Aug 16 2008
Rate the Hate the Pot Luck Edition
Tonight, we’re not having a recipe post. Today, the recipe is the invitees. Auds at Barking Mad has asked us to host a dinner party on our blogs and invite 10 bloggers to come over. I am all over that shit, yo. Especially since Andrea at Little Bald Doctors and Dana at Supernanny, Where Are You have already asked me over and I’m plum out of anymore dishes to bring.
I am supposed to invite 10 people I’d really like to meet in real life, so I am assuming I should omit those I already HAVE met in real life, for the sake of fairness. I had to wiggle some ladies in there, but for mostly unselfish reasons.
1. I’m trying to do this by menu item. First, in charge of the wine, I’m inviting Ron at Ducks Mahal. I don’t know if Ron know thing one about wine, but I’m betting he’s hysterical all drunk. He also gets to say grace before dinner, because there’s something about him that makes me really want to go to church again. Ron is my kind of believer.
2. With some seriously refined appetizers, I’m inviting Andrea at Mommy’s Martini. She made some dip for Bossy that evidently inspired proposals of marriage or something. Come on over, Andrea. Bring those martini recipes, too. I know they’ll be as elegant as she is. Andrea will sit right next to me and correct me every time I drop a semi-colon in; the wrong place. And then we will laugh our asses off over almost nothing at all, like we were 13 or something.
3. I am recruiting Chris Cactus (and of course, his wife Beth) to bring the juice boxes and the Baskin Robbins cake for the kids. He knows why. I am inviting them because, well, I kind of want to hook up at least one of their kids with mine. You’ve got to at least try to pick your co-grandparents, right? I also secretly hope Chris will make a mixtape for us to listen to. Chris will be in charge of making sure the bathroom is clear of all freaks, short, mythical, outlandish or just flat out wrong before we enter. He will take 5,439 pictures of the party, and he will be the focal point of 5,438 of them. And that will be just fine.
4. I am inviting Jenny, the Bloggess, because as much as I lovelovelove her and no bathroom counter will ever feel the same again to me *wink*, my husband is majorly in crush with her, and he may not survive much longer if he doesn’t meet her. I’m asking her to bring some oxygen tanks for the rest of you who don’t know yet that you have to remember to breath when she talks, because she doesn’t, at all, and you won’t either. Just like when your husband snores all night and then stops, and you wake up almost but not quite totally asphyxiated. Fucker.
5. Laskigal is bringing the main dish. Why, I don’t know. I just get the feeling she could make a really great main dish. She is just really great, kind of all the time. I think she’ll make something interesting, but not at all pretentious, with just enough but not too many ingredients, and there will totally be something deep and spicy about what she makes. None of us will be able to quite put our finger on what it is, but we’ll want more. After her course is over, we’ll all be really settled and content. Because she’s awesome like that.
6. Kori is going to get stuck making some side dish, and she’ll do it, and she’ll roll her eyes at me the whole time for making her do it, and we’ll sit across the table from each other all night and make really quiet, subtle, inappropriate jokes that no one else will catch. We’ll go outside together for a smoke, and we’ll have some earth shattering heart to heart chat, and then we’ll go back in and be all cool and collected and sly. She will tell stories over dinner, she’ll be really monotone and even and calm about those stories, and the rest of us will sit with our jaws on the floor while she speaks, and we will all be in total awe of her come the end of the night. Then she’ll make a blow job reference. And THAT is why she’s invited. I can’t be the ONLY one making them.
7. I am inviting the Suburban Kamikaze, because god knows someone has to get her out of the mid-west, even if for only one night. She’s in charge of after-dinner drinks, and I fully expect them to have those snow-ball ice circles in them, sister. She will wear really hot underwear, and she will say things that everyone else in the room is thinking, kind of, but she will say them in a way none of us would ever think to, and we all will lose our will to speak by the end of the night, and just let her do it for us. We won’t be sad about it, either; she’s that good.
8. I am asking Momo-Fali to bring the beer, so long as it isn’t Natural Light. She will be in charge of making sure there are no germs left on the counter, on our hands, in the air, or around most of the major metropolitan area. Afterward, she will write a 4 sentence recap of our dinner party, and it will be the most funny, brilliant thing anyone has ever read, and the entire night will be summed up perfectly. And her son will have labeled us all neatly before the night is through.
9. Polly, or Lesbian Dad as you may know her, is coming with Ms. Lesbian Mom and their children, who are so beautiful we will all be rendered instantly sterile, because what’s the point, really? She’s bringing dessert. She will talk of deep things, of stories that need to be told, with words that must be said, and we will all cry and be changed and forever moved, and then I will take the dessert she brings and lick it off of her. And I think she’ll let me.
10. I am asking Sleep Deprivation Ninja to come, and we won’t actually notice he’s there, but occasionally we’ll see a dark, shrouded blur whiz past us and hear a little chuckle adrift in the air. Just image how fast the dishes will be cleared from the table after dinner. Every dinner party needs a ninja in attendance. Just sayin’.
11. Fuck it, rules were made to be broken. RedNeck Mommy is coming, but you wouldn’t know it unless I told you, because we look exactly alike, are almost exactly the same age, have almost exactly the same story, both have nose rings, are both Canadian, and both have so many kids we’re about to have to move into a shoe. We will just trade places all night, never being in the same room at the same time, and you’ll be slightly confused, but you’ll get over it, because she’s totally enchanting like that.
And that’s all I’m allowed to invite, which kind of sucks, because I’d like to ask a whole lotta other people over. Maybe we’ll have to do it again sometime.
Updated for what I suspect isn’t the last time:
What’s a party without some crashers? NO KINDA PARTY, that’s what. Carolyn is crashing, and it’s going to cause a bit of discord in her home because, well, she lives with a possessive jerk. *wink* She better not bring her kids, though, because we’re serving Paranta and, well, go see for yourself. I have it on good authority that her kids will NOT be amused.
Ree is sneaking in with Andrea, and she’s bringing the KY. Yep, I said it.
We’ll see who else shows up. I’d better bust out some dixie plates.
Comments close after 5 days. Because Spam sucks. 35 Comments to “Rate the Hate the Pot Luck Edition”
I’m totally crashing your party. I will bring my own plate and sneak in a chair and when people look at me confused about why I’m there I just say, “yeah, I’m crashing.” and hope they’re cool with it.
CarolynOnlines last blog post..We need some time apart.
That sounds like a great party. Laskigal would definitely be on my list too. :)
Kathryns last blog post..PSF- Healing Waters
Now that’s a fun party! And look at you… you don’t have to cook a thing for it! That’s one sneaky hostess! I guess all you have to do is clean up the spitballs all over your floor and you’re all set :-)
Jills last blog post..The Funniest Thing I Heard Today v. 11
Did you just snub me? Bitch.
You’re not invited to my party either.
*runs off crying*
can I babysit? Park cars? Fend off the cops when it gets too rowdy?
Ms picket to yous last blog post..Color Blind
I love your description of Kori!! But I’d be mad jealous because dammit, I want to meet her, too!
Aprils last blog post..A Rite of Passage
Just so you know, I’m coming over with Andrea. She lives right by me and we’re having dinner sometime this week, so yo… I’ve decided to crash your party.
Rees last blog post..Friday Haiku - In pictures
I’m so there. But you’re right, you probably won’t see me.
Sleep Deprivation Ninjas last blog post..Traversing Crowds
Ok, your not Canadian eh… But oddly Redneck Mommy does look a hell of a lot like you, but HAWT! (Your not suppose to think your sister is hot, just pretty, unless you are from the deep south or Utah…)
I can’t even make the trip to Denver, no WAY I am getting to crash some dinner… I’d bring like freeze pops… you might want to freeze them after I get there. Maybe some bottled water… That I drank and re-filled with water from the gas station on the corner. LOL J/k you know I’d fuck something delicious up!
(Ok… either Redneck Mommy or the Bloggess has some crazy popup for a screen saver… KILLING ME) ^_^
OH one last thing, completely NOT BLOG RELATED! But strangly Mr. Lady related… go to youTube and start watching the Dasepo Sonyo (Naughty Girls) Drama - It’s Korean, but English subbed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfXONIZYEXw Based on the Internet comic strip, Multi-Cell Girl (a.k.a Dasepo sonyo). I SWEAR despite the name, it’s not porn, and it’s freaking brilliant. A drama with no point, or plot, but that draws you in and makes you wanna keep watching it… sounds like a description of Seinfeld… Really watch a few episodes, you’ll thank me.
Gnillepss last blog post..Rate the Hate the Pot Luck Edition
I totally love the list.
I’ll come over and help you clean up, but you’ll totally owe me lip action for that. ;)
Loralees last blog post..Peeper Party
Now that sounds like a party worth attending!
great group….we have a few of the same invites!!
Stella-Mountain Mommas last blog post..I’m Having A Party…Check Out Who’s Coming
I’m still in awe over the Alice graphic. Love it.
Reeses last blog post..When You’re Poor…
I can’t believe you didn’t invite me.
Dammit.
mama’s losin’ its last blog post..Saturdays Question: Laundry
I plan on crashing your party, too…just so you know. I can bring KY Moonshine and …well, if there are kids there, I might have to leave the strippers in the car. Darn. I’ll roll the window down a little bit for them. Don’t worry, I’ll bring my own paper bag(ged) supper.
Pfft. I don’t want to meet you either.
(Okay, I’m lying.)
Natalies last blog post..Empowered, Angry or Bully?
I crashing this party! And, I’m bringing my good lens!
Secret Agent Mamas last blog post..Weekly Winners XXXX
I’d say I was going to crash but I’m pretty sure that I’d already be there, hog-tied in the attic by you and Redneck Mommy for not inviting you to my party.
So, here’s to parties in the attic! Don’t ball-gag me. I promise I won’t sing.
That’s it. I’m never going away again. Just look at what I missed!!!!
Latte Mommys last blog post..Where In the World….?
I guess I will be in charge of bringing the plate o’ chopped livah..
Kats last blog post..Stupid is as stupid does
Puleez. We all know you’ll only be busting out the Dixie plates if the Chinette runs out. Cuz that’s how you roll.
K8spades last blog post..My Friday Night. Sad, Huh?
Psht..I’m ALL about crashing parties. I’m bringing the tequila and lime.
Lynettes last blog post..It was kinda like Freaky Friday
DAMN! I have been somehow removed from your friend list on Buzz and now I’m excluded from the dinner party of the year. Okay, fine, but no homemade strawberry shortcake for you, and you KNOW you’d love those buttermilk biscuits with their oozing fresh whipped cream. (I usually just skip the strawberries on mine.)
Missives From Suburbias last blog post..Hypocrisy Is Uglier Than Cellulite
Oooohhh . . . right where I wanna be.
I know exactly what I’m making . . . and let me tell ya, I got me some mad spices.
Then again, the artery-clogging cheesy pasta dish might just be what the chef ordered.
LaskiGals last blog post..I’m SO Dumping YOU!
Laughing our asses off like I’m doing on my couch at 1 in the morning as I read your semi-colon joke, you mean? Not that you aren’t wicked funny, and if anyone can make a semi-colon funny, you can. But, seriously? I’m laughing at a misplaced semi-colon like I’m a hyena at a stand-up competition. Also, you are right about the apps; THOSE I can do. I can’t wait for this party. Can we have it at Latte’s house? I hear she has a great butler’s pantry for the crashers to hang out. ;)
MommyTimes last blog post..A Numers Game: Where in the world has MommyTime Been?
Holy crap, this is the best party list ever. Please have this party in real life. I will be there with oxygen, helium and possibly dog tranquilizers. It’s like snack platter for weirdos.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..This doesn’t bode well for the integrity of blogging
I didn’t really want to meet you either!
Can I bartend or something?
matts last blog post..The Hottest Baby Clothes on the Cheap!
O lord help me, I was munching on a carrot when I read this, and almost choked on it when I got to the part where you mentioned my entourage. (Which, I might note, I didn’t go read b/c I checked in on my links, by the way, I just plain need to read you regularly is the thing.)
But I have to lodge a wee suggestion: a quick reference to the Stone Butch Tipsheet (this’ll do as good as any) might suggest that it would be I, and not you, who would be doing the licking. I’m just saying.
Now back to the carrot.
I should note: “choked” from laughing out loud. Which I rarely do in response to printed English, for some reason. (Just think in my head: Now that’s funny.)
Pollys last blog post..Punky of the sands
Jello salad, baby. and later, after the blowjob reference? Wrestling. The side-dish that keeps on giving. In all seriousness, though, your description of me actually brought tears to me eyes. or maybe there is a high pollen count today. Can I bring April?
Koris last blog post..Bling of a Different Sort
(CRASH!)
What? I brought enough wine for everyone!
WaltzInExiles last blog post..Overheard at Grad School Orientation
I totally scanned the post looking for my name. You heartless tart. Ok, really I just want to meet Ron. I can see what is needed here is a “Snubbed by Mr. Lady” badge.
I’d totally be the bouncer for that party.
[...] again. and i just had to be a part of this. and not just because Backpacking Dad and Loralee and Mr. Lady have already done it. because i like what it’s about. community. love. two things that are [...]
Heh.
I don’t care what Backpacking Dad says, I’m bringing the ball gag. I think he’d look good in it.
And I’ll be the one wearing assless chaps. Just so everyone can tell us apart.
Heh.
Big sloppy smooches to the host. I heart you.
Redneck Mommys last blog post..Fail Whale