Friday
Nov282008
Three Years Is Much Better Than Sixteen
Friday, November 28, 2008 at 1:28AM | Mr Lady
It's officially, as of today, three full years since I've talked to my father. I knew we should never had agreed to have our first big entire-family Thanksgiving. Won't be making that mistake again, I assure you.
I alternate between missing him, being completely, fanatically* pissed off at him and being filled with bright green oozing envy at my brother, who still talks to him. I mean, my poor brother sent me a video that he shot of his kids opening a present that Popup had mailed them, and I COULD NOT watch it. Was my dad in it? No. Do I miss my niece and nephews so much it hurts? Yes. But the thought of my dad completely ignoring my kids for most of their lives, and doting on my brother's? It INFURIATES me.
My brother, just so you know, is going to leave a comment to the effect of 'karmic retribution for being the fucking golden child growing up, ho' and he'll totally be right, so don't yell at him. We love him.
Anyway, I was falling asleep last night, trying to decide where I'm at with the old daddio, and I got to thinking about what really was keeping me from moving on. I move on rather easily in most situations, but this one has me hanging. Why am I still so mad, three years later? Is it because he rejected my pathetic excuse for an apology? Is it that he, like my mother, just never asked even one question after I walked away? What is it that's really got my chonies in a knot? And then it hit me.
3 Cabbage Patch Dolls and a BlowPop.
When I left my mother's house, I had one small suitcase and two small backpacks to cram 16 years of stuff into. Everything else had to go in the dumpster outside so that when she came home the next day, there would be no trace of me left in her house. I wiggled and jumped and bounced on those bags, packing them as tightly as I could with what little clothes and shoes I could fit. But I could not, not in any small way, bear to throw away the 3 Cabbage Patch Dolls my father had taken me to get when they first came out. Against my mother's orders, we stood in line for hours to get those freaking things. It was the only abjectly defiant thing I'd ever done, and those sonsofbitches were coming with me.
I also brought a goodie bag from a sleepover I'd attended a few years before. My friend Alisha had a big sleepover at her house in Philly when I was, oh, maybe 14, and I'd never actually been to a sleepover before, so I totally went. I didn't really know anyone there, but I grew up with Alisha; she was more like my sister than my friend, and her mom more like a mother, you know? I was totally fine on my own. At this sleepover, she had goodie bags. Everyone's had makeup in it, but since I wasn't allowed makeup, Alisha's mom had filled mine with candy and stickers and stuff. I ate all the melty candy and did something with the stickers, but I kept the BlowPop that was in the bag, and I kept the bag, too. I packed them and brought them to Colorado with me, too. They meant something to me, I just couldn't put my finger on what.
My father had a box in his garage where my old stuff was kept, just one little box in the back of the garage. I'd gone to get it out a few times, but I could never get to it. He's got one of those garages where you open the door at your own risk, if you're dumb enough to even try. Finally, when he was moving, he cleared the whole thing out and I came over to get my box, with all my old clothes, my suitcase, my dolls and my blowpop, and it was gone. The 25 boxes the shippers packed in 1986 full of coupons for KFC and newspapers that were laying around his apartment were all still there 17 years later, but my one box of super important, never replaceable tokens of my past hadn't survived the cuts.
Aside from the monster of a parent he was, aside from the shitstorm he dropped on my brother, aside from the way he made 2of3 cry every time he saw him, that is what I am not ever, ever going to forgive him for. That is the source of my anger. I had only 4 pieces of my history, only 4 items in the whole world I could hand to my children to share a piece of my childhood with them, and he told me he'd keep them for me. And instead, he threw them in the trash. That day, in my heart, he became no better than my mother.
And I am really, really thankful that it only took me three years to figure that out.
*You know you grew up in Philly when you think fanatic should be spelled with a 'ph' and no amount of spell check is going to convince you otherwise.
I alternate between missing him, being completely, fanatically* pissed off at him and being filled with bright green oozing envy at my brother, who still talks to him. I mean, my poor brother sent me a video that he shot of his kids opening a present that Popup had mailed them, and I COULD NOT watch it. Was my dad in it? No. Do I miss my niece and nephews so much it hurts? Yes. But the thought of my dad completely ignoring my kids for most of their lives, and doting on my brother's? It INFURIATES me.
My brother, just so you know, is going to leave a comment to the effect of 'karmic retribution for being the fucking golden child growing up, ho' and he'll totally be right, so don't yell at him. We love him.
Anyway, I was falling asleep last night, trying to decide where I'm at with the old daddio, and I got to thinking about what really was keeping me from moving on. I move on rather easily in most situations, but this one has me hanging. Why am I still so mad, three years later? Is it because he rejected my pathetic excuse for an apology? Is it that he, like my mother, just never asked even one question after I walked away? What is it that's really got my chonies in a knot? And then it hit me.
3 Cabbage Patch Dolls and a BlowPop.
When I left my mother's house, I had one small suitcase and two small backpacks to cram 16 years of stuff into. Everything else had to go in the dumpster outside so that when she came home the next day, there would be no trace of me left in her house. I wiggled and jumped and bounced on those bags, packing them as tightly as I could with what little clothes and shoes I could fit. But I could not, not in any small way, bear to throw away the 3 Cabbage Patch Dolls my father had taken me to get when they first came out. Against my mother's orders, we stood in line for hours to get those freaking things. It was the only abjectly defiant thing I'd ever done, and those sonsofbitches were coming with me.
I also brought a goodie bag from a sleepover I'd attended a few years before. My friend Alisha had a big sleepover at her house in Philly when I was, oh, maybe 14, and I'd never actually been to a sleepover before, so I totally went. I didn't really know anyone there, but I grew up with Alisha; she was more like my sister than my friend, and her mom more like a mother, you know? I was totally fine on my own. At this sleepover, she had goodie bags. Everyone's had makeup in it, but since I wasn't allowed makeup, Alisha's mom had filled mine with candy and stickers and stuff. I ate all the melty candy and did something with the stickers, but I kept the BlowPop that was in the bag, and I kept the bag, too. I packed them and brought them to Colorado with me, too. They meant something to me, I just couldn't put my finger on what.
My father had a box in his garage where my old stuff was kept, just one little box in the back of the garage. I'd gone to get it out a few times, but I could never get to it. He's got one of those garages where you open the door at your own risk, if you're dumb enough to even try. Finally, when he was moving, he cleared the whole thing out and I came over to get my box, with all my old clothes, my suitcase, my dolls and my blowpop, and it was gone. The 25 boxes the shippers packed in 1986 full of coupons for KFC and newspapers that were laying around his apartment were all still there 17 years later, but my one box of super important, never replaceable tokens of my past hadn't survived the cuts.
Aside from the monster of a parent he was, aside from the shitstorm he dropped on my brother, aside from the way he made 2of3 cry every time he saw him, that is what I am not ever, ever going to forgive him for. That is the source of my anger. I had only 4 pieces of my history, only 4 items in the whole world I could hand to my children to share a piece of my childhood with them, and he told me he'd keep them for me. And instead, he threw them in the trash. That day, in my heart, he became no better than my mother.
And I am really, really thankful that it only took me three years to figure that out.
*You know you grew up in Philly when you think fanatic should be spelled with a 'ph' and no amount of spell check is going to convince you otherwise.
Reader Comments (52)
Ouch. That does have to smart a little. If you notice someone from California has spent an inordinate amount of time on your blog it's me starting at the beginning of your archives and getting up to speed. I have 2 Cabbage Patch Kids, a Koosa and a bag of flavored Tootsie Rolls I can send you. Just say the word.
So is this a STEP, or like, a lightbulb moment? Three years isn't long at all. It took me like, 19.
Zoeyjane wrote..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/11/27/on-decorative-ishness/" rel="nofollow">On Decorative-ishness
Dude. There you go, making me feel things again. Shit.
I also have, shall we say, "daddy issues" and am nowhere close to this kind of miniature revelation. Wish I was. I'll get to where you are someday.
flickrlovr wrote..http://idblogthat.net/2008/11/news-flash-blog-swap-on-friday/" rel="nofollow">News Flash! Blog Swap on Friday!
I have HUGE Daddy issues. Mostly the question of why he raised my brothers to adulthood and visited me 3 times in the past 30 years even when I lived in the same town as him!!!!! I am going back to when I was the small child and he was the adult. So when I was an adult, I made an effort, it was always my effort not his so I came to the conclusion that I was not as important and just got over it for the most part.
Now he is a dying sickly old man and I go see him when he is in the hospital but the Daddy/Daughter relationship I dreamed of will never be and I know it is not my fault so I sleep at night now!
PS He still has the nerve to call me a Daddy's Girl to everyone in his family! Pffh!
Special K wrote..http://specialk513.blogspot.com/2008/11/black-friday.html" rel="nofollow">Black Friday
I can relate. I haven't spoken to my Father in 5 years, and my Mother in about 3. They divorced when I was two yet I hate them both. I moved out when I was 16 got married when I was 19 and then made my husband pay for years of therapy. We're all better for it! The only thing I have from my childhood is incomplete baby book. That's it. There are so many things I wish I had, but alas I have moved on...sorta
I am outraged on your behalf! Actually, I'm remembering my father feeding my beloved stuffed animals to his doberman who ripped them to pieces, so I'm probably projecting, but either way, I'm there with you.
tinsenpup wrote..http://tinsenpup.blogspot.com/2008/11/spiderpup-chronicles-new-friend.html" rel="nofollow">The Spiderpup Chronicles - A New Friend
Dude. It took me 32 with my mother and 29 with my father. Am slow.
I do relate and sympathize with your pain though darlin'. xo
First, do you not see your brother and his kids because of something about your father, or because of geography? If it's the former, is there any way you can reconnect with him without your father around? (None of my business, I know, but then again you did share it with the internets, so you had to expect some assvice.)
As for your father, I totally get why you're pissed, and I think that you have every right to be angry for what happened. However, would you forgive him if he apologized? Is there more to it than three dolls and a sucker? Would you let your kids know their grandfather if he would accept culpability? (Note that I am not implying he ever would; he's probably like my MIL in that he is infallible and capable of tremendous amounts of revisionist history to make himself look good and/or victimized.) I guess what I'm asking is, "Is it over?" If so, then I am very sorry. If not, then I hope you have find a way to resolve this.
SciFi Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/468254880/formal-identification.html" rel="nofollow">Formal Identification
I sorta know how you feel, except much less intense, because this is my mother in law, not my father. I'm trying to prevent the paid your babies feel from happening to mine. So I limit their contact with his family as much as I can, and I always will.
Three years isn't that long. Right?
Maria wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/448000231/" rel="nofollow">For Your Information:
I know that no amount of words can make everything better, but know that I think you're amazing and brave and wonderful. Love.
perksofbeingme wrote..http://perksofbeingme.blogspot.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-craziness.html" rel="nofollow">Thanksgiving Craziness
You can move on without subjecting yourself to more of that. Sending you some love, 'kay?
Katherine wrote..http://fuzz.typepad.com/weblog/2008/11/sunshine-lollipops-and-turkeys.html" rel="nofollow">Sunshine, Lollipops, and Turkeys
This is me, tragically touched. If you notice a second person from California spending an inordinate amount of time on your blog, it's me rereading this post over and over today.
Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/11/24/get-out-your-seat-and-snoop-around/" rel="nofollow">Get Out ‘Your Seat and Snoop Around
Well poop. I don't even know what to say. Except I'm sorry.
Kate wrote..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/11/another-25.html" rel="nofollow">Another 25...
Damn! Dads suck! (Mine was the worst too and when he died I hadn't talked to him in like 5-plus years.) Some days I wish he was still around so could just give him a verbal lashing and tell him how he effed my up so badly. It would serve no other purpose than making me feel better.
I kind of want to buy you a Cabbage Patch doll now.
Kristabella wrote..http://fullofsnark.com/2008/11/26/happy-baconsgiving/" rel="nofollow">Happy Baconsgiving!
That fuckin' sucks, man. I'm glad my Dad is a stand-up dude. Always remember that you're breaking the cycle and showing your kids how parents are supposed to act, and be there, and be loving, and trustworthy - and now they'll do the same with their kids.
1sttimedad wrote..http://1sttimedad.wordpress.com/2008/11/27/spoiling-my-family-with-a-night-out/" rel="nofollow">Spoiling my family with a night out
Must be a three year itch thing going on...February will be 3 (almost 4) years for me. Good ole dad told me that he couldn't make it to the wedding because he was going to Palm Springs. Eh. Whatever.
He's the one that lost out. He's the one that won't see his grandson graduate in June. He's the one that doesn't even know his youngest grandson exists. But being the ruthless bitch that I am, he'll find out when he gets a Christmas card from me this year.
Like someone said ^ ^ up there....you are showing your kids what it's like to be a parent. How important being in your child's life is. You will come out the better person.
Lisa wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/DiapersToDating/~3/462848206/weekly-winners_23.html" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners
I showed Auron how to make 'Super-lolly' out of a blow pop this year. There exists a small legacy of your youth here in Arvada.
That's harsh. I have a few issues with my own dad and his apparent favoritism of my brother. I also finally figured out that my anger was at his disregard of my feelings, especially when I needed his support the most. I hope with this realization you can start healing, if only for yourself.
Tara R. wrote..http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com/2008/11/28/sweet-potato-hangover/" rel="nofollow">Sweet potato hangover
Not to minimize, since you already did, but parents suck. I have to daily forgive my parents with the hope that my kids will forgive me. Revelations help, but only for so long, so take advantage.
rebecca wrote..http://rebelwithablog.blogspot.com/2008/11/no-waste-day-wasted.html" rel="nofollow">No Waste Day Wasted
i want to say something pithy. something comforting. something not awkward.
but i'm so tangled up with emotions here that i can only say that i love your strength, your resolve, your passion.
you are my hero. hugs.
the planet of janet wrote..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-green-bean-casserole.html" rel="nofollow">Thanksgiving green bean casserole
Man, I'm sorry. That really sucks.
I don't speak to my sister and it really is a damn shame. However, she is batshit crazy and I refuse to subject myself and my children to her.
It really stinks that families have to be so f'ed up.
I agree with what 1sttimedad said. You are a kick ass mom!
Zak wrote..http://zakaryw.blogspot.com/2008/11/be-thankful-for-what-you-got.html" rel="nofollow">Yokoke
I too have some really extreme dad issues. My dad never bonded to me as a baby. He dumped me completely as a 2 year old and although I worked for years to somehow forge some kind of relationship with the piece of crap that he is, he only stepped on my heart time after time. I can totally understand your pain. How much room did those treasures of yours REALLY take? He tossed them in anger and selfishness and he's a total loser for that. I should note too that my 1/2 sister is the apple of my sperm donor's eye now and yes, a piece of me envies that too. It's so ironic. I can totally relate to your feelings. My heart goes out to you. I know the holidays are tough when you have a messed up family. Hang in there!! (((hugs)))
Tracy wrote..http://somebodysgonnagetnaked2nite.blogspot.com/2008/11/angels.html" rel="nofollow">Angels
I don't think I've been reading your blog long enough to know the dish between you and your mother, but I know I still have many of the little things I had as a kid that I cherish. Like a stupid little set of 4 magnets. I get choked up just pulling them out of a drawer to show my kids. All for 4 little magnets. So I can kinda understand how violated you'd feel to have those things taken from you.
Oh, and I don't know shit about you and your dad, either. Except for this post.
Funny, we just waved our goodbyes to family leaving from the Thanksgiving we just hosted, and while my feelings aren't as intense, I've got some shit brewing in my head, too.
Here's to being able to drink away those things that suck and only loiter around those parts of this life that make it feel like magic.
Clayjack wrote..http://familyclay.com/jack-clay-dr-greg-house-and-sm/" rel="nofollow">Jack Clay, Dr. Greg House and S&M
I don't speak to my father and haven't in almost 10 years. I don't speak to my maternal grandparents and haven't in almost 8 years. My grandmother treated us kids the way it sounds like your father treated your kids -- there was such rampant favourtism that my mom put her foot down. I'm going to bookmark this post and I'll write about it on my blog one day when I'm feeling up to it.
In the mean time, *big, huge, squishy hugs*.
Chibi Jeebs wrote..http://onefineneuroticmess.blogspot.com/2008/11/blogger-holiday-cookie-party.html" rel="nofollow">Blogger Holiday Cookie Party
Family shit just runs so deep right? I mean, no matter what I do about saying I'm cool with whatever I didn't have, the parental stuff just burns right through me especially at the holidays. And that's not to say I was so lacking...I have killer parents - but there's ALWAYS stuff - just different degrees and yours seems pretty intense.
But what all of this parental reflection does for me is realize the insane power I have over my kids and their fragile hearts and most-likely photographic memories. I wish I could remember that more when I'm yelling at them...seriously.
So, I'm like other readers who don't know jack about you and your stuff - wanna point us to a few posts that could connect the dots a little?
Lee the MWOB Queen wrote..http://momswithoutblogs.blogspot.com/2008/11/part-three-my-very-own-miracle.html" rel="nofollow">PART THREE - My Very Own Miracle
I remember when you shared this story with me after the cabbage patch post with princess. It broke my hear then and angers me for you and breaks my heart again for you.
I am so sorry darling. huge hugs! There is nothing that we can say to make it better, or ease it or rationalize any such actions.
Hugs and understanding my dear one.
rachel wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/FromTheLandOfMonkeysAndPrincesses/~3/464117686/mouthwatering-loaded-potato-soup.html" rel="nofollow">Mouthwatering Loaded Potato Soup
Awwwwwwww.. It's such a small thing to THEM but such a BIG thing to us. :( I'm sorry.
SECRET AGENT MAMA wrote..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SecretAgentMama/~3/kLiA3MHU5fY/" rel="nofollow">l o v e t h u r s d a y
What Secret Agent Mama said. The problem with the big thing to us, small thing to them is that the story can so easily become about how crazy *YOU* are - "She is not speaking to me over 3 old cabbaga patch dolls and a bag, can you imagine?"
Breaking. The. Cycle. You're doing it, and this is just one more step. Be pissed. You owe yourself that.
Now I'm going to go have that piece of pumpkin pie I've been telling myself I can't have all day long, and I'm going to think about my asshole dad.
Missives From Suburbia wrote..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-thanksgiving.html" rel="nofollow">Happy Thanksgiving
You continue to impress me with your bad-ass self-knowledge, and your ability to get through the crap with barely a stink left on you. you're awesome, Mr Lady.
April wrote..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-thanksgiving.html" rel="nofollow">Happy Thanksgiving!
So sorry to hear that. I never actually knew my biological father, but that's all for the good. He left when I was tiny and was replaced with a new, awesome model. A lot of people feel bad if they're angry at blood relatives simply because of the fact that they are blood relatives. Actions speak louder than genes at the end of the day though.
Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/11/memed.html" rel="nofollow">Memed
I cannot fathom such a situation... But I am incredibly sorry that your family has split. No one deserves to have their parents cut them out of their lives.
tracey wrote..http://tracey-justanothermommyblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/before-i-head-out-for-day.html" rel="nofollow">Before I head out for the day....
Well - I can tell you that:
A - I have had my fair share of father issues... and I did not talk to him for quite a number of years.
B - was adopted and just this year found and met my natural mother.
I know that feeling of going back and forth and not knowing how to proceed.
He now keeps calling and leaviong me messages about him wanting to see me over th holidays. I just don' know f I want to.
This relly sucks...but thanks for giving me motivation to write about it.
I will blog about him tomorrow.
BedsideTalesMan wrote..http://bedsidetales.blogspot.com/2008/11/tripping-on-turkey.html" rel="nofollow">Tripping On Turkey
> my chonies
Please, please tell me you're talking about http://www.chonies.com/product-47.htm" rel="nofollow">these ones.
I think three years is super fast. It took me 30 to figure out my resentment and not to sound all hokey and shit but once I figured it out, I kinda got over it (it rears up every once in a while when she pretends it was always sunshine and lollipops and that I'm completely insane for ever thinking there was anything bad but I'm pretty much over that hump). But that doesn't mean I'm "over it" - it's just I can't think of any easier way to describe it without writing an entire gawddamn post right her in the comments. And I'm too gawddamn lazy to do that but I just wanted you to know, that in my own way, I get this.
katie ~ motherbumper wrote..http://www.motherbumper.com/2008/11/napodone.html" rel="nofollow">napodone
I'm still mad at my mom for dismantling the photo album/baby book that contained all the snapshots of my babyhood after she and my dad divorced. She gave Dad the photos that had his family in them, and kept the rest. But the book no longer existed in its original, significant format. And it never will again. Grrr.
Yeah. I'm with ya. Maybe it's a generational thing? Not letting go of the oh-so-righteous anger? Although I thought I was doing pretty good, until my dear-ol'-dad up and declared to the family that he was going to begin living as a *woman*. On my birthday. Fuck me, dude. You killed my dad... ON MY BIRTHDAY. Probably not gonna forgive that any time soon, you self-absorbed fake-bitch. Oops. Sorry. This is your blog, not mine. Still, tho, I get the dad-anger.
****HUGS****
Something similar happened to my father. His mom left him and his sister with an abusive and alcoholic aunt and uncle. They took the kids to get the tax write-off. The uncle died a few years back and instead of letting my dad go get the few remaining things from childhood he threw it all out.
I also am still mad at my ex who threw out my baby blankets from when I was a kid. So what if they were chewed up and had tons of holes in them...they were MINE and I loved them.
And I'm sorry your dad was such an ass to throw out your treasures. I know how it hurts.
jessica wrote..http://stapeliad.blogspot.com/2008/11/aed28.html" rel="nofollow">AED.28
Oh honey...I'm so sorry. I'm so thankful my mom's a packrat. She never gives away or sells my old stuff without asking. *hugs*
Darcie wrote..http://cavedweller1019.blogspot.com/2008/11/holy-smokes-batman.html" rel="nofollow">Holy Smokes, Batman!
I definitely win on the daddy front. Kinda. If you overlook all the times he sent me to school with a black eye. Or the times he tried to drown me in the kitchen sink when I was washing dishes.
Or the time he made me eat off the floor when I accidentally dropped a pie.
Still. I'm thinking your dad is the lesser man of the two. Mine still talks to me and is a great grandfather. (With supervision.)
Bah. Screw family. Come west. Boo can be your new daddy. Your SUGAR daddy. heh.
Redneck Mommy wrote..http://theredneckmommy.com/2008/11/28/i-have-no-shame/" rel="nofollow">I Have No Shame
I have a good relationship with my parents and I am still pissed that when I was 20 they decided to get rid of things that they thought I didn't need.
A couple of decades later and I still find myself getting irritated about it.
And my irritation is with a good relationship, so I can understand why others would be more upset at the crap their parents pull. Some people have the ability to get under our skin like no other.
Jack wrote..http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-in-mumbai.html" rel="nofollow">Thanksgiving in Mumbai
Family can suck six ways from Sunday. I'm just glad that you have figured out a lot of the reasoning behind it. I will never understand in my heart why those who are supposed to love and care about us the most can be such monumental fuckwads and hurt our lives more than anyone else.
Bleh.
Loralee wrote..http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2008/11/29/sideblog-blognosh-submissions-update/" rel="nofollow">Sideblog: BlogNosh submissions update
Dude - if you were the Golden Child growing up? My heart to your brother. ;-)
XXOO You know I'm just kiddin' witcha.
Blowpops, eh?
Ree wrote..http://hotfessional.com/2008/11/28/grace-in-small-things-1365/" rel="nofollow">Grace in Small Things: 1/365
Dude. Daddy issues. Sounds like more of us have them than not. WTF? My dad and I have gone for years without talking, several times, so I feel for you honey. And my brother and I have a similar dynamic to you and your bro - so I totally relate to the jealousy thing and the inability to watch the video. Heartbreaking. And seeing your dad make 2of3 cry? Yep. Been there too. Unacceptable. You are doing the right thing. Follow your heart. Stay the course.
Oh "the stuff." The ties we form to the toys and the crazy little things like a single BlowPop. Divorce sure can fuck with a kid's soul. Let it go, sistah-friend. Let it all go.
Iris wrote..http://beardediris.wordpress.com/2008/11/29/the-sound-of-silence/" rel="nofollow">The Sound of Silence
I'm sorry that he threw your treasured possessions away. I hate to say it because I hate for anyone to have had the kind of father I had, but I do know exactly how you feel.
I just went to my father's funeral a few weeks ago. I hadn't talked to him in years because well, he was just the world's biggest evil prick, and it was still hard to listen to my half-brother, to whom he was NOT the world's biggest evil prick, talk about him.
So, sorry you're feeling all this, and glad it only took you three years to figure it out.
kat wrote..http://thiscouldgetuglier.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-wish-id-known-that-guy.html" rel="nofollow">I Wish I'd Known That Guy
Wow. I'm sorry your dad is such a jerk. It kinda makes my dad look like a saint. Just know you're doing the most important thing you can do, which is being a great parent.
My Name is Cat wrote..http://mynameiscat.blogspot.com/2008/11/weigh-in-wednesday_25.html" rel="nofollow">Weigh in Wednesday
My step-dad cut up my lambie with scissors. I never trusted him after that day. He was a S#@! anyway but a seven year-old does not need that kinda punishment. I have not seen my folks since I was 14, so no luck with the artifacts either. My real dad never once contacted us after he and my mom divorced. My sis tracked him down years later and we have weekly phone calls, but he just wasn't there. I doubt he has a single pic of me as a baby. Some parents remind us that it only takes animal instincts to procreate, no heart necessary. Your dad should have protected you and your stuff. I learned early in life that family is the people who love you, not the people who are related to you. The one thing I always wanted out of life was my own family. I thank God for them, for they saved me. I love to share pieces of my childhood with them, but the only thing I can do that with is books and stories of the games I played with my friends.
Micki wrote..http://mickiwendt.blogspot.com/2008/11/secret-of-week_27.html" rel="nofollow">Secret of the Week
wow . . . you will remain angry for a couple of more years my dear! It takes a lloonngg time to get over crap like this! Parents . . . they teach us how WE don't want to act with our children! It will get easier over the years, especially when you see your amazing kids faces and he doesn't! (I have not spoken to my mother in over 15 years . . . months go by and she is not even thought of, then pop, I will think of something horrific that she did, pissed off again for a day or so, then back to not even remembering that she exists!) It gets easier!!
Tiaras & Tantrums wrote..http://www.tiarastantrums.com/2008/11/what-are-you-wearing.html" rel="nofollow">What Are You Wearing?
karmic retribution for being the fucking golden child growing up, ho’
HAH! Just had to do it. In reality that sucks ass, all kids should have love, lots of it. So you talked to Dad? You reminisced here, but no mention of how that call went. Do Tell.
If it makes you feel better (like having a paper cut instead of a cleaver wound) he only dots over 1of3... 2of3 and 3of3 have never even got the B-Day call. =( Pisses me off.
@SciFi Dad (Cool name btw) I would say Geography, but there is always the dark psyc that is my sister. When we spend anytime at all together it is FANTASTIC. We are two different sides of a coin, but like the sides of that coin we have a bond that will keep us close. (Besides, Mr Doner Rocks... couldn't be w/o him. And those kids...well lets just say there are many reasons that I love my sister)