;)
Monday
Nov102008
Just Another Memey Monday
Monday, November 10, 2008 at 2:53AM
Momma Chaos tagged me for a meme that *I can't believe it* I've never done before. The jist is that you go to your 6th picture folder and publish the 6th picture. Um, I'm naked in that picture. We've already covered that. So I'm totally cheating, and I don't care what you think of me for it.
That adorable child with the great top and the totally awesome fivehead? Me. Somewhere between 8 and 10, I'm not entirely sure. That teency little baby I'm holding? My brother. Somewhere between 2 and 14 days, I'm not entirely sure, either.
In fact, I had no idea that picture, documenting my parents admirably sophisticated decorating scheme, even existed until my brother emailed it to me a year and a half ago. Which doesn't seem very exciting, I know, but the thing is, that picture is damn close to the last time I saw him.
See, his mom met my dad and they went and had them some babies after my parents got divorced. The jury is still out on whether or not their overwhelming need to procreate played any part in the divorce, but if it did, well, then I thank their naughty bits. My parents never should have been married anyway. In my scattered memory, my dad moved out and the very next weekend there was that new baby. Except that if you look at that picture, I'm not 6. So my memory is clearly wrong; imagine that. Fact is, I don't know the age gap between us, but I think it's 8ish years.
His mother and my father had another boy two years later. Dear god, I loved those boys. I loved their mother, too. She was a total raging bitch to my other brothers and sisters, but she was always really great with me. I so wanted her to be my new mom. My mother, for obvious reasons, wasn't the biggest fan of my father's new flame, but we spent every other weekend with him, and we lived mere blocks away from him, and the babysitter lived just doors away from us, so we got to see them plenty. I think my mother actually let them come over once or twice to play, as well. We were six active siblings, for sure.
My father and their mother stayed together until one fateful Christmas Eve when, on the heels of a pseudo-break up, the boys and their mom came to see my father at his new apartment, opened presents, had dinner, went to bed one big happy family, and the next morning my father woke to an empty home. She'd taken the Christmas stuff and the boys and he never saw them again.
My father is a rather difficult man to live with. She'd had her fill, and I gather from the sketchy stories I've been given, told him over the phone to go away and stay away, and as long as he did that, he would never have to pay her one dime of child support. It sounds shitty that he agreed, but you should know that in his mind, she was The One. His great love. He still aches for her to this very day. Her mind was made up, and he loved her enough to let her go.
I don't know much more than that. I know he'd sent gifts to the boys that she'd taken the gift tags off of and replaced them with tags bearing the name of her new boyfriend. She was determined to wipe him out of her existence, and he rolled over and died. I saw her and the boys at the grocery store when I was 15 and the boys thought it was really funny that we had the same last name. They had no clue who I was. And that broke my heart in two.
My father and I would watch old home videos of the boys' early birthday parties sometimes, and we'd cry a little together, imagining what they were like as teenagers. He always said that once they turned 18, once it was up to them, he'd look for them. But he never did. I imagine that would be a really hard road to start walking down as a parent, and I really don't blame him for just letting it be.
Occasionally, I'd look for them online. There wasn't really "google" then, but I tried digging through Classmates, guessing what schools they'd have gone to. I'd search whatever engines I could for their names, but we have a really common Irish last name and they live in Philly. I just never found anything.
Until MySpace, that is.
A year and a half ago, I was dicking around on MySpace, and who did I find but a boy named Ian MyLastName, with a private profile and a blurry picture that didn't look anything like that baby up there, but he lived in the right place, and was about the right age, and so what did I do?
I freaked out, that's what.
I stared at that profile picture for a while, wrote a post about it, and eventually just sent him a random friend request with no explanation. Which he accepted. Once I saw his pictures, I knew it was him. After a while longer, I got the balls to send him a message that just asked, "Hey, do you remember someone you grew up with named Shannon?" Which, two (of the longest of my life) weeks later, he replied simply, "Are you my sister? Because if you are, you really should just say so."
Oh, how I cried. For days.
We eventually sat on the phone together and rehashed our lives. He didn't know he had siblings, but when I sent him that message, he vaguely remembered that maybe there was a sister and her name was Shannon. He sat his mom down and asked her flat out whether or not I was his sister, and she said that I sure was, and that she was more than okay with us talking. He didn't know anything about our father; he'd never seen a picture, never heard a story, nothing. Most importantly, he'd had a really good life. He was happy. He played guitar, just like we all do. He was good at technical work, just like we all are. His life had been good, and that's all I ever wanted to hear.
His, our, baby brother had just before I'd found them joined the Air Force, and was in Italy at the time. We all started emailing, I gave our oldest brother (who y'all see around my comments as Gnilleps) his email address, and we are slowly starting to come together after something like 20 years.
Why am I telling you all this? Because sometime this morning, BlogHer is going to announce where they're having BlogHer '09, and Philly is one of the 3 cities on the chopping block. If it's in Philly, guess who I get see for the first time since before I had armpit hair? Oh, and my littlest brother is now stationed in Little Rock, and can come up for the weekend if I'm there.
So, yeah, I'm praying quite loudly to as many gods as I can think of that they didn't pick St Louis. I'd really like to pinch these cheeks sometime soon.
Update: Chicago. It's in CHICAGO. le'sigh. So much for killing two birds with one stone, eh?
That adorable child with the great top and the totally awesome fivehead? Me. Somewhere between 8 and 10, I'm not entirely sure. That teency little baby I'm holding? My brother. Somewhere between 2 and 14 days, I'm not entirely sure, either.
In fact, I had no idea that picture, documenting my parents admirably sophisticated decorating scheme, even existed until my brother emailed it to me a year and a half ago. Which doesn't seem very exciting, I know, but the thing is, that picture is damn close to the last time I saw him.
See, his mom met my dad and they went and had them some babies after my parents got divorced. The jury is still out on whether or not their overwhelming need to procreate played any part in the divorce, but if it did, well, then I thank their naughty bits. My parents never should have been married anyway. In my scattered memory, my dad moved out and the very next weekend there was that new baby. Except that if you look at that picture, I'm not 6. So my memory is clearly wrong; imagine that. Fact is, I don't know the age gap between us, but I think it's 8ish years.
His mother and my father had another boy two years later. Dear god, I loved those boys. I loved their mother, too. She was a total raging bitch to my other brothers and sisters, but she was always really great with me. I so wanted her to be my new mom. My mother, for obvious reasons, wasn't the biggest fan of my father's new flame, but we spent every other weekend with him, and we lived mere blocks away from him, and the babysitter lived just doors away from us, so we got to see them plenty. I think my mother actually let them come over once or twice to play, as well. We were six active siblings, for sure.
My father and their mother stayed together until one fateful Christmas Eve when, on the heels of a pseudo-break up, the boys and their mom came to see my father at his new apartment, opened presents, had dinner, went to bed one big happy family, and the next morning my father woke to an empty home. She'd taken the Christmas stuff and the boys and he never saw them again.
My father is a rather difficult man to live with. She'd had her fill, and I gather from the sketchy stories I've been given, told him over the phone to go away and stay away, and as long as he did that, he would never have to pay her one dime of child support. It sounds shitty that he agreed, but you should know that in his mind, she was The One. His great love. He still aches for her to this very day. Her mind was made up, and he loved her enough to let her go.
I don't know much more than that. I know he'd sent gifts to the boys that she'd taken the gift tags off of and replaced them with tags bearing the name of her new boyfriend. She was determined to wipe him out of her existence, and he rolled over and died. I saw her and the boys at the grocery store when I was 15 and the boys thought it was really funny that we had the same last name. They had no clue who I was. And that broke my heart in two.
My father and I would watch old home videos of the boys' early birthday parties sometimes, and we'd cry a little together, imagining what they were like as teenagers. He always said that once they turned 18, once it was up to them, he'd look for them. But he never did. I imagine that would be a really hard road to start walking down as a parent, and I really don't blame him for just letting it be.
Occasionally, I'd look for them online. There wasn't really "google" then, but I tried digging through Classmates, guessing what schools they'd have gone to. I'd search whatever engines I could for their names, but we have a really common Irish last name and they live in Philly. I just never found anything.
Until MySpace, that is.
A year and a half ago, I was dicking around on MySpace, and who did I find but a boy named Ian MyLastName, with a private profile and a blurry picture that didn't look anything like that baby up there, but he lived in the right place, and was about the right age, and so what did I do?
I freaked out, that's what.
I stared at that profile picture for a while, wrote a post about it, and eventually just sent him a random friend request with no explanation. Which he accepted. Once I saw his pictures, I knew it was him. After a while longer, I got the balls to send him a message that just asked, "Hey, do you remember someone you grew up with named Shannon?" Which, two (of the longest of my life) weeks later, he replied simply, "Are you my sister? Because if you are, you really should just say so."
Oh, how I cried. For days.
We eventually sat on the phone together and rehashed our lives. He didn't know he had siblings, but when I sent him that message, he vaguely remembered that maybe there was a sister and her name was Shannon. He sat his mom down and asked her flat out whether or not I was his sister, and she said that I sure was, and that she was more than okay with us talking. He didn't know anything about our father; he'd never seen a picture, never heard a story, nothing. Most importantly, he'd had a really good life. He was happy. He played guitar, just like we all do. He was good at technical work, just like we all are. His life had been good, and that's all I ever wanted to hear.
His, our, baby brother had just before I'd found them joined the Air Force, and was in Italy at the time. We all started emailing, I gave our oldest brother (who y'all see around my comments as Gnilleps) his email address, and we are slowly starting to come together after something like 20 years.
Why am I telling you all this? Because sometime this morning, BlogHer is going to announce where they're having BlogHer '09, and Philly is one of the 3 cities on the chopping block. If it's in Philly, guess who I get see for the first time since before I had armpit hair? Oh, and my littlest brother is now stationed in Little Rock, and can come up for the weekend if I'm there.
So, yeah, I'm praying quite loudly to as many gods as I can think of that they didn't pick St Louis. I'd really like to pinch these cheeks sometime soon.
Update: Chicago. It's in CHICAGO. le'sigh. So much for killing two birds with one stone, eh?
Reader Comments (53)
Well, I hope that BlogHer works out for you.
But it does beg the question: couldn't you forgo your BlogHer 2009 trip and use the funds to fly to Philly and meet your brother instead?
I comment for two reasons: 1. You always manage to choke me up now matter how brave I go into these heartbreaking stories of yours and 2. to see if the angels lifted my ban. Here goes, I hitting me, yo.
Audubon Ron wrote..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/11/hell-on-wheels.html" rel="nofollow">Hell on Wheels
Oh WOW! You actually have me in tears.
I really really hope that you get to meet up again, how cool would that be!
Are they now in contact with your dad? Do they know the whole story about the pressies and the other stuff now?
Jeanette wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/PhotographybyJeanette/~3/447509391/" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners : 2 Nov - 8 Nov
You little shit.
Audubon Ron wrote..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/11/hell-on-wheels.html" rel="nofollow">Hell on Wheels
Wow, that`s a complicated story. When I was little I wished I had a hidden big brother somewhere. :) I really hope you get to go see those boys!
Expat Mom wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ExpatMom/~3/446843954/" rel="nofollow">In Which I Reveal My Dorkiness
Wow.
You know, it's possible one day that the whole clan could come together. Can you imagine?
Oh, and I swear that pic is 1of3 in a frilly top with pigtails.
Marge wrote..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/11/08/doing-everything-in-my-power-to-make-it-so/" rel="nofollow">Doing everything in my power to make it so
How cool is that? Keep the faith; they'll pick Philly and you and your brother's will have a great time together. Also, what the hell is that GIANT redish-brown thing in the picture? A really close ketchup bottle? A far away beer bottle inflatable? I'm consternated; please help.
NukeDad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Nuclearfamilywarheadcom/~3/447081502/" rel="nofollow">I Love That Song
I totally GET it!
I recently found new family members of my own-- and have a hunkering that I have an older sister I never knew about.
I sought her on Facebook, but have not yet had any results.
Hooray for social networking sites!!!
And, good luck to you, my dear!
Ash wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/PerilouslyPrecocious/~3/447601020/" rel="nofollow">AmberLotus’ Survey.
Less than an hour now! The announcement goes live at 8am PST. I'm so excited!
I hope so much that it's in Philly and that you get to connect with your baby brother again!
Maria wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/448000231/" rel="nofollow">For Your Information:
*crossing my fingers for you sweetie*
I so understand where you're coming from. 6 of us... all from different mothers. Do whatever you can to stay in touch. My sisters and I don't talk often but we're close at heart.
Wow. What an amazing story. I hope you get to connect again- how amazing!!
Scary Mommy wrote..http://www.scarymommy.com/2008/11/school-pictures-highs-lows.html" rel="nofollow">School Pictures: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Then I'll pray right along with you. Philly it will be! I hope you get a chance to reconnect in person with your brothers very soon.
Tara R. wrote..http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com/2008/11/10/end-the-clutter-no-25/" rel="nofollow">End the clutter ~ No. 2.5
Boo. Chicago. Sorry things didn't work out in your favor. I hope you can get together with those boys soon anyway.
But how great that you've reconnected with them!
Kate wrote..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/11/fall-fun.html" rel="nofollow">Fall Fun
I hope you can get your butt to Philly, or they can get their butts to you, soon.
Diane wrote..http://dianesaddledramblings.blogspot.com/2008/11/drama-sucks.html" rel="nofollow">Drama Sucks...
I am using my Jedi mind powers to make PA the location of choice.... *these are not the cities you are looking for... go to PA*
Can't believe I JUST happened upon this brilliant blog but I'm pretty much behind on a lot of things...
this story is exactly why I'm getting addicted to this blog world...
thanks for sharing it and I'm crossing my fingers for Philly...
Lee the MWOB Queen wrote..http://momswithoutblogs.blogspot.com/2008/11/toothless-delight.html" rel="nofollow">Toothless Delight
See I'm behind on everything...I just scrolled up and saw Chicago for Blogher? That sucks...
Lee the MWOB Queen wrote..http://momswithoutblogs.blogspot.com/2008/11/toothless-delight.html" rel="nofollow">Toothless Delight
What an awesome story! If I were PMS'ing I would have cried. and even though I want BlogHer to be in St. Louis because I have a gazillion relatives there I can crash with, thus giving me a slight chance at being able to go, I will wish Philly for you.
Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy wrote..http://lacostamom.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-post.html" rel="nofollow">In the Blink of An Eye
Crap, I should have clicked on the link first. Sorry it didn't work out. But I know you'll find a way!
Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy wrote..http://lacostamom.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-post.html" rel="nofollow">In the Blink of An Eye
Oh DAMN. I feel really guilty now that I was so excited to find out it was in Chicago. :-(
Miss Britt wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MissBritt/~3/440572691/" rel="nofollow">I’m Shaking My Fist At This Damn Lap Top!
Well...I'm kinda glad it's Chicago, because it will be easy for me to go, but maybe they can stow away with someone coming from Philly?
Ree wrote..http://hotfessional.com/2008/11/09/its-turned-to-all-snow/" rel="nofollow">It’s Turned to All Snow
I reconnected with my half brother through myspace too! I had just created an account, and he saw it on the sign in page (something like "check out these new people!"). I thought it would finally be our chance to connect, now that we were both adults and able, but we couldn't quite connect in that way. I'm still glad we had the chance. It sounds like you and your brothers are forming tight bonds, and I hope you get the opportunity to see each other in person soon.
Seems to me, you need to get in your car and take a drive for a cheesesteak.
Great great story, you'll meet soon enough I'm sure.
But that picture! Your boys are the head cut right off of you!
Xbox4NappyRash wrote..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/11/anyone-got-cigarette.html" rel="nofollow">Anyone got a cigarette?
I have a 10 year old daughter and a new baby son. Your story is so sweet and the pride in the eyes of the 'big sister' in your picture is something that I see everyday with my own daughter as she looks at her baby brother. I'm very excited about your new venture. I see a trip to Philly in your future and I can't wait to read all about it.
Wow...and I thought my family was complicated (five brothers, two sisters, mixed parents). It's great that you were able to reconnect after so long. Social networking is the bomb.
VegasDad wrote..http://ivegasfamily.blogspot.com/2008/11/week-in-disarray.html" rel="nofollow">a week in disarray
What the heck is this spare blog thing?
hubs wrote..http://www.artifacting.com/blog/2008/11/09/tweets-for-the-week-of-2008-11-09/" rel="nofollow">Tweets For The Week Of 2008-11-09
Dude, that's freaking awesome. What a sweet and heartbreaking story...you've sure experienced it all, haven't you? And thank God for Myspace (never thought I'd say that) bringing you back together again...so cool. The wonders of the teh interwebz. Sorry BlogHer is in Chicago next year, but maybe you can meet up with them anyways?
So, I've got to tell you... keeping track of your family relations seems as tricky as mine. I'm so used to confusing people by mention that I'm one of ten kids, my biological Dad ran off with the seventeen year old babysitter and later married a Russian mail order bride. And yet, yours are even more confusing.
I hear Chicago has an outstanding aquarium.
Gettysburg Mom wrote..http://gettysburgfamily.blogspot.com/2008/11/destroyer-arrives-today.html" rel="nofollow">The Destroyer Arrives Today...
Hugs.
Keeping my fingers crossed Blogher is in Philly. I have an older half-sibling that I've never met and I'm pretty sure she didn't know about me until about a year ago. My Dad went and found her, but now it's his deal and I have no idea what's going on with it. I know he took her to dinner once, but I don't know if they are still speaking and I feel it's not my place to interfere at this point in time. So, now that I've totally made this all about ME, I totally empathize with wanting to meet your brother, good luck!
Just looked as I typed this and CHICAGO? WTF?! They just had one in Chicago. Blogher blows. Sorry, Mr. Lady.
Natalie wrote..http://www.startingfromhere.com/2008/11/sunday-best/" rel="nofollow">Sunday Best
Oh man - stories like these never cease to amaze.
I am so happy for you that your brother and you found each other. Hopefully you'll get to Philly someday soon...
Carrie wrote..http://www.stopscreamingimdriving.com/2008/11/if-scales-could-talk.html" rel="nofollow">If Scales Could Talk
That story is just After-School-Special FANTASTIC!! Don't you just love the internet?
apathy lounge wrote..http://wordgirl5.typepad.com/apathy_lounge/2008/11/mispronounciations-part-deux.html" rel="nofollow">Mispronunciations: Part Deux
I am planning on doing everything I can in order to go to BlogHer 09 because I want to meet you and sit down and talk (in between all the alcohol I plan to drink).
perksofbeingme wrote..http://perksofbeingme.blogspot.com/2008/11/simply-sunday_08.html" rel="nofollow">Simply Sunday
That was an incredibly compelling post - I'm happy for you that you're putting your past back together.:)
(I wanted Philly too..)
Happy Hour Sue wrote..http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2008/11/mature-man.html" rel="nofollow">The Mature Man
Hey Mr. Lady! My folks totally divorced in a partner switch too! Only it occurred later in my life, like after I needed gyn care. Yeah, a special sort of gyn care that only two docs in my area practiced. Luckily, one of those docs went to my church. He provided much needed and pro bono stirrup-type care. The kind of care where you are naked with your china all up in some dude's face, some dude who would, in a couple of years, marry my mother and (gag) be all up in her china. Was it worth it to inherit my step-brothers and their kin? Yeah. The bros and their girlies and kiddos are really very rad.
Holy tears! Wow, what a story. Sorry that it's not in PA but I can't wait to read the blog after ya'll do meet up. I'm sure that will be a great story too.
Shit woman. Stop it. My mouth open in awe is not a good look for me.
I will pull some strings with the fairies and get BlogHer in Philly and a plane ticket for me so I can pinch your sweet arse.
And buy you some panties.
Kelley wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MagnetoBoldToo/~3/448846057/" rel="nofollow">I cheated. I strayed. The one man in the world that always anticipated my needs. Please forgive me.
Am I the only one struck by just how much this picture looks like 1of3 if you set him up with ponytails and a dress???
I used to pull out old pics of me, show them to my 3of3 and ask if he knew who it was. He always answered with his older brother's name.
1) What a well told story. I'm curious, how far away from you did they grow up? 2) Did everyone n the 70's have that same decor? The wood paneled walls? The avacodo green? The orange flowers? 3) Chicago huh? Ah. Sounds like an expensive ticket from Hawaii.
phhhst wrote..http://phhhst.blogspot.com/2008/11/and-winner-is.html" rel="nofollow">And the Winner is.......
great post
awesome. even though it's chicago and not philly, i hope you get your reunion.
the planet of janet wrote..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/11/absence-makes-heart-grow-stronger.html" rel="nofollow">Absence makes the heart grow stronger
That sucks that you were separated from your brothers... but AWESOME that you were able to find them! One thing I love about the Internet is that it connects everyone a lot more. It is alot easier now to find people and to give others a way to find you if they feel like it. If you ever read the blog "Baggage And Bug," the blogger there has a very similar story in which she just recently managed to find her older brother, who she'd never met because his mother purposely kept him away from the father the two share. I think there must be tons of miracles like that happening, thanks to the Internet!!!
Nicki wrote..http://adhdangel.blogspot.com/2008/11/in-tears.html" rel="nofollow">In Tears....
Wow. That is quite a story.
Jack wrote..http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/2008/11/tuesday-night-tunes.html" rel="nofollow">Tuesday Night Tunes
It's a heart-wrenching story. I'm glad your family has been reunited.
April wrote..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/11/their-first-rally.html" rel="nofollow">Their First Rally
Crap.. I was pretty excited about it being in Chicago and now I see this.. I am sorry..and that photo of you.. man.. you were/are flipping adorable!!
I do hope you get your reunion.. but lets not forgo BlogHer okay? lol.. I need you. (yep totally selfish)
Kim wrote..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/11/12/wordless-wednesday-sisters.html" rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday - Sisters
I'm so sorry that it's not in Philly for your sake. Any chance that once you're in Chicago, there could be a reunion arranged? You're so much closer to Philly at that point...could something happen?
On the bright side: Chicago, oh Chicago!! It's sooooo close to me!! I know I'm hardly your long-lost family, and it doesn't really compare, but I will love to meet you.
Or, spend the money to go to Philly instead of Chicago. I'll meet you another way. *hugs*
MommyTime wrote..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/11/assessment-makes-my-head-spinand-not-in.html" rel="nofollow">"Assessment" Makes My Head Spin...and not in the good way, either
Wow, I'm a bit floored; this is one hell of a story. Im so glad you found your brother and made that connection. Go to Philly.
:)
jessica wrote..http://stapeliad.blogspot.com/2008/11/aed12.html" rel="nofollow">AED.12
nice story. ah parents, they should just let siblings be siblings.
i would have been just an hour away in philly.
and if i were still in st. louis, i'd seen you. chicago, too far now.
disappointed. we coulda so hooked up and gone makeup shopping.
PS: you were just a beautiful young girl. that picture of you beaming with your sleepy little brother is just adorable.
i wish i had a picture like that with my kids.
pretty blue eyes. pretty hair.