In case you were wondering...

I meant to tell you this last time I was here, but I got a little sidetracked.

Things taste funny here. You know, after a good night on the couch with a big box of tissues and a bigger box of Oreos, watching Casa Blanca, how you sometimes forget to put the Oreos away and, like a day and a half later, you remember you left them out and as you put them away you eat just one, because no one can resist the sweet call of the Oreo, but you find that your Oreo is almost but not quite stale, but definitely off? Yeah, that's what Oreos taste like here. All the time. And the ketchup has molasses in it. I'm fairly sure it does, at least. It tastes almost exactly like barbeque sauce. But not the good barbeque sauce. It's the taste of the really, really crappy barbeque sauce with, you guessed it, ketchup in it. The burgers have this seasoning in them that is a mixture of coarse black pepper, butter and brown sugar. That, well, I kinda like a little. Everything just has way too much sugar in it. Josh tells me it is because these products are made in Montreal under license (Oreos are made by "Christie's" up here) and that the French Canadians likes them some sweet. I'll just tell you that if you head up this way anytime soon, stop by the gas station on the border and grab a bottle of Heinz first. You'll be glad you did.

I won't even start in on the cigarettes. Yuck. Heinz and Marlboros, my friends. Heinz. And Marlboros.

Oh! CoffeeMate powdered creamer? It's called "Coffee Whitener" here and that is exactly what it is. That is ALL it does. It is so beyond hideous that I cannot find the words to describe it. Corky, it would make you weep.