Jan 09 2009
Watercolors Of The Past
I was determined to not write this post. I’m tired of writing this post. And here I sit, writing this post.
22 years ago, I read some book called The Root Cellar. I remember the story, how sucked into it I was, how I pined for the boy character, how I sympathized with the girl character. I remember feeling sadness and excitement but it’s been so long, I can’t conjure up those feelings about it anymore, no matter how hard I try.
30 years ago, I played out front of my house with my brother and my dad. We nailed each other with the hose, we got ice cream cones from the truck, we made mud pies. I know the air was hot, the water was freezing and the ice cream was sweet. I can recall those facts, but I can’t feel the heat anymore, or the cold, or taste the sweet when I close my eyes.
25 years ago I sat in a sink with a razor that had been used, oh, 50 times already, and I tried to open a vein. I didn’t know it wouldn’t work if the razor was dull, and I don’t think I cared. I just wanted to know how it felt. I know that bathroom had a florescent light and a cold tile floor, but I can’t actually bring back that memory of how blue the light was or how cold the floor was or how the blade pushed and pulled, but refused to dig in.
19 years ago, I kissed a boy for the first time in the hallway of his house while my mother banged on the front door for us to let her in. It was exciting, it was scary as shit, it was wrong and right and perfect and a disaster. What lasted 5 seconds in reality lasted for hours in my mind. He wore too much Drakkar Noir, and had the softest lips in the whole world. I can’t remember the smell or the feel of any of it, just the words that describe what it was. I did, however, take up using his brand of chapstick that day and have used it every day since then, so for once in my life I got to carry an actual sensory connection from one side to the other.
21 years ago, my 10th birthday came and went. That night, I sat on my bed, covered in the new Strawberry Shortcake sheets my father had bought me a week before so I could have something close to a 10th birthday present. I looked out the window at the black night, the trees starting to bloom, and I felt empty inside. I felt alone and small and enraged. Today, right now, I can’t muster that heart-pounding anger, that soul-crushing isolation. I know that it was there with me, I just don’t know how it felt anymore.
17 years ago today I stepped out of a front door, into a car, into an airport and onto a plane. It landed in Denver and I stepped onto a jetway and into my father’s waiting arms. We walked silently through the airport, down to baggage claim, and outside into my brand new life.
Today is my 17th birthday. All of those memories, all of those events that sit in the little black book of my soul, none of them happened to me. They’re all chapters of a book I read, photographs in a scrapbook I thumbed through once some time ago, some life ago.
We walked through the slidey-wooshy doors and into January in Denver, into dry cold and black sky, into more stars than I knew humans could see and thinner air than I knew we could breathe. We walked, silently, through a lot of cars piled under snow, and as we passed one car of no significance at all, I scooped a handful of snow off its hood. I stopped, looked at my hand, looked at my father and asked if they were filming a movie at the airport. He said they weren’t and wondered why I’d asked. I told him, “Because this isn’t snow. This is dry, like salt. It’s like plastic or something.” He put his arm around my shoulder, took my bag from my hand, and told me that snow was just like that in Denver. He told me that lots of things were different, and that I’d get used to it eventually.
That was the first moment I ever lived. That car is the first thing I can remember fully. I can feel the powder in my hand, I can feel his weight on my shoulder, I can close my eyes, breathe in, and feel the air in my nose and throat. I can make my head spin if I want to, reliving the wonder and confusion that stuff he was trying really hard to convince me was snow made me feel. That was real. That happened to me.
I’d sat in the airport earlier that day, crouched in the bottom of a phone booth, watching and waiting for my mother to come find me, hurt me, kill me, drag me back with her, I didn’t know. I just knew it was coming, and I knew I had to hide. I sat there for hours, and she never came. All that terror swirling in my head instantly headed south and thudded down in the top of my stomach. The pain of being let go, pushed out, given up, that pain that I can only describe as being dumped by God, it settled in my abdomen, under my ribs, into my lungs and it knotted and twisted and turned and sucked the life out of me.
I can only recall that with a semblance of clarity because six years later, a small person lodged himself into just about that exact same spot, and when he finally was strong enough to kick his mother he kicked the very spot my pain decided to reside. He twisted and turned and sucked that pain right out of me.
That day, this day, I didn’t just run away from home, I did the first truly courageous, selfish, and right thing I’d ever done in my life. I didn’t just switch parents, I survived something. I rose above something. I dared to dream, I took a leap. I didn’t just throw everything I owned in a dumpster and forever walk away from the only family and home I’d ever known, I wrote the end of Me, the book and started in on the sequel.
I don’t sleep curled in a ball anymore, with my arms around my head and my head tucked into my chest to try and spare myself visible bruises from silent, secret, middle of the night assaults. I haven’t dreamt of knives and blood and revenge and murder, I haven’t gone to the hospital wondering if I was having a panic attack or if my busted up, swiss cheese heart had finally given up since I don’t know when. I can’t imagine doing, thinking, or feeling any of that. I can hardly believe I ever did.
Everything that came before January 9th, 1992 is just faded pictures on a page, watercolors of my past. 16 years were wasted, and for 16 years I’ve lived to reclaim them, to balance the books. Today is year 17, the first year out of the red, and finally none of it is real, none of it exists, none of it matters anymore. I can’t forget what didn’t happen, I can’t forgive what doesn’t matter. It’s not about that anymore. It’s about me being thankful that I made a choice, me being proud that I survived, and didn’t I survive. It’s about shadows in corners that I don’t fear, about strings cut and ties severed. It’s about tomorrow, never yesterday. It’s about the scales being tipped in my favour now.
It’s the person I am, not the person I was. I have no clue who that person was, and I never, ever want to.
Comments close after 14 days. And there's Captcha if you're nasty. 109 Comments to “Watercolors Of The Past”
I love you.
And I don’t have to reiterate it, because you know I do.
This was beautiful, and horrible, all at the same time.
Maria wrote..In the eyes of a ranger…the unsuspecting stranger…
Well, I’m humbled. And I know we don’t really know each other, save for a few emails, but I feel like somehow we could be friends, someday. And posts like this, they really knock the wind out of me. You’ve survived so much, much more than I can fathom, and you’ve really come out the other side with your head held high. You remind me that no matter how fucked up life gets, I can and will come out of it stronger. *hugs*
Darcie wrote..The Friday Chronicles
Wow!
I don’t actually know what else to say. This is so so well written. I’m so glad that it’s just a bad memory now for you.
Jeanette wrote..Bradley in Black and White
I was on my own at 16 too. Blank.
rebecca wrote..But We’re Happy Now?
Ah, jesus Shannon. Thanks for giving this to me, to us. I don’t want to minimalize it by saying the wrong thing, something silly or inconsequential…so, just…thanks.
XO
B.
Amazing post!
Wow..
Candice wrote..T - Minus 12 hours and counting before the torture begins
i guess all i can say (and hope it’s not the wrong thing to say) is that, i am glad to have met you, but you wouldn’t be you without all that horrible past. i’m glad you have become the person you are. does that make sense?
i have had, what seems like minor abuse compared to what i am feeling from what you didn’t say, and i can barely comprehend/understand? the feeling of that part of me, that is shut off, cut off, feels like a story i read, or something that happened to somebody else.
i’m struggling and grasping for the right words, but in the wise words of weaselMomma, i should just shut up and say, “i’m sorry” so, i am sorry for the little girl who had to experience whatever nightmares you have endured.
nonna wrote..take that! you stupid bill collector, thursday
This is beautifully written. Makes me want to hug little you. a lot.
Maria wrote..you spin me right round baby right round
You? Are awesome. And amazing. And all that jazz.
No, I don’t have a real comment, I just wanted to let you know that I was here, reading.
Veronica wrote..Nothing
I forget sometimes, through the laughter I’m overcoming with while reading your words, how strong you are.
Seriously, you rawk the casbah.
Cori wrote..Bringing it back home
Happy 17th Birthday. I am so amazed at your strength at just sixteen to restart your life. I’m humbled you shared that amazingly written post with us.
tutugirl1345 wrote..My resolutions, a week late
I may have gotten off to a good start the other day… but this is transcendant.
Goldfish wrote..Wordless Wednesday, for real
Most people will never how how it feels to walk away from your life, as awful as it may be. Most people will never feel that uughh feeling as something takes you on a flashback to an earlier, desperate time. I am glad you shared your experience with us, it makes those of use who have been there, feel less alone.
I spent the first two years after I left my mom looking over my shoulder. I was only a town or two away and I just didn’t trust that the courts wouldn’t place me back with her. I haven’t seen her since I was 16 when I ran into her on the street. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life.
I never looked back after that moment, I just pushed ahead into the life I wanted to build and luckily I had and still have the MOST amazing friends that propped me up. To take a line from “Fried Green Tomatoes,” There are angels masquerading as people on this earth. Thank God for them. Thank you for sharing Mr. Lady.
Knocked my breath out of my lungs.
Again.
Damn you.
Love you.
Kelley wrote..The year of Awesome. Is pretty damn Awesome. With an exclamation mark to the power of 12.
At the risk of sounding like Keanu Reeves, woah.
You tried cutting at six? SIX?
Well, I for one am glad you made that courageous decision 17 years ago, because it means I got a chance to “meet” you (kinda sorta… one day I’ll make it to BlogHer). Thank you for sharing this.
These kinds of posts are why you fucking rock, woman.
SciFi Dad wrote..Pick The Lies - Volume Two
Hey Lady! Jesus…..Mary……….and Freaking Joseph! As always you make me think of a song. Not that this has anything to do with what you wrote………..whatever…….bygones. Peace, Mike.
She by KISS
She walks by moonlight
No one really knows
Enchanted starlight
Never goin home
I know shes goin down, goin
Everybody knows shes so good
Doin well for others
She doesnt really know
The powers are within her
As she takes off her clothes
I know shes goin down, goin
Everybody knows shes so good
Doin well for others
She doesnt really know
The powers are within her
As she takes off her clothes
I know shes goin down, goin
Everybody knows shes so good
You write it because it’s part of you and you must remember. No matter how much you hate to. It is part of you.
I love you and with you the best birthday ever. Love. Love.
Happy Birthday.
Such a sad and yet hopeful story. Happy Birthday.
My Name is Cat wrote..The Old Punks Are Dying
Oh, Lady, you should never resist writing this post. No one can.
It’s a good and wonderful thing to acknowledge being in the red. Or rather, in the black. To recognize that it’s finally actually past.
You’re amazing.
Miss Britt wrote..I need a girlfriend.
It’s just poignant to me to realize that each day could be the start of someone’s new life, the first step in an incredible journey. A day that is not especially significant in my life is the most important to someone else. Thanks for sharing that. I was touched.
Shannon wrote..Snow Soup
You give me the courage to keep going no matter the pain. Because to know that you came out the other side as awesome as you are means that it is possible. Woman you are my hero. Happy Birthday to the strongest woman I have never met.
daisy wrote..On the verge of pulling out ALL of my hair (not just some)
I read this twice. Each time my heartached, but screamed with joy with the beauty that is you.
I wanted to say pretty much what Mish(SAM) said.. you write because it helps heal..
Happy Birthday my friend.
I love you.
each part of you.
and I am lucky to know someone so strong.
Kim wrote..Scroll, Scroll, Scroll, Tap, Tap, Tap
Wow, you write beautifully!
….it’s comforting in a strange way that those feelings disappear to the point we don’t even remember who we were or how we felt. A healing of sorts - that in life brings with it an ability to see more clearly than most.
breathin’ wrote..Day 4
That.
Was.
Incredible.
happy 17th.
Will wrote..Testing that theory that hell hath no fury
I am not a fan of celebrating January 1 as the new year. It, to me, is an arbitrary date in time someone decided we would celebrate new beginnings. There is no real basis for us beginning the year on that date vs. any other date in the year. You, however, have an absolute date in time to celebrate new beginnings. And given everything you have dealt with, overcome and accomplished in your 30 something years, you have a LOT to celebrate.
MidLifeMama wrote..I don’t make plans
WOW. Just WOW.
Ashlie- Mommycosm wrote..Haiku Friday: She’s here somewhere…
That was a beautifully written post. I am missing the majority of my childhood and like you, I am glad. If my mind saw fit to do away with it, I’m sure I don’t need it.
Ali wrote..Written by the Tooth Fairy aka Poss
wow, its about so much, something so very personal and yet I can relate because maybe a tiny bit of me holds scars of my own. Time, its an amazing thing …. it cannot fully erase but it can heal some old wounds.
*hugs*
~K
That left me with a lump in my throat. i thank you for sharing it with us. it was imp. to read and realize for one’s own life as well. you are so young and i wish you many years of celebrating the great things in your life.
All I can say is wow! You have left me speechless
Krystal wrote..Spin Cycle Fridays: Guilt
That bit about your son sucking the pain away from you gave me chills. You ARE writing a book about this, aren’t you?
This is an amazing post, it really is.
Natalie wrote..I’m Not Really a Dragon
I hope to see you read this at next year’s BlogHer. It’s one of your most moving, riveting. Although, with you, it’s hard to choose just one.
Happy Birthday. We’re all lucky that you had the chance for a do-over.
Catherine wrote..Milk Does a Body Good
I get this but in a totally different way that is so much the same. Hugs and love to you. Congratulations on getting out of the red, it took a lot to get here - celebrate it, live it, own it.
Ashley wrote..23 Weeks Pregnant
Thank you. You are amazing and I can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer. I’m going to do all I can to come so I can meet you. We have much to talk about. Thanks for reminding me that everything will be ok and things will get better.
perksofbeingme wrote..Oh what a three year old will say.
You writing
*
*
*
Fuck.
Happy 17 years, honey. What an amazing story of courage! I am so proud of you…
tracey wrote..Ten. Diez. 10. One-Oh.
You are a great writer. Thanks for doing us the honor of sharing it with us.
Mrs. Who wrote..Could This Recipe BE Any Easier?
Happy Birthday, Shannon! For every person who hurt you or made you feel less than a person before the day you were reborn, know there are eleventy hundred people across the internets who only wish good things for you. You are a remarkable woman for having gone through and survived what you did. Thank you for sharing these difficult memories.
Jill wrote..The myth of my schedule
Thanks to SciFi Dad for putting this into his “favs” so it would go to my reader from his website.
My reaction is, unfortunately, about as articulate as his and Keanu’s.
Father Muskrat wrote..wordless wednesday: major maddie’s war face
Wow.
Exquisite.
Happy, happy birthday.
Em wrote..T.T. - Ode to a Sharpie - the remix
Thank you for sharing something so real, so raw - that it transcends gender and age and history and circumstance and undeniably resonates on some level with each of us.
My favorite quote is:
You cannot, and will not,
encounter a circumstance,
or a single moment, that
does not serve directly and
immediately the need of your
soul to come to wholeness,
to heal. (Gary Zukav)
Sounds like your soul is coming to both :)
Happy birthday!
Marisa wrote..An Apple A Day…
You are SO beautiful! I have finally been able to feel the same way as you. My childhood is just a chapter of my life that is done, over-with and now I am a different person. A stronger person.
It is so liberating to let go. You’ve created such a wonderful life for yourself and your children are truly blessed to have such a admirable woman to call mom.
Nichole wrote..Happy Birthday, Monkey!
Shannon.
You know how much I adore you and respect you. You touch my soul when you write, and others too.
This fits you.
The halo may be tarnished
The wings a little tattered
The heart that lies beneath
Sometimes may be battered
The truth that lies within
Cannot be ignored
The light that shines
The glow that blinds
Those who know to look
Those who choose to see
Tattered wings caress
Gentle smiles do bless
The love shines from within
It’s true source from up above
The purest light of all
The light of God’s own Love
Though you are not perfect
And some choose not to see
God chooses angels carefully
For his work on earth they’ll do
He knows that tattered wings
And battered hearts
Are always strong and true.
All my love.
Rach
Rachel wrote..If I Had Known
I’m terrible because I read your blog daily and NEVER comment. (I’m trying to be better about that in ‘09). But I just have to tell you that sometimes, when I read your posts, I literally can’t breathe. Your writing is so powerful; thank you for all you share.
Cynthia wrote..2008 - Questions and Answers
Happy seventeenth birthday…
Thank you.
sticky wrote..I really hate you, Wells Fargo Bill Pay!
This was beautiful and awful and mostly beautiful.
You have such amazing strength.
Miss Grace wrote..This thing about sleep
You write with such honesty and courage, it’s truly breathtaking. Congratulations on your 17th birthday, may each one bring you more and more joy.
You’ve certainly earned it.
1sttimedad wrote..Pearl Jam-ming with my daughter
:)
You can’t see me, but I am over here doing that Tupak thing on my chest. Love you.
Kori wrote..On a Lighter Note: A Meme
My words cannot even compare to yours and the other commentor’s, so I’ll just say INCREDIBLE.
Wow lady. You are brave. You are strong. You are so alive I can feel ya’ all the way down here in So Cal. And what a writer you have become. These words are sticking to my soul - our journeys have been so different but your path inspires me.
Happy 17th year of this you.
Lee of MWOB wrote..Dudes and Coupons…
This is an amazing piece. Happy 17th birthday.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas wrote..
Wow…you tell your story amazingly. Although my childhood wasn’t as horrible as yours…but I sometimes wonder what was real…and what wasn’t. When it was good it was really good, when it was bad…it was BAD. Thoughts of suicide, yeah, I had those too…You are fortunate that you had somewhere to go…even if it did take you a long time to get there. Your past is your past, but it also shapes who you are today.
It is truly an honor to have come accross your blog.
This is why
BusyDad wrote..Urrrgh…
fuck yeah dude.
I miss you.
That was incredible. Incredibly beautiful, incredibly haunting, incredibly powerful, incredibly brave… Thank you for sharing that piece of yourself so eloquently. All I have at this point are tears and hugs and many birthday wishes.
Michelle wrote..Spinning into a Vortex of Guilt
Well, that was beautiful. Thank you for writing it and thank you for sharing it.
Wow. That will be staying with me for a long time. Beautiful.
Scary Mommy wrote..Fun Dad
Thanks for sharing this. It is very powerful.
Kristin wrote..Better Know a District… in Utah
::hugs::
Jaina wrote..2009, it’s going to be….wait for it…
thank you. thank you for sharing this with us. i’m so glad you got that chance in ‘92 to start over. happy 17th, my dear, dear friend.
ali wrote..my ali-never-gets-hit-on reputation remains and a contest
Happy 17th birthday. Thank you for sharing your journey. *hugs*
truly amazing.
you cant see all the time i’m spending trying to choose the right words and thinking theyre not adequate.
so i’ll just stop. here. amazing.
justsomethoughts wrote..very clean credit cards
Happy Birthday, beautiful Mr. Lady. You’re so wise to keep track of this day, the day you managed to birth yourself. I’m so glad your father lived within our zip code those 17 years ago.
Wow.
Happy 17th birthday.
Mama Goose wrote..My Baby
Wow. Wow. Wow. You are a strong and courageous soul. I admire that. Happy 17th Birthday!
VegasDad wrote..tagged
Thank you.
<3
Miss Ash wrote..DeNIED!
You know I love you. This is only partly why.
Miss wrote..Hard Hitting Questions: Answered
Well, since everyone’s already written everything I was so cleverly going to say, all I got is:
Ditto.
You are fucking awesome and I ::heart:: you!
Mama Bee wrote..Baby You’ve Been On My Mind
And even though you knew you were starting a life, did you ever imagine you’d be loved from every corner of the world? You know you are, right?
A very happy birthday to you.
April wrote..Thank a Single Mother
Great post! You are inspiring. To overcome so much pain and hurt, to still be strong and beautiful, mostly to not be afraid to live. Many wish for that, only few succeed, thank you for being so positive….you go girl! :)
super mama wrote..Let a tradition begin, the 1st of hopefully many
I’m honored to have watched you grow through these last 17 years.
Look me up on your 21st and we’ll party like it’s 1999. Or not.
Marge wrote..YAK
I am awed. I wrote about new beginnings and purging old pains today too — not as painful as this, certainly, but there must be something in the air right now that makes this deep fresh breath possible. Happy Birthday, my friend.
Dude, I am in total awe of the life you’ve built. Serious Awe. Love you. Happy 17th!
Leslie Dillinger wrote..
you leave me breathless… and speechless.
happy 17th birthday.
the planet of janet wrote..Haiku Friday: the how-drunk-can-I-get? edition
I read this this morning in my reader.
I read this this afternoon in my reader.
I read this this evening in my reader.
And I finally clicked over. Weeping. Smiling. And… so incredibly happy that you are in my life. I really can’t wait to hug you, again.
HO wrote..Away from my desk
7 Weeks ago my mother-in-law was telling me how she wrote down what she remembered about her life because her brother was going to write a book. Nothing ever came of the book but she said writing her experiences and the abuse her father inflicted on her was really a cleansing for her and she was so happy she did it.
It may be tiring to think about writing it but it will set you free. Congratulations.
Cheers and Happy Birthday
Kellie wrote..You can’t make this shit up. Literally.
Everyone else has pretty much said what I could come up with. My words seem inadequate compared to the ones you’ve written and pretty much all I can do is say thank you. Thank you for sharing this. It is stunning and heartbreaking and beautiful, all at once.
Major Bedhead wrote..ROFL
Man. I am so glad you got out alive. You are a really good writer.
I love you and respect you more than you’ll ever know.
xoxo
Kath wrote..It’s Over
I am flabbergasted at how well you expressed your pain and how much I felt as if it was me because of your ability to convey your thoughts in writing. Wow.
You have come a long way lady. You overcame something that most of us would have crumbled at. You have so much to be proud of.
I have no witty words, or words that would be able to express how much this post effected me because of my own personal struggles in life. So. I will not try to vocalize my respect for you because I couldn’t do it.
Bravo. Bravo.
And seriously, write a book already, will ya? I’d buy it. :0)
Krissy wrote..The soul reason I am heading to thearapy.
amazing post. you really blew me away.
So glad you found a safe place to go, and grow.
monstergirlee wrote..Holy Cow! I Won At Dr Casons! (and some more SUMMER)
It’s all been said.
You are amazing.
happy 17th.
tiff wrote..Special needs?
This is one of those stories you’ve told when I can understand what isn’t written between the lines and not feel sad, because I know what the end of the story, and now the sequel, includes. To quote Marky Mark in that hurricane movie, ‘Nothing but love, baby’.
Zoeyjane wrote..On Sudden Realizations
I think Rawr about covers it all.
PoorBrokeMama wrote..A tragic demise
Happy birthday. You’re an amazing writer and someone that we can all learn from. Your courageous writing is something that I admire.
Tyler @ Building Camelot wrote..How To Add Icons To Your Thesis Alert And Note Styles
This was amazing and heartwrenching and beautiful all at the same time. Happy Birthday, Shannon. Welcome to life out of the red.
Angella wrote..On Faith
You are incredible and I am speechless.
Tammy wrote..Twilight
Shannon, words can’t express how special you and your writing is. Happy Birthday. The fact that you didn’t want to write this, did anyway and knocked it out of the park is telling. You escaped your past and embraced it to create a beautiful life for yourself and your family.
One Mom’s Opinion wrote..My goal is a new ass
Happy 17th. Really. With hugs.
You are a badass. And I bet you are a fantastic fucking mother.
Happy Birthday-Capricorns rock.
Zak wrote..Three Things
Another piece of powerful writing from you. Congratulations on taking those brave and positive steps for yourself all those years ago.
Marie wrote..This is Your Brain on Pregnancy Hormones
They say there’s a certain amount of time (years, although I’m not sure how long it is) where your entire body is new - new cells, new connections, new everything.
Welcome to your new being. We are so glad you’re here.
daysgoby wrote..static
Holy shit, this is powerful.
apathy lounge wrote..Dear Apple Genius Bar,
Happy Birthday. Here’s to many more courageous, and selfish and right things to come.
Mr. Lady, ditto what my sister said above.
Thank God for 80004.
You are one hell of a writer.
My best friend in the world survived something similar (with parents’ roles reversed). She tells me an occasional story now and then and I’m always horrified, angry on her behalf, and overwhelmingly proud of her all at the same time. She showed me a letter her dad wrote her when she was 15, just after she left him and the nightmare behind, and it was scarring. All I could say was, “It is absolutely a miracle that you are not more fucked up than you are.” And the same goes to you.
bejewell wrote..Blogs, Badges and Bullshit
I can’t really comment on this post without sounding stupid, so I’ll just say “well done” :)
matt wrote..Open Casting Call
Amazing; yet again. THIS is the one you will be reading at BlogHer ‘09.
NukeDad wrote..Krugerrands Would Be Cheaper
Oh my. Oh my, what a post.
Brian wrote..You Thought I Was Done with These but You Were Wrong
You take my breath away. Thank you for that piece, oh what a piece. I am so glad you are, and will be from that day on, in the red. Red is good.
Carrie wrote..Signs of the Apocalypse
you are, for so many, an inspiration mr. lady.
raino wrote..Hooters or not
Hugs to you.
And happy 17th birthday…
I saw you, heard you, at BlogHer08. You write like nobody’s business. Thank you for sharing your 17th “birth”day. Congratulations on being in the black.
mandy wrote..Ring Around My Collar
I got chills reading this. Thank you for sharing something so personal. You are an amazing writer. Happy 17th birthday.
erika wrote..Christmas!
You are all kinds of awesome.
love you
Shanny. This entry transcends the act of blogging or the act of putting pen to paper–those acts require translation from heart to head to hand. This reads like all of it at once, all of you, no translation needed. Happy (belated) 17th.