Yes, yes, we totally live in Vancouver, and have for years, but A) I am not over Denver yet and B) for the purposes of this post, we are from Denver. Someday, I’ll actually move here all the way.
We are from Denver. Not ‘just outside Denver in the ‘burbs’ Denver, but Denver Denver. LoDo. Cap Hill. The city of. 80206 has always been the kids’ zip code. And when you live in 80206, there are things you do like walk to school and ride your bikes to the park and there are things you don’t do, like any of that alone.
Right before we moved to Vancouver, we were just starting to toy with the idea of letting the kids be home alone. We’d give them 10 minute spurts alone while we ran to Sevies for milk, but not much more, no matter how ardently they plead for it. Because Denver is awesome in the same way god is; you totally dig him, but you’re kind of scared shitless of him at the same time.
Case in point? A year after we moved, our old next door neighbor shot and killed a 2 year old right in front of the house we lived in. Like, on our old front steps. Like, right here.
And we lived in the really burbish, hippy neighborhood. A few years before that, one of our neighbors decided he would go rape a bunch of the women in our neighborhood. Like, 80 year olds and 20 year olds. At the same time. And he lived at the end of that block I lived on, and two houses to the right. But at the same time, we had mom & pop ice cream parlors and yarn shops.
My point is that, for the most part, we kept our kids within arm’s reach, just in case.
But since we’ve been here in sunny Vancouver, the boys have gotten used to a little more freedom, mostly because my neighbors actually scolded me for hovering over the kids too much. We were reminded that this wasn’t Denver, and that in our little community the kids enjoy and appreciate a bit longer leash. That it is good for them, and I ought to relax. So we gave this whole pre-teen freedom thing a shot, since they are quite a bit older now, and they’re quite a bit over being smothered, and so far my neighbors have been proven correct. At first we’d let just them go outside all by themselves, and then we tried leaving them for 30 minutes or so while we ran out for something. And then I started coming home just a little bit after they’d get home from school. And then I upped it to an hour. And then we left the boys for one whole evening. And then we let 1of3 babysit for a night, and it’s all gone beautifully. Viva la Canada, yo.
They lock the extra locks when we’re out, they know to not answer the door or the phone unless it’s mom or dad on the caller id; they get it. They like it, and they don’t want to blow it, so they’ve been really careful to abide by all of our rules while we’re not here. Or at least they were.
When I told them about the BlogHer get-together we had on Sunday, their eyes did Gold Medal Worthy backflips into their heads and they said there was no way in Bikini Bottom they were coming to that thing. We agreed that they’d stay home and do some last minute chores (which have yet to be done, for the record) and that they could each have one friend over. Two neighbors were put on mom-alert to peek in my windows occasionally and make sure they weren’t burning the joint down, and 3of3, Angella and I headed off without them for the whole day.
We came home to a fairly decent house, two living, breathing sons who were fed and didn’t smell like anything I’d want to put on a petri dish, and two smiling neighborhood kids. I counted the day a success and told them both how proud I was of them, even if they hadn’t answered the phone when I’d called, but erring on the side of caution is always a good choice in my book so high fives all around.
The next day, my sister in law called. She asked if 2of3 had told me she’d phoned, and he hadn’t, and then she giggled and told me about the call they had.
He told her I wasn’t home because I was at a work thing. He told her dad was at work, too. He told her that he was trying to not watch tv because it would rot his brain, and that he was duelling Pokemon cards while his brother was downstairs on the computer. He told her he was going to skateboard out front in just a little bit, and then he’d have a snack. And then he asked her just one, simple, little question…
Um, who is this?
Needless to say, they’re coming to the next everything ever again with me.
Tagged with: 2of3, Denver, Vancouver
Surfer Jay
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 0:52Holly crap, and he was seemingly being so responsible at home without you, then…….’who is this’! That was good, albeit a tad scary too.
I can wait till my boy gets to the being left at home alone age. Oh I can wait.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:12@Surfer Jay, you really don’t have it. That day will be here, like, tomorrow.
BusyDad
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 1:30Providing every mundane detail. Check. Not knowing nor really caring who that’s being relayed to. Check.
He’s destined for Twitter greatness.
(there is a bright side to everything).
Zoeyjane
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 1:34@BusyDad,
He’s right, that’s got over-sharing-on-social-media written all over it.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:12@BusyDad, you really need a 12 step program for Twitter.
Avitable
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 5:34Just imagine the other phone calls he probably received:
“I’m calling to see if you’re happy with your long distance service.”
“My mom and dad aren’t home.”
“Umm, okay.”
“Hi, I’m from Amvets and wanted to come by to pick up any extra clothes you might have.”
“We’re home alone but I can give you everything from my mom’s closet.”
“We’ll be right there.”
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:13@Avitable, god, I WISH he’d give away all that shit I can’t get up past my cankles anymore. Maybe it’s time to buy some clothes in my size, huh?
SUPAHMAMA!
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 6:25oh my god, i would have shit bricks… thank goodness my kids are both under two and can’t answer the phone… i mean…
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:14@SUPAHMAMA!, but they can still call China. Not that I know anything about THAT. :)
Tara R.
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 6:30Maybe they should have a phone script, like a telemarketer.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:15@Tara R., oh, honey, if it’s not on the screen of a DS, they don’t read it.
That gives me an idea….DIBS!!!
Futureblackmail
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 6:35Did you just reference Bikini Bottom in a post?! What’s worse? I knew what you were talking about. Gah.
I came home after letting my 13 YO stepson watch 6 YO daughter. She was playing outside, while he was on the computer WITH headphones ON. WTF.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:15@Futureblackmail, that’s pretty awesome. I find a hefty bribe makes for a great babysitter.
thetutugirl
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 6:53I think the solution is just to not let them answer the phone when they’re home alone. I’m pretty sure that rule was enforced in my house until high school. Though, we had a regular old message machine instead of voice mail, so if my parents needed us, they’d just stream through the machine.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:16@thetutugirl, I think the solution lay in a roll of duct tape, personally. :)
daniel
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 7:42Use a cell phone for the kid – that way they don’t answer the home phone next time (because as much as you hate it, there will be). If both you and your husband have your own, you can give him one of those, or have one of those $10 disposable jobs for instances like this.
Scary result to what should have been an alright story. And the worst part is that in about 10 years you’ll tell this story again and laugh.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:17@daniel, I’m telling it and laughing TODAY, dude. Also, my kids know how to text. Handing them a cell phone is worse than handing them my bank card.
daniel
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 7:18@Mr Lady,
That’s why buying one of the $10 disposable phones might be a good idea, because if they text too much, then their shit is up and hell to pay when parentals cant get through because somehow junior rigged up the phone to text on a disposable phone that wasn’t equipped for it and used up all the minutes. I figure if those disposable phones are good for Michael Weston, they’re good enough for me. I’ll be using them when this batch of kids I have now is old enough to stay home alone. Or I’ll use your duct tape idea. Whichever is cheaper. Though those phones are pretty cheap now…
daisy
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:05Oh the “What if’s” that go along with these situations!
You should do a little scare tactic. Let them do the “Alone” thing while you “Run to the store.” Get a friend (that they don’t know) to call from a payphone. Then have that friend show up all stalker-like. Knocking on the door, peeking in the windows etc…
That should scare the crap out of them and you’ll never have to worry about them answering the phone again.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:18@daisy, or just make them watch more zombie movies, so they won’t want to be home alone anymore.
ZDub
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:11Holy balls, kids are little crackheads. At least yours are cute crackheads.
Denver is scary like that. That’s why I represent in Monument…80132 till I die.
Or until I can convinve my husband to move back to California.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:19@ZDub, do you know Vodkapundit? He also lives in Monument.
ZDub
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:12Or CONVINCE.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:20@ZDub, I salute a well-placed typo. As you can see in any one of my dumb posts. Someone should invent a program that checks your spelling on the intern…… Oh.
Jessi
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:22I totally did that when I was a kid, too. And look, I’m like alive and stuff. I understand though. It would have totally freaked me out. Hope that next time (when they’re in their 30′s) goes better.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:22@Jessi, yup, so did I and so am I. And sadly, next time will be when I forget, which, at the rate I’m going, will be next week. To do: Buy fish oil. And take it.
Kori
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:40Oh god, don’t tell me these things…because I choose to live in blissful ignorance about what goes on when I am gone. A note to remember, though, and don’t ask how I know this: flashing lights in front of the house when you come home are NEVER a good thing, and also, when you hear sirens, don’t EVER say out loud, “Jeez, I hope that’s not MY house!”
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:22@Kori, I kind of want to know, but oh GOD I don’t. :)
tena
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 8:43I get the life style change so much. We are transplants from ST LOUIS CITY- the actual city. We now live in the burbs where people say they are from St Louis, but they really aren’t because they haven’t been shot at and had several cars stolen- hubs is still a policeman there so he is constantly reminded of the crime . It has been really hard to lighten the leash on our kids and people just don’t get it! My son is 14 and has gotten more freedom than I thought he would EVER get- but my husband will totally pull a double standard with the girls- they might as well pack up for the convent now- they’re screwed!
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:24@tena, I bought my boys a city bus pass last year. I couldn’t even believe I was doing it as I did it. The suburbs mess with your head, man.
Kate
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 9:26Hmmm…I may have to up my join-the-Amish date.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:25@Kate, at least no one will ever take awkward pictures of you again if you do. But you do have to wear a bonnet, which is probably why the outlawed photography, honestly.
One Mom's Opinion
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 9:55Harley is nearly 14. We are up to 6 hours solo on dates and errands. We check in twice by calling and if he’s really bored–he calls us. The dog is always with him and he’s locked inside with the security system on. Totally different from yours. Mine is worried about the house being broken into and such.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:26@One Mom’s Opinion, 6 hours? Oh my god, that sounds like HEAVEN.
And dude, he’s almost 14???? That’s NUTS. He was younger than 1of3 is now when I met you.
Julie
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 10:45ah, boys. So totally different than girls. I have 2 boys, and while I can’t remember specifics of my early trial runs, I think it completely and totally depends on where you live. Well, and the maturity level of said boys.
What Daisy suggested (a “rehearsal” so to speak, for “next time(s) ) seems like the easiest way to suss out if you’re really ready to do a next time. I’d even do this more than once, but with a big time gap in between, and mix it up the 2nd time around.
You are in charge, and you have every right to yea or neigh this scenario. I also like the “don’t answer the home phone” plan, and give them an emergency cell phone to use/answer (for when you call home to check). Just wipes out the whole child molester/stalker component.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:27@Julie, i’m still leaning more towards zombie movies, and 4 extra arms to carry groceries with. :)
zeghsy
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 10:49i’ve had mine call in tears while papa is out golfing (9 holes only – 2.5 hours max). she doesn’t mind being home alone (knows the drill – no one over, don’t answer the door, don’t answer the phone unless it’s me or papa) but she gets spooked easily.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:28@zeghsy, he’ll go out for just 9? He ANSWERS WHEN HE PLAYS? I’ll trade you husbands right fucking now, dude.
zeghsy
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 7:58@Mr Lady, uh… it’s my dad. if you really want him, i guess you can have him. he makes a pretty decent papa. he only answers if he can hear it. irritating when he’s driving.
Matt
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 11:27You’re only JUST NOW getting to the point where you leave them alone? My wife and I have a three-week-old and we leave him alone all the time. Just the other night we went out, ate PF Changs and saw The Hangover. We just tossed a couple of extra bottles, some wipes and a handful of Cheetos into his crib on our way out and he was fine. It was great. Start em young, I say.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:29@Matt, Frankie’s so totally old enough to babysit, dude. She can reach the bottom of the fridge now, right?
Matt
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:35@Mr Lady, Oh, yeah. The other day she drove me to get my medication, a Reader’s Digest and my Social Security check. It was fantastic.
Miss Grace
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 11:42Yeah. Maybe have a little talk about the phone.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:29@Miss Grace, or about how I’ll kill them if they ever do that shit again?
Catherine
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 12:08I have friends in the 80206. We don’t live there. We live in the ‘burbs where the almost-6-yo and almost-4-yo get their helmets on themselves and ride around on the cul-de-sac without my constant supervision. There are any number of adults and teens out at a given time, and we really do have that “look out for your neighbor” mentality.
My friend though? Her kids don’t even go in the backyard without parents. They live on a corner with a regular chain link fence and there are too many unknowns.
We’re moving to the city when the kids are gone.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:30@Catherine, you know you’re telling me who your friends are, dude.
Jaina
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 13:05Umm, wow. So good right up till that one little question. Bet he’ll never make that mistake again though. ;)
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:30@Jaina, doubt it. It would be hard to answer the phone from the grocery store, duct taped to my right leg.
Ree
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 14:09hahahaha. The first time we left Shortman alone overnight (he was 15 and the best-next-door-neighbors-in-the-world were home the whole time) he did everything right. He answered the phone when it was us or my parents. He got the pizza we had delivered to him, gave the correct $ and tip, and returned the change to us. The dog had food and water and there were no “presents” left in the house. He brushed his teeth and washed his face and lo, there was singing in the land because…the possibilities!
Then we found out he hadn’t actually GONE TO SLEEP. No, he pulled an all-nighter playing World of Warcraft.
Sigh.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:31@Ree, well, it could have been worse.
Hmm.
Well….errr….
No, no it couldn’t have. Holy DORK, batman. :)
Patti
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 14:12We are right here with you only swap the boys for girls and yah….we’ve had that exact same conversation except with my sister on the other end.
They grow up WAY too fast, don’t they?
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:32@Patti, and they’re so predictably similar. Tweens, I tell you what.
Angella
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 16:24This. This is why I have yet to teach my kids how to answer the phone.
(Also. MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.)
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:32@Angella, dude, so totally ditto.
J from Ireland
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 16:53This is hilarious, thank god it was your sister-in-law.
We left our son home alone one time and my friend rang. When she asked for me, he said I was in the shower. She then asked for his dad and my son told her he was in the shower too!
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:33@J from Ireland, that is freaking awesome.
Emily
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 17:51Hahahahaha His last line killed me. (I know I won’t find it funny in like 7 weeks but for now I’m LMAO!)
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:33@Emily, no, no you won’t. But you will in 2018, I promise. :)
Dawn
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 18:23Priceless…
MommyTime
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 18:41I am totally cracking up about @J from Ireland’s comment. Perhaps that is what you should instruct the boys to say? *snort* At least they did most things right. Honestly, you can work on the phone thing. Good for you for putting some trust in them. I know it will be very hard when the time comes here (not to say there aren’t moments where I wish I could just turn on Noggin and go for a 30-minute run in the neighborhood alone).
PS to all you lurking Child and Family Services employees: I don’t ACTUALLY do that. I just wish I could.
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:34@MommyTime, (I’ve done that)
Matt
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 18:43well well well, so much for NOT answering he phone eh? But I would say to not bring the hammer down all the way just 95 % and let then see that the wrath of mom is nothing to be trifled with. Explain why what happened was a bad thing and things should be fine. If things have been good so far I would say give them another chance. They are young, they are learning, they are children.
P.S. Sorry about the drunken response I left on your last article. And why don’t we ever talk anymore?
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:35@Matt, I found it oddly endearing, actually. Confusing as all fuck, but cute.
And, um, you don’t bring me flowers?
Matt
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 6:47@Mr Lady,
I will have your flowers tomorrow.
anymommy
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 21:26I’m laughing and freaked out for you at the same time. How unlucky is he too? That it was your sister in law?
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:36@anymommy, totally unlucky. His friends would never have ratted him out.
Wholesale Printing
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:20Just when you thought the kids are learning to do things without supervision… :)
But aren’t you relieved that it was your sister-in-law that they were talking to?
Mr Lady
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:36@Wholesale Printing, yes, yes I am. Mostly because she totally snitched.
tracey
Tuesday, 16 June, 2009 at 23:59Dang. He was doing so well, too! At least he didn’t say his brother was looking at porn on the computer…
Mr Lady
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 0:46@tracey, his brother is far to interested in Runescape to give two shits about girls. And see, I mock Ree, but only because I dwell in her cave.
Cory
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 0:30So when I decide to leave my kids home alone, this will only reinforce the lack of a home phone line.
Emergencies be damned.
Mr Lady
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 0:46@Cory, smoke signals are all the rage these days. :)
Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 2:14My son is a contradiction. He wants to go solo into the skeevy men’s bathroom but throws a hissy fit when he can’t tie his own shoes.
Audubon Ron
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 4:37“Mama! Ronnie’s telling orders on us again.” The sound of my little brother and little sister because I use to have to babysit while my parents were off doing their whatever. I didn’t actually ever answer or use the phone until I got a grilfriend. I would dial her number and say, “Hi, it’s me.” Then there would be an hour of silence.
maggie, dammit
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 9:19PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
ShredderFeeder
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 9:44hell I can’t get mine to answer the phone when I *WANT* him to, let alone when strangers call.
anne
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 10:27I remember back in the day when I was working at a call center (summer after freshman year in college), and kids would tell us everything… even when we just asked for ____name of parent____….
i dont doubt that your kids are amazing and responsible, but ya, somtimes they’re just too innocent, ya know?
:) you’re a good mom!
Eva Gallant
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 13:47I loved this blog; and reading the comments and responses was equally hysterical.
FYI They are never old enough to be left alone. One of my friends went on vacation and left her 20-year-old son in charge of his 16 and 13 year old brothers. When she called to check up on things, the 20-year-old said “I hope you don’t mind, Mom; I had a party last night.” She responded, “You’ve always been a good kid; if you wanted to have a couple of friends over, no problem. How many guests did you have?”
The beginning of his response was, “Well, when the police came, there were 204 cars parked up and down the street…”
Keyona
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 14:17I would just like to say….TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Who cares what everyone else does. I will be one hovering bitch for fucking ever! :o)
the planet of janet
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 21:27next time, just lock ‘em in the closet for the night. it works great.
Alison
Wednesday, 17 June, 2009 at 22:09Was that shooting on St. Paul? As in the block that I used to spend a crapload of time on? Weird.