A Warm Gun | Whiskey in My Sippy Cup : Surviving Parenting. Kinda.

Today is my stupid blog’s fourth birthday. When I took her in for her Year Four Well-Blog Check-up, they told me she should be doing many of the following:

Using sentences with 5 or more words not including bygones, yo, gigglegiggle, tee hee or dawg.
Using pronouns (my blog is abstaining until marriage; it better not be using those things)
Beginning to understand cause and effect, such as, “If you write about your insanity, people will start hate blogs dedicated to you”.
Most words and sentences in posts are understood by others. (Now that’s just funny.)
Socializes with other blogs well. (But not as funny as this one.)
Develops friendships independent of you, such as following new people on Twitter.
Expresses a wide range of emotions. Takes medications for each.
May stay dry most nights. MAY.

Um, yeah. Whatever. I’ve failed worse tests.

Liz found a meme I’ve never done before and tagged me for it. Like aliens and the Templar Knights and chocolate cheesecake that actually tastes good, I wasn’t sure that existed. I’m supposed to tell you what makes me happy, and I’m only telling you four things, one for each year of this blog’s life. But I will tell you four things I have gone to great lengths to conceal from you on this blog. Because I had a little bit to drink tonight, that’s why.

I do this on the condition that you will leave me a comment telling me who the hell you are and ONE thing that makes you happy. Because all my blog wants for its birthday is to know who’s reading her. All of you, if you please. It would make us very, very happy indeed.

My life with the Thrill Kill Cult.

I am totally happy that I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. There is a great deal of contention as to whether or not it actually qualifies as a cult, but until you are born into a group that isolates you completely from the world around you, brainwashes you with a bunch of jargon and some pretty heavy apocalyptic doomsday scenarios and then convinces you to give yourself up wholly, physically and mentally, your entire life, ambitions, dreams and visions of oral sex to said group, well, you don’t really get to say what is or isn’t a cult. That’s just the rules.

So there you have it, the biggie, the ONE thing I never wanted any of you to know. The thing I certainly don’t want Google to notice, so let’s not mention it again, okay? I have enough trouble reconciling it within myself without every newly freed witness kid banging my blog doors down. (If you must mock me for it, refer to it as “Jay Dub”, okay? Our Google overlords are watching.)

But still, I can say without reservation that I am totally at peace with it, and oddly grateful for it. A lot of my friends are still really angry, or still really revolting from it, but in the end, the shit I was dealing with was so much worse than No Christmas and No Outside Friendships that my little sect of Christianity was actually able to do me some good, offer me some structure and sanity and a belief that it would get better. I can’t say I would have made it without them. And they taught me to study, to seek knowledge, to learn. Learning so makes me happy.

This picture make me happy.

I love my mother. I will never repeat that in a public setting, ever, so don’t try me, but I love her. I miss her so bad it hurts sometimes. The woman she is today is not that woman in the picture, and that’s why I love it so. Because she was there, and I can still hold her in my hand whenever I choose.

My Alice in Wonderland collection makes me very happy.

It usually lives in a box in the basement and on the bad spot on the bookshelves where you can’t see the books anymore, but I love it. Because it makes no sense. Because it’s unlike me in every way, and still it is totally me. And because Alice was one Fucked. Up. Chick.

This makes me the happiest of all.

That is Our Lady of Perpetual Hors d’œuvres. You try growing up in a cult and see if you walk away without a penchant for irreverant Christian artifacts.

The Billmeister

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 20:44

Hey there little lady. I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now. It’s sometimes hard to keep the Hill’d'beast from catching me, but I’m a crafty devil; I find a way. And that whole JW thing? I feel your pain. I’ve got some friends that can make that whole situation go away for you. Just let me know, darlin’. You need to come to Little Rock with me one day so you can see my library. I know you like books. We got some pretty ones with pictures and everything. We’ve got a big ‘ole hot tub out back too!

Things that make me happy? Let’s see; it’s quite a list, so I’ll just give you a few; Interns who dry-clean blue dresses within the week, cigars (duh), giving 250k speeches overseas, Chinese houseguests and any clothing on a woman that IS NOT a pantsuit.

Happy 4th Birthday; I’d love to see the suit.

XXXOOO

The Billmeister wrote..Phished To Death

Darla

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 20:45

Happy Number 4, Mr. Lady. I’ve stalked or um, read you for 3 of those 4 years now, I think…but what makes me happy – Everyone one of my sons kisses sloppy or not; being able to hear his laughter and of couse kicking ass on the volleyball court. You didn’t think I was all soft in the heart, now did you?!

Darla wrote..The Series

Aubrey

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 21:01

Yes, Lewis Carrol was reportedly on OPIUM when he wrote Alice in Wonderland – a book I read repeadedly and I mean REPEATEDLY as a child, along with Through the Looking Glass (and What Alice Found There). Repeatedly.

What makes me happy? Hope. I lost a lot of it, and hope makes me happy. The opposite of despair and an overacute sense of awareness of the passage of time and the emptiness of what is left over.

Hope. And a plan. ;)

Theatre, a call from a friend, security, adventure, the smell of my dog’s fur, right between her ear and her muzzle. (shut up). A hug you can sink into. The stars at night. The wind in the trees. Thoughtfulness. Inclusion. The breath in the sky just before sunrise. Clouds like spun sugar. Times of feeling strong. Rain. Tiny small lizards, spotted eggs, finches who lead you away from their nests with fake cries. Baby necks. Baby thighs. Baby toes. The AHA! moment in a movie or plotline. That feeling after you try something and it is DONE. Comfort East Indian food. Handmade quilts. Understanding. Making room or allowances for weakness. Grace. Forgetting. An invitation to dinner, or coffee, or a movie. Muscles over a strong back, especially when it is doing something for someone. The hope and clarity in children’s eyes when they answer back, “good morning!”

The election. Our new president, with open eyes, and the hope that we can take up the challenge as a nation to reach for what we want to be.

And you. ;) LONG time lurker here.

And back to the shadows I go….

Aubrey wrote..Suicide – response to a friend

Matt

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 21:42

Hi, my name is Matt. This is my 1st post to your blog and I am a new reader. I stumbled upon your blog about 2 weeks ago and loved it from the start. The things that make me happy are this…My kids, of course, and getting to talk to them more then twice a week. Plus towels straight from the drier make me happy. Also, stumbling upon random blogs that are actually good makes me happy.

Well done, keep up the good work.

Redneck Mommy

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 21:51

Tugging on my nose rings makes me happy.

Having the husband tug on the other rings makes me VERY happy.

Happy fourth love.

Redneck Mommy wrote..Just Call Me Dr. Evil

Robyn

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 22:39

Singing “Loveshack” by the B52’s at the top of my lungs in a karaoke bar where no one knows me makes me happy and I do it every chance I get. :) I think your writing style is fabulous and compelling. Happy Blog b-day! Robyn in Tucson, AZ

Noob Mommy

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 23:10

Found your blog through Busy Dad :)

What makes me happy…

Laying in bed at night with the husband, laughing or talking about whatever, but in our lowest whispers so as not to wake the baby, who is (at last) sleeping peacefully next door :)

Noob Mommy wrote..Blogzilla and Other Therapeutic Admissions

Headless Mom

Tuesday, 20 January, 2009 at 23:56

I’m Headless Mom and you make me happy!

Happy 4th!

Headless Mom wrote..What A Winter Sunset Looks Like In Southern California

Jill

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 7:45

Hello, Mr. Lady’s blog.

I’m Jill and I’m a lurker. Due to the nature of the celebration and the demand I comment I’m here to tell the blog that I enjoy it quite a bit. If I ever get back to the blogging there’s this post to be published and you are mentioned. However, it would seem that I have very little ambition and therefore that could be a while. Terribly sorry about that.

Anyway.

As requested a thing that makes me happy is coffee. Yes. Coffee. But it has to be really good coffee as I’m something of a “coffee snob” as my mother would say, therefore you won’t find any Folgers in this chick’s cup.

Hm. Maybe I will reinvent my blog later this afternoon, after all…

Happy Birthday, Whisky In My Sippy Cup!

Cynthia

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 8:51

Cynthia here. Besides the obvious (kids, husband, chocolate, etc), coloring makes me happy. Sometimes, after a bad day, a few minutes with Crayola and a coloring book is all it takes to relax and remember that life can be pretty simple if you let it be.

Happy Blog Birthday!

Cynthia wrote..Way Back When-esday

C.B.

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 9:15

I subscribe to 2 blogs-yours and one written by my best friend. I forward yours to everyone I know. I never (now, rarely) comment b/c I’m still getting used to the public atmosphere of the blogosphere. An entire day completely to myself, to do whatever I want without kids or other obligations, makes me happy.

mommiebear2

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 10:43

Hi and Happy Blog Bday!! I am a new reader of yours but was pretty much sucked in on the very first post I read. Feel free to stop by my blog anytime. :)

mommiebear2 wrote..My Goal For ‘09 Is My Family Before Work

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 11:01

I forgot to say what makes me happy, a cold Bud Lite usually does te trick. Oh, and btw, I must ask what all of the sticks are for in the Our Lady of Perpetual Hors d’œuvres?

kl crab

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 11:40

Happy Birthday,

I am really happy reading blogs, it’s a chance to read about other folks who are at least as odd as I am. Irreverent, funny, smart.

Hooray.

thanks,

Marge

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 12:18

I am George!
4 years huh? Niiiice! Damn interesting readership you have around here too.
And just when I thought I knew a lot about you, you surprise me. I have never seen a pic of your mom before. And that dish? *WHY* have I never been shown that dish before? Yes, I too have a bit of a penchant. But anyway…..
HAPPY – being completely alone. when the pictures I take actually reflect the feeling of a moment. when the dish soap bottle makes little bubbles in the air. creating things with my hands. my garden. watching you chew on your hair (shut up).

Marge wrote..“I swear”

Goldfish

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 14:09

Took me two days to come up with an answer. Not that I’m unhappy (usually), but I just couldn’t figure it out. Then it dawned on me, today as I started the car and the radio came on and I broke into a great big smile: “Beat It” makes me happy. (I cannot explain why.) So Happy Birthday, if a bit late.

Goldfish wrote..Wordless Wednesday: Yogurt

Jaina

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 14:18

Happy belated bloggi-birthday :) You know me, Jaina, from Southern California. And wonderful Mr. Lady posts make me happy :) (total kiss ass, I know, but it’s true)

Jaina wrote..Spring Cleaning

Jo

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 15:17

Happy Birthday you big 4 yr old blog. Developementally you appear to be right on track. Mr Lady keep up the most excellent work! Jo, your fellow ex-Delawarian.

Jo wrote..Butt Pee

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 15:19

So simple to read. follow directions. right. right?
Uh, not so much. So what makes me happy is my kid. But not my kid all the time. The sweet little angel kid who wakes up and wants to cuddle. Or the one that gives big hugs and kisses and “tank eww mama” when you hand her a sippy cup. That kid – rocks my world.

Becky Sue

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 19:56

ugh.. lost my comment so 2nd time typing this will be shorter cuz im pissed at myself!

I was raised Apostolic Lutheran… often times ignorant ppl thought I was JW. I’m way past it.. not bitter… and very grateful also. I believe it has helped achieve balance in my life. If you dont experience both ends.. how do you know if you are balanced? :)
I’m glad it’s behind me.. but I still have to deal with family – which sucks to some degree cuz I cannot be myself completely. Out of respect. ugh.

I can totally relate to your mom pic/comment too. My mom has alzheimer’s and I find myself looking at old photos… searching for the tender smile she once had. Thank God for those memories.

Happy Blog Bday.. you rock. your following is amazing. dont know how you keep up! congrats.. and know I appreciate ya! Especially on the numerous days per week that I have no adult conversation.. you push the limits and stir the pot, it’s great!

Becky Sue wrote..Tuesday’s Tribute

becky

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 22:01

Happy Birthday, Mr. Lady’s blog! I am Becky Williams in Scottsdale, Arizona. I have been reading you for about 6 months and have commented a handful of times. I am sorry for being a couple days late with this one.

Something that makes me happy, hmmmm…..

Going shopping without my kids. Which never happens because

a) I am a SAHM and so I never have money to go shopping

and

b) I am a SAHM so I never have kid-free time to shop.

So I settle for second best. My local grocery store has free child care while I shop. I used to hate grocery shopping. Now it is the highlight of my week. A week’s worth of groceries can take me at least 2 hours.

becky wrote..Yeah, I taught her that.

Jane

Wednesday, 21 January, 2009 at 22:13

I’m living in North Bay, Ontario. Today going skiing made me happy. Being outdoors and actually getting off my ass and exercising.

auntie

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 0:22

Hi blog! I’m Danielle and I live in Idaho. I love reading your blog for your raw honesty that you somehow manage to turn into some of the funniest shit on the interwebs.

There are of course lots of things that make me happy, but right this minute, I’m radiating happiness because I’ve been having a tough couple of weeks and my boyfriend somehow knows exactly what to say and do to make me feel like the world isn’t actually going to end today. No grand gestures or serious talks…he just rubs my back and kisses me on the forehead. And I just know it will hold me together for another day.

auntie wrote..Go, Click, NOW!

mandy

I read you, from Vancouver, off my Google Reader and rarely click over to comment (on anyone’s blogs) because I barely have the time to do anything anymore. I love reading your blog… I think you write superbly.

Re the Jay Dubs… there was a Kingdom Hall just down the road from us (in the middle of a residential neighbourhood… how odd) and the nicest thing I can say about them is that, well, they’re a little odd.

What makes me happy? Chocolate ice cream, decadent truffles, really good Pinot Noirs, snuggling with my boys while they’re sleeping, taking a surprisingly good photograph.

mandy wrote..How I Got all Hot and Sweaty

jessica

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 1:45

what makes me happy:

Without a doubt being the presence of my friends, family and my daughter.

Laughing until I pee pee in my pants.

Jen

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 5:41

Hi,

I’m a lurker, I read your blog through google reader :)

I just wanted to let you know that I’m so glad you just mentioned you were raised a witness. I had suspected if for a while based on some of the things you said and it was good to hear that even if you don’t believe it anymore, you’re not ashamed. I was raised a witness, am not now, and have a ton of angsty feelings wrapped up in all of it, but I’ve never been embarrassed about it and its nice to know I’m not alone in that.

thanx, please continue posting amusing blog entries for me to read and I’ll go back to the lurking now…

Gabbi

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 12:51

Wow, I am an ex-Jay Dub too. I am okay with it also. But, I know the look of shock/horror/quickly fading to pity that you can get when you disclose info like this.

Standing on the Watchtower,

Gabbi wrote..Good Reminders

sherpamom

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 14:18

What makes me happy right now – today, is that I got to go to DC for the inauguration. I had an amazing time, got into our spot by the reflecting pool with minutes to spare, had no car accidents during the snowstorm drive down and got to spend two days in a city so full of love and hope and happyness! I was so lucky to be a part of it all and I will hold that feeling of a city of joy forever. Do you know that not ONE arrest was made on Tues in DC? Not one!! Amazing! What a time to live in…

K8spade

Thursday, 22 January, 2009 at 19:56

I’m your Delaware girl now relocated to Jersey. Poetry makes me happy. And learning. And logic problems. Am I a nerd? Don’t answer that.

K8spade wrote..Resolved: One Resolution

Kath

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 1:57

Happy (belated- snif-) blogbirfday!

I’m Kath…wait…you know who I am and where I am.

And what makes me happiest of all right now is knowing that what started at Invesco Field ( same night I met you!) has now culminated in a new President for US…not meaning the US aka United States….but for US…the citizens of the world.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

:-)

magpie

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 10:21

What makes me happy was voting for the non-canadian in the best canadian category. :)

Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 11:38

Happy Birthday! I’m Melanie, your girl crush from California. Lots of stuff makes me happy, some little like the Carlos Santana wedges I bought last night for less than $20 (don’t tell my husband!) and some big like the plans I have for my blog and how happy I am to have a new President.

Stimey

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 12:41

Napping makes me happy.

Miss Ash

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 12:46

Reading your blog makes me happy!!!! :)

Ream O Rama

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 15:35

Here’s something that makes me happy: A rainy day, a dog on my feet and a really good book….I know, I know, a b-o-o-k sooooo antiquated.

Stacy

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 21:48

I came over to check out your blog from, you know that other Canadian lady who has a blog.

I really enjoyed this post. To a certain point I can relate to the J W thing. I have been a minister’s wife for the past ten years. At times, even though we are part on a mainstream denomination, it too can feel…i don’t know.

Anyway what makes me happy right now are my kids. Even though they have reached a stage of arguing about and constantly with each other, they are just plain fun to be around. They are each unique in personality, but each one of them can bring a smile to my face.

Marissa

Friday, 23 January, 2009 at 23:12

Hi, Mr. Lady. I found your blog through the Bloggie noms, and am loving it. One thing that always, always, always makes me happy is a robot. Any kind of robot. Service robot, destructo-bot, new robot overlords, whatever. I just like robots.

monstergirlee

Saturday, 24 January, 2009 at 11:34

I live across the street from a J-Dub hall – and we always call it that, the J-Dubs. It looks like a movie theater, no windows, just a big block of a building.
But they’ve been told not to knock on doors in the immediate neighborhood – whew.

Shawna

Saturday, 24 January, 2009 at 17:29

Hi! I’m a newbie, I came by way of Redneck Mommy but am familiar with a few of the other commenters who make up some of my favorite blogs. Happy fourth birthday!

What makes me happy is not something that can be described. It is simple things that I happen upon that surprise even me. Things which make me happy without guilt. Otherwise I would totally say CHOCOLATE but since there is usually guilt associated with that shortlived happiness, its hardly worth mentioning.

And now I will add you to my blogroll…..

Courtney

Monday, 26 January, 2009 at 12:43

Books make me happy. I walk into a bookstore and am insta-relaxed.

I love the Alice collection.

Marion

Monday, 26 January, 2009 at 16:24

Hi there.
My name is Marion. I feel a bit stupid commenting because I’ve stumbled on your blog for the first time today, but I would really feel like a cheat if I didn’t. I’d rather be stupid.

Anyway. Sex makes me happy. That’s actually a secret – I’ve never told anyone, not even my husband-to-be and the only man I’ve ever slept with.

Shutter Bitch

Tuesday, 27 January, 2009 at 11:46

Taking pictures makes me happy. I like to freeze moments in time, the way someone looks, show people my perspective. Often times, my voice gets drowned out in a sea of other voices and so I can say, “This is how I saw it,” without having to say anything at all.

Blogging makes me happy, though no one in my real life truly understands. It’s kind of my dirty little secret. Especially since they don’t know that I started my newest blog after shutting down the first one. I don’t want them to find me. Being able to speak my mind on my own damn blog makes me happy.