My son is a moron.
Well, more precisely, he’s in the throes of adolescence, but still. Idiot.
My boys are all about the online games. The 8 year old likes Andkon.com, and I don’t hate it because there aren’t popups. And the games are like crack. Bygones. The 10-almost-11-he’ll-have-you-know year old likes more “sophisticated” games, like Runescape. Runscape is WoW Jr., in case you don’t know.
Now, I did not take this “kids on the internet” thing lightly. If I had it my way, we’d still have an avocado rotary phone hanging in the kitchen with an extra long curly cord any shade but avocado attached to it so that I could put my kids in the corner under the phone but then walk really far away from them to talk to my friend and totally forget they’re in there while they shuffle their feet and moan about being tired or hungry or something. You know your mom did it, too.
Anyway, my point is that I still have a great amount of fear of technology. Maybe ‘respect’ is the right word. I just don’t think that I trust the internet that much just yet to hand my kids over to it. They, of course, think I am some barbarian because I boil water rather than microwave it, so there’s that.
I think we’ve found a nice compromise, however. I have to know of and approve of the sites they visit. I have to be the one who registers them for use of any sites. They can only be on the computer in the living room, and they are so afraid that someone is going to reach through the monitor and kidnap them, they’ll never ever chat online with anyone. I’m not above scaring the crap out of them to get a job done. My side of the deal is that I am open-minded and that I actually let them have internet time on occasion.
2of3 wanted me to get him signed up for Chaotic.com since he’s started in on those cards and dear god if something starts to smell over here it’s probably my dead, bloated corpse decaying under the mountain of abandoned Pokemon cards. Help? and the thing kept telling us his email was already in use. 1of3 had registered an account about a week ago, so I asked him if maybe he’d set another one up under his brother’s email. He said he hadn’t. Okay. I logged into 2of3′s email to see if there were any email notifications from Chaotic and oh my, were there. I actually couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t accept 2of3′s email, but what I did find out simply by logging into my 8 year old’s email was that my 10-almost-11-he’ll-have-you-know year old had set up several different Chaotic accounts for himself and used his 8 year old brother’s email address as the parent’s email.
And when I asked him, he denied it.
And when I asked him if he’d like to rethink that answer, he denied it again.
And when I turned the laptop around and showed him the five emails from Chaotic to 2of3, his parent, and asked him again, he denied it. In the end, the most I got out of him at the end of it was an emphatic, “Iuhnoh.”
I can’t decide which is worse, that he was so amazingly stupid, or that he thought I was. Either way, he’s grounded. For, like, ever.
Tagged with: 1of3
Jane
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 1:16I always feel so insulted when they think they’re going to get away with something obviously not get-away-with-able. That’s usually worse than the original naughtiness.
(Also, I think you mean “throes” of adolescence. Just, you know, if you’re down on stupidness in general.)
Dan
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 1:25Just wait a few years. My idiot,/s> son couldn’t figure out how I knew he had visited sites he shouldn’t have and become infected with a bot worm, until I showed him the router stats. And he still denied it right up until I showed him the traffic traces.
And he and his friends also thought that they could visit the porn sites without me knowing. Blocked that at the router and waited to see if they’d ask me if something was wrong with the network. Strangely, they never did. They just started spending a lot more time at the homes with less computer savvy parents. (You’d never guess I was a computer scientist, huh?)
At least there is one good thing. They generally try all these things and go down in flames and learn good lessons *before* they start driving where a similar degree of error could be fatal. I just hope that the lessons learned stick with them.
Kelley
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 2:02Bwaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
My mouth is zipped.
I am here for you when you need me. *snigger*
Heather
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 2:07Oh geez. Makes me want to freeze-dry my 5 y.o. and 18 m.o. in shrink wrap (not on their heads, ’cause then they’d suffocate which would defeat the purpose) and keep them from ever touching the computer. So far my daughter hasn’t asked to play on the computer (we’re happy) and my toddler only asks to Skype with his long-distance auntie.
Though my mom asked me this past summer (when the 5 y.o. was still just 4) if we could set her up an email account of her own. Uh. No. She can’t read yet, no need. And hello? She was FOUR! I don’t even believe in cell phone possession before the age of high school, nevermind an email address in preschool. *sigh*
Jen
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 3:09It’s terrible that he thought he’d get away with it, but what bugs me more is that he thought lying was ok. The continued to lie. And continued more.
I’ll tolerate a lot – running in the house, screaming at the top of your lungs during a raucous kid romp, jumping on furniture ’til it breaks. Lying is not one of the things I tolerate.
We’ve had our issues. The girls have tested it. They probably still are.
Still, I like to think they’ll be honest with me when push comes to shove.
OK…I’m unrealistic. I can live with that, too.
SciFi Dad
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 5:31These are not the droids you’re looking for.
J from Ireland
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 5:36Hi. My 9 year old got banned from Club penguin for 24hrs, for writing “asshole” He had stomach pains with the worry of telling us what he did. Good enough for him, the moron.
goldfish
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 6:32God. This terrifies me. My kid loves online games, but isn’t old enough to figure out how to break the rules. Why can’t they just be satisfied with Swiss army knives and cap guns?
Angela
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 6:43Yeah, the lying would bother me too. Especially when confronted with the evidence of said transgression. At least it’s about stupid stuff. How to prevent them from graduating on to lying about bigger stuff though? I’ve no idea.
My almost 5-year old has started lying too. She’s been pretty manipulative about it. I asked her once to please be quiet, and not to wake her sister up; then left for a short walk. I came back to find that she had indeed woken her sister up, and then told her Dad, “Mommy doesn’t need to know who woke Anna Grace up, and if you tell her I will be very upset with you.”
Yeah. Scares me to death.
Ali
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 6:53One of ours downloaded something recently without asking we ended up with a virus or something and then they both denied it. I don’t think they’ll be repeating it in the future. Oh, who am I kidding but I’ll keep punishing them anyway! I guess on some level it must seem easier to just stick with the lie, which, in my kid’s case, I can kind of see. Heh.
goldfish
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 7:02Revision: Swiss army knives, cap guns, and maybe a stick of dynamite. That seems more like it.
Write From Karen
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 7:14Speaking as a mother of two teenage HARD CORE gamer sons? Yeah, I feel your pain.
Trying to control them at this age is hard (just wait, it gets harder), all you can do is be aware of what they’re doing, talk to them about the sickos (with requisite eye rolling, of course), and trust them.
It stinks. But honestly, there’s not much else to be done unless you want to block those sites and trust me when I say, that’s not a viable option either because then you have to deal with the resentment along with everything else. (I’m NOT a baby! When are you going to start trusting me?) I’ve been lied to – a lot. But it was only after I chilled at and started talking to them in a more “adult” way, did they open up and talk to me. They lied about their activities because they were afraid I would be upset with them. We compromised (my attitude, their activities) and our relationship has been a lot easier because of my willingness to accept that this is what they like to do. How would I like it if someone took my computer/blog away from me? Exactly.
My oldest son frequents a chat room (he’s been chatting to the same group of fellows for a few years now!). I hated the idea at first, but after looking over his shoulder and reading conversations and talking (cautioning) his ear off about the dangers, did I start to finally relax. Which is better? To know what’s going on? Or be in the dark? He’s going to do it anyway, behind my back or otherwise, so I’d rather be in the loop.
I learned, a long time ago, one simply can not censor their kids forever. Reality bites. However, it’s good to talk about, and express an interest in, their games and to monitor their “reality” time. (I have to sometimes MAKE my sons get off their games and take a breath of fresh air, now and again).
Sorry this is so long, but I’ve so been there, done that. (My boys are 16 and almost 14).
Good luck. It’s hard to find that middle ground, but not impossible. Just keep your sense of humor and it really does help to look over their shoulder and ask non-threatening questions. I have to admit, some of those games ARE pretty cool.
Kel
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 7:34haha – for-e-vah! I totally threaten my daughter with that one and you better believe she thinks I’m crazy. :) Kids and the internet is scary – I let my daughter have it, but she is so locked down on the computer that if she dare breath in the wrong direction the house alarms will go off (see I’m not paranoid). Anyhow, my point is that at some time, we have to let them have it – this is just kind of my way of keeping them within arms reach should something go terribly wrong.
~K
One Mom's Opinion
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 8:41Crap. I keep hearing about how everyone’s kids are so much smarter than us via technology. He just proved how easy it is to pull the wool over a business and the parents.
Sometimes, I am glad that my son is so computer unaware and not interested. I hope he quickly realizes why your mad and why he’s on the hot seat.
Lying becomes easier at some point for kids. Even Harley is getting that and I hate lying more than anything else he could do. Lying makes me crazed.
Hang in there.
Allie
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 8:42Funniest thing: I read that first line of this post and thought it said “My son is a mormon.”
Jill
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 9:32Stop stop stop! My sons are going to be angel babies their whole lives and the worst thing I’ll have to deal with is picking up banana and bagel they throw onto the kithcen floor! Baby baby!
Vic
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 9:32Reminds me of the time I blamed my sister for writing her name on the wall, except that she couldn’t write yet. Yeah, it’s not got much better in the 20 years since!
Kristen
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 9:52I am right there with you. My oldest (11 going on 12 thank-you very much, mom!) is cut from the same cloth as yours. Of course he didn’t give my cell phone number to that gaming site to get access codes (and later, when he realized how dead he was going to be if he pulled it again, not his cell number either, because afterall his is only for emergencies). Of course he would never click on something that charges me money without permission. He has no knowledge now or in the future of anything like this at all and surely the cell phone company and their bill are completely mistaken. I think he’s now grounded until he’s 35, not for being stupid and actually doing this stuff, but for the repeated lying. And at least in my house, this means I’ll get about a week of angelic, kind behaviour as he tries to atone for his rat-b@stardness. After that, all bets are off though. Good luck with yours!
Zoeyjane
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:11There’s a positive in this: it was for a gaming site. Wait two years and then see if your credit card statements tell you he’s surfing. My ex’s youngest brother totally went that dumb route, using my credit card to register himself for a, um, interactive site. I got the statement, had to pay over $200 for his first month of membership AND talk to him about it.
That. Was. Death.
Dawn
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:25funny how stupid we parents are. He’s cleaver alright…but now he’s grounded…lol….
MommyTime
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:30This is like the student who plagiarized from my online lecture notes in a paper she was writing for my online class. As if I wouldn’t notice that the paragraphs in her paper were actually written by ME. Good thing he’s learning this lesson now.
Well Read Hostess
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:35Oh damn Pokemon
I hate you so many ways
Die Turtwig Die
Haiku for you, my sister in gaming hell.
Pam
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:51Like you, I want to limit how much time my kids are on the computer, and where they go. (they’re 10 & 11)
So, one of the things I do is visit the sites they want to use and try them myself.
I GOT ADDICTED TO RUNESCAPE!
It was so funny, I was like a crackhead. I’d make deals with myself “OK, I’ll just play until I get my crafting level up to 12, then I’ll go do the laundry.” I’d throw a batch in the wash and run back to the computer and make another deal “I can work on my fishing skills and woodcutting skills until the washer goes off.” It was hilarious, but I finally had to go cold-turkey.
Good job on your limits and detective work. Keep up the good work!
Miss Grace
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 10:53In a way? Clever. But after he got caught? Some serious Moronosis was afoot.
mn
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 11:12i’m really debating the whole internet thing. it’s waaay too easy. we have cartoon network and occasionally i’ll put on a picture from netflix.
but if you don’t watch them, they know how to switch internet channels. my 7 yr old does. i’m not sure i want to get into the whole gaming thing. he loves tv as is. does it get any funner please tell me it does!
mandy
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 11:32My 4 year old is already more proficient with technology than my parents are. I might be 1.5 steps ahead of him. Maybe.
When he hits 7, I”m going to tell him that we’re too poor for internet and he’ll have to wait until he’s a teenager with a part time job to get any face time with a computer.
I’m sure it will work. Right?
SingleParentDad
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 12:30‘Critical Technologies for Networked Warfare’.
Are you nurturing a couple of Dr Evils, or has the link for Chaotic gone to the wrong place?
Miss
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 13:08Consistant lying? Cut that shit NOW. However you need to. Ban computers from your house or something. Consistant lying is what got my husband through our marriage.
The only site my son plays games on is poptropica? I think that’s the name. And he uses his friends log in, which is bigfatfart. *sigh* My child WILL NOT have an email address at 7soon-to-be-8 years old.
ms. changes pants while driving
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 13:13the amazing thing is, you’re magic now. you have eyes in the back of your heads. remember when you were little and HOW THE HELL did mom know all the shit she knew? because we were idiots. and she was thismuch smarter than we were. and that was enough.
Tara R.
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 13:22We still make unannounced courtesy checks on my 15yos internetz accounts. He knows if he gets out of line, I’ll open a Facebook account and ‘friend’ him. Bwahahaha!
Lee of MWOB
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 13:28Oh DUUUUDDEE!! I feel you on this internet thing and as of now, the worst I’m seeing is Pixie Hollow, Club Penguin, PopTropica and Ty Babies!! Chaotic sounds way more intense to me! That’s my LIFE!! Why would they want to play a game on the internet about chaos? Just look at mama right?
I’ve scared my kids too about all kinds of computer stuff but mainly if you start trying to register on your own, your off the computer for life and I’ll take away all of your toys!! I haven’t gotten into computer kidnapping yet but it’s around the corner for sure….
Good luck with that forever grounding.
Oh yeah – I boil water too.
ian
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 14:17Well – I don’t have boys for the games and I’m sure whatever comes next issue… but I have 3 girls – one of which is already a moron. Funny how they can go from adorable and cute, to morons almost overnight isn’t it???
tracey
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 14:28Hey! We’re grounded for forever over here, too! Good stuff. Good stuff…
Sadly, it means he has been bugging the crap out of ME to play Pokemon cards with him all day long. And All I want to do is just stare at a computer screen and he’s not allowed to even SEE a computer or tv screen (it’s THAT bad over here) so it’s like I’M the one being punished…
daysgoby
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 14:33Hee! My son keeps asking me to set him up with an email address. Um, hell to the no?
mamacrow
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 15:24I’m SO glad it’s not just us. ours is just 12. and does the whole denying all the way to hell thing. I too feel insulted. I have a piece of paper PROOVING i’m not stupid for goodness sake!
Mom101
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 15:48I’m scared that my daughter knows how to use a mouse, so I can’t even let myself go to the land of internets and video games.
But I will say that’s the single most spectacular description of old rotary phones I think I’ve ever read. Accurate, too.
My Name is Cat
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 16:23When my 16 yr old was 12, I did something on the computer and the search words “boobs and pussy” came up. He’s dad asked him about it, and he denied it a couple of times first but finally admitted to it. He’s still grounded.
Bonnie B.
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 17:24My 11 year old daughter tried to tell me she felt “all better!!” just one hour after she said she was dying from a cold, just so she could go to a friend’s house. After quietly laughing my ass off in private, I sat her down and said “I’m not stupid. Old? Yes. But not stupid. Don’t try that crap with me again.” The look on her face was priceless.
And when my oldest daughter was 15 and left the school grounds to hop into a car with 2 boys to go to someone’s house for lunch (which was against both school rules and ours) it gave me HUGE satisfaction to have learned about it from her boyfriend about 6 months later! I was able to tell her “Don’t try shit like that, because you live in a small town and you NEVER know who will unwittingly rat you out!” She hasn’t done it since.
It’s those little victories, ya know?
Ashley
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 17:53I really don’t understand the whole lying even when there’s proof and you’ve SOOO been caught. I wish it were only a “boy”- thing.
perpstu
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 18:27I am saving this in my notebook of things to look for when LW approaches the iuhno age!
ck
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 20:25…I guess I should be grateful that my daughter has started training me on her lying techniques at age 4. Hopefully by the time she’s 11 I’ll be smarter than I thought my own mom was…
jo
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 20:36I am just waiting for Superman to try and pull a trick like this. My problem? I am the wishy washy one who succumbs under the giant blue eyes of my five-year-old clone. What’s a mother to do? Somehow the Amish don’t seem so weird anymore.
Matt
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 20:43My kids are still at the age of “My brother did it” but I remember when I was at that staeg and I totally thought that my mother, who works with computers on a daily basis and always has, would be so far behind in the computer technology knowledge that I could blame it on hackers. Turns out, she knew more then I did when it comes to ‘puters. And though I was SUPER grounded for my attempts I did learn a LOT more about computers after that. So take yourself a comp course and get (insert whatever OS you are useing here) certified, because I don’t know about up hockey country but here kids are getting windows certified in Jr. High School. And to be fair WA is pretty much hockey country too mixed with starbucks…everywhere.
Karen
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 21:08Thankfully my 7yr old still only sticks with disney channel and webkinz. Im dreading her independence, though not that much if she does stuff like that. Hahahaha
Gnilleps
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 21:17Don’t let them start with Mary Jane…. straight to Heroine IMO…. WoW !!!! heh. If they ever get there, let me know, I will play with him. =)
Kellie
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 22:09ooooh, I’m not looking forward to that day. My oldest is terrified of everything so I think I’ll be safe with her but my middle one, four years old, will look me straight in the eye and lie to me with a complete poker face. At least I know now.
computer where mom can keep and eye out…..priceless.
Kellie
Missives From Suburbia
Tuesday, 24 February, 2009 at 22:59I once met my therapist’s brilliant daughter and asked her what was the worst thing about growing up with her mother. She replied, “It was never as simple as getting caught doing something wrong and being punished; we had to explain WHY we did it and the emotions behind our motivation. It was really hard making that stuff up, so we just stopped doing stupid things.”
jessica
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 0:18these are the things that just make me so afraid for my kid to get older. I think you’re smart scaring them into thinking they will be kidnapped. I’m sorry but I do.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 0:21My 11 almost 12 year old boy is now big time into Runescape, and insist on talking about it all the time with me. I haven’t any real clue what he’s talking about. All I can do when he’s chattering is try to see a time in the future when he makes me a grandma. I just hope he does.
super mama
Wednesday, 25 February, 2009 at 0:56Dude I am so glad my 2yr old is still intrested in the screen saver, as for the games…one of the joys or (misfortunes for us adults) we only have dial up, it’s all we can get. Hopefully she will get bored before the pages even load! lol :)