;)
Thursday
Nov062008
The End Of Innocence
Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 2:08AM
I didn't celebrate holidays when I was little, so when I had kids, I didn't really know how to do the whole "mythically endearing lies" thing. Because of this, I did what any self-respecting mother would do; I made a bunch of shit up.
When a tooth is lost in our house, we all go outside after our jammies are on, find a star and make a wish on it. It goes something like this:
Starlight, starbright,
First star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.
(and then you look at your star and everyone in the family says:)
I wish the tooth fairy would come and take my/my brother's tooth tonight!
Cheesy, yes. But they love it. It's kind of a big deal around here. No one EVER misses making a wish to the tooth fairy. So tonight, when we stood outside and wished for her to come get 2of3's tooth, I was honestly a little shocked that I had to elbow 1of3 to get him to wish with us. He gave me some shitty little tweeny grin, and got with the program.
Tonight, I was tucking 2of3 in and we made sure the tooth was all snug in it's place, when he said to me, "1of3 said there isn't a tooth fairy."
Oh, I'm going to kill that motherfucker.
"Reeeeeeealy. What ELSE did he say?"
"He said that it was YOU GUYS."
He is grounded until he retires.
"Tell me, why does he think that?"
"He said that he found a box full of TEETH."
Which is totally creepy in a serial killer trophy sort of way, yes.
"Well, remember how you wanted to go to the corner store today and I had NO MONEY? "
"Yeeeees."
"And do you expect a $5 bill under your pillow in the morning?"
"Yeeeees."
"Do I have a $5 bill?"
"Noooo."
"So....."
"So, I guess there really IS a tooth fairy!"
And the clouds parted, and the angels sang. And then I marched my ass downstairs.
"Son, tell me about this Tooth Fairy thing."
"Maaaawm. I'm not dumb. I know it's you."
"DO tell."
"I was looking for my GameBoy, and I found a box that had ALL of my old teeth in it."
Goddamn sonofabitch stupid fucking box I should have hid with the cleaning supplies. He'd NEVER have looked THERE.
"Well," I chocked, "well, son. You know I don't have any money right now, so when there is a $5 bill under your brother's pillow tomorrow, you're going to feel mighty dumb, aren't you?"
"MAWM!"
"Did it ever occur to you that I have a DEAL with the tooth fairy? That I love every one of those little baby teeth, and that we worked out an arrangement?"
"Well....."
"Well, maybe you should think before you start saying things like that, Mr I Currently Have 2 Loose Teeth."
"That's all you had to say, MAAAAWM. You have an arrangement. That's fine."
"While we're at it, what else do you suddenly NOT believe in?"
"I believe in everything except the tooth fairy and the sandman. I know there's a Santa, because you NEVER have any money. There's no way you could buy all those presents."
"Good. You just make sure it stays that way."
And then that little boy gave me a wink. One of those knowing, almost evil sort of winks that I can't quite figure out. It's almost over, isn't it?
Reader Comments (83)
i told roo that the tooth fairy ONLY comes to children who believe in her. that worked for awhile, too ;-)
the planet of janet wrote..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/11/learning-value-of-dollar.html" rel="nofollow">Learning the value of the dollar
The wishing on a star bit is awesome. ;-) Yeah the fairytale days with 1 of 3 are numbered.
Not that it seems like you need any help in the creative answers department but if you live in a place without a chimney/fireplace and they ask how Santa gets in the house my live-in-non-hubby's mom told him that Santa has a fairy in his beard that goes through the keyhole, unlocks the door, and lets him in. I thought that was the most awesome answer ever, so of course I must share. :D
Erica wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/momsjournal/~3/443255181/" rel="nofollow">A word from our sponsor about TV prescription ads
If you could see my face right now I am doing the sad pouty face.
I remember that time.
Sad pouty face.
Oh, he's fiendish. And wily. Seriously, I'm never going to have money, I'm taking a lesson from this post.
That is purely classic! I'm going to have to remember this when the oldest is starting to tell the youngest these kinds of things. I'm golden though because like you, I never have any money.
Oh and I'm glad that I'm not the only one that has little pet names for my kids ;)
Lisa wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/DiapersToDating/~3/437095586/evel-knievel-lives-at-our-house.html" rel="nofollow">Evel Knievel lives at our house
It all crashed in one day for my kids. They were 9 and 11. They figured out the Easter Bunny thing first, then the tooth fairy thing occurred to them. Twenty minutes later they came marching into the room DEMANDING to know about Santa.
Middle-Aged-Woman wrote..http://unmitigated.typepad.com/unmitigated/2008/11/232-years-and-counting.html" rel="nofollow">232 Years and Counting
I made up the "Easter cow" when my kids were small. The Easter cow left the Easter goodies out in the barn in the manger my milk cow ate from.
How lame is THAT?
Donna W wrote..http://donna-justme.blogspot.com/2008/11/grocery-expenses-bah-humbug.html" rel="nofollow">Grocery expenses. Bah, humbug!
I believe we will look back on this as your son's first attempts at using Jedi Mind Tricks on you with moderate success.
SciFi Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/441999439/buddy-at-one-month.html" rel="nofollow">Buddy At One Month
Yup, it's over. I couldn't wait to burst the Santa bubble... my desire started when my kid was 5 and I complained about her not playing with a very expensive doll she HAD to have for Christmas. She DISMISSED me with her reply, "Well, Santa brought it, so it's not like anyone PAID for it." Grrrrrrr. I did restrain myself (though I started putting MY name on all the good gifts instead of the crap... and then she wondered why Santa was mad at her because he only brought her books!!). She found out on Easter Sunday (at 9-years-old) because she realized it was highly unlikely the Easter Bunny could have gotten her basket into our locked car, outside our tent, while we were camping. 'The Discussion' ensued. FINALLY. And I was a LITTLE sad. Only a little.
Diane wrote..http://dianesaddledramblings.blogspot.com/2008/11/grrrrrr.html" rel="nofollow">Grrrrrr...
I'm seriously ROFL here!
I guess it's over. How sad is that?! Hope he learnt his lesson and keeps the secret for the sake of the others.
I have to say when my ds figured it out I was kind of relieved...I have had a few occations where the tooth fairy didn't come...only to have to figure out how to get that damn money to him without him suspecting me...Then came the test...he lost a tooth, and didn't tell anyone...for days...DD busted him out.
I have never fully admitted to being "it"...and we still give money for teeth, the Easter bunny still come, so do Leprachons on St Pattys...and he know's it's us at Christmas...but I have never ever come right out and said Yes dear, I am a fake...lol.
Love the way you handled it! Thank goodness at our house there are no olde siblings having only one child! I must learn to think on my feet like that - arrangement! LOVE it!
Pfft... I dunno what y'all are talking about. See... I have 1200 personalities trapped in this body. (and this is why I need more milk duds and booze than most, all those peeps want to be a part of the party) Surely, one of them knows how all those presents arrive but I don't know personally.
So, anywho, this kid told my nine year old there was no Santa and I told her "Hmmm...Santa brings YOU presents, huh?" and of course she was like, "WHat. Ever." And I said, "DOES HE?!" Kid says "Mom, Kenny said it was YOU." And I said, "Well, all I know is Santa comes to our house. Maybe Kenny is one of those bad kids."
When they are 42? I'll still say this. I don't care, man. If my mental illness can't be used for good somehow? Then what's the damned point, I ask you?
Kim @ Ponytaildiaries.com wrote..http://ponytaildiaries.com/?p=668" rel="nofollow">It will be OVER
I have a 5th grader at home. I was wondering when the gig would be up?!?!?!? Very, very funny story!
napmom wrote..http://napmom.blogspot.com/2008/11/blogger-election-result-posts.html" rel="nofollow">blogger election result posts
We have an arrangment with the tooth fairy at our house too. Exactly the same reason too, she was snooping and found the stash of teeth. While we're at it, why do we keep the teeth? My dad had my teeth and I think that's how I found out, but I really don't remember. I guess they are a lasting reminder that our children really were that small at one time.
Good luck with 1 of 3 keeping quiet, maybe if he starts to get too antsy you can make him an accomplice?
Daisy wrote..http://totallytattoedmama.blogspot.com/2008/11/disappointment.html" rel="nofollow">Disappointment
That's funny. I was the youngest, so my sister and older cousin spoiled it for me at a very early age.
I have way too much fun with Santa, Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy. I dread the day when they figure it out. It's so magical for them right now.
My husband was the youngest and had it spoiled for him, so much so that he is very careless and not so stealthy. Like when we were packing for Christmas in Aruba last year. He didn't get at first why I had a special suit case going with my in-laws ahead of time...one that the kids would never see. Willing to bet Sarah is going to pick up on one of his oopses in the next year or so.
Ashlie- Mommycosm wrote..http://www.mommycosm.com/journal/2008/11/4/november-5.html" rel="nofollow">November 5
My eldest son knows better than to question the existence of holiday / fairy-tale creatures, and ESPECIALLY knows better than to propagate such lies on his younger brothers.
He knows the minute that he questions the existence of Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, etc. publicly that they stop coming for him.
He's *WAY* too materialistic to let that particular travesty happen.
ShredderFeeder wrote..http://www.shredderfood.com/?p=408" rel="nofollow">Hate and Discontent in America?
The writing is on the wall. It won't be long. Sigh. It's sad to see it slowly drift away. I love the way you handled it though.
Can I get the tooth fairy's number from you so I can work out an arrangement too?
Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/11/awards.html" rel="nofollow">Awards
Gah! That is too bad when your kids get older and ruin stuff.
No worries though, I still wish on stars most every single night. Loose teeth or not.
Oooo, what other traditions do you have? I am ship without a port here, because I LOVE tradition, and so many of ours growing up had to do with going to church, and well, I gave that up for Lent one year. My husband is a recovering Catholic, so we don't have that to fall back on either. I was lamenting just last night not having traditions for Cooper, and we need to come up with some. And what do you do when it is cloudy, but someone lost a tooth? Wait for the next clear night? And anyone else who wants to chime in with cool traditions can leave comments on my blog! I may even have to post about this.
MidLifeMama wrote..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-anniversary.html" rel="nofollow">Happy Anniversary
My sneaky tweeny lost a tooth AND DIDN'T TELL ANYONE until the morning AFTER he put it under his pillow. Doh!
All I could say is, "Your loss, dude".
Fantastically priceless, this needs to be syndicated.
Audubon Ron wrote..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/11/wife-of-nobel-character.html" rel="nofollow">A Wife of Nobel Character
I had the same conversation with my six year old, which I think is TOO YOUNG TO NOT BELIEVE! So we talked and I said "what on EARTH would I want with your old teeth?"...which I think he kind of bought as a story.
Then I reminded him - but oh, BTW, The tooth fairy doesn't COME UNLESS YOU BELIEVE. The same goes for Santa too! Even if he doesn't believe, it should help him keep his mouth shut around my other little kids!
VHMPrincess wrote..http://vhmprincess.blogspot.com/2008/11/goodness-people.html" rel="nofollow">goodness! PEOPLE!
As the mom of (gulp) 3 teens ... I would say, yes, it's almost over. The great thing about that? They get to cross over to the other side and participate in making the magic. They love it. And truly? It opens up their eyes to the joy of giving.
This is an awesome story. Every family must have something like this, right? In our family, I was 1of3, and I spilled the beans to my littlest sis when she was in first grade. Nice, I know. (I don't actually remember doing this, but I assume it must have been me, since I've was a bit of a bossy know-it-all when it came to being an oldest child.) So my mother goes into 3of3's classroom to help out one day, and a little boy comes up to her wide-eyed and breathless, and asks, "Are you REALLY the Tooth Fairy?!?" My lovely sis apparently took my spoiler and turned it to her advantage by bragging to all of her friends that our mom was THE Tooth Fairy. Good for her, I say. Perhaps you could subtly suggest something like this to 1of3 the next time he gets mouthy? :)
MommyTime wrote..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/11/breathe-and-look-forward-to-tomorrow.html" rel="nofollow">Breathe, and Look Forward to Tomorrow
This is too funny! My kids are grown and married. BUT! They still get Easter Baskets including the daughter/son in laws. They think it's awesome that they still get those...again, only if they believe. So I go around and tell people that my 36 year old son-in-law still believes in the Easter bunny.
Lorna wrote..http://dailysambino.blogspot.com/2008/11/friendly-rivarly.html" rel="nofollow">Friendly rivarly
That makes me sad...I hope my kids believe until they move out, or at least pretend to.
I totally blew it on the tooth fairy thing. First, I forgot to slip in two nights in a row. Yeah, totally spaced it. He got up in the morning and the tooth was still there. I told him the tooth fairy must be really busy this time of year. Or maybe she'd been drinking. The third night, I slipped into his room and knocked something over. He woke up and I hid. He called out for me and I couldn't very well ignore him. So I got busted with cash in my hand hiding behind a stuffed blue dragon.
Jennifer wrote..http://injennifershead.com/?p=323" rel="nofollow">Some Inspiring News From Election Day
it is so over...love the wish to the tooth fairy!
apathetic bliss wrote..http://apatheticbliss.blogspot.com/2008/11/tears-of-jubilation-and-hope.html" rel="nofollow">Tears of jubilation and hope
At my house I have to do all the "tradition making." Peter thinks you should tell children the truth, about EVERYTHING. So, I talk about santa and the easter bunny, etc etc. He keeps his mouth shut.
Catherine wrote..http://pinkasparag.us/2008/11/06/exhale/" rel="nofollow">Exhale
hahahahaa!! my parents threw the santa thing out the window when we were pretty young. they wanted credit for wrapping all the presents, for putting them under the tree. they'd still hide them until christmas eve night, and we'd sneak out of bed and look at them, but there was no santa.
however, YOU'RE the tooth fairy???
Ms. Changes Pants While Driving wrote..http://writeonyo.typepad.com/andshesays/2008/11/change-is-in-the-air.html" rel="nofollow">change is in the air
I was about 10 when I told to my parents that I had known Santa didn't exist for years, but had been playing along to get more presents.
The next Christmas was the most dismal ever. Santa got in a huff and decided that since I didn't believe in him, he wouldn't bring me presents any more :-(
Sophie,Inzaburbs wrote..http://www.inzaburbs.com/2008/11/04/when-i-said-change-that-wasnt-what-i-meant/" rel="nofollow">When I said Change, that wasn’t what I meant.
I was 2of3 growing up. My folks weren't overly sentimental, and one day dad came in to 1of3 and I and said, "You know that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real, right?" We said, "Yeah, dad, we know". I added that I'd noticed very early on that "Santa" had handwriting awfully similar to mom's (I was that kind of kid). He asked us to play along for the sake of 3of3, who was still sorta little. We did, by waiting for mom and dad to fill the stockings and go to bed, and then sneaking in and replacing the contents of 3of3's stocking with a lump of coal from 1of3's rock collection.
Priceless.
At my house, though, there's no magic.
I have to say that it's totally crushing to think that one day our "kids" won't be "kids" anymore (thankfully I have a while before Bee even unders what Xmas is to begin with!)
With that said, the wink is hilarious!! :)
Mama Bee wrote..http://momtobee.blogspot.com/2008/11/ever-fallen-in-love-with-someone-you.html" rel="nofollow">Ever Fallen In Love With Someone (You Shouldn't've Fallen In Love With)?
Oh no. It is totally over for you. Now you have to bribe him or something cause 3 of 3 will find out so much earlier.
OHmommy wrote..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/11/quack-you-my-middle-child.html" rel="nofollow">Quack you my middle child!
OK... I'm just going to say it. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that you keep your kids' teeth in a box? That totally freaks me out!!
Jill wrote..http://charmingdelightful.blogspot.com/2008/11/wtf-wednesday-election-edition.html" rel="nofollow">WTF? Wednesday - Election Edition
Holy crap! The tooth fairy gives your kids $5?!
The tooth fairy seems to be a bit stingy around my house.
at that rate, I'd almost be willing to knock my own teeth out and put them under my pillow...!
Daniel wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/deguianet/~3/432602263/" rel="nofollow">Site Update
I just don't know whether to laugh or cry at this post. Damn these kids for growing up too fast, too soon!
moo wrote..http://moosmoo.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/the-trip-in-pictures/" rel="nofollow">the trip, in pictures (and a story!)
I gotta say, I love the fact that my kids know the truth. About ALL of it. It makes my life so much easier!
April wrote..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/11/emotional.html" rel="nofollow">Emotional
This is heartbreaking! Obviously I don't have kids (or a uterus, but not for lack of wishing, trust me), but I know I was born to be a father.
Is it weird that I'm already having anxiety attacks about my yet-to-be-born-children growing up too fast?
I need a drink...
LOL!
thedemigod wrote..http://burnedbutawesome.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/love-hate/" rel="nofollow">Love & Hate
damn...those little guys are too smart for their own good.
Love how you muscled them into believing for just a bit longer :)
Jen wrote..http://travel2morgan.blogspot.com/2008/11/this-week-new-recipe.html" rel="nofollow">This week--new recipe
great entry mr lady. I would have thought it would have ended when he started using deoderant.
oooo, the WINK! My boy is 12, and while MUCH of the time I kinda want to lovingly strangle the angst out of him, the winking and the 'i'm so old i KNOW stuff' is awesome.
xo
b.
just beth wrote..http://bethalea.blogspot.com/2008/11/were-not-finished-you-know.html" rel="nofollow">We're Not Finished, You Know.
Thats awesome....he's TOTALLY in the inner circle now. The wink clinches it. Did he give you the Ralphie from Christmas Story "Shooting Gun" finger as he walked away? Because that would mean he knows even MORE.
Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/10/31/all-hollows-eve-a-parental-tribute/" rel="nofollow">All Hollow’s Eve - A Parental Tribute
Damn. I better find a better hiding place for our boxes of teeth.
Michelle wrote..http://drboymom.blogspot.com/2008/11/election-chatter.html" rel="nofollow">Election Chatter
You should make a necklace out of those teeth.
And its ok that it's almost over. Its just time to make an arrangement with him so he wont spoil it for the other two.
Miss wrote..http://justmiss.wordpress.com/2008/11/05/web-too-point-oh/" rel="nofollow">web too point oh
Yup, almost over. But in our housem it is great fun perpetuating the lie with the help of the two olders; we are loving this conspiracy amongst us to keep the two little ones inthe dark for as long as possible. I love the whole "You never have any money so it can't be you" thing-that would also work at my house!
Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/11/parking-lot-story-or-why-i-love-my-30s.html" rel="nofollow">A Parking Lot Story, or Why I love My 30's
At least he knows you kept them. I had to explain to my thirteen year old that we don't have his baby teeth because the dog found the box under the bed and ate all of them. Do you know stupid one sounds saying "the dog ate your teeth?".
Shoot we always gave Harley a dollar or two. I thought that was generous. $5.00 seriously with every tooth?
I love the way you two parent. Very inventive. Wishing on the stars, very cool.
One Mom's Opinion wrote..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/11/president-elect-barack-obama.html" rel="nofollow">President Elect Barack Obama
I aspire to be half the clever parent you are.
Of course Bart was rolling his eyes at his dad's Santa gig and at age 5 I remember him telling me that he just plays along because dad is SO into it. Go figure.
And to add to Jan's comment, she and her brother didn't stop at a lump of coal, Homer also thought it would be funny to replace the bulb in his little brother's night light with one of those blinking christmas bulbs. Scared the crap out of him - wouldn't be surprised to find that Bubba is still a little traumatized by the holidays.
Marge wrote..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/11/05/scream-v/" rel="nofollow">Scream V