So Very Passive Aggressive

A long time ago, when I only had two kids, when I was still in my twenties, I lived in this apartment building in downtown Denver. I had an assigned parking space, and right after I returned from a two week trip to Phoenix, I noticed that the space next to mine was occupied. By an asshat. I swear, that little red VW Jetta or whatever was never parked straight. That car was almost completely diagonal in its spot, all the time, and it meant that I couldn’t open the back door on the drivers side to get my kid out of his carseat. The first time, I didn’t worry about it. The second time, I grumbled. The third time, I came *this* close to leaving a little note, which would have gone something like this:

“If you fuck like you park, you’ll never get it in.”

I didn’t. Thank god. The asshat owner of the car turned out to be a tragically cute boy who is now my kids’ godfather, and his mother is now my best friend, and yeah, that would have just been awkward.

There’s no point, really, except to say that it turns out, I’m not the only one with a penchant for finely crafted notes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go laugh until I cry the rest of this mascara off.

Maria

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 16:15

I love that site! And if you’d left that note, that would be the best story to tell everyone ever.

Once upon a time, Maria wrote..Immoral Parenting: Movies

raino

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 16:21

i’m gonna use that saying next time someone has their car jammed right up against mine.

Once upon a time, raino wrote..Sticky Tape

SingleParentDad

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 16:42

That’s funny, and that site is sweet.

Might have to send a few notes in, like the one I put up when some idiot rang my door bell and ran off.

“CCTV is big and clever, pressing door bells and running off in a small village, not so much.”

Once upon a time, SingleParentDad wrote..His Bark Is Worse Than His Bite

Kelley

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 16:57

I am totally getting that printed up on cards with ‘Mr Lady says’ and they will go home and google it, find you, and be all WOW she came all the way to Australia to comment on my parking. Or damn Canadians.

Lynette

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 17:02

I think I’m going to make little notecards, and leave them on my co-workers cars in the parking lot…

AHAHAHAHAAH…

Once upon a time, Lynette wrote..Tits & Tats

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 17:11

OMG! That site is AWESOME!! And too funny about the car!

Once upon a time, KD @ A Bit Squirrelly wrote..Thankful Thursdays: Simple Pleasures

VegasDad

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 17:48

That BLOG IS BRILLIANT. It’s in my reader now.

Once upon a time, VegasDad wrote..potato head grandma

OHmommy

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 17:59

THANK YOU… that is hysterical and an awesome new find for me. ;)

Jim

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 18:27

That site is fun…and inspirational too. I wanna make some notes too.

Once upon a time, Jim wrote..Go to Sleep + an Award

Linds

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 18:34

LOL, I like that site, too!

Your story is frickin’ hilarious, and I just know you’ve told them, which makes even funnier!

Once upon a time, Linds wrote..Number Fourteen…

Tara R.

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 18:43

I think my daughter has a roommate like Jaime…

Once upon a time, Tara R. wrote..Random Wednesday ~ one man, one woman

Mom to Bee

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 18:55

I’ve seen that card before!!
http://momtobee.blogspot.com/2008/03/every-breath-you-take.html

One of my BFFs gave me two different sets of cards for my birthday this year. One says “You Park Like An Idiot”. The second, my favorite, simply says “You are a Douche.” Needless to say, both have been left quite a few times on cars I’ve encountered!

Once upon a time, Mom to Bee wrote..Livin’ Proof

CynthiaK

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 19:16

That is brilliant.

Oh, and you should have left the note. Would have made a great story for your children about their godfather.

Once upon a time, CynthiaK wrote..An update on the Chihuahua

maggie, dammit

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 19:20

I love that site.

And I wish you’d left the note. But it’s easy to wish craziness on somebody else, that’s called COMEDY.

So I wish it. I would laugh and laugh and laugh….

but I guess I understand why you didn’t. ;)

Deb on the Rocks

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 19:53

I left a note just the other day on a huge shiny jacked up truck that invaded my space. It said: Gosh, if my truck was this shiny I would be careful to park it respectfully so that no one dinged up my paint trying to get into their car! But not you! You live on the edge. Go, rebel, go.

But I’m not passive-aggressive. I’m active aggressive and would have told the redneck to his face.

Probably.

Once upon a time, Deb on the Rocks wrote..She owes me big time

anna

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 20:50

OMG, thank you for showing me that site! So funny! It reminds me of the note I got on my car once at Whole Foods. It said, “you park like a fucking moron!” I was like, really? A moron?

Once upon a time, anna wrote..Fourth Bimonthly ABDPBT Sucky Sweepstakes! Win a $100 American Express Gift Card!

Nicole

Am going to borrow that; I’ve always used the old “Thanks for parking so close. Next time, leave a fucking can opener.”

Once upon a time, Nicole wrote..Overheard, or why this has not been updated

One Mom's Opinion

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 21:11

Loved this one. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to crawl into the passenger side to get where I was going because of some asshat that didn’t think about someone needing to get out.

Once upon a time, One Mom’s Opinion wrote..Regrouping over Fall Break

rebecca

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 22:53

I’m a total PA groupie.

Once upon a time, rebecca wrote..Ballengers Biking

just beth

Thursday, 23 October, 2008 at 23:08

hhahaaahahahaaa! Oh lord. CumDumpster.

Pamela is priceless. And so are you.

xo!

Once upon a time, just beth wrote..Directional Dyslexia

Audubon Ron

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 4:51

In case you are wondering, guys don’t drive red VW Jettas. Sorry, we just don’t.

Now, I drive a red pick up and I know a guy who drives a Jetta, but I don’t know any guy who drives a red VW Jetta.

BUT, let’s just assume for a minute, your parking neighbor in the red VW Jetta was a guy. I assure you, if he drives a red VW Jetta, he’s got WAY bigger problems than just parking crooked.

Once upon a time many years ago, this one Audubon Ron was an insurance adjuster. On one bright sunny day, this one Audubon Ron received an assignment. It was a vandalism claim. When the insured pulled into the drive in, this one Audubon Ron inspected the vandalism claim. The car was a brand spanking new, plastic covers still on the seats, big ass BMW. On the driver’s door was a message etched into the door, presumably with a nail:

“Thanks for taking two parking spots asshole”

Did I mention it was a bright sunny day?

Once upon a time, Audubon Ron wrote..Dead Armadillo

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 4:55

…let me clarify for a minute the nature of the problem with red VW Jetta’s. They’re ticket magnets. Red sports cars for some reason get nailed by cops more often then any other color.

DC Urban Dad

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 5:12

Fucking love it.

Once upon a time, DC Urban Dad wrote..Wordless Wednesday – 10/22/08

Mike Marshall

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 6:00

Hey Lady! Here’s one for you…….hehe. There are signs posted in the bathroom stalls where I work that say; “Please put toilet paper in the toilet and flush it.” I’ll let you use your imagination for this one. Peace, Mike.

Elle Charlie

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 8:26

I think you should leave the note. If I came back to that, I’d laugh. A lot.

Once upon a time, Elle Charlie wrote..Confessions of an unemployed housewife

Megan

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 8:42

I’m a single woman in my 20s who somehow stumbled upon your blog and became addicted. I’m currently living in an apartment complex where I often walk out to my car in the mornings to find a yellow VW Golf parked about the same way as your story. Add some blaring techno music and the fact that the guy is my neighbor and likes to get it on at 5am (really dude?), and I just don’t think I’ll ever be the bigger person. So I printed him some citations from youparklikeanasshole.com. If you ever find yourself in such a dire situation again, I highly recommend.

diamond dave

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 10:14

Have to remember that one for the future. Better than “next time leave a can opener so I can get my car out”.

Once upon a time, diamond dave wrote..A brief word from your sponsor…

Lisa

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 12:11

I have bloggy bling for you at my place :)

Kaylen

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 12:15

LOVE it!!
Funny how one choice we make can lead us down a different path…had you written the asshat a nasty note, things would have been so much different!!

schmutzie

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 13:39

You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/10/five-star-friday-edition-29.html

Once upon a time, schmutzie wrote..How To Go From Self-Loathing To A Belief In Limitless Personal Possibility In One Short Essay, Almost

tiff

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 15:08

I am so using that the next time I go shopping in the boonies.

sam {temptingmama}

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 15:34

Isn’t that site fantastic!? LOL

I was that asshat for someone once. The parking spaces in our underground where impossibly awkward and I used to park so that I would be able to get out of my car and not smash into the concrete wall, which meant that I was rather close to the line.

Well, I hadn’t realized how close until the dude left me a note to the effect of “park straight in your lane”

I wrote back: “I’m between the lines, therefore, in my space.” then parked right on the very edge of the line so that he couldn’t get into his car.

(I was young and stupid. OK)

Then we met face to face one day and he never said a word to me after he looked me up and down, stopping glaringly at my chest. Creepy perv was probably getting off on the fact that my car was so close to his. LOL It was the most eerie feeling. EVER.

Then I moved spaces clear across the garage.

tracey

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 15:36

THAT was awesome. I love the one with Pam being all sweet and then writing every disgusting phrase imaginable on the next note…

Once upon a time, tracey wrote..Stupid, stinkin, spinning planet…

Momo Fali

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 16:43

So, did your best friend ever tell you whether your note would’ve been accurate?

Once upon a time, Momo Fali wrote..Why You Should Marry a Good Speller

Jaina

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 16:53

LMAO.

BusyDad

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 19:20

That happened to me in college. I drove up to the car. Made contact softly, and floored it. I shoved that civic all the way to the wall. Probably missed my chance at hooking up with a hot chick. Damn this impulsiveness.

Once upon a time, BusyDad wrote..“I Went to School in Boston”

zandor

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 19:35

That was funny. Also, I love that site.

Once upon a time, zandor wrote..The Magic Numbers 9 & 120

Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 20:57

I just read about this site in a magazine. Must check it out…

Once upon a time, Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy wrote..Any Interest in A Christmas Wishlist Carnival?

Momisodes

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 21:08

I MUST remember that next time I park next to a moron.

Oh, this reminds me of last week when a minivan nearly careened into my car (I had the right of way). I had my arm raised with middle finger ready, but as I looked closer at the driver, I noticed it was my next door neighbor. The one who lends us their lawn mower :(

Once upon a time, Momisodes wrote..A Bit Mushier Than Usual

Cinthia

Friday, 24 October, 2008 at 22:37

My friends and I actually parked next to a crookedly-parked car with a note (left by someone else) that essentially said “I hope you don’t fuck like you park, you asshole!”. We laughed and laughed and then parked elsewhere (so as to avoid retaliation).

This was the same parking lot where we saw someone giving someone else a b.j., parked right in front of the building, in the front seat of their car. Obviously, we were in a parking lot filled with morons.