My husband has been reading my blog for damn close to a year now. In fact, he’s been reading many of YOUR blogs for several months as well. I am still trying to come to terms with this little arrangement.

The thing is, I used to be able to say Any. Damn. Thing. I wanted to about him, because I went to such great lengths to keep this blog, to keep our little thing, a secret.  Now that it’s out there, I kind of have to temper myself. Which means I omit a lot. But not today, dear readers, not today.

See, The Donor’s work week is Tuesday – Saturday, and since he’s been out of town for the past week, he’s the slightest bit backed up at work right now. I am hoping, nigh praying, that means it’ll be until this weekend before he pops in for a read. And though I am terribly witty and tragically hot, he kind of lives with me. He doesn’t exactly scroll back through the posts. (I think) (I hope) (We’ll see)

So, without further ado, here’s a few of the conversations we’ve had over the past week, that he will positively murder me for posting on a public forum.  Bring it:

Via text

Him: Fucking (insert friend in Portland’s name here) has a Porsche.

Me: You have a huge (censored). You win.

Him: No, YOU win.

Me: I’d much rather (bleep) you in the back of the station wagon than a Porsche anyday. More wiggle room.

Him: You so nasty.

Me: Bring your suburban sell-out ass over here; I’ll show you some nasty.

Him: ………

Me: Too far?

Him: ………

• Valuable Lesson Aside: Do not point out to the approaching-mid-life-crisis-suburban-sell-out that he is a suburban-sell-out, no matter what degree of nasty you attach to it.

Via email:

Him: I love this blog thing. It’s like I don’t even have to talk to you anymore.

Me: ……….

• Wow, He’s Flexible Aside: I didn’t realize he could actually get his foot all the way up to his mouth. He should do YOGA.

On the porch:

Him: (about yesterday’s post) The Mile High Club, huh? Are you a member? *glare*

Me: Nope. The only person I’ve ever flown with is my brother.

Him: *continued glare*

Me: SO NO.

Him: *giggle* Well, technically you are. Denver and all. *wink*

Me: I guess you’re right. You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever done it with at sea level.

Him: *shoots soda out nose* Not cool, Shan. NOT COOL.

• Hello, My Name Is: Aside: Mary. My name is Mary. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.