shit, I AM old

Today my beautiful nephew turns 15. Excuse me while I go throw up.

I came into his life when he was 5, and didn't meet him until he was 7, but though I can remember life without him he cannot recall life without me. This boy, he loves his Auntie Mr. Lady. We talk on the phone, he introduces me to all his friends, we hang out and eat tots. Though his Mexican skin and his Italian attitude betray the fact that he is not actually my flesh and blood, I gotta say, he sure does feel like it. I seriously love him as much as I love my own sons, and I secretly wish I could just steal him and make him live with me.

Of course, any minute now he's going to figure out that it's not really so cool to be down with one's old ass aunt, and all this will come to a screeching halt, and I will be replaced by girls and sports and god-I-hope-not-but-probably beer.

So I savour my precious little time left with my sweet, endearing nephew.

When he was 5, he told his mom that he was going to play in the NFL one day. She rolled her eyes and signed him up for gymnastics. When he was 7 or so, he told his mom he was going to play for the Dallas Cowboys in the NFL. She rolled her eyes and signed him up for soccer. When he was 10, he told his mom that he was going to be the greatest football player of all time for the NFL. She rolled her eyes and signed him up for Pee-Wee Football. Today he is the star wide-receiver on his freshman football team. He lives just outside Phoenix, where they take their football very, very seriously, and little girls all over have his name on their cheeks in black eyeliner*

and a few NFL scouts have already pulled his mom aside and talked to her about him. Him and his future.

I, naturally, have totally convinced him that the only way, the only proper, respectable way to go, is to get into CU and play for the Buffs and get signed by the Steelers. That way, everyone wins. He goes to college, he gets to realize his NFL dreams, and my fucking team will stop sucking total ass.

Everyone. Wins.

Anyway, happy birthday, my little E. Your auntie, she loves you. A lot.

*My little girl is no exception to this rule.