Dec 15 2008
You Will Bring NO SUCH THING Back, Young Man
My oldest son is a carbon copy of his father. They both overdress for every and any occasion, they both obsess over gadgets, they both listen to punk and rock, and they are both fairly proper in their demeanor.
I’ve been trying to get that kid in a tshirt and a pair of Adidas with some hiphop on the stereo for 10 years now, and I am falling him. Every time I get him a new CD, he scoffs at me, “Mom, I don’t like that kind of music.” Is he 80? What is wrong with him? What 10 year old burns through Devotchka cd’s? MIne, apparently.
You can only imagine my surprise when I went downstairs to do some laundry last night and his little boom box was singing this:
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
I just kept on doing my laundry and casually asked him what he was listening to. He said that 2of3’s friends dad had made him a CD of kid’s hiphop songs. I asked what he thought of it and he said he really liked it. I snickered and then said, “You DO know this is Justin Timberlake, right?” “NO WAY, mom!” “Yup, sure is. And you said you didn’t like him.” “Every other song I’ve heard of his, I haven’t liked, but Bringing Sexy Back is really good!”
There comes a time in the life of every parent when something happens, some small little something, and it scares the crap out of you. Maybe you think it’ll be when they stick their first pair of tweezers into a socket, maybe it’ll when they ride their first bike, maybe you imagine it will be when they walk to school alone for the first time. It’s not; it’s when they hit puberty and you hear SEXY come out of their mouths for the first time.
It was so effortless, so fluid, like it was some word he was born to say. LIKE HE KNEW WHAT IT MEANT. I can still hear it ringing through my head, right this very second; the hiss of the S, the choked sound of the EX, the Y that I think had just a little too much gotcha! in it.
I was stunned. Shocked. The wind kind of knocked out of me. I don’t know why, I don’t know what I was expecting. The song is called Sexy Back, and the version he has is the PG Justin remix so I have no problem with him listening to it, but still. My kid said Sexy. Like it was spaghetti or raincoat. Like it was any old normal word.
I’m not ready. I’m Just. Not. Ready.
Comments close after 14 days. And there's Captcha if you're nasty. 66 Comments to “You Will Bring NO SUCH THING Back, Young Man”
FIRST!
Yeah baby…
Oh sweetie, you have got a LOT more coming.
The videos on my blog. Brought to my attention by my children. And I have more.
I just go lalalalalalalalala…
Kelley wrote..Santa can bite my smooth white arse.
Oh. I feel for you. Like Kelley I’m kind of going into “lalalalala” mode (my eldest is about to turn 13). I’m not ready to deal with it either.
Ali wrote..The end is nigh (or super-happy blog fodder Monday)
I so can’t let my boy grow up that much. How’re you gonna cope?
Vic wrote..Friday night is the time for…
And just like that, your son is no longer welcome around my daughter.
SciFi Dad wrote..Probed By Avitable
Oh. My. Word. So much more coming your way.
My oldest will be 18 in a month. I cringe every time I think about it. I cringe when I think of the fact that he will be a legal adult. We’ve talked about things that I would never image that I we would talk about only to walk away and go “WTF was that conversation about?”
I feel your pain. Just breathe and get a drink.
Lisa wrote..Weekly Winners
Oh.
Do I ever hear this.
{sigh}
Yeah. Im not letting my kids grow up.
OHmommy wrote..Never in a million years…
So I guess it says something about my parenting that my kids have both put on my bras and pranced around the house saying ‘I sessy! I sessy!’ at a remarkably young age?
Hmmm….
Maria wrote..For Your Information:
my four year old called my nine year “hawt.” i barfed and then went back to making dinner. good times.
ms picket to you wrote..Santa is a Woman on Fire
Yere ya go baby. Yeah, a little man after my own heart. Shock theater mama, that’ll learn her for jambing hiphop down the ole Izod golf shirt.
If you’re just nice enough mama, later on he might just drag you along to some really cool bars with his friends like I did with my mom. She loved it. Oh, BTW, my mom gave me lessons early on how to treat a lady on a date by making me take her to lunch. She also taught me how to dance. I balked at first but it really came in handy later.
I cringe each and every time I think of my 2 year old daughter hitting that stage in life.
More power to ya. This is only the beginning for a boy.
I don’t know what to tell you except… Welcome to my world. Can you ever REALLY be ready?
Lynette wrote..The Girl Who Cried…Divorce.
For me, it was a few years ago when they started watching Family Guy. And the only jokes they don’t get are the ones about ’70s sit-com television. That’s when you realize just how much your kids know that you never told them.
Candy wrote..In Which I Am Thwarted By The Medical System
LOL…I hear ya. The first time my daughter told me she liked a character on a TV show “because he is a hottie”….well….I was fine by the time the paramedics left. But it was a close call up to that point.
Em wrote..My network has networks
My FIVE year old is quite adept at repeating “Lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, let me see you pop that body”, and many other fine phrases of the hip-hop genre.
I certainly have done things to corrupt my kid, but that little gem is his father’s doing.
Natalie wrote..Caught in a Moment
So what did you do? I need to know these things for when my boys get there. What does the cool mom do?
Binkytown wrote..Out takes
mr lady Reply:
December 15th, 2008 at
Binkytown, your email will NOT let me reply to you, so you’re getting it here:
I died a little inside and then totally ignored it. I fully subscribe to the Denial Parenting Philosophy.
I brought Sexy Back when I was that age.
VegasDad wrote..chronicles of regression and a milestone
I think I might have thrown up a little in my mouth if I had heard my kids say it…I feel your pain…
Oh gaawwwdddd… that sounds tough. And your description of him saying it is friggin’ priceless. I may even remember that the first time one of my kids says anything close to that - which of course will be never.
Because they will be locked in their rooms forever with no contact with the outside world when they get to that age.
Which, by the way, how old is he?
Lee the MWOB Queen wrote..MWOB is kicking off the week on a MISSION!
The “funny” thing is?
Out of all the songs that have been at the top of the charts in the last year, that has some of the tamer lyrics.
Melisa wrote..Hold Onto Your Tiara: It’s Time For "Adventures With Weaselmomma"!
Aw Crap… I hap stuck my head in the sand about the whole puberty thing… Thank you very much for forcing me to open my eyes! Yeah she’s 9 and soooo close already.
Daisy wrote..This says it all
I’m pretty sure we’re never ready.
Betsey Booms wrote..And I Call Myself A Good Mother
That’s okay. Rob and I learned a lesson in What Not To Watch In Front Of Your Preschooler last night. We were bored, so we were watching music videos On Demand. We love metal, and we saw Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” on the list. Yay! About 3/4 of the way through the song, Beth hops off the couch, puts her left hand on the floor, puts her feet about two feet apart, and sticks her butt up in the air and says, “Look mommy! I sing like this!”
And you think 1of3 is in trouble?! Haha.
Darcie wrote..The Friday Chronicles
That’s it. I’m becoming Amish.
Kate wrote..My Day
Welcome to my world. My first born is closing in on 20yo really fast. That is what I’m not ready for.
Tara R. wrote..It has to be said…
Dooooooomed.
Xbox4NappyRash wrote..Two little ducks
My boy is so desensitized at 7, it scares me sometimes.
Miss wrote..To Love
Just keep him away from my daughter, OK? :)
Matt wrote..Why I Shouldn’t Handle Sharp Instruments
GREAT!
hillarious.
good luck.
justsomethoughts wrote..and for good measure…
Just be thankful for the Devotchka years and prepare yourself, and perhaps get earplugs for when he discovers hard hard rock. OK who am I kidding? I raised my kid on Metallica, GNR and AC/DC and it worked out well for me, I was never one of those “turn that shit down” parents. I might of even said “turn it up” a few times! Well except for that crap in the early 00’s. What WAS that?
Special K wrote..Be back soon
Not that i didn’t enjoy your storytelling to the fullest, but i just can’t keep repeating (in my head of course-i don’t talk out loud to myself…much) what sci fi dad said.
“And just like that, your son is no longer welcome around my daughter.”
lol, that is hilarious and i think typical of most fathers regarding their daughters (at least the first go round)
nonna wrote..sad sack sunday
uggh! why can’t we edit our comments after we write them?!? i too hate typos that you can’t fix
see above - i just can keep = i just CAN’T keep
uggh
nonna wrote..sad sack sunday
Once I win mega millions I am buying an island and making him learn how to play sea shells all day long.. there will be no sexy back talk..bahahaha.. Now excuse me while I go let him listen to a little Rhianna.. :)
Kim wrote..Weekly Winners
(you poor dear) and so what you are telling me is that I have 3 more years to prepare myself??
Tiaras & Tantrums wrote..WeekLY Winners
Every day Bart is more like Grover. Mostly in just the good ways. They have extremely similar music tastes. alternative stuff like blink 182, nine days, green day (before they went mainstream). I’m just really glad he’s past his celine dion stage (when he was 5 he liked the disney movie songs). I ask him occasionally how things are going in the girl dept and he tells me if there’s a crush. No signs of puberty yet but it’s lurking about, ready to strike at any time.
Marge wrote..Eureka!
And so begins your personal, private journey into hell. Welcome to the train, my friend.
Kori wrote..Monday
Right now, I’m in the stage where I’m grateful that Sylvia no longer runs away screaming when I utter the word “period.”
April wrote..Farewell, Boston Legal
i’m thinking you shouldn’t introduce him to roo-girl.
the shit that comes out of her sweet-angel mouth makes me cringe.
the planet of janet wrote..Haiku Friday: the love me always edition
Kids are great. The other day my daughter heard her mother swear. So I casually said, “why is she talking about trucks?” And the 4 dark haired beauty said, “Daddy, she said FUCK!”
It was almost a perfect impression of her mom. I see trouble coming way too soon.
Jack wrote..Monday Midafternoon Music
My ten year old daughter asked me to show her how to shave her legs last night. She’s ten! It’s all happening way too quickly for my liking
*sigh* I don’t think you are ever ready. This growing up thing sucks bananas somedays.
tiff wrote..For Sale.
My mother cursed me! I already see me in peanut at 2yrs old. Good Luck!
super mama wrote..Semi-as requested…..
Ack. To think I only have about 7 years till my first hits that stage (with #2 hot on his heels) . . . makes me feel faint.
Expat Mom wrote..Christmas Art: Toddler Style
LOL! I’m sorry.
I also have a good feeling that my LOL will come bite me in the ass sooner than I think.
Maggie wrote..She’s only 3…How can this be???
uh huh. I bet yours never compares the “virtues” of this dancer/singer/cheerleader to THAT dancer/singer/cheerleader with his dad.
While you’re sitting right the fuck between them.
Ree wrote..Mute Monday - S
I’m trying to build a solid relationship with my son. I know fate can have anything in store. I’ll never be ready for his growing up and i’ll probably not like his choice for a wife but i’ll live, ha. i just want to be close enough to him that he will always know to trust me. i hope i can achieve it.
You should be happy your son likes to dress up. people will notice him when he’s older. they’ll say, yea man, he’s sharp, but did you hear his mom wanted to put him in a T-shirt…hee hee. i’m a sucker for well dressed men who happen to be gentlemen. Esp. if a guy has a watch on, that’s even more of a turn on….ok, goodnight :)
I imagine if I were ever to procreate that my child would be a mixture of your boy and Stewie from the family guy.
Bwahahaha. Oh boy. He’s going to be a ladykiller.
flickrlovr wrote..Something for Nothing
Haha, dude, I can’t even say the word sexy without feeling like a dweeb. I can’t even imagine what it will be like to hear my daughter say it! Yikes!
Courtney wrote..Someone Discovered Their Toes Today
Oh, it’s all down hill now. Once they grasp sexy. See? If you had kept him on punk and rock and roll, none of this would have happened.
Jim wrote..The Corner Psychos - The Revenge
I feel your pain, but look on the bright side–he could have said something worse. Our boy is older, but not as with it. I’m guessing that I have another year before I’m dealing with this personally.
One Mom’s Opinion wrote..Take the test…Civics Quiz
Oi hectic, i’m so not ready for that either!
I remember singing “Like a Virgin” in front of my mom. She was speechless.
Oh, and Justin? He wants me.
My dad had a similar moment when I belted out, “I’m gonna keep my baby, ooo ooohhh, yeahhh.”
Natalie wrote.."I love Jesus, but I drink a little"
I’ve got a worse parenting horror story that will make you wilt and wither and die a little on the inside.
I’ll dedicate it to you when I finally get back to regular blogging after this stupid series I’m writing is done. Gah.
Redneck Mommy wrote..The Journey…Part Five
O lord lord neither am I. And I have like a
decadebuncha years before I think either of them will know what the word is, much less what it means.Amish! We can throw the lesbian thing over and become Amish! Or even Amish lesbians! Wood toys, high-necked dresses for EVERYONE.
Polly wrote..Monkey business at The Palace Hotel
My 13 year old will sing it, but she will still spell it out S-E-X-Y, like, her little brother (who is 11) won’t know what she is saying. He, on the other hand, will just sing it out extra loudly.
Hmmmm, I think I was singing the new Beatie Boys Album “Licensed to Ill” about his age… So your doing alright.
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LIAR. You were singing Fresh Prince songs, poser.
LOL That was 16! Man I hope Dad lost that video…
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Ha…guess I haven’t even thought of hitting THAT stage yet. Though the 4yo was singing some song he heard in his aunt’s car about “girl work that body” and I just about flipped a lid!
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins wrote..We wish you a Merry Christmas…
Haha, oh goodness. At least he’s listening to it now?
Jaina wrote..Signature Strengths: Developer & Adaptability
The pre-cursor to that was just as scary/funny. My kid said to me last year “yeah, she’s kind of a hottie.” He was 5. I’m so dead. Yes, it was my fault I’m sure.
BusyDad wrote..Some Duncehat Stole My Credit Card and All I Got Was This Stupid Blog Post