;)
Friday
Dec282007
Why Canada is cooler than the USA; A Continuing Series
Friday, December 28, 2007 at 4:26PM
We have seriously better holidays than you.
Did you know that in Canada, we have TWO holidays in December? That's right, two. And they are right next to each other. First, you get Christmas, the day to buy Jesus a bunch of birthday presents and then regift them to your spoiled children. And then, the very next day, you get Boxing Day. The whole point of Boxing Day is to get your over-stimulated, sugar-crazed, sticky kids in the car and go commune with your fellow Canucks at, you guessed it, the mall. It's National Shopping Day, and the Post Office closes for it. The entire country goes on sale. You get to go buy all the stuff you didn't get under your tree. Cheap. Crazy cheap. Day after Thanksgiving on crack cheap.
For example, you could pick up 9 CD's for the price of, oh, 4.
You could buy yourself a bag full of new sweaters because your fat ass A) needs to break up with Tim Horton's and B) won't fit in any of your totally awesome old ones.
You could get yourself a new phone, the phone your wife tried for two months to get you, but since she's spent the last ten years as a stay-at-home-mom who's husband takes care of everything, she doesn't exactly exist in the world of credit, and straight out buying the phone was, like, twice her entire budget for you.
I'd show you the actual phone, but he can't stop making out with it yet. You could return the very nice, fancy, totally awesome coffee pot you got under the tree that had nothing at all wrong with it except that it failed in every way to work, and exchange it for some very cute glassware that Good Lordy you needed so very, very much.
And when you're all done torturing your poor children by dragging them all over the mall, you could get them something, too. Like jeans, because Santa brought excellent sweaters but it never even occurred to him that boys like to wear more than boxers with their new tops. And you could buy your baby some new clothes, too,
because as you can plainly see, she doesn't have
nearly enough
as it is.
But, be warned: if your baby, who you are shopping for, happens to be the youngest of 3 and the only girl, you would do well to closely inspect those new footie jammies before you pick them up. 
(Sweet, aren't they?) And maybe chant a few times, "We have a girl. We have a girl." Because even though she really likes skateboards and worms and stuff, she might prefer rainbows on her new jammies over trucks.
And if you do get away with the trucks, which you will, someone, someday, is bound to raise an eyebrow to the footballs.
Yeah, America, you so totally need to steal this holiday. It may be the coolest holiday in the whole wide world.
Did you know that in Canada, we have TWO holidays in December? That's right, two. And they are right next to each other. First, you get Christmas, the day to buy Jesus a bunch of birthday presents and then regift them to your spoiled children. And then, the very next day, you get Boxing Day. The whole point of Boxing Day is to get your over-stimulated, sugar-crazed, sticky kids in the car and go commune with your fellow Canucks at, you guessed it, the mall. It's National Shopping Day, and the Post Office closes for it. The entire country goes on sale. You get to go buy all the stuff you didn't get under your tree. Cheap. Crazy cheap. Day after Thanksgiving on crack cheap.
For example, you could pick up 9 CD's for the price of, oh, 4.
You could buy yourself a bag full of new sweaters because your fat ass A) needs to break up with Tim Horton's and B) won't fit in any of your totally awesome old ones.
You could get yourself a new phone, the phone your wife tried for two months to get you, but since she's spent the last ten years as a stay-at-home-mom who's husband takes care of everything, she doesn't exactly exist in the world of credit, and straight out buying the phone was, like, twice her entire budget for you.
I'd show you the actual phone, but he can't stop making out with it yet. You could return the very nice, fancy, totally awesome coffee pot you got under the tree that had nothing at all wrong with it except that it failed in every way to work, and exchange it for some very cute glassware that Good Lordy you needed so very, very much.
And when you're all done torturing your poor children by dragging them all over the mall, you could get them something, too. Like jeans, because Santa brought excellent sweaters but it never even occurred to him that boys like to wear more than boxers with their new tops. And you could buy your baby some new clothes, too,
because as you can plainly see, she doesn't have
nearly enough
as it is.
But, be warned: if your baby, who you are shopping for, happens to be the youngest of 3 and the only girl, you would do well to closely inspect those new footie jammies before you pick them up. 
(Sweet, aren't they?) And maybe chant a few times, "We have a girl. We have a girl." Because even though she really likes skateboards and worms and stuff, she might prefer rainbows on her new jammies over trucks.
And if you do get away with the trucks, which you will, someone, someday, is bound to raise an eyebrow to the footballs.
Yeah, America, you so totally need to steal this holiday. It may be the coolest holiday in the whole wide world.
Reader Comments (10)
That was funny, cause we've been reading all about the bus loads of Canadians that are flocking into the USA to shop with thousands in their pockets because their money goes much further here. They have it so good that that regular Canadians are buying second homes in Arizona.
Looks like everyone had a grand time shopping.
We have boxing day holiday here as well, everyone goes a little insane. I however spent the day at home recovering from Xmas day.
Stocktake in the retail departments starts about the 4th of Jan, so I am going out for the clearance sales on the 3rd. Clever? Yup.
As you stated, we don't have Boxing Day...We just have to envy yours.
Sigh.
I think Boxing Day is everywhere in the English Speaking world except the US. It's odd to have Christmas as a stand-alone holiday in the middle of the week, then back to normal the day after. How on earth are you supposed to recover from all that seasonal overindulgence?
Shopping is a holiday?
We really seriously need to reconsider where we live.
Are you SERIOUS?
BTW, I liked your comment about, "You know you are a blogger when you take photos of your child pooping, or in the ER, or of.. umm.. their closets."
Heehee... I really heart you.
I do envy Boxing Day! I am waiting for the fine State of Alabama to decide that Confederate Memorial Day and Jefferson Davis's Birthday aren't enough and start celebrating V-J Day (we don't have a single paid holiday in August, and the 2 months between Independence Day and Labor Day drag on...)
here's a hint, recent canadian immigrant...the sales generally last all week, now and some even start prior to exmas, too! i bought almost an entire 18-24month wardrobe for like, $80 at sears a week or two ago.
Huh? What? (Dragging myself up off the floor here...) They don't have Boxing Day in the US of A????? What????? I had NO IDEA!
What are you people all doing down there???????
*grin*
We're spending next Christmas in Canada with YOU! I hope our hubbies get along. I'm sure they will, seeing as [yours] was making out with the Treo and all.
Hey seriously us Americans like to go shopping every day and buy stuff we don't need. Or is that just me? (probably)
I have heard some American friends celebrating boxing day but I didn't have a clue to what it really was. I thought it was a sport! HEEE!!
You Canadians, always edumacating me...;)
Here we like the Black Friday sale (day after Thanksgiving) and the After Christmas sales (on your boxing day). I even know some cheapos that celebrate Xmas the day after or the weekend after so they can BUY their stuff 50% off! I think they are smart, really. I need to move to Canada. I will babysit. :)