Sep 01 2008
Back to School
Tonight, she is a school night. See Mr Lady do a little happy dance of joy. Dance, Mr Lady, dance.
We did absolutely nothing that we’d planned to do this summer. We’d hoped to take a family vacation, and I totally screwed that up with my trip to San Francisco for BlogHer and my trip to Denver for the DNC. We’d talked about spending a day at the PNE (like Six Flags, without the awesome) and that just never happened. We’d aimed for spending so much time at the pool that we’d all be golden brown (or fire hydrant red, depending) and, well, it never actually was summer here. The pool isn’t nearly as fun in 60 degree weather.
Still, we had a really fabulous summer. We had minimum of one broken bone (we’re still waiting on x-ray results about a possible #2; see, black eye that appears to be a fractured eye socket.) We had two gnarly, deep, wide cuts that got totally infected and required bottle after bottle of peroxide. We had one slipped disc that just kept right on slipping thanks to a dad that refuses to realize that at 35, maybe skateboarding and doing back flips off swings isn’t the hottest idea anymore (except that yeah, one of us still thinks it’s totally hot, icyhot and all.) We intended to plant a vegetable and/or herb garden in the back yard. I’ll just giggle about that for a second and move on.
We did manage to turn a 3 bedroom house into a four bedroom house, making one 10 year old instantly become one 14 year old, and one 8 year old become an overnight neat freak. We got one 2 year old into a big girl bed, only to realize that we’ve failed in almost every way raising her and until we do our job better, she’ll still need to be barred in and locked down every night. We created three night owls, who cannot sleep before 11pm, and refuse to wake up before 10 am.
We have bought exactly ZERO new shoes, new pants, new shirts, new pencils, new notebooks, new protractors. We could not be more unprepared for back-to-school if we tried. We did get haircuts, and really? We could have made 15 full, luscious wigs from the hair we hacked off in one day. We Mr Lady people, we have hair for miles and miles. The 10 year old got his first haircut that he orchestrated completely on his own. Turns out, my kid really likes looking like Beatles. The Walrus beatles, not the Insect beatles.
We found last years’ lunch boxes, and found last years’ ravioli, still in them. Add New Thermos to the shopping list. We managed, with a lot of vinegar and a little bit of love, to get the dead crab smell out of last years’ backpacks. Add Febreze to the shopping list. We found last years’ winter clothes, and learned that two boys can grow quite nicely over 3 months on a diet consisting solely of Pop Tarts and Kraft Dinner. Add a totally motherfucking new wardrobe times two to the shopping list.
We also discovered yesterday that my neighbor, arguably my best friend up here in Canuckistan, will be taking over for 2of3’s teacher last year as Head Teacher at our school (like a Vice Principal without the pay) and this is really fabulous because A) I love her B) my kids love her, and there’s a good chance she will have one of them in her class and C) as Head Teacher, she has to attended every PTA meeting, so I’ll totally have a buddy there. Except, wait, that sucks ass because I was totally intent on quitting that stupid PTA and now I’m all roped in by my best friend neighbor who is all “Dude, don’t leave me hanging all by myself in there, yo!”
Fuck. Me.
So, tonight I will be frantically washing and stretching out one outfit per kid so they can look like their parents give half a shit tomorrow for their first day. I will be digging through the piles of school crap that came home last June and were promptly shoved into the back of a closet, praying to every god I can think of that there are a few pencils and two notepads that are less than half-way full of Pokemon doodles. I will be drugging my children at 8:30 with something that will make them sleep at a decent hour. I will be flossing their teeth for the first time in three months just like I do every night, because I am a good mom. I will set the pomade out on the bathroom counter and plug in the blowdrier for Mr My Hair Must Look Perfect For School, and I am totally going to cry at 8:55 am tomorrow, just like I have every year for 6 years straight now, as I send my frumpy, unprepared and very excited boys off to the wide world of 5th and 3rd grade.
My baby boy, my first born, is in FIFTH grade. Oh, god, I’m going to die now.
Comments close after 5 days. Because Spam sucks. 43 Comments to “Back to School”
Wow. You’ve had a busy Summer. All I did was have a baby. The rest is a sleep deprived blur.
Next summer is going to rock the ninja socks though :)
Sleep Deprivation Ninjas last blog post..100 Word Challenge: Evolution
You’ve been more productive than I have anyway, that’s for sure.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A man’s work is never done
I can’t imagine having a fifth grader. It would make me feel elevendy
Wow…fifth grade. You know what that means….another couple of years and he starts bringing the ladies home for cookies and Courvoisier.
The herb garden? Just forget it. I subscribed to Sunset Magazine a year ago in hopes of becoming this awesome gardener, planting some tomato plants and the like. Guess how that has turned out?
So I have chosen to believe that people who garden are dumb. Herbs taste just fine from the market.
matts last blog post..RedSparks Labor Day Giveaway!!!
My oldest is in 7th grade this year. He’s taller than me, stronger, and he smells horrible most of the time.
It freaks me out.
And he’s been doing some Peter Brady voice change shit lately too. OMFG!!!
And my “baby” is in her last year of preschool so next year will be a serious shock to my system.
We have that Beatles hair going on here too. I don’t care much but former-Army hubby, it drives him crazy. However, he was rocking the major mullet back in the day so I tell him to shut the hell up about the hair.
Sunshines last blog post..What You Didn’t See
I love you for admitting your lack of preparation! I’m a week into school hell, and my newly-minted 6th grader is already beginning the pre-teen crap. Welcome to my world!
Aprils last blog post..A Few Lessons Learned
Oh man, this only adds to my terror of School Days.
Good luck with all the hectic fun.
Marias last blog post..It’s a technical term.
I’ll be feeling your pain tomorrow, as I send my firstborn off to 1st grade. Where he’ll be gone all day. I’m not prepared for THAT, even though I think I may have bought out Target of all their school supplies. (I love school supplies.)
Yah, our summer didn’t go as hoped either, in part because of the lack of summer-like weather.
I was sleep deprived and stressed most of last week. It was Harley’s first week of school. It went fairly well, despite the fact I’ve been arguing with him regularly to use his locker, carry less and work on getting his supplies organized. His plan is to carry everything all day despite the fact that he’s not allowed to use a backpack for any of his classes.
I’m sure you will get everything in order shortly.
One Moms Opinions last blog post..Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash 5000
You made my summer awesome. :)
Marias last blog post..Twenty Four
Garden… You… a garden… (see how I <3 the “…”)
It’s amazing how simular our life experiance is. 1of3 totally looked like he was ready for flash flooding in his pants from last year. 2of3 also, since they can now share clothes.
I managed to get a 16′ trampolene for the kids… the math on 1of to 3of3 might changed based on that… if we add 1of3 and 2of3 don’t you get 3of3… we’ll miss her.
Yeah, summer’s over. Can’t wait until fall sets in and I don’t have to cut the grass anymore. Sorry to hear about the slipped disk problem, I too sometimes tend to overdo it at 40, acting like I’m an eleven year old in a swimming pool full of them (I’m a Scout leader). And hope that the eye socket isn’t broken, that would really suck. Especially on the first day of fifth grade, having to put up with “Dude, what happened?” and “how does the other kid look?” every thirty seconds.
Can’t wait for the cold weather to get here (as cold as it’ll get way down south in Jaw-ja).
diamond daves last blog post..Anybody see a resemblance?
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who did absolutely nothing I wanted to this summer. Good luck with fifth grade and here’s to a great new school year! :)
Tara R.s last blog post..What I did on my Labor Day vacation
I think I want to be you when I grow up. Except I think I’m older than you, so I’m not really sure how that’s gonna happen, except I’m very afraid there may be some saggy tits in it for me.
anne nahms last blog post..3 Things that Make Me Want to Stick a Fork in Someone’s Eye
Without the trip to the DNC, I could have written this post (and without the awesome writing as well) right down to adding the 4th bedroom for my 6TH GRADE FIRSTBORN! Yes, my dear - I am only a year ahead of you w/the boys beginning 6th and 4th and the girl still in preschool.
To say that I feel your pain would be an understatement. Although I did get some clothes purchased, I’ve yet to step foot in the school supply aisle . . . and it starts on Wednesday for us.
Tomorrow will be a very looooong day.
Carries last blog post..Portrait of a Lady
I don’t envy your position. I’m sending many, many good back-to-school thoughts your way. When are you going to buy the school supplies?
Missies last blog post..Where are you now?
This is the exact reason to keep burlap sacks around. Send the kids off to school in style yo.
Wills last blog post..The one where I get in a big, moving, metal box.
Better get out the Transformer condoms…..
christys last blog post..It will get cool, it will get cool….
My God. I am so not looking forward to when Carter starts school.
My eldest goes to Kindergarten NEXT year. Just as I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it I come across another start of school post and I think “hell no little baby jesus will I be able to send him off without crying myself a river.” So, uhm - thanks.
As for the not being ready - I hardly believe it. You looked ravishing in Denver and I expect no less from the Mr Lady boys.
Our oldest started kindergarten last week. Wow. How does that happen? How does your first born speed through those first (painful) years and suddenly become a grade schooler? She’s already reached the age of setting out school outfits the night before, caring about what’s in her lunch box, and which kid she sits next to during lunch. Have I entered full speed ahead mode without even knowing it???
Kimmelins last blog post..Stranger Danger: How and When Do You Teach This to Your Kids?
So summer’s over, huh? Wow, that went by fast. Good luck tomorrow to 1 and 2of3, and good luck to you when 3of3 realizes her big brothers are going to be gone all day! Have fun with the back-to-school shopping. Maybe we can hook up at the mall one day…
PS - good to see you back! Hope you had a ball in Denver. We want pics!!!
Latte Mommys last blog post..Soo-der
Fifth grade hurts, six grade hurts. I hear year seven is a killer. Not looking forward to my biggies going off to Highschool next year. I feel your pain.
tiffs last blog post..Dear oh dear…
Make sure you take pictures ‘kay?
Of the kids and specially of you bawling.
Don Mills Divas last blog post..Beware: I will steal your sons
I think that you are the best mom EVER! My kids would have been in the same boat had Granny not decided to take on school shopping this year. I am NEVER prepared!
amys last blog post..My Favorite Word
So we enrolled Fury in the local elementary school the other day (switching from his private kindergarten) and they had this sign up to join PTA. I thought about you and all your stories about it and I almost signed up. But then I thought signing up for blog fodder would be wrong. Then I convinced myself that aside from stories for the blog, it would actually give me a chance to participate in something significant in my kid’s life. But they went on break and no one was at the table. I took it as fate and left.
BusyDads last blog post..Like Studio 54 for Tots
Thanks for this. I feel better knowing someone else out there is similarly unprepared. And me? I live in China, so I can’t even do the last minute Target run. I needed to plan it out early and ship everything from the States last month (it might all be made in China, but that doesn’t mean you can find it here). So my kids better hope the weather doesn’t change for at least another month… maybe by then I’ll have it all together.
Email From The Embassys last blog post..Another Article
Wow. 5th grade! Whoo hoo! And, I mean, ouch and all.
Leslie Dillingers last blog post..
Remember to come by and laugh at me at the end of January when my kids go back to school after the summer off. Cause I am laughing my freaking arse off here at you babe.
How many calories does ‘laughing your arse off’ burn? Cause it was butt loads… get it? Butt joke. God I am awesome.
Oh and acting like an adult now, how did the whole baby sitter thing go?
aaawwwwwww.
that was hilarious. you are not alone. you are actually quite normal, doing just fine. enjoy the craziness.
i am actually v. competitive when it comes to making sure i am keeping up with other parents, bc God knows i suck elsewhere!, ha. i don’t wanna be, but i feel like i have to. i don’t buy gobs of stuff, i did buy a new outfit for one kid and a backpack for the other one.
i cleaned out backpacks well after school was out, maybe a month or so later. i found a birthday invite and old food in the lunch box. i didn’t tell anyone.
i found a check for lunch money so apparently my kindergartner son never gave that to his teacher in the last week of school and she probably thought i didn’t give a damn about his lunches.
i told him he’s making me look bad!
(i have, at times randomly, during thought of my baby starting kindergarten in a few days and the tears, well, they just kept coming. why is that, i don’t know. it’s perhaps not only bc she’s growing up, but bc she will be missed so much during the day. granted i have a job and all, but still.
when i get off work, i race to pick up my kids and can’t wait to see their faces.
fifth-grade, wow. that is big time. i know my son is growing up, but sometimes when i think of him during the day, the strongest image that comes is of him in his little orange onesie, standing up, smiling at me with sparkling eyes and baby legs trying hard to stand tippytoe.
that was six and a half years ago. sigh, indeed.
Dammit! I told you to send me your Target list! You would have been so prepared. Godspeed, Mr. Lady.
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..Swag Did Not Include Beer Cozy
It’s 6:20 am and I just now put my daughter’s shorts in the dryer. Procrastinate much?
I have never minded this back to school stuff any other year. Three Year-Old Preschool? Piece of Cake! Four Year-Old Preschool? We’d done it once before, it was nothing! Kindergarten? Excitement prevailed over all else. First Grade? We had this school shit down. But today? Second Grade? Not so much. Melancholy set in last night.
*sigh*
I must be getting soft in my old age. *snort*
Dianas last blog post..Best Friends Across Political Parties
I thought I was going to a happy dance sending mine off on the bus. Instead. I am crying right now. For reals.
Does it get easier?
ohmommys last blog post..The post I wasn’t going to post.
Oh yes. Perhaps we SHOULD start a blog for SAHM knitters. Perhaps.
ohmommys last blog post..The post I wasn’t going to post.
I LOVE your blog but I don’t think that I have ever commented on it. Just wanted to say that :)
Oh, and just wait until your son is in 11th grade like my oldest and is talking about what she wants to do as a career. Gawd, I am not ready for this I am only 36 years old!
First Day of School: Dread or Anticipation? Maybe a little of both. You’ll have to let us know how it goes.
apathy lounges last blog post..The Calm Before
My five yera old starts Kindergarten and I am freaking out. I can’t imagine after this year what I will do. Oh and I still need school supplies too, because I am totally the best mom ever.
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..We Almost Lost Her Yesterday
i sent my second grader and first grader off to school this morning.
and the only tears were tears of joy. because we get to go back to bedtime before midnight.
(although it does mean carpool and homework…maybe i WILL start crying after all…)
alis last blog post..loud and gaudy and silkscreen-y nostalgia
First day over here. Two new schools. And a 4th grader! Like ten meetings over the next two weeks. And I fear I am that neighbor lady bribing all my friends to “help me out” in the PTO.
ms picket to yous last blog post..Lost and Found
I understand! My boys are in 4th and first this year. Sigh… I am contemplating sticking my 2 year old in the freezer. My heart just can’t take this growing up stuff.
traceys last blog post..How to earn my loyalty…
It is scary how we might be twin moms. Except I have only 2 boys. And lucky for me on the 3rd day of school Target had notebooks on sale for 10cents each. And I buy too many pencils every year so we had some. And my kids are TEENAGERS ewwwchhhh and insisted on going INTO THE MALL this year for clothing. We are still trying to catch up on the power bill due to the shopping….
ps your blog is such fun!
Well fuck me, one more time I realize I totally blow at the parenting thing. I am already tapping my foot and looking at my watch waiting for Owen to start school. Let’s see, three more years before he can go, which coincides nicely with one of the older ones hopefully leaving home forever and ever…whew. FYI: soak the backpack in OxyClean. And lie to the kids and say, “I was just waiting until after the first week so I would know EXACTLY what to get you.” It worked.
Koris last blog post..Save Money, Live Better My Ass!
My son won’t be wowing anyone with his What I Did Over Summer Vacation report either. But I’m OK with that.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommys last blog post..Coming Attractions