I read a lot of mom blogs. I hang out with a lot of moms. Thanks to Little Ms. Whoopsie-Pants, I can still roll with all the preschool moms. And this time, I’m a respectable age to do it. But I find that in most situations, blog-related or otherwise, I am the odd man out in one small aspect: I have kids whose shoes and deodorant I can borrow, too.
It’s not as common as I would have thought to have a rather large age gap in your children. Though some of my favorite blogs are written by mothers of tweens, I find myself greatly outnumbered in the blogosphere. And in real life, most mothers of kids in puberty have at least 10 years on me. And less crap in their face.
I am an island. I am okay with this.
I love reading along as you all navigate through nursing, laughing as you attempt potty training, sighing as you send your darling little ones off to school for the first time. Because I’ve done all that already a few times over, and I remember it, and it’s no big deal for me three kids in, but your stories help me hold on to the memory of how terrifying and thrilling and gut-wrenching all of those days were. It makes savour it a little more with my third. It’s a win-win.
I talk about “walking in” on the boys, and you all cringe, but few of you can ever fathom that day. I don’t even mention how I can wear my oldest son’s shoes if I’m in a pinch, or how his father has officially started handing him down sweaters, mainly because those are his stories, not mine, but partly because that’s not the world I inhabit online. I swim in the seas of diapers and teething and temper tantrums. And I’m happy there.
But today I am here to tell you that as much as I love hearing about your children teething, as much as I adore the good laugh I get recalling those late nights, the tooth-poop, the 106 degree fever with each tooth and the subsequent 10 ER trips, the frozen peaches and the gnawed on nipples, the clove oil, the drool all over the new suede coats, the rash on the baby’s little bottom lip…as much as I want to commiserate and lend you advice and tell you it will all be okay, I am officially out. You’re on your own, guys and dolls.
Why?
Because almost none of you are even close to knowing the pain that comes with your precious little angel losing his first molar.
I spent months on that molar. That molar is lullabies and cuddles in my shoulder and little sweet tears and stories and love. I loved that little molar. It signaled his transition from tiny baby to person, nurser to eater, the end of me and the beginning of him.
I take him to the dentist, they put in the sealants and they say things like, Someday, when he’s elllllleeeeeevennnn… because 11 is something far far away and untouchable and unimaginable. Except that it’s here. It’s right here under his pillow, waiting to get changed in for a fiver.
I know I’m being ridiculous. I know that I’ve already crossed this threshold with him a million times, but something about this just kicked me in the gut today. Maybe it’s because I read all about you all and your little ones with their little milestones and I forget that it wasn’t last month, it was last decade. It was a whole decade ago, and that tooth is never coming out again, never going under a pillow again.
But, in all honesty, I am kind of glad I never have to pay him for at least that one tooth ever again. The boy, he’s bleeding me dry. Five bucks, my ass.
Rachel
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 16:37I got nothin’ babe. nothin’
but I love ya and I’ll share the whiskey because the 2 yr old. He’s trying to end me.
and the 5 yr old. She’s convinced she needs to shave her legs and wear makeup.
HELP.
and apparently, you are sooo not alone.
MrsFwith4
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 16:41Molars? MOLARS? They LOSE MOLARS?
THAT is a lot of teeth… in a short time. The Little F’s (that doesn’t sound quite right, somehow) are 1,3,5,7…. I’m still firmly in the land of ArseWipers’R'US.
Angela
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 17:24I feel you. Really, I do. My sweet Meg is 12, and (not so) little Sean is 2. This crazy mom is 34. I’m the “right” age for Sean, but since I look a little younger than I am, people still ask Meg if I’m her sister. Either that, or they assume Sean is her baby, which annoys my goodie-2-shoes to NO end.
Islands are good. Really, really good.
And the fact that your kids are spread out a little probably makes me love you that much more. Just sayin’
the planet of janet
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 17:27no, i am claiming this one.
my oldest child will turn 28 in may … and will officially be the same age i was when he was born.
and yet i STILL have to deal with the agonies of high school with “the baby.”
victory is — unfortunately — mine.
ms picket to you
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 17:43can’t they just swallow those damn things and not bother/upset me with them? crap, the tooth fairy is broke and mama can’t taking any more of this growing up nonsense.
super mama
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 18:06Great Blog, it made me think that maybe we are all on our own island. Everyone is right where they are supposed to be or on their way there. My island is neat, I try to take the most from it. I have friends who are single and childless, I have married childless friends, (all in which are in my age catagory), I work with ladies who’s kids where a few classes behind me, and ladies who where a few classes above me. I love it. My two best friends are polar oppisites yet equally great. One is almost dare I say 50 no g kids yet, and still married to the same man for amost 3 decades. My other girly pal and I are only a few months apart, both in long term relationships ( i hitched, she still living in sin lol) I have the kid, and she is despertly wanting one soon. My point, none really just wanted to share you were not alone. :)
BusyDad
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 18:50This is twice in a row I have tried to make a comment and get sidetracked by another one. Way to go, Donor. 1of3 does look like Ponyboy.
Jennifer A
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 19:095 bucks for a molar? Holy Crap!
I work with a woman similar to Kelley’s family. 17 yr old, 6 yr old and a 4 year old. Oldest going into Marines, middle girl starting school and the 4 year old cause havoc. She’s been married 12 years.
apathy lounge
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 19:111) My sons all have hair under their arms. Even though two are in college, I would never borrow their deodorant. They do borrow mine, however.
2) I haven’t “walked in” on anyone, but overzealous vacuuming did lead me to a stash of magazines (procured by an older friend) for such a purpose. This was some time ago.
3) I can’t borrow anyone’s shoes anymore. They all have feet bigger than mine.
4) I enjoy reading about moms of young kids. It’s a stroll down memory lane for me.
Elizabeth
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 19:25My kids are in betwixt the little and the middle. They are turning 5 and 7 and with the exception of one friend – I have the oldest kiddies in my group. So I am free to point and laugh while they spend sleepless nights and I get to play video games and get my ass kicked by mine. Parental rights. There should be a manual that addresses this stuff. ;oP
ZDub
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 19:54Oh, stab me in the heart. I need some more babies.
Kate
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 20:00OMG, these stories are why I’m joining the Amish when my son hits about 13. I can’t handle this shit.
Ack.
Kate
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 20:01OMG, these stories are why I’m joining the Amish when my son hits about 13. I can’t handle this shit.
Ack.
Scratch that. I think I better start packing NOW.
Redneck Mommy
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 21:05Girl, you are no island.
You and me, together, we are an island.
Fighting the good fight and yanking the molars. My son’s shoes are now too big for me and my daughter looks better than I do in my favourite sweater.
Thank god she isn’t borrowing my bras yet.
Gah.
mn
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 21:10i am sure there will “forever” in heaven, forever whining, forever drooling and so on. i hear you totally. it is probably the one thing where i really question God and ask Him, why the cruelty, why do our babies have to grow up so fast. i hope i get an answer some day. it is definitely why i savor the days they are off school….EXCEPT TODAY. today was a nightmare. today i wished they had school!!!! yeah, i’m fickle that way.
Karen Sugarpants
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 22:14The boys are 10 and 4. I feel ya. :)
daysgoby
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 22:56It’s easy to feel like everybody in the blogging world has a baby or a toddler – because sweet jezus, a lot of you do, don’t you?
Mine are seven and four. My son came home and asked me to explain a joke about tampons to him today and yesterday my daughter threw a hellacious tantrum because I wouldn’t let Rosey and her best friend spend the night in the car.
(the CAR. It’s JANUARY. I live in CANADA.)
She-it. It’s a brave new world out there.
monstergirlee
Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 at 23:58I’m 43 and have a 2.5 year old – I feel like the grandma at my kindergartener’s school functions. When I go to gatherings with other mom’s of 2.5 yr olds – I’m the oldest by 9 years.
btw – don’t tell my son that some tooth fairy’s are giving $5 per tooth – I just gave hime another dollar for tooth #3 on monday night.
LaskiGal
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 1:07J’s cutting his first molar right now. But, I very well may be sporting a cane and dabbing on a hell of a lot of wrinkle cream by the time he loses it . . .
*quickly brushing cobwebs from the old uterus*
annie
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 3:09Love your site! Just found it off of the bloggies. I’m pregnant with what will most probably be my fourth boy in 5 years. I would LOVE some whiskey in a sippy cup right about now, and will be looking to you for advice on kids for how on.
Thanks!
PS the tooth fairy isn’t giving out quarters anymore??
perpstu
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 6:40Molars!?! My little one lost his first two teeth last month and I am afraid the tooth fairy is going to have to take out a second on her house to cover the other little pearlies! Teeth are expensive these days!
angelle
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 10:26I really should get my mother blogging. She had a baby when I was 21. He’s a second grader now so the gap seems less extreme. But it’s still weird to other people. :)
Jaina
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 11:38Aww, he’s getting so big! But hey, he’s got a great older cousin to look up to, right?
Maggie Garcia
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 11:57I have two sets of kids: The Boys (who are 11 and 13) and Les Bebes (who are 6 and 4). There really are two entirely different sets of struggles with the kids. I have to keep them all out of my room – The 13yr old likes to hang out outside my door late and night and breathe heavily, while the 4yr old likes to spill my make up on the carpet. Such is life, Mr. Lady. Such is life.
Momo Fali
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 14:04Tears. Tears from The Donor’s comment. Good ol’ Ponyboy.
Tara R.
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 18:25My baby girl will finally end her teen years on her next birthday… she’s turning 20. That’s 2-0 now who feels old? I’m taking in all the baby talk on the mom blogs cuz I know that I could be a few years shy of grandma-dom and need the refresher course.
Tiaras & Tantrums
Thursday, 29 January, 2009 at 23:03oh we haven’t even lost one tooth in this house yet – what am I going to do??? blubber blubber blubber!!!
bri
Friday, 30 January, 2009 at 12:29I have to buy Costco-sized boxes of condoms for the 18 year old manchild who lives with us (my stepson) and who still takes any opportunity presented to be ungrateful and sullen.
AND I am still breastfeeding my baby (1.5 years).
What do I win?
Cuz_I'm_The_Mom
Friday, 30 January, 2009 at 17:49Molars, Schmolars. I’m buying condoms for an 18YO, too. The special place in my heart for molars was transformed into a little spot on my stomach lining called an ULCER. Gurl, I done tol’ you that mine are all teenagers, didn’t I? I even tol’ you that I’d happily live through watching Barney the Dinosaur if I could have those little boy moments back again. Yeah, you’re an island. You Big Gap mommas deserve special tiaras or something. If I had to be a momma to teens with a baby in tow I dunno what I’d do.
Jessica Bern
Friday, 30 January, 2009 at 18:23You gotta save it. Is that gross? It’s amazing how quickly they grow up and never am I reminded more than when I hold a little baby in my arms. It brings me right back and I’m sad and I’m glad that part is over.
Jill
Saturday, 31 January, 2009 at 0:04Such a dichotomy! My oldest just lost her first baby tooth on Sunday. And two weeks ago? We realized the pain in the back of her mouth is her first 6 year molar coming in.
Oh yeah, I’m prego too – and over 35 is NOT a good age to be prego.
ShredderFeeder
Sunday, 1 February, 2009 at 10:32I *LOVE* this post. My eldest is 12, middle 6, youngest 3 so I *TOTALLY* get where you’re coming from.
Please PLEASE don’t tell my kids you give them $5 for teeth…mine are quite happy with the gold $1 coin they get when they lose teeth.
Haven’t gotten to the point where my 12 year old tries to skip the whole pillow thing and just asks for payment up front….it’s coming though.
Pam
Monday, 2 February, 2009 at 8:48I know I’m weighing in kinda late here, but I just found your great blog!
I feel your pain…. http://pamsangleofrepose.blogspot.com/2008/12/tooth-fairy.html one of my 11-yr old’s molars just came out too. Such a “tween” thing…. still wanting the baby rituals, yet trying to act like an adult.
Amysprite
Monday, 2 February, 2009 at 15:51That was sweet. Kind of. I mean, I’m with you on appreciating the moments when they’re little, but (even though my littlest is 2 and turning 3 in a couple weeks) I am already past feeling nostalgic for these little rites of passage that infants and little toddlers go through. I’ll save the nostalgia for my grandbabies.
(And I am NOT ready for walking in on my boys doing anything, got it?