I am way more patriotic than you are.

Today, to celebrate the 4th, we went swimming. I know, I could've flown a flag or something, but American flags are pretty hard to find in my town. I wonder why?

Oh yeah, it's Canada here. Bygones.

So, we went to the pool. 2of3 got totally hit on by a little girl his age while he sat in the kiddie pool with his sister. Like, picked up at a bar hit on. It's a sign of things to come, for sure. 3of3 made a friend, too. She was nice to her new buddy, but in every way the alpha girl. It was all with the swim like this and come here and do that. I should've named her Heather.

1of3 was completely absorbed in being 17 and swimming in the big pool by himself. How time flies.

My point is this. I put enough sunscreen on us to cause a small eclipse. This time, I remembered myself. (I usually don't.) And my sweet children, who used the exact bottle of sunscreen as me, still have beautiful, glowing, healthy skin. I however, look a good deal like the American flag, if you factor in the starry-blue eyes. I put sunscreen on my face that was 1 1/2 times stronger than that on my shoulders, and it looks like I have a lobster firmly affixed to my forehead. My legs, however, had not one drop of sunscreen and sat hovering over a kiddie pool for hours and are still almost transparent.

Maybe fat blocks sunrays.

And so, on the Fourth of July, I took one for the team. I am a walking, talking, red and white striped illegal alien. 'Cause me & my skin? We're patriots.