. Because she likes to make him work for it, that’s why. (She’s going to make some lucky man exceptionally miserable someday.) At one point, I am pretty sure she attempted to actually return herself to her original packaging, but, um, hell no? Exit only, sister.

2of3 came whizzing around the corner from the backyard to see his dad. “Hi Dad! What’cha get me?” He was marched back around that corner and told to try again.

1of3 sauntered on over when he was damn good and ready, sorta kinda gave his father something vaguely resembling a hug, they high-fived, and then they spent the rest of the night on the couch snuggled up to each other, watching TV shows I wouldn’t let this kid watch if tv was being executed tomorrow.

That’s not all dad came home to, though. I managed to get the sheets washed and the laundry done, but while he was gone:

The DVD player in our room broke, reasons unknown
The towel bar thing in the washroom just, well, fell off
The back sliding glass door doesn’t so much slide anymore as it scrapes and shrieks its way to 3/4 of the way closed, then just gives up
The boys’ screen for their window took a four story fall to the ground after a rather spirited pillow fight while I was sleeping, and has since been propped up against their bookshelves, awaiting dad’s return
I bought Asparagus and Cheese raviolis for dinner by mistake. We had pigs in a blanket instead, because NO
The 6 gallons of ice cream I bought melted, separated, and then re-froze. Yeah, gross
My car smells like vomit with really stinky feet

But at least everyone is alive, however barely, and the floors are mopped.

Veronica

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 9:41

Dude, you mopped the floors? Extra points for you.

I am a shocking housewife. Everything goes to hell, except what we eat. (case in point, I did nothing but bake bread today. House is a tip, but there is fresh bread.)

Veronicas last blog post..And then.

Carolyn...Online

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 11:45

I think it’s nice of you to fill the house with bits of job security so he still feels needed.

Lori B (mamanuggle)

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 12:40

Oh look- nothing’s changed since the Donor left. …Except maybe, you’re a little more tired from wrangling 3 kids this weekend!
You get a gold star!

tenakim

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 12:58

Reasons unknown, my ass- three words- too. much. porn.

tenakims last blog post..Deja vu?

Jennifer

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 13:12

Good for you! Laundry and clean floors.
Stuff breaks. You know, like air-conditioners during record heat waves.

Jennifers last blog post..*Insert Expletive Here

Marie

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 13:13

Hehe. I admire your final line.

Maries last blog post..Glimmers and Glue

RobMonroe

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 13:14

Laundry done is enough in my book! Sheets too? You’re being a kiss-ass!

RobMonroes last blog post..Thankfulness in July

Diane

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 13:37

I rarely mop the floor for anything. I wipe up whatever is spilled, but I’ve never been one to regularly mop.

We have the same problem. Something breaks almost every time that Lynn happens to be out of town.

Dianes last blog post..Home sold

texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana

Your car isn’t supposed to smell like that? Note to self.

maggie, dammit

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 13:46

Don’t let Gloria Steinem hear me say it, but I secretly love it when things fall apart because my man is gone. It makes me feel good.

(shhhhhhh)

Tiffany

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 14:20

HAHA Return to her original packaging. I laughed my ass off at that one.

Tiffanys last blog post..A to Z or a List of Useless Crap

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 14:34

Well my question is will all of those things get fixed in the same amount of time it took to break them?

KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..You Know How There Are Like The Longest Weeks Ever?

Jill

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 14:48

Ew! I was taking a bite of egg when I read the line about how your car smells… It almost came back up.

p.s. Love the “original packaging”/”exit only” line. Genius!

Jills last blog post..Blog the Recession

AmyM

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 14:54

Clean floors make the rest of the house look better. That’s my little trick, anyhow.

Glad your husband is home!

AmyMs last blog post..Oh dear

If I came home to that, I would just bust out some ninja and get it all fixed up before you could explain everything that was broke.
You stayed home with the kids, that’s awesome enough.
And, in agreement with maggie, dammit, I like to come home and see that things didn’t go perfectly. It gives me reason to be a kick-ass ninja instead of a lazy bum :)

Sleep Deprivation Ninjas last blog post..Fighting Dogs

Gnilleps

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 15:34

LOL… I love kids. Their responces to the Return of the King was brilliant, and what I imagine my kids would do exactly! It’s kinda funnie, different kids and different families…

I bet King is just awaiting the day he can teach 1of3 the secret art of re-hanging a door, hitting the DVD hard enough to make it live again, what that little , little screw on the top of the towel rod is for.

Love ya guys ^_^ peas…

Tammy

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 15:35

So how did YOU greet him??

Tammys last blog post..

Zoeyjane

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 15:38

And the laundry, woman. That’s two ‘let em slide’ things that you got done. I think you deserve a present for that.

Zoeyjanes last blog post..And finally, an announcement

Marti

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 15:43

I am LMAO over here. Hey you did your job. YOu kept the children alive. You can’t do it all!!!!

BusyDad

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 15:53

Oh wait. So “toystoystoystoystoys where’s my toys!” isn’t a proper greeting when you come back from a business trip? Back to the drawing board.

BusyDads last blog post.."If Fury Wants to Hang Out, Dial 9-1-1"

Kori

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 16:11

I am concertedly NOT voting because I am not on the ballot. That’ll show them! Hm, yeah, a few passive-aggressive tendencies yet to be banished. And yeah, Owen was the same way with Steve when we got home last night; for ten days he’s been like “Where daddy?” over and over, yet when Steve got there last night? Nothing. i swear they are all schizo up until age 9, at which point they just get annoying. :)

Koris last blog post..If You are Reading This….

Ellie

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 16:27

Floors are mopped?? In my book, that means The house is immaculate.

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 16:29

Wow. That’s weird. I did not write the first part of the comment. Which appeared in my comment box.

Freaky.

Ellies last blog post..Putt Putt

Miss

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 16:31

Back in the original packaging? Bwahahahahaha. I wanna get up in that.

Misss last blog post..It’s What We Deserve…

Audubon Ron

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 17:16

My car smells like vomit with really stinky feet AND SALAMI BUTT dog!

Top that.

Audubon Rons last blog post..Letter to My Ex

rachel

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 18:31

Exit only! Amen sistah!!!

I love that you’re so considerate of his feelings that you fill the house with ‘honey do’ jobs for him to do.
That way he knows he’s needed. You are the bestest wife ever ;-)

rachels last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Spinach and Garlic Stir Fry

mn

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 18:48

poor dads. they always have to face the “fix-it or else” list. not that you do that, bc heck, you did wash the sheets…
but i keep breaking my closet door and knowing full well he told me how to use it right (its a door people, i know but you don’t know me, don’t judge me.)
and he keeps having to fix it.
i love men and their fix it capabilities.

Jenny from Mommin' It Up!

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 19:16

Your 3of3 sounds a lot like my 2of2! Why does everything always go to hell in a handbasket when daddy’s gone?

Carrie

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 19:18

My husband is going away in a few days. I expect to have a list like that for him when he returns . . . and those damned pillow fights . . . why they gotta break my stuff?

Robina

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 19:58

I am SO glad to know your house is normal! LOL Well, except for the vomit and feet smell. That’s just, you know, stinky.

Robinas last blog post..Mummies and Mirrors

traci

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 20:13

I was chuckling before I read Tenakim’s response. Seriously though-wtf with kids wanting back where they came from? Hello? It’s like a bajillion degres, why ya gotta climb all over me?!

tracis last blog post..

calicobebop

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 21:37

Sounds like Dad’s got his work cut out for him!

calicobebops last blog post..Ladie’s Night!

matt

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 22:47

None of this really sounds all that bad except for the car thing. My suggestion: sprinkle a little onion salt and some dried mustard in the back seat. It will smell like McDonalds.

VegasDad

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 23:08

Sounds so familiar. I always come up to a rather large list. What a great welcome back.

VegasDads last blog post..a few steps forward and a giant leap backward

ms picket to you

Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 23:32

um, DVD player broken? it was probably from the porn.

ms picket to yous last blog post..Boxed In

ohmommy

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 1:33

I love how each one of them approached him in their own way. LOL. I love having 3 kids.

At least you found out why your car smelled. A crab. Holy Jesus! Can’t even imagine what a dead crab smells like.

ohmommys last blog post..Why must they grow? I might as well brag.

Mom101

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 2:12

There is some sort of planet in retrograde. I am convinced of it. Everything is falling apart and people are being weird and I don’t know what else but I don’t like it. I feel like I’m in a Stephen King movie saying “but don’t you see it? DON’T YOU SEE IT?” And no one else does.

But you do. You see it in the towel bar thing.

Mom101s last blog post..Goodness and Light and Rainbows and Warm Fuzzies and Happy Faces and Hearts Over the i in Liz

Ashley

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 2:38

Geez louise. A lot of stuff sure did break when he was gone. See, I have the opposite thing happen when Steven is away. Things don’t get broken…usually he breaks them. Ha. Sometimes.

Ashleys last blog post..Laundry Is For Losers

NukeDad

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 2:46

Keep the asparagus ravioli. Feed it to one child per week. Within 3 weeks you should be able to smell who keeps missing the toilet.

NukeDads last blog post..Tax Free Weekend Death Shopapalooza

Kimmelin

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 2:56

Oh, how I can relate! I’ve gone so far as to take photos of the vomit splattered on the kitchen floor that happened while my hubby was gone on a business trip and emailed the pic’s to him on his trip with a subject line of something like, “so how’s your day going?”

As “hard” as business travel supposedly is, I think the stay-at-home parent gets a far worse deal…every time…

Kimmelins last blog post..Family Fun at Bozeman’s Sweet Pea Festival

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING

Tuesday, 5 August, 2008 at 3:35

It is posts like these that make me terrified of losing my husband to his cancer for the practical reasons in life. Let alone the whole, losing my true love to a nasty disease.

KEEP BELIEVING

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVINGs last blog post..what rocks and what sucks by Angie