Happy Easter! Today, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The anniversary of, which, if you actually look at a calendar, happened on Monday. Which happened to a man who may or may not have existed. Which happened in order to save man from his sins, and yet we just keep right on with the sinning. In new and sometimes creative forms. Like Girl Scout cookies. Betcha Jesus never saw those little boxes of evil coming.

Every single one of the seven deadly sins is personified in any random box of Girl Scout cookies, with the possible exemption of those gross new low-fat ones. Think about it:

  • Pride: You bought 7 boxes.? Oh yeah, I bought 2 cases! Top that!

  • Greed: Self explanatory. Do you share yours? That's right, no one does.

  • Gluttony: I can eat a whole box in under 5 minutes. Easy.

  • Sloth: I will do all of nothing but sit on the couch until every box is empty.

  • Lust: How many times have I caught myself gazing at them, praying for dessert time?

  • Envy: About a week after I run about, but my neighbor hasn't, this one kicks in.

  • Wrath: About 5 minutes after I run out, this one shows it's ugly head. I should've ordered more. See Greed.

Anyway, Jesus, nails, resurrection, sins, bunnies, eggs, new dresses.....

This holiday makes no sense to me at all. But, I do like chocolate and kids in pastels, so I'll role with it. And so I wish you a happy pagan sex holiday (you know the Christians loved slapping their biggest holiday of the year on top of that doosie!) and I will wow you with cutesy pictures later.