Dies Hier

Hello, old blog. It's been a while. 

I went backwards, reading my past 30 entries or so (which got me to 2013, wow) to see where I left off and try to piece together what's been said (and what hasn't). I realized that it's all just too weird and complicated to attempt a digital backfill, so maybe it's better to just start where I am right now. 

Where I am right now is Düsseldorf, Germany.  What I've learned one day (or is it two days with the time change?) in is that Germany is not fucking around. Germany brings you a goddamn plate of sauerkraut. 

They also just keep refilling your bier until you give them money and leave, and if you don't speak German and try to order anything to drink other than bier, they just bring you kaffee.  Which they will never refill.

Neither Jim nor I speak a single word of German and know not a single German custom (despite my having birthed three German-Americans, which buys you a lot less of a pass in actual Germany than you'd think), but we're figuring it out. Our friend from Berlin gave us this shockingly helpful book and so we knew to expect a lot of potatoes (no sauerkraut spoilers, thankfully) and to not expect, um, service

We'll be in Germany for a few days, and then head back to Amsterdam where we had a short and productive layover yesterday (two days ago? What day is it again?) during which I ordered a short flat white at the airport and walked away with what Jim's mom says is a perfectly valid Chinese name, so I'm going to keep it. #ThanksRutte*.

We're here for work - Jim's work specifically, but I work there, too, and I realize that I've not actually talked (here or on social) about leaving my old job at BlogHer way back in 2013. I haven't talked about a lot of things, but a lot of things kept right on happening anyway. 

We're going to Berlin on Thursday and while we're there, we're going to tour all of the old stuff that a U.S. girl born in the 70s thinks of first when she thinks Berlin - the wall, the Führerbunker where Hitler killed himself. As I understand it, the wall won't be terribly hard to find or see, but the Hitler stuff? Gone. A parking lot near a playground and some apartments.

Berlin is not backfilling. Berlin is very good at saying this, here, is where we are. This, here, is what we're doing. Keep doing THIS. I could learn a thing or two from Berlin. 

The past year - hell, the past two years -  have been the most amazing, crazy, wild ride and it's been moving so fast I haven't been able to do anything except hold on tight and see where it takes all of us. Some of it was really hard, some of it really amazing, and some of it is still working itself out (some of it probably never will). I could go back and hash my way through it all, lay out everything I wish I'd done and said differently, tell all of the stories so that I don't forget them.

I could explain what the hell happened to my domain name - why I changed it in the first place, and why it's back to the old one.
I could write out what getting a piece of mail that said my 15 year marriage was over felt like.
I could tell you about finding one brother and losing another one.

Or maybe I'll let myself forget some of it, and just start with this, here, today. The sun came up in Germany a little while ago, and there is sauerkraut to eat. 

 

*I'm well aware that no one gets that**. I hardly got it. Bygones.
**He's the prime minister of Holland. You know, Holland's Obama? Oh, nevermind.