Monday
Oct202008
Damn Near A Century Isn't Half Bad
Monday, October 20, 2008 at 1:07AM | Mr Lady
Saturday night, I couldn't sleep. Which is weird only because I was so tired, my eyeballs burned. I tossed and turned and eventually took something to knock me out. I figured I was just over-tired, or had one too many cups of tea that night. Oh, no.
My great aunt Baba died on Saturday night.
I do these things. I dream about old, ex boyfriends that I haven't thought about in years, and the next morning they call to say, "Hey, we had a baby last night!" No matter what I'm doing, I look at the clock every time it says 12:34. If I'm asleep, I will wake up for it. Talk about annoying. If I sleep through my alarm clock, I will wake up exactly 5 minutes before I have to be where I am late for getting to.
Anyway, that's so not the point. The point is, Auntie Baba took her leave of us in the middle of the night on Saturday. I know you're going to be all, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" but really? Don't. Let me tell you a little about her first.
Auntie Baba is my husband's great aunt, his father's aunt. She was born in 1913, which is before WWI. Which, WOW. She was married to her husband Gordon for 50 years or so before he died. They never had kids, they traveled, they collected things from around the world, they had friends and played bridge and did whatever it was they wanted to. They owned a little mobile home in Palm Springs, and though I imagine they could have afforded more, they were more than happy with their little home on the golf course in the desert.
I met Baba many years after her husband died, when she was 87. We'd mailed pictures and letters, but when she was 85 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her response was more or less, "Fuck THAT shit." And that little 85 year old woman kicked cancer's ass. I took the boys to meet her after her treatments, and let me tell you, that woman was a rock star. She was pissed off that they wouldn't let her keep her driver's license, even though she was slowly going blind. I mean, 'how exactly did they think she was going to get to Bridge and seriously, everyone in Palm Springs is ancient and they all drive like shit. Why can't she, too? I asked her what the secret to her health and longevity was, and she told me.
She drank a lot, she smoked a little, she swore, she traveled and she loved.
That's a smart girl, if you ask me. She had happy hour at 3 pm sharp every day. She had her friends and her bridge club (she REALLY liked bridge, to each his own.) She had a "suitor", and I don't ever want to know what the meaning in those quotation marks is. She lived surrounded by her family, her niece and the families that have grown from her, and my husband's family. Her walls dripped with photographs spanning generations, children and families that all loved her dearly. She loved my children, who look like her cherished and only nephew, their grandfather, who died entirely too young and took a piece of her heart with him.
We all had no doubt they'd be saying her name on the tv and over the radio in 5 years, when she hit 100 in full force.
She regularly wrote, and as she grew older, the letters became harder to read. The Christmas checks for the kids grew larger, to the point where I questioned whether or not she actually knew the dollar amounts she was writing. In her letters, in her scribbles of handwriting, I could see her slowly slipping away. But that woman held on as long as she could. She went out kicking and screaming, and once the dementia took her, it wasn't a month before her body gave out, too.
There is one thing Baba will never do, and that is not live life on her own terms.
She has insisted on being cremated and her ashes entombed in some sort of column thingy, all the way on top, where the sun will always shine on her and she'll be forever warm. She's asked that there be no services of any kind for her, which feels odd to me. I mean, of all the lives to celebrate, hers was the one. She was a shining example of taking a life by the reigns and riding as hard as you can.
But what Baba wants, Baba gets.
Our family will quietly commemorate her life one day next week, once she is settled in for an eternity of desert winds, and I will do my best to teach them the things that she would have wanted them to know; that life is too short for regrets, that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that you don't need more than what keeps you comfortable, and that if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.
Rest in peace, dear Baba. Rock on, baby, rock the fuck on.
My great aunt Baba died on Saturday night.
I do these things. I dream about old, ex boyfriends that I haven't thought about in years, and the next morning they call to say, "Hey, we had a baby last night!" No matter what I'm doing, I look at the clock every time it says 12:34. If I'm asleep, I will wake up for it. Talk about annoying. If I sleep through my alarm clock, I will wake up exactly 5 minutes before I have to be where I am late for getting to.
Anyway, that's so not the point. The point is, Auntie Baba took her leave of us in the middle of the night on Saturday. I know you're going to be all, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" but really? Don't. Let me tell you a little about her first.
Auntie Baba is my husband's great aunt, his father's aunt. She was born in 1913, which is before WWI. Which, WOW. She was married to her husband Gordon for 50 years or so before he died. They never had kids, they traveled, they collected things from around the world, they had friends and played bridge and did whatever it was they wanted to. They owned a little mobile home in Palm Springs, and though I imagine they could have afforded more, they were more than happy with their little home on the golf course in the desert.
I met Baba many years after her husband died, when she was 87. We'd mailed pictures and letters, but when she was 85 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her response was more or less, "Fuck THAT shit." And that little 85 year old woman kicked cancer's ass. I took the boys to meet her after her treatments, and let me tell you, that woman was a rock star. She was pissed off that they wouldn't let her keep her driver's license, even though she was slowly going blind. I mean, 'how exactly did they think she was going to get to Bridge and seriously, everyone in Palm Springs is ancient and they all drive like shit. Why can't she, too? I asked her what the secret to her health and longevity was, and she told me.
She drank a lot, she smoked a little, she swore, she traveled and she loved.
That's a smart girl, if you ask me. She had happy hour at 3 pm sharp every day. She had her friends and her bridge club (she REALLY liked bridge, to each his own.) She had a "suitor", and I don't ever want to know what the meaning in those quotation marks is. She lived surrounded by her family, her niece and the families that have grown from her, and my husband's family. Her walls dripped with photographs spanning generations, children and families that all loved her dearly. She loved my children, who look like her cherished and only nephew, their grandfather, who died entirely too young and took a piece of her heart with him.
We all had no doubt they'd be saying her name on the tv and over the radio in 5 years, when she hit 100 in full force.
She regularly wrote, and as she grew older, the letters became harder to read. The Christmas checks for the kids grew larger, to the point where I questioned whether or not she actually knew the dollar amounts she was writing. In her letters, in her scribbles of handwriting, I could see her slowly slipping away. But that woman held on as long as she could. She went out kicking and screaming, and once the dementia took her, it wasn't a month before her body gave out, too.
There is one thing Baba will never do, and that is not live life on her own terms.
She has insisted on being cremated and her ashes entombed in some sort of column thingy, all the way on top, where the sun will always shine on her and she'll be forever warm. She's asked that there be no services of any kind for her, which feels odd to me. I mean, of all the lives to celebrate, hers was the one. She was a shining example of taking a life by the reigns and riding as hard as you can.
But what Baba wants, Baba gets.
Our family will quietly commemorate her life one day next week, once she is settled in for an eternity of desert winds, and I will do my best to teach them the things that she would have wanted them to know; that life is too short for regrets, that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that you don't need more than what keeps you comfortable, and that if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.
Rest in peace, dear Baba. Rock on, baby, rock the fuck on.
Reader Comments (60)
That sounds remarkably like the only grandparent I knew.
Sorry to hear, but sounds like a life that has no regrets.
Once upon a time, Xbox4NappyRash wrote..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/10/pick-card-any-card.html" rel="nofollow">Pick a card, any card
She sounds like she was one awesome woman. Rock on baby indeed.
Once upon a time, Veronica wrote..http://somedaywewillsleep.com/?p=1044" rel="nofollow">Comment Fatigue
I wish we could all have a Baba in our lives. She sounds like she was a fantastic woman.
When I grow old, Aunt Baba is exactly how I want to be.
Rock On Baba...........Peace, Mike.
She sounds like a cool chick. You wrote a lovely tribute to her.
Once upon a time, Ali wrote..http://callapippertree.blogspot.com/2008/10/climb-every-mountain.html" rel="nofollow">Climb every mountain
She sounds like an awesome woman. This was an amazing tribute to her. Well done, my friend. Well done.
Once upon a time, SciFi Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/423913824/update-of-sorts.html" rel="nofollow">An Update Of Sorts
What a beautiful memorial.
For all of our contemporary "comforts" and "luxuries," I think Baba's generation really knew how to LIVE. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Once upon a time, Robyn wrote..http://momindisguise.blogspot.com/2008/10/another-guilty-pleasure.html" rel="nofollow">Another Guilty Pleasure
Sounds like you did just have a service for her and a damn fine one! Rock on Baba and enjoy the warm sun!
Once upon a time, Kate wrote..http://eastcoastgirlinthemidwest.blogspot.com/2008/10/shhhhhh.html" rel="nofollow">SHHHHHH
I don't think you should celebrate quietly at all. I think you should throw a rocking bridge party and y'all should get sloshed. I think she'd be honored. ;)
She sounds amazing! :)
Once upon a time, Kathryn wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SeekingSanity/~3/424638560/sweetest-day-and-saturday-suggestions.html" rel="nofollow">Sweetest Day and Saturday Suggestions
GREAT post! Sorry about the loss, but so glad for all your memories! LOVE the name BaBa. I came to visit thru Tena.
Once upon a time, jill wrote..http://jilljillbobill.blogspot.com/2008/10/who.html" rel="nofollow">WHO?!?
What an AWESOME tribute to her. So glad you had Baba in your life to love and be loved by...
Once upon a time, tracey wrote..http://tracey-justanothermommyblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/sunday-quickie.html" rel="nofollow">Sunday quickie
Sounds like a really interesting and fun person to have in your life. I like her philosophy on how to live life, too. She has earned the rest she hopefully now has.
Once upon a time, Weaselmomma wrote..http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com/2008/10/sunday-slush-pile.html" rel="nofollow">Sunday Slush Pile
Wow she sounds so cool. The world needs more people like that.
Once upon a time, jessica wrote..http://stapeliad.blogspot.com/2008/10/things-we-do.html" rel="nofollow">The Things We Do...
FAB post about the BaBa we all loved..................gotta love here request for the "penthouse" she always was a character. :) Love you all
Reminds me of my great-grandmother. We lost her at 103. Hopefully they meet up and have some fun.
Once upon a time, Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/10/sunday-randomness.html" rel="nofollow">Sunday Randomness
Sounds like one hell of a woman. I want to be her when I grow up.
Once upon a time, Nell wrote..http://mamaguse.blogspot.com/2008/10/soap-opera-wisdom.html" rel="nofollow">Soap Opera Wisdom
This made me tear up! I can only hope that I have half the courage to live the life that Baba did.
Rock the fuck on, Baba!
Once upon a time, thedemigod wrote..http://burnedbutawesome.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/open-letter-to-grocery-idiots/" rel="nofollow">Open Letter to Grocery Idiots
Sounds like my kinda gal. Your tribute to her if probably exactly how she wants to be rememberd too. Well done.
Once upon a time, Kate wrote..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-choose.html" rel="nofollow">I Choose...
and what an amazing tribute. I love you more every day, Mr. Lady.
Once upon a time, mb wrote..http://blogmemama.blogspot.com/2008/10/coming-out-day.html" rel="nofollow">Coming Out Day
What an awesome tribute. I hope when I'm old and I leave this Earth, I lived a life half of what Baba did!
Once upon a time, Kristabella wrote..http://fullofsnark.com/2008/10/17/why-isnt-toronto-closer/" rel="nofollow">Why Isn’t Toronto Closer To Chicago?
She sounds awesome.
Are you sure she wasn't blood-related to you?
Sounds like "full life" doesn't describe it enough. If I were a heaven kind of person, she'd be sitting around with a gimmlet, a cigarette and dealing out the cards right now, eh?
Once upon a time, Zoeyjane wrote..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/10/19/top-five/" rel="nofollow">Top Five
Great tribute to Baba. Sounds like a great woman and my kind of a broad. Love her moxy.
Once upon a time, One Mom's Opinion wrote..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/10/political-burnout.html" rel="nofollow">Political burnout
Fantastic. When I grow old, I want to die before dementia transforms me into someone else, and no one remembers who I really am. Wonderful tribute.
Once upon a time, Honeybell wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/girS/~3/421547716/more-about-my-nutcake-neighbors.html" rel="nofollow">More About My Nutcake Neighbors
"Rock on, baby, rock the fuck on."
My greatest aspiration is that I live my life in such a way that someone, somewhere, will say this for me when I've died.
Once upon a time, Miss Britt wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MissBritt/~3/426035606/" rel="nofollow">Yes, Healthcare is a Right
Any woman that starts happy hour at 3:00 is tops in my book. I hope I can make it as long as she did and live a life half that full. Guess I better get started.
Once upon a time, Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/10/17/milestones/" rel="nofollow">Milestones
Awesome post about Baba. What an amazing woman! I'm glad she went quickly after dementia set in. I only hope that at the end of my life, people say a fraction of what you said about Baba, about me!
Once upon a time, Linds wrote..http://themuseasylum.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/manic-monday-5/" rel="nofollow">Manic Monday
Sorry about her passing.. she sounds like an amazing women!!! Wonderful tribute to her..
Once upon a time, Kim wrote..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/10/20/finding-my-backbone.html" rel="nofollow">Finding My Backbone
Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute with all of us, Mr. Lady.
Once upon a time, Maria wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MommyMelee/~3/423763908/good-cat.html" rel="nofollow">a good cat
What an excellent tribute to your rocking Aunt Baba.
Once upon a time, kat wrote..http://thiscouldgetuglier.blogspot.com/2008/10/pimping-for-poverty.html" rel="nofollow">Pimping for Poverty
Awesome post - I love her advice. I may have to take her up on it.
I know you know this, but you're so blessed to have that carefree example in your life. Keep it close in your heart.
Em
Once upon a time, Em wrote..http://eminpursuit.blogspot.com/2008/10/consider-yourself-warned-suburbia.html" rel="nofollow">Consider yourself warned, Suburbia Bitches!
Thanks so much for the excuse to keep on smoking! Now if I could work on the loving I would be set. Beautiful tribute.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/10/stream-of-consciousness.html" rel="nofollow">Stream of Consciousness
Sounds like BaBa knew her shit.
My condolences.
Once upon a time, Trenches of Mommyhood wrote..http://sarahviz.blogspot.com/2008/10/catching-up.html" rel="nofollow">Catching Up
If your aunt's theory is correct...I ought to live to be at LEAST 100.
One of my favorite things to do when I was working as a nurse was to sit and chat with the old folk about their lives. LOVED it. So interesting to get their perspective on life.
Your aunt lived a full life and passed on her legacy to your family. That's a beautiful thing.
Once upon a time, Tammy wrote..http://thopgood-mylife.blogspot.com/2008/10/random-updates.html" rel="nofollow">Random Updates
She sounds like a wonderful woman.
((HUGS)) what a beautiful post.
Once upon a time, Jeanette wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/PhotographybyJeanette/~3/425195124/" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners : 12 Oct - 18 Oct
Baba sounds like she was an awesome woman. It's great that your kids got to meet her. As usual...great post.
Once upon a time, VegasDad wrote..http://ivegasfamily.blogspot.com/2008/10/day-at-lake.html" rel="nofollow">a day at the lake
Wow. Aunt Baba sounds amazing!
Once upon a time, tiff wrote..http://www.mythreeringcircus.com/2008/10/weekly-winners-super-hero-sunday/" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners, super hero Sunday.
Beautiful tribute. Absolutely beautiful. I feel like I know her, just from that tribute. She's definitely a rock star, I think I'd have liked hanging out with her.
Once upon a time, Jaina wrote..http://girl-with-the-camera.blogspot.com/2008/10/historia-de-un-letrero.html" rel="nofollow">Historia de un letrero
If I change my name to Baba, do you think I will rock as hard as she did?
Cause that is one awesome woman. Raise a glass to her for me K?
I know someone who takes after her in her rockage.
sounds like an awesome lady. If I can be half as good as your aunt, life will be well spent.
Once upon a time, DesignHER Momma wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/designhermomma/~3/422843949/welcome-to-1.html" rel="nofollow">Welcome to the 1%
That's how we should all strive to live our lives.....Rock On!
Once upon a time, abunslife wrote..http://bunslife.blogspot.com/2008/10/ww-gone-fishing.html" rel="nofollow">WW- Gone Fishing
I do the same exact thing-- spring awake at exactly the moment of someone's epiphany who lives far, far away. Wow, Aunt Baba sounds like she was a real trip and a great asset to the family tree. I'd like to think I'm a little like her, with itchy feet, following my own will; sans the family and the love thing. I wish your family peace in wishing her well on her next great adventure. Cause you know that's exactly where she was called to.
Baba truly is an inspiration. An amazing tribute to an amazing woman.
Once upon a time, Momisodes wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Momisodes/~3/426735972/" rel="nofollow">Sure, Why Not? Everyone Else Has Seen It.
Awesome memorial. Sounds like a cool lady. I also want to say LOVE the No on Prop button. How can I add that to my blog?
Once upon a time, Michelle wrote..http://drboymom.blogspot.com/2008/10/marathon-by-numbers.html" rel="nofollow">Marathon by the numbers
Ok, I meant to say the No on Prop 8 button. I left out the 8. My typing sucks.
Once upon a time, Michelle wrote..http://drboymom.blogspot.com/2008/10/marathon-by-numbers.html" rel="nofollow">Marathon by the numbers
It is so nice in this day and age to be able to celebrate a life long lived and lived well!! My great-grandmother was that way... her funeral had more laughter than tears. May we all be so lucky when our time comes!
Once upon a time, The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess wrote..http://onemorefairytale.blogspot.com/2008/10/im-brain-actually-this-is-like-my-4th.html" rel="nofollow">I'm a brain... actually this is like my 4th try!
Hallelujah for Baba's wonderful life and her wonderful great-niece. XX
Once upon a time, Ree wrote..http://hotfessional.com/2008/10/20/travel-day/" rel="nofollow">Travel Day
I hope I am just as strong. i am sorry for the loss.
Baba, that's a cute term. that's what I called my dad and what my kids call their dad.
Thanks! I have my No on Prop 8 button now. I do not get into political stuff much, but this is one thing I am passionate about!
Once upon a time, Michelle wrote..http://drboymom.blogspot.com/2008/10/marathon-by-numbers.html" rel="nofollow">Marathon by the numbers