Jan 01 2009
Of Mice and Men
So yeah, I suppose I’m back and stuff, but here I sit thinking “Oh crap, who can I get to keep writing this thing for me?” I’m just not feeling it yet. Alas, I am determined to get all the boob shots of my main page (thank you for that, Mr Lin; you’ll get yours, mister) and so there has to be something going up.
I got to thinking about all the things I was determined to do on my time off, all the ways I was dedicated to being the new, improved Mr Lady this coming year, and how already, 12 hours into it, I’ve managed to fuck it all up.
I’d decided to get back on my little diet that I so thoroughly trampled upon over the past two weeks, and so naturally I started the morning of January 1st bent over the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bowl of Cheese Whiz in front of me and a fistful of Saltines in the other hand. Apparently, it only takes me .056 seconds to catch sympathy pregnancy.
I thought it would be a good idea to get my kids eating more diverse, nutritionally balanced foods including more than Frosted Flakes and apples with peanut butter, and after two weeks of cooking seriously divine food 24/7, they started their New Year by requesting Ramen noodles and english muffins with jam for breakfast. And I obliged. Because I suck.
I was determined to not be 80 years old, and to stay up in New Years Eve until my husband got home from his 14 hour day at work to bring in the New Year with a bang in the interest of being a better, more trampy aggressive wife this year. And I actually made it until the 1:45 in the morning he came rolling in, and I indeed got my New Years bang. Of my head. On my pillow. What? Snoring, drooling chicks are dead sexy.
I wanted to take my time off honing some of my other skills, to rediscover Shannon’s interest and not just Mr Lady’s, and after two long, glorious, deadline free weeks of doing whatever the hell I wanted to, I still can’t figure out how to get the stupid ball to turn around in BiiBallLite. And it’s making me fucking insane.
I bought a book to read, because when I’m not staring at a laptop all day, I suddenly have the urge to read literature. I bought the new book by one of my favorite authors, sat down on the couch, curled up with a blanket, and dreamed of days squandered on the couch basking in words on pages. And then I devoured that sucker in less than 24 hours. I hear they make a cream for that.
And, of course, I totally cleaned my house while I was gone. That was kind of the whole point of the hiatus. By yesterday morning, you could eat off of all the floors. You could see your reflection in the walls. And of nothing else, I was determined to keep this up. There was never laundry in the baskets in the morning, the dishes were clean and the sink was empty every morning, and I can’t tell you how happy I’ve been about the whole thing. And then one day, ONE DAY we have plans to go somewhere, and of course I run 30 mintues late, and right now there are grapes smashed into the kitchen floor, I’m a day behind on laundry (which, shut up, there’s 5 of us and one of us is at the tail end of ‘wiping her own ass’ training’ and there are 13 things on top of my coffee table that have no business not being in the trash, on someone’s foot, in a coat pocket, tool box, or kitchen sink. Which is full. And starting to smell funny.
And here I sit, writing on my blog.
Thank god I didn’t bother trying to quit smoking.
Comments close after 14 days. And there's Captcha if you're nasty. 60 Comments to “Of Mice and Men”
You know, it might have been easier to just ask me to photoshop my smiling mug over them or something. Sorry to make you write on New Year’s Day, but I’m glad to know that the fundamentals of this blog are still strong.
BusyDad wrote..Urrrgh…
Welcome back! So while you were gone I was forced to read something other than blogs. Things like books and newspapers. Thank God you’re back. These books are heavy.
elissa wrote..She made it to 11:40…..
Well I guess we all owe BD a debt of gratitude for getting you back to your laptop so soon. Great to have you back! Just think, now you don’t have to clean your house again for a whole year!
I’m glad you’re back. Although I enjoyed your guest bloggers, I missed your humor. I actually spent one night reading through a couple years worth of your oldest posts. I learned that a couple of years ago you spent some time in Phoenix. Too bad I didn’t know what a blog was back then or I could have bought you a drink when you were in my town. So welcome back, happy new year, and here’s to hoping that 2009 doesn’t suck.
Lorna wrote..Goodbye 2008
I’m glad you’re back. This place wasn’t quite the same without you!
April wrote..(Early) Weekend Wrap-Up & (Early) Happy New Year
Damn. I dont wanna see words. I was enjoying the boobs.
Miss wrote..Wordless Wednesday - 2008 in Pictures
You can see your reflection in your walls?
I knew you lived in a brothel.
Awesome.
Welcome back gorgeous. The internetz were are very lonely and scary place without you.
(so does that make up for calling you a whore in the second sentencey thingy? No?)
Kelley wrote..New Years Resolutions. Where I make an unbreakable promise.
Hey Lady! Happy Freaking New Year! There was a party somewhere in my neighborhood that was still going strong at 4 this morning……..I could hear the music and the yelling still…………..of course at one time I would have been there myself…..but I digress…..hehe. Frosted Flakes rock! And so do “YOU”. Keepin’ it fine in ‘09…………Peace, Mike.
P.S. Time to go eat some gringo tacos.
welcome back year. we enjoyed the guest posts. they were good. happy new year!
i’ll be turning older in a few days, so i hate new years. parties are lame too.
hope this is a great beginning and your family is well.
welcome back. me, i like the boob shot.
patty wrote..2009
man! i haven’t seen you all year! hehe i know it’s lame, but my hubby said that to me this morning and i just couldn’t resist :)
glad to have you back, although i too enjoyed your guests. especially since i got to learn all kinds of juicy stuff about you and even got to see your boobs. Woohooo!
now, get off the puter and go clean something. on second thought, don’t and then i won’t have to feel like the only lazy POS around here :)
nonna wrote..wake up!! wednesday
Welcome back you productive thing you. Want to come clean my house next?
Jill wrote..2009: The Year of the Mom
I missed you.
Kim wrote..Happy New Year
All is right in this world now that you’re back. I totally fell apart day after day checking to see if you MAY have posted or if you MAY have checked email. But no - you left me high and dry.
Do you believe me yet?
No?
Does it make you feel better knowing that I nominated you for a Canadian Bloggie? Yes? Good.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] wrote..Wordless 12.31.8
THERE you are!
Happiest of New Years, lovey.
daysgoby wrote..place-holder
I’ve totally been jonesin’ for you, babe. I don’t care if you are drooly or snory or messy or what-ever-the-fuck.. Because I’m the same.
Welcome back. And Happy New Year!
Chris wrote..
You’re back! Yay! And, look at that, so am I. You’d think we could have spent some of that downtime together now, wouldn’t you? We suck. Actually, no. Snow sucks.
Thanks for the linky love, babe! Nice way to start the New Year! Got your message on my cell, but was being tortured at a 4-year-old’s birthday party. At Chuck E Cheese. I’m never going to feel clean again. *sigh*
Latte Mommy wrote..Here We Go, Again
Oh, I’m so glad to have you back! (not that the guesties weren’t fun) Also, I will say that if your house is really that clean, it will be quick(ish) to get it back in shape if it’s only been one day. My problem is that after the stress of cleaning for my parents and keeping it as tidy as possible while they’re here, all I want to do for a week after they leave is eat brownies and sit on my (expanding) ass. Which doesn’t help matters much. *sigh*
Also, I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a post on my blog tomorrow that you could have written much better than I can. It’s about ladies’ undergarments. If you ever want a job as a ghost writer, let me know.
MommyTime wrote..Happy New Year! (Now, Let’s Get to Work…)
I completely admire your ability to stay away the whole two weeks - impressive!! Your guests were awesome, but you were missed. Please, be weak like the rest of us next time and come back sooner, rather than later.
Happy 2009!
Em wrote..W.W. - Comments for Cans
What is the resolution stuff I keep hearing about? I know nothing of the sort.
Happy New Year, anyway.
Ed (zoesdad) wrote..Willow
Welcome back! Yay!
anne nahm wrote..Throwing the Rest of 2008 Under the Bus
LOL Welcome back! And I totally thought of you the other day when I stepped in spit on my fucking floor. Yea now my kid is a spitter. And I swear I didn’t teach him that.
Tiffany wrote..Sparklers Suck Ass
Glad your back. It’s amazing the difference a clean home makes. Mine is quite clean too. My MIL was just here, whom I adore.
Happy New Year.
One Mom’s Opinion wrote..Christmas cheer, but not so much today
Don’t you HATE that it takes exactly TWO seconds for all the work you’ve done around the house to be ERASED!? My favorite is when Mr. B comes in the door after work saying, “We” really need to clean up. What he DOESN’T know is that before the kids had 15 minutes to themselves while I whipped up dinner, we’d spent MOST of the afternoon CLEANING the FRIGGIN’ HOUSE!
Oh yeah…that’s my favorite part of giving up my career to stay at home. ;)
Happy New Year!
Jen wrote..Being Neighborly
Quality book reading, I haven’t done that for an age. Used to love reading books at a pace my pre-child day holidays would be all about the literature.
SingleParentDad wrote..Sensitive Sole
Welcome back!
Kel wrote..Happy New Year
As lame as your first day was, you were still more productive than I was. Of course, being lazy is my plan so I’m right on track for success.
Em wrote..Happy New Year!
LOL…I’m glad your back. I think I have the same trouble…which is why I try NOT to take cleaning the house too seriously…cause with just two kids, and two dogs, and a husband that only cleans when company is coming…It’s not going to stay “clean” for long…
Just keep writing… the laundry can go fuck itself, m’kay.
katie ~ motherbumper wrote..warped flashbacks with soundtrack
welcome back mr lady! who needs a stinkin’ clean house anyhow?
Sheesh, you’ve been busy. I’m ready for a nap just reading about it all. And, what do you use on your walls? Lube? Because no matter how much I clean, you can’t see my reflection in them. Ever. Unless I accidentally run into the mirror or something.
Ashley wrote..Just Focus.
Wait a minute. Blogs aren’t considered literature? I’m screwed. Here I thought boob shots and internet prose raised my level of intelligence. Alas, no.
Welcome back. Now, get to work. Bring the funny. ;)
NukeDad wrote..Dear: Geoffrey The Giraffe
Oh, you meant to DO STUFF? Well, you know there’s a standing order of mopping services from this end of the street. Now, can we please resolve to go on a date?
Zoeyjane wrote..Daily Notes - January 1
Glad you are back.
I totally empathize with not being able to keep the house clean. 5 people in my house, and we have a cleaning lady. (Severe chemical sensitivity, or laziness on my part, you decide) An hour after she leaves, there are shoes everywhere, mail strewn about, and weird things in my sink. And I don’t even have a blog to worry about-yet…
I have missed your wickedly beautiful sense of humor.
Happy New Year, my beautiful friend.
I’m so glad you’re back! Although I thoroughly enjoyed the guest posts.
PS…New Years resolutions are highly over-rated.
Tammy wrote..It was a good year.
Mr. Lady,
It is so good to know I am not the only parent glued to a laptop as I feared before reading your post here. We live in parallel universes, it was like wow, that’s my life other than the late night slobber poke that is!
I’m about to kill for any kind of poke, even a sloppy 2AM poke in the ribs :-) Plus, I do floors!
At least your getting some attention… :-(
Me, myself and I are into anything Clive Cussler, I read his books nonstop, or it seems like I do anyway between my 6 YO’s rebel yelling and thinking he has to be playing at friends houses’ every minute of every day. A new book very 3 or 4 months keeps me happy when I’m not punching keys, err, not completely happy (re: poke) but you get the picture!
Happy new year and cheers!
Party on…
MileHighDad
http://www.milehighdad.com
http://www.incoloradonow.com
Try no. 2 without links’
Comment Moderation sucks, I know. Did you put links in your comment? Go try again without them, okay? Merry Christmas.
Mr. Lady,
It is so good to know I am not the only parent glued to a laptop as I feared before reading your post here. We live in parallel universes, it was like wow, that’s my life other than the late night slobber poke that is!
I’m about to kill for any kind of poke, even a sloppy 2AM poke in the ribs :-) Plus, I do floors!
At least your getting some attention… :-(
Me, myself and I are into anything Clive Cussler, I read his books nonstop, or it seems like I do anyway between my 6 YO’s rebel yelling and thinking he has to be playing at friends houses’ every minute of every day. A new book very 3 or 4 months keeps me happy when I’m not punching keys, err, not completely happy (re: poke) but you get the picture!
Happy new year and cheers!
Party on…
MileHighDad
Glad to have you back, squashed grapes or otherwise.
Miss Grace wrote..2009
Glad you are back. I think you would have needed large amounts of slightly illegal drugs has you stayed away any longer.
Kori wrote..An Interview with ME
Yeah! I was going through withdrawal. I meant to clean my house but I totally suck. Can you come over?
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy wrote..To All My Bitches- Happy Holidays!
Happy New Year, and welcome back! As for the house cleaning, I have a feeling you are not the one who slacked. There are plenty of us out there that did the exact thing. (or at least me anyway, lol) :)
super mama wrote.."Winter and the Pigeon River"
Either way, happy new year you nutter.
Xbox4NappyRash wrote..Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Hey, you got laid right? Already I’m jealous and you found a book so good you read it in a day? I’m not sure I can take much more of this.
Jessica Bern wrote..Dumb and Dumber and DUMBEST.
What can I say other than I love you! Anyone that feeds their kids the same shit I do and admits it is alright with me!
amy wrote..2008- In the Books
Mr Lady Reply:
January 3rd, 2009 at
You haven’t heard the half of it, dude. :)
ha,ha,ha! Not a thing wrong with Ramen. I just wish I could learn how to cook it….
SabrinaT wrote..You know just in case!
It was a good start. Why on earth would you want your topless pic off of the front page? I bet your hits went through the roof, lol. Happy New Year!
WeaselMomma wrote..In Fond Rememberance………..
Happy 2009. Once a year having a clean house isn’t bad.
phhhst wrote..Friday Foto: New Year’s Day 2009
Push the boobs down. I can still find them. Just don’t lose the sidebar “Boot” shot, because that’s how I am trained to click out of my feed reader and over here to the real deal.
There is still many days left in the year…you’ve no more fucked anything up than I have.
I think the new year always starts off in an awkward fashion. We’ll just have to make the best of it….
Happy New Year!
Dana wrote..Saturday Morning
Happy New Year… and welcome back to the dark side…
I wanna be you when I grow up :)
Becky Sue wrote..The New Me Challenge
Happy New Year Hotness!
Rachel wrote..Starting 2009 Off With Attitude and Tampons
I’m glad to have you back. My unspoken resolution was to cut 80% of my carbs and uh, I’m totally eating perogies and breaded chicken this very minute, Oh yeah. I know how it goes.
Courtney wrote..A Book Review Of Sorts: Blood Noir
you’re back. yay.
the planet of janet wrote..Weekly Winners: December 28 (2008) to January 3 (2009)
Of course you have to do laundry every day. How would you avoid running out of bath towels otherwise? I only have four people in my house, and I’m starting to wonder if the reason my husband’s bathroom always has toilet paper is because he’s wiping his ass with bath towels.
Welcome back, babe. Nice rack.
Missives From Suburbia wrote..The Past Three Weeks
I’m STILL working on getting my apartment clean. It’s getting there though…I need a new bookcase.
Jaina wrote..I’m A Katharine
You know, I had all a list of all the things I wanted to do and learn . . . a huge list. I no longer worry about fixing stuff. That crappy ship has sailed. Bon Voyage, I say . . .
But the stuff I want to do . . . cook (and I mean REALLY cook), learn to play something other than Mary Had a Little Lamb on the piano, crochet something other than a pot holder, dig into my art portfolio and actually CREATE something, learn more than a dozen words in Spanish, learn Armenian (again) to give my dad hope that his heritage won’t fade away . . .
So many things.
And what have I done?
I made noodles yesterday. I had to boil water. Add spices.
Yeah. Number one on my list . . . CHECK.
As for sympathy pregnancy . . . you are a good friend. Geesh . . .
LaskiGal wrote..Being Able to Jump