All of my shipping for the holidays is done, save one package, simply because I can’t find a box big enough.  As for my family, well, let’s say this: I have this weird closet in my bedroom that I use solely for hiding shit from my kids.  Usually, it’s full to overflowing a week before Christmas.  Right now, there’s one bag and a box in there.  I’m totally behind.  And I couldn’t care less.

We’re going to have an awesome Christmas.  The food will rock, the company will be fine, and the kids will get their hearts’ desire.  This year, they’re getting fewer and more meaningful gifts.  I cannot wait.  As for The Donor and me, we’re spicing it up.  Experimenting.  As anyone married this long has to do.  We’re shopping for ourselves.

We came to this agreement because I buy him crap he hates and he buys me the left side of the mall in hopes that one thing will be right.  He doesn’t want crap, and I would like to pay the heating bill this month, so we’re going to try this.  We both hate the idea of it, though, so we’ve made some compromises.

He and I will buy the Santa gift for each other.  We will keep that gift a secret.  Then, on Sunday night, we will dress up in our fancy clothes, go have a ridiculously over-thought meal at the most pompous restaurant you could ever imagine (we have a gift certificate, shut up) and then we’re going shopping.  Together.  Downtown.  At night, with hot chocolates and hand holding and Christmas lights on trees.  He’s going to help me pick out some shirts and I’ll show him which watches I think bring out his grey eyes.

We’ll each get what we want, no one will overspend, and we’ll get a very very hot date out of the whole thing.  That’s the best Christmas gift ever if you ask me.

Of course, we’re doing that four days before Christmas, and I’ll have to start finish the kids up on Sunday morning before we go out.  We’re totally screwed.  And I couldn’t care less, because it will be awesome no matter what.  If I have to shop for them at Safeway, so be it.  The kids like Fruit Roll Ups, and they’re easy to wrap.

Who am I kidding?  I totally shop for them at Safeway.  I’m there every damn day anyway.  That one bag in my closet?  Safeway bag.  You can fill a stocking without so much as thinking while you wait for them to ring up your milk.  Provided, of course, your kids are into batteries, pens, chapstick, bubble gum and iTunes.  Which mine are.  Speaking of which, anyone need one of those iTunes gift cards they sell at the checkout at Safeway?  (Or Save-on Foods, Sobeys, Mac’s and A&P, to be perfectly fair.) Because I have an extra $25 one.  You can totally have it, but you have to live in Canada.  Because screw you guys with your US only giveaways.  CANADIANS ARE PEOPLE, TOO.  There’s no way I can get it to you in time for Christmas, but maybe by New Years?  Leave your name in the comments and I’ll pick one on Saturday, right before I go offline for the rest of the year.