;)
Tuesday
Oct162007
How to be a very bad cool parent in 10 easy steps
Tuesday, October 16, 2007 at 2:54PM
1. Promise your kids you'll take them to an amusement park all summer, but don't do it. Because you're horrible parents, that's why.
2. Take them to a Fright Night thing like Six Flags parks do. Make sure it's one who's website cautions, "Not recommended for ages 12 & under, Seniors 65+, people with sensitivity to strobe lighting, people with high blood pressure, pregnant women or scaredy cats." Make sure they hear the sales lady, the neighbors and the parking attendant say, "You're taking them there?" Take them anyway.
3. Talk it up so much that by the time they hit the main gates, the kids are scared to death.
4. Walk them past all the Haunted Houses in the park. Try to drag them in, because you LOVE the Haunted Houses. When they refuse, take them on the whip-you-around-in-a-circle-going-3-bazillion-miles-an-hour rides. (NOTE: if your child is just barely tall enough to ride the ride, he is also just barely short enough to almost slip through he guard rail, and it's really hard to take a good picture going 3 bazillion MPH.
7. Smile and console when your son, at about this point, confesses that he peed his pants a little on the Hellevator.
8. Find something, anything, called Baywatch, and ride it.
10. Do ALL of this on a school night. Get them to bed 2 hours past bedtime.
2. Take them to a Fright Night thing like Six Flags parks do. Make sure it's one who's website cautions, "Not recommended for ages 12 & under, Seniors 65+, people with sensitivity to strobe lighting, people with high blood pressure, pregnant women or scaredy cats." Make sure they hear the sales lady, the neighbors and the parking attendant say, "You're taking them there?" Take them anyway.
3. Talk it up so much that by the time they hit the main gates, the kids are scared to death.
4. Walk them past all the Haunted Houses in the park. Try to drag them in, because you LOVE the Haunted Houses. When they refuse, take them on the whip-you-around-in-a-circle-going-3-bazillion-miles-an-hour rides. (NOTE: if your child is just barely tall enough to ride the ride, he is also just barely short enough to almost slip through he guard rail, and it's really hard to take a good picture going 3 bazillion MPH.
7. Smile and console when your son, at about this point, confesses that he peed his pants a little on the Hellevator.
8. Find something, anything, called Baywatch, and ride it.
10. Do ALL of this on a school night. Get them to bed 2 hours past bedtime.
Reader Comments (10)
good parenting choices all around!
I like it. Your children are going to be well adjusted and well rounded.
Dude, you guys are RAD parents!
Awesome! And honestly, the scariest Baywatch ride would be running into Pam Anderson without makeup.
I don't believe I ever saw Baywatch. If it's that story of life guards in the Santa Monica Bay, I use to live there. So, I kinda know what it's about. Between the shit in the ocean from the streets and sewers of LA while surfing and the skanky bikini babes roller skating up and down the Strand, a guy like me is likely (actually did) to get a perpetual script of antibiotics from his doctor.
You’re a bad, bad mother scarring your babies that way.
I cannot again cannot wait for my LM to be tall enough for all the coaster at 1) Cedar Point and 2) Six Flags!!
You parents ROCK!!
My parents took me to a haunted house in Fort Collins when I was 8. I made it through the first hall, into the room with Dracula in a coffine, burst into hysterical tears, and had to be escorted out. I still do that.
I was at the game. It was flippin' awesome. Yay baseball!
All I can say is HI, I have seen your parenting skills up close, and GO ROCKIES!!!!!
Rad. Super rad. Love it.
My favorite part is the cute toddler voice, saying "Bye bye, Scary!"
You rock my socks.
Looks like so much fun - my goal is to use 'hellevator' in at least two sentences this week!
Adopt me!