Saturday morning, March 14th, 2of3 came into my room at 7 am and said, “Mom, it’s seven!”
I said humnaschmurna blageldorf.
He came back at 8 am and said, “Mawwwm, it’s EIGHT.”
I said okaerg.
At 8:30 I shook The Donor awake and we headed downstairs. The kids were all on the couch watching cartoons and three bowls of Lucky Charms were decomposing like Johann Pachelbel on the kitchen table.
So began my son’s ninth year. He opened his gifts, and by “opened” I mean “looked behind our backs” because really, I suck at even thinking about wrapping things.
Which totally explains why I have a nine year old. Bygones.
We sat on the couch and read the pages in his baby book were I’d scribbled out the story of his exodus*. I showed him which bones of his caught on which bones of mine making an otherwise run-of-the-mill labour last two motherfucking glorious days. I billed him for the previous year, like I always do, and he promised to pay me in Reese’s Pieces one day, like he always does.
I was disappointed that it was raining, so he couldn’t go out to ride his new skateboard. He thought it was totallywickedawesome that he was allowed to ride it in the house just this once. He thought the tie he chose for dinner that he’d clearly outgrown a year ago looked ‘mature’, I thought it looked like a great opportunity to explain the joys of ‘business casual’. He loved how his hair looked with the half jar of pomode he’d gooped into it, I thought he looked like Hitler after a rumble with The Jets.
So it goes with the boy born on the day of Relativity.
He had his very own steak at the restaurant that night, and no one even tried to cut it for him. He got the big knife and the huge dessert and the happy birthday song by the staff at the restaurant where they Do Not Sing happy birthday for anyone. He got to sit in the front seat with dad and choose the radio station and tonight as we tucked him in, he got double jumped with tickles and a million kisses.
So ended the first day of my son’s ninth year.
No matter how old he gets, how mature he grows, he’s still that baby boy I met nine years ago. When I saw his little face for the first time, I knew him, like I’d always known him, like he was an old friend. He looked like a lizard, but that’s totally beside the point. I knew he’s walk the paths I did, only with more grace. I knew he’d pick up where I left off and soar. He’s a mirror of me, all of his grandeur, and every one of his flaws. He’s what I’d hoped I could be and more. Because he’s him, and I’m pretty damn glad I got a piece of him.
*God, there are just so many Red Sea/parting thereof jokes to be made there, but I’m betting I’ll be in enough trouble for defiling my poor son’s birthday post as it is. You, however, can feel free to have at it.
Tagged with: 2of3, Birthdays, Pi Day
Veronica
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 2:46Happy Birthday 2of3!
Melisa
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 5:32Great Exodus reference, especially with Passover coming up in a couple of weeks and all…
:)
Happy B-day to him! Next year…double digits!
I love how you “bill him” for the previous year. Genius. Wish I had thought of it, but I can’t even start now. With mine being 14 and almost 17 (UGH, can’t believe it), methinks that if I tried to bill them, they *probably* wouldn’t think it was cute and I’d get that eyeroll I so often see.
SciFi Dad
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 6:00Happy Birthday 2of3.
When you’re older, you’ll look back fondly on this birthday as “the one where Mom wasn’t too busy with the internet”.
Cherish it, young Padawan.
anya
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 6:26Oh so good to have you back. Happy Birthday to your son! In 3 weeks I will also have a 9 year old boy….I don’t know how the heck that happened!
Kel
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 6:28Happy Birthday little Man!
daysgoby
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 6:47Happy Birthday, Lovely Boy!
thedemigod
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 6:53TOTALLY cracked up RE: “wrapping things and why I have a 9 year old”.
Happy Birthday to Mr. Man!
Robin Einzig
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 7:39Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Having a nine-year-old myself, it just plain made me cry. Of course, I was laughing at the same time (especially about the strike-out), so now I’ve been temporarily incapacitated in two directions simultaneously. Cool.
You’re a wonderful writer, and I have to admit I feel a bit of kinship here, especially when I saw your “what is your quest” and “what is your favorite color”. Nice touch.
I’m adding this blog to my daily rounds. What a treat. Thanks.
the planet of janet
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 7:57happy birthday, 2of3!
hope your bill for the next year is less …
Miss Britt
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 8:04You take payments in candy?
What a softie.
tracey
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 9:15Oh, yes. Pi day. My sister is a math teacher. She has Pi t-shirts. Because she’s cool like that…
Happy birthday to your 9 year old!
super mama
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 9:452of3 looks soooo grown up eatting…what a great post, hope you ‘puter is working again! :)
Jill
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 9:50(a) Welcome back.
(b) Happy Birthday to your handsome, handsome boy!
Royce Cutlass
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 10:03You’ve always had a great way of writing these things.
OHmommy
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 10:21Happy birthday2 of 3.
OMG. Next year you are totally going to have 2/3 of your kids in double digits. Whoa. That will be super cool, no? ;)
April
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 10:36Yay, you’re back!
Happy Bday, 2of3! I needed a little reminder of why I love my kids today…
Matt
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 10:45¡feliz cumpleaños!
I still outgrow ties too, only now its because my neck is too fat.
Beautifully written, as always. :)
tena
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 10:47Very sweet tribute- Happy Birthday to him!
He looks adorabe in the dinner pic all pimped out!
Lee of MWOB
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 11:04Oh geez – good to have you back. And this birthday post got me all squishy feeling inside. That face on your boy – wow. What a melter.
Happy 9th year….right on with that skateboard!!
:-)
Nicole
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 11:36Happy Birthday!! Love the dinner pic – that’s a big knife! haha :)
Kelly
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 12:46Awesome! What an achievement!
Miss
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 12:56Happy Birthday dood! You’re way cooler in life already than I’ll ever be.
Welcome back mom. Only you can pull off a “forgot to wrap it up” joke in your son’s birthday post. Kudos to you my friend.
Kori
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 13:21Happy Birthday to 2of3, and I am also glad you are back. I can’t do the Red Sea Jokes, as I am a heathen and all, but I am sure others will come up with more suitable ones; though I am glad to see that you gave him steak instead of manna from heaven, because me? I always thought it was bird shit that they were mucnhing down on every day.
Jeanette
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 13:29Happy birthday 2of3!!
What a lucky man to be able to ride a skateboard in the house… even if it was just once!
melissa
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 13:51happy birthday #2!
that…was one of the most beautiful birthday posts i’ve ever read.
nonna
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 15:35ditto thedemigod and LOL again at nukeDad. too funny.
guess i can not be that lazy so i’ll say happy b-day 2of3 instead of ditto-ing it :)
Chibi Jeebs
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 15:51Happy birthday, dude! :)
Xbox4NappyRash
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 15:56Guess who was reading poetry while their computer was busted….
(Lovely)
Happy Birthday, young man.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 16:40I hope that 2of3 had a very happy birthday!!! =) I’m sure he did, as skateboarding in the house would be pretty cool!
Also, congratulations to you – not only on the two-day long “glorious” exodus nine years ago, but on getting this far and keeping it together. I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose my shit about ten minutes after my first baby is born.
Matt
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 18:53you are a lot nicer then me, If my child was born on Pi I would have them learn recite Pi pne more charactor every year untill 13 then its 3 so by the time he was 42 he could recite Pi to 100 charators. Thats just me but I am mean like that.
I think it would be cool if pizza companies gave away 1 free radial to anyone who walked in on Pi day ie. a slice.
Felize Compleanos little man. 3.141592653 (9 charactors into Pi) or 11.00100100001111110110 (in bianary…yes I know I am a geek)
Dawn
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 18:55Be still my heart!
The New Girl
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 19:31Aw. Happy Birthday, kid.
Momo Fali
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 20:02Do you think he’s into older women? Because I have a 10 year old daughter who would be right up his alley. Only I would insist you teach him how to wrap packages first.
Gnilleps
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 21:30So I scroll down to the bottom to write my comment, and soda… straight out my nose thanks to Momo Fali and her present wrapping!
Anyway, Mr. Man is getting so big. I really enjoyed talking to you all on his B-Day… I love the accidental call. You should trade some of those Recees in on a few years back…. 7 was a good age!
Love you guys.
(Welcome back Mr.)
Fawn
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 22:01“Which totally explains why I have a nine year old. Bygones.”
LMAO!!! Hahahahahaha!
Ah, it’s so good to have you back!!! (So good, that excessive exclamation marks are called for!)
I don’t really get the “billing for the previous year” thing… it sounds like fun, but I feel like I’m missing a point… perhaps I am just dense. However, to cover up my confusion, I am going to be a total bitch and point out that this is the start of your son’s TENTH year. ;)
Loralee
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 22:39This post so exactly reminds me of my own 9.5 yr old that it makes my heart tear up. SO adorable. (Especially the Business Casual thing. Aweee)
BusyDad
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 0:03You need to give him a “get your skateboard out of trash Free” card. I know how you are with wheeled objects in the house. I’m sure it’ll come in handy sometime soon.
Happy birthday 2 of 3!
Leslie Dillinger
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 1:14Aww, Happy Birthday BD 2of3! Great pics and glad you are back, Lady. Missed you! xoxo
flickrlovr
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 1:42Oh man. Your kid is beyond cool. I think you done somethin’ right Lady. To have those three awesomes. And even though I’m a little late…WELCOME BACK! So glad to see you alive and well (if that can be inferred from a blog post).
xo.
Courtney
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 14:14Awwww, happy belated birthday to 2of3. Great pictures and it’s great to have you blogging again!
Emily
Wednesday, 18 March, 2009 at 2:48I’m a bit late. but anyway, belated b’day wishes to your smart boy. I liked your allusion to Exodus
Michele
Wednesday, 18 March, 2009 at 13:59I LOVED your last paragraph.
Kandi
Sunday, 22 March, 2009 at 19:17Happy Birthday to your boy. Almost 11 years ago he was conceived. Weird if you think about it that way. You met him 10 yrs ago and he just started his 10th year not 9th. lol. I love that.
Al_Pal
Tuesday, 24 March, 2009 at 18:58So with the whole Pi thing, I was expecting lighthearted and funny.
It was. Package wrapping? Business casual? Yeah.
What I was not expecting? Was to CRY. Whether it is because I’m a softie, or because I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have kids, I don’t know. But the bit about how he’s an old friend *totally GOT to me*.
I’m better now. But whew, what a ride! :P
Great post.