;)
Monday
Nov032008
820,880 Minutes
Monday, November 3, 2008 at 1:16AM
I have a soft spot for dad blogs. There, I said it.
Maybe it's because they're typically funny as all get-out, maybe it's because I'm a tramp who likey the boys; I don't know. What I do know is that I've read some pretty amazing stuff from this awesome group of guys who have braved the rough waters of the parent-blog world over the years.
I also know that I have pretty strong feelings about father's rights, and that I'm torn over that within myself. For example, I'm all about the right to choose, but I counter that with a pretty strong feeling that if the guy isn't an asshole drug dealing wife-beater, he should have a say in that decision. How do I balance that within myself? I don't. I have very very strong feelings about what seems to me to be a unfair bias within the court system to automatically grant custody to the mother in divorce, regardless of who's more fit a parent.
Yes, I am totally projecting my own issues here, thanks for noticing.
Maybe what it comes down to is that I grew up in a world that didn't really dole out the great male role models with any frequency, and I find it refreshing to read the stories these fathers have to tell through their blogs, to read as they share their joys and their heartbreaks and their triumphs and their struggles. It restores my faith in mankind.
So when I read this the other week at Gaming With Baby, well; let's just say I ached a little bit that day. I can't find the words for what it was about Will's post that struck me so hard, and I won't try. It's a beautiful post, in a really heartbreaking, coming full-circle sort of way, and I couldn't do any sort of it justice by trying to sum it up.
I nominated 570 for Petroville and Suburban Turmoil's Perfect Post award for October. I really encourage you to go give it a read.
Maybe it's because they're typically funny as all get-out, maybe it's because I'm a tramp who likey the boys; I don't know. What I do know is that I've read some pretty amazing stuff from this awesome group of guys who have braved the rough waters of the parent-blog world over the years.
I also know that I have pretty strong feelings about father's rights, and that I'm torn over that within myself. For example, I'm all about the right to choose, but I counter that with a pretty strong feeling that if the guy isn't an asshole drug dealing wife-beater, he should have a say in that decision. How do I balance that within myself? I don't. I have very very strong feelings about what seems to me to be a unfair bias within the court system to automatically grant custody to the mother in divorce, regardless of who's more fit a parent.
Yes, I am totally projecting my own issues here, thanks for noticing.
Maybe what it comes down to is that I grew up in a world that didn't really dole out the great male role models with any frequency, and I find it refreshing to read the stories these fathers have to tell through their blogs, to read as they share their joys and their heartbreaks and their triumphs and their struggles. It restores my faith in mankind.
So when I read this the other week at Gaming With Baby, well; let's just say I ached a little bit that day. I can't find the words for what it was about Will's post that struck me so hard, and I won't try. It's a beautiful post, in a really heartbreaking, coming full-circle sort of way, and I couldn't do any sort of it justice by trying to sum it up.
I nominated 570 for Petroville and Suburban Turmoil's Perfect Post award for October. I really encourage you to go give it a read.
Reader Comments (28)
Thanks for the reminder of this post. Now I must go hug my little bean.
Once upon a time, DC Urban Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/typepad/mattnando/dcurbandad/~3/436565017/teething.html" rel="nofollow">Yet another reason why I won't be father of the year.....
I couldn't agree more. I didn't grow up with a dad or any good male role models around me, and I was amazed at all of the terrific fathers out here in the blogosphere. I have a soft spot for them too...what can you do?
It was beautiful.
Once upon a time, One Mom's Opinion wrote..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/10/big-island.html" rel="nofollow">The Big Island
I heart the dad-bloggers too. BusyDad, Dorky dad and Creative-Type Dad (go see his Lionel Ritchie "Hello" pumpkin.
I'm off to check out your recommendation.
Once upon a time, Happy Hour Sue wrote..http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2008/11/halloween-candy.html" rel="nofollow">Halloween Candy Hangover
Thank you for posting and sharing that .. it was raw, real, and so painful.. and I too have the soft spot for the dads...
Once upon a time, Kim wrote..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/11/2/weekly-winners.html" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners
great. now I have yet another blog to add to my must reads. Damn you, Mr. Lady!
Once upon a time, MomBabe wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/thebinghamdiaries/EBnH/~3/440635102/schmuck.html" rel="nofollow">Schmuck
I don't know Mr. Lady, this "Will" character seems like a bit of a weapy boy. He might do better to pop some prozacs and get over himself. Or maybe he should stop being so snarky for just a moment and go stop his son from eating that cardboard box he currently has his teeth sunk into.
Thank you. Not so sure I'm deserving of such recognition.
Once upon a time, Will wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GamingWithBaby/~3/440343539/loafin.html" rel="nofollow">Loafin
Thanks for the props towards Will at Gaming With Baby. He is most deserving.
There isn't as much of the unfair bias these days as their used to be. It varies by state.
My friend got 50-50 joint custody with her ex right after the baby was born, so she spent and contunues to spend half the week away from the baby and it kills her. She tried to fight it and lost. He leaves the baby with his mother for most of the visit. Because of the 50-50 arrangement he doesn't pay any child support. He is a lawyer.
And look I'm not saying that there aren't men out there who don't care about their kids but it's extremely common for fathers to bail on the family or be part-time parents when it suits them. Much more common for men to do that than women.
I'm sorry for what Will is going through because it sucks (I know) but he isn't without rights or recourse.
Once upon a time, jessica wrote..http://stapeliad.blogspot.com/2008/11/aed2.html" rel="nofollow">AED.2
Hey thanks pointing out that post it was truly a great blog.
Once upon a time, Rich wrote..http://fatherhood.untanglingknots.com/2008/11/now-that-made-me-laugh.html" rel="nofollow">Now that made me laugh!!
*Sigh* I came here hoping for more risqué pictures or a good laugh...
NOT to tear up.
I cannot even begin to imagine the feeling Will had walking to the car that morning. I don't know if my heart would be strong enough to make it...
Thanks for that link.
Thanks for the link. What a powerful story. I can hardly even imagine what it would be like.
Once upon a time, Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/11/wrong-number.html" rel="nofollow">Wrong Number
Wow. What eloquence. I don't know many, if ANY, men that can write that honestly. I admire Will's ability to transform those raw feelings into beautfiul words. Very powerful. I hope someday he allows his daughter to read that post. So that she will know how very very loved she is.
Once upon a time, Kate wrote..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/11/national-torture-month.html" rel="nofollow">National Torture Month
for once, we wshall have to agree to disagree. I am all for father's rights if there is no reason for him to not have them, of course. Totally. But I know so few men who are "fathers" in any sense of the word that-well. I shall shut up.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/11/last-day-of-filing.html" rel="nofollow">Last Day of Filing!
But I do likey me the guys as well.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/11/last-day-of-filing.html" rel="nofollow">Last Day of Filing!
That was an incredible post. Thank you for sharing it.
Gamingwithbaby is a very underrated blog.
Nice one.
Once upon a time, Xbox4NappyRash wrote..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/10/my-wife-whore.html" rel="nofollow">My wife & a whore
Will's post bothers me so much I think about it at least once every other day. And, when it comes to writing, bothering someone is one of the hardest things to do. Great recommendation.
Once upon a time, Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/10/31/all-hollows-eve-a-parental-tribute/" rel="nofollow">All Hollow’s Eve - A Parental Tribute
This is why I make sure that "the dad" is involved in everything that our son does. He has rights as well. Regardless of our relationship he still has as much right to Tyler's life as I do.
It breaks my heart everyday to know that I'm a single mother; however the bright side (if there is one) he has two parents that love and adore him.
Thanks for sending me over to that post it makes me see both points of view.
Maybe that is why I'm not one of those crazy X-spouse go for the juggler men haters. I just don't have it in me and Gaming with Baby proved why.
Once upon a time, Darla wrote..http://dmmos.blogspot.com/2008/11/halloween-trick-and-treats.html" rel="nofollow">Halloween Trick and Treats
BTW - I have to comment on Jessica's comment - I too have 50/50 split custody w/ my X and I get child support. We have a 2/2/5/5 arrangement.
Jessica's friend is entitled to support regardless of the custody arrangement. I didn't think I was entitled until I started dating an attorney and he set me straight.
Once upon a time, Darla wrote..http://dmmos.blogspot.com/2008/11/halloween-trick-and-treats.html" rel="nofollow">Halloween Trick and Treats
Thanks for the tip about Will's site. That post, it kills me.
Long long ago, in a lifetime far away, I was a lawyer. It was the family cases that killed me. I could write a whole lot more about why, but it just breaks my heart. So much pain, so many kids who are the ones who hurt the most. That's gotta be all, I don't wanna go there tonight.
But thanks for sending me over to Will's.
Once upon a time, Linds wrote..http://themuseasylum.wordpress.com/2008/11/03/manic-monday-7/" rel="nofollow">Manic Monday
Thanks for the link to this post. It's funny, I hadn't even thought about reading Daddy blogs before but what a great way to gain some insight, or at least have a few laughs and tears (tears for certain with that particular post).
Once upon a time, CynthiaK wrote..http://crumbsintheminivan.blogspot.com/2008/11/is-there-intelligent-life-on-planet.html" rel="nofollow">Day Three: Is there intelligent life on planet Home?
I couldn't NOT love Gaming with Baby. Thanks for pointing me over.
You did write this post just for me, right? It is all about me? Isn't it?
Why won't you answer me???
Lol...sorry I am tripping tonight :)
Once upon a time, janethesane wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/YouSeeWhatYouWantToSee/~3/441734369/in-dark-and-cloudy-day.html" rel="nofollow">In the dark and cloudy day
Thanks for the heads up. That post hit me pretty hard. Having to say goodbye to my kids for ANY reason like that scares the crap out of me. Makes me thankful for what I have and inspires me to clean the bathrooms tomorrow (without being asked). ;)
Once upon a time, NukeDad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Nuclearfamilywarheadcom/~3/440031625/" rel="nofollow">‘Cuz He’s TNT, He’s Dyn-O-Mite
"My dream is also that someday, one day, my daughter will watch a woman do the same thing. Just not today, please, not today."
Well said.
On that note... I am off to vote after breakfast.
OHmommy wrote..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/11/you-wont-find-me-in-diaper-aisle.html" rel="nofollow">You won't find me in the diaper aisle anymore...
Thanks... the moments after I re-gain my ability to see again, I come to your site for this... wish I was still blind. heh too early for tears.
Of course my first thought is "Why did he leave, and leave his girl, she wanted the divorce, she should leave." It seems that is the initial reaction for most couples, the guy leaves... why is that again?
but I do love the name of his blog, it's too good.
That was a really beautiful and tragic post. I am conflicted like you on the matter of custody and pro-choice being a woman's right... it's complicated.
Courtney wrote..http://fiveseconddanceparty.com/?p=526" rel="nofollow">Thank. God.