Monday
Dec082008
Welcome To My Nightmare
Monday, December 8, 2008 at 1:32AM | Mr Lady
I have an oddly shaped house. We have big bay windows in onetwothree rooms in the house. It's a townhouse, so there's a lot of turns and corners. Really, I love where I live, but it's not always functional. We had to buy a new couch to accommodate the Wii. We had to turn the dining room into a family roomish thing to give the oldest his own room in the freezing cold basement, which he loves, which is driving me fucking insane. We finally got the living room into THE configuration, the right one, after just 3 short years living here, and then we realized that we needed to put the damn Christmas tree somewhere. So, yeah, the whole thing had to go.
Now, I can get my whole fist in my mouth, I can get a beer bottle down my throat to the label, and I never thought I'd be able to say, "Yeah, that's not gonna fit", but seriously? I bit off a hell of a lot more than I could chew on this one.
That was just getting everything up off the shelves and the floor so that I could start moving things. They don't make pills strong enough to make that feel all better.
Now, if my husband came home from a Saturday night at work and saw that? I'd be available in the biblical sense. I had one day, 12 hours, to fix that shit. And somehow, but by the grace of god, I pulled it off.
Almost. Funny how you take pictures of your crap and then you post them on the internet and then and only then are you all, "Oh, that's a lot of stuff under the coffee table and wow, I still have that Cindy Crawford Workout 5 pound weight? I should use that sometime this decade." But still, 3 bookshelves got shrunk to two, with nothing sideways on top, and low and behold, I HAVE A COUCH AFTER ALL.
And shut up about the tree. We ran out of lights. I'll get to it just as soon as I hang the other picture on the wall. Anyone seen my hammer?
Now, I can get my whole fist in my mouth, I can get a beer bottle down my throat to the label, and I never thought I'd be able to say, "Yeah, that's not gonna fit", but seriously? I bit off a hell of a lot more than I could chew on this one.
That was just getting everything up off the shelves and the floor so that I could start moving things. They don't make pills strong enough to make that feel all better.
Now, if my husband came home from a Saturday night at work and saw that? I'd be available in the biblical sense. I had one day, 12 hours, to fix that shit. And somehow, but by the grace of god, I pulled it off.
Almost. Funny how you take pictures of your crap and then you post them on the internet and then and only then are you all, "Oh, that's a lot of stuff under the coffee table and wow, I still have that Cindy Crawford Workout 5 pound weight? I should use that sometime this decade." But still, 3 bookshelves got shrunk to two, with nothing sideways on top, and low and behold, I HAVE A COUCH AFTER ALL.
And shut up about the tree. We ran out of lights. I'll get to it just as soon as I hang the other picture on the wall. Anyone seen my hammer?
Reader Comments (60)
OH...MY...GOD! You have one MORE wall than WE do in OUR livingroom, you lucky bastard! THAT wall has the piano and TV. Our couch sits four VERY friendly people, then there's the piano bench. Other than that...no seating fits in this livingroom. Kinda funny when you have 9 people over for Thanksgiving on top of the four who live here. And that was BEFORE the tree...ARGH!
Seriously, though, you did an amazing job on your cleanup. The stuff under the coffee table, well, that's allowed! And as for the weight, if you put it away you'll NEVER use it, but now it's there for your sons to test out on each other's heads...or, hey, maybe they DID learn from that bloody episode in the yard.
And as for posting the pix on the internet, next time DH comes home and says, "We really need to clean this place," well, after you slap the shit out of him (ok...figuratively if not literally), you can show him these pix and remind him that he doesn't see HALF the mess you clean up every day before he wanders in the door.
Jen wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BestFamilyAdventures/~3/477273741/are-pennies-for-real-tender.html" rel="nofollow">Are Pennies for Real (Tender)?
Wow, love the new look in your lounge. Hope you found your hammer :) LOL about running out of lights. Looks like you had a long day sorting that out!
I love that you needed to buy a new couch to accommodate the Wii. I am constantly trying to make my living room more functionional for gaming! It's insane!
Holly wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/hollisterjfinklefart/~3/462457041/loving-well.html" rel="nofollow">Loving Well
Love it! Looks awesome! (at the end. The beginning? not much, but I'm there much of the time as well. :) )
It looks so cozy and Holiday-fied. I know that's not a word. Sue me.
Melisa wrote..http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com/2008/12/festival-of-lights-started-early-this.html" rel="nofollow">The Festival of Lights Started Early This Year, On My Face.
We moved into a new house a month ago and half of the house is still in boxes. We've made the upstairs pretty livable but downstairs was basically a warehouse. My sister and her son arrive Thursday for a 5-day long weekend. The spare bedroom is, downstairs. This weekend was like an all out Tetris Battle Royale to try and make that room ready for them to stay in and not just pile everything in the hall. We're not quite done yet, but we will be. Now, if I could only find the Christmas decorations........
BBD wrote..http://www.bigbaddaddyrant.com/index_files/shock_awe_and_cocoa_puffs.php#unique-entry-id-71" rel="nofollow">Shock, Awe, and Cocoa Puffs.
Now, I can get my whole fist in my mouth, I can get a beer bottle down my throat to the label
Would love to see your google search hits after that revealing. That being said...I'm impressed...quite a talent to be proud of!!! Although you probably just scared the shit out of your male readers, or completely turned them on.
Despite your lack of lights, you're already way ahead of me. I was in bed with the virus from hell this weekend and we didn't get the tree. We're the only house on the street without a tree and/or outdoor lights. Joy.
Ashlie- Mommycosm wrote..http://www.mommycosm.com/journal/2008/12/7/mommycosms-holiday-hoopla-rules.html" rel="nofollow">MommyCosm's Holiday Hoopla: Rules
You are pretty much a miracle worker there. I love the color of your walls.
My Name is Cat wrote..http://mynameiscat.blogspot.com/2008/12/facebook-good-bad-and-ugly.html" rel="nofollow">Facebook -- the Good, Bad and Ugly
Yep, feel your pain, I have 9 boxes in my living room staring at me right now, There are strings of lights on all the couches that need to get on the gutters. My dog is half in and half out of our creche and I can only see 1/2 the floor. Where is Hermione Granger when I need her wand?
Micki wrote..http://mickiwendt.blogspot.com/2008/12/tree-lighting.html" rel="nofollow">Tree Lighting
That's a lovely room! I'm a bit jealous, really. I gave up on outdoor lights, and since we'll be in the midwest for Christmas we've got a fake, pre-lit tree. Our stuff might be up, but your room is nicer.
RobMonroe wrote..http://rob.mdmonroes.com/2008/12/countdown-to-30-1999.html" rel="nofollow">Countdown to 30 - 1999
Um yeah, no pictures of my living room. Going with a pre-lit miniature tree this year.
Jennifer wrote..http://injennifershead.com/?p=360" rel="nofollow">Voice of Reason
We are in the middle of decluttering and rearranging the entire house and basement out of sheer (baby) necessity. I am always amazed at how things look worse before I can make them better. OMG, this shit is All Over! My Mom offered me some of her old plastic boxes and suggested that I could "just stack them in the corner." I told her, "Mom, our corners are already full!" Gak. But your space looks great! Wonderful heroics on your part.
Better than us. All we have is the tree up with lights. Harley is livid that I didn't have time to decorate the tree yesterday. He thought it would all instantly get done. Instead, I went shopping for a few hours and spent most of the day wrapping presents.
One Mom's Opinion wrote..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/11/take-testcivics-quiz.html" rel="nofollow">Take the test...Civics Quiz
nicely and impressively done.
how are you at loading a dishwasher? that's the true test, you know.
the planet of janet wrote..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/12/haiku-friday-scent-of-woman-edition.html" rel="nofollow">Haiku Friday: the scent of a woman edition
I can't wait to see where your print goes!?!?!!!!!
Love your walls, dude. Best. Color. Evah.
SECRET AGENT MAMA wrote..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SecretAgentMama/~3/HWUilVzrHKI/" rel="nofollow">Best Shot Monday: Reflections
Love the way you set it up!!!!! I think it looks great! I s that a new couch since this summer?
Choch wrote..http://rachaelgreedy.wordpress.com/2008/12/04/not-much-going-on/" rel="nofollow">Not much going on
Whoa! Great job! And the tree? Charlie Brown's got nothin' on you!
Don't worry, God's already pre-emptively punished me for the previous sentence; half of my lights went out AFTER I got them on the tree. It only took me 2 hours and a Necro Search team to locate the offending bulb.
NukeDad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Nuclearfamilywarheadcom/~3/474720874/" rel="nofollow">I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty
Very impressive!
April wrote..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/12/weekend-wrap-up.html" rel="nofollow">Weekend Wrap-Up
I like how the bottom two finished pictures seem to glow a bit. : ) Everything looks great (I'll just wait for another picture of your tree, 'kay?). Since I have a whole troop of in-laws coming in a couple of weeks, I've been cleaning out closets and cupboards like crazy. Somehow all the extra crap has ended up in the basement, which now looks like...well, your picture number two. I still have a lot of work left to do. ::sigh::
Katherine wrote..http://fuzz.typepad.com/weblog/2008/12/i-found-a-piece-of-my-childhood.html" rel="nofollow">I Found a Piece of My Childhood
Your walls are gorgeous. Seriously.
OH - hey - they're the same color as MY walls in my kitchen!
Man, we have good taste.
Miss Britt wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MissBritt/~3/473253424/" rel="nofollow">Because Edward Cullen Would Kick Nintendo’s Ass In A Fight
That was no small feat. Great work!
Dude. Good job. I had to rearrange too ,but not to that extent. Love your couch btw.
kd@abitsquirrelly wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ABitSquirrelly/~3/477216213/right-now-is-never-better.html" rel="nofollow">Right Now Is Never Better
that's a nice looking home and good job. lights are essential yo. if i did christmas trees, that would be the first thing i'd put up.
PS, i hope you are still flying my friend.
Wow... your entire fist into your mouth?
Missives From Suburbia wrote..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/12/there-are-probably-laws.html" rel="nofollow">There Are Probably Laws
I actually almost had a heart attack when I saw the first pictures. I actually get very claustrophobic around clutter. Nothing bothers me more than clutter. But then the following pictures calmed my nerves. The space looks great.
VegasDad wrote..http://ivegasfamily.blogspot.com/2008/12/looking-ahead.html" rel="nofollow">looking ahead
Looks good! That took some serious Domestic Engineering.
Kate wrote..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/12/so-despite-all-my-hand-wringing-and.html" rel="nofollow">Making Progress
Hey, at least your tree is upright. Mine is leaning against the wall right now after it fell on me THREE FREAKING TIMES. I am covered in sap and tree water.
Ho ho ho.
tracey wrote..http://tracey-justanothermommyblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/round-and-round.html" rel="nofollow">'Round and 'Round
It's exhausting just reading this.
rebecca wrote..http://rebelwithablog.blogspot.com/2008/12/this-girl-can-give.html" rel="nofollow">This Girl Can GIVE!
It looks great. Nice work. You know...except for the wonky tree. I can hear it weeping with embarrassment ;)
Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/12/sunday-randomness.html" rel="nofollow">Sunday Randomness
I have a little crush on your couch. It is so cute!
anne nahm wrote..http://annenahm.com/?p=875" rel="nofollow">Baby J Brings the Plague
Love your scroll over blurb thingys. Love.
OHmommy wrote..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/12/ghost-of-future-i-fear-you-more-than.html" rel="nofollow">"Ghost of the Future, I fear you more than any spectre I have seen."
Holy smokes, girl! Great job!! My tree has even less ornaments than your tree right now. Picture about 6 ornaments hanging from on the front bottom part of the tree and 3 onrmanents on the ground that the baby keeps taking OFF the tree.
Shere1 wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/HisMineOurs/~3/466566169/hubba-wha.html" rel="nofollow">Hubba-wha?!
That is a lovely, although oddly shaped, room. If you chopped it in half (or more like a third), it'd be about what my room looks like--I have all these angled dressers with drawers I can't open unless other drawers are firmly closed. It's ridiculous.
You seem to have started a trend of bloggers apologizing on BD's site. (Not what I was expecting...) However, I love your blog and will continue to read it despite, or perhaps because of, all the poop and masturbation and beer bottle jokes! It's also hilarious to me that you call him "The Donor."
I actually have a quotation from one your posts I tacked on my wall after I scribbled it down on a post-it note--"again meeting god face to face in negotiations." [Fine, not a quote, but still actually tacked to the wall.] It was touching.
Now, no rehab for me yet! That'd mean I'm planning on stopping...
We moved Mr. Hot's favorite chair into the garage in order to fit the damn tree. I have this really long, narrow living room and a 12-foot long couch. Two bookshelves and a 46" television. And a coffee table, a cedar chest and the stupid PS2 and PS3 that they had to have.
Someday I'll have my dream room. No really - I may have to shoot them all, but I will.
(And you're so showing me that beer bottle trick.)
Ree wrote..http://hotfessional.com/2008/12/08/mute-monday-r/" rel="nofollow">Mute Monday - R
Looks to me like you worked some miracles with that living room. Wow!
At first I thought you had somehow snuck into my house and took pictures to shame me, then I realized, "Hey, I haven't painted my walls yet!" so I was relieved! LOL
You are the woman, I start something like that it might be DAYS before it is put back together again!
KUDOS! :)
That is what my house looked like yesterday. I'll let you guess which picture is truly representative of it.
Jack wrote..http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/2008/12/goodbye-polaroid.html" rel="nofollow">Goodbye Polaroid
That's Fantastic! Our tre is not only fake, but still in the box upstairs waiting for a place to be made. Good on you for actually doing it!!!
Daisy wrote..http://totallytattoedmama.blogspot.com/2008/12/thirsty-thursday.html" rel="nofollow">Thirsty Thursday
Dude, you snuck into my house (and painted) to take pictures? Except, my house looks similar to the top photos (minus the fireplace) and that's when we aren't rearranging. Heh. What can I say?
Ashley wrote..http://www.bosssanders.com/2008/12/08/fille-stupide-part-4/" rel="nofollow">Fille Stupide (part 4)
We had to totally rearrange our house too. Next year I will hang it upside down instead. Atleast I don't have anymore dust on my dust bunnies.
Jackie wrote..http://agsoccermom.blogspot.com/2008/12/pumpkin-crunch-recipe.html" rel="nofollow">PUMPKIN CRUNCH RECIPE
That looks lovely and I second (or third or whatever) the color of your walls - they're gorgeous.
My living room is about 10' x 10' with an 8' arch in it. Oh, and a couch, a chair, a TV and a CD player in it. I'd say stereo system, but that would give it delusions of grandeur. I have no fucking clue where I'm going to put my tree. It makes me weep with fear every time I think about it. So I'm doing what I do best - putting my fingers in my ears and saying "No! No! Lalalalalalalala I can't heeeeeeeaaaar you."
Major Bedhead wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MajorBedhead/~3/474916680/confession.html" rel="nofollow">Confession
Seriously? All the way to the label? You must have been quite popular during the parol tricks portion of parties.
Zoeyjane wrote..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/12/05/im-just-gah/" rel="nofollow">I’m Just Gah
This post is so amazing on so many levels. Lotsa great stuff to snoop through. We totally have that little lamb book, too, where you stick your finger in the back and make the lamb move around. Its pretty cool.
What's the green spherical thing on the desk?
PS - house looks great! So does the tree.
Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/12/05/you-know-there-oughtta-be-a-word-for/" rel="nofollow">You Know, There Oughta Be A Word For…
Wow! That is a hell of a lot nicer than my house. My house is cramped with turtle tank, fish tank, couch, love seat, recliner, entertainment unit, large ottoman and that is just the living room!! Oh and yeah, it is not a house, it is an apartment - go figure!
Krystal wrote..http://mommysescape6.wordpress.com/2008/12/08/the-wild-adventures-of/" rel="nofollow">The Wild Adventures of….
it looks great! i too, still have my tree in a box in storage because i don't want to go thru what you just did. it's too overwhelming for me to even contemplate at this point.
p.s. - how much did you pay carol to get a comment? :)
nonna wrote..http://nonnasnonsense.blogspot.com/2008/12/new-to-me-blogger-to-check-out.html" rel="nofollow">new (to me) blogger to check out
Thank god I'm not the biggest perv of a reader you have. ZJ noticed the only sentence that mattered too. *phew*
Miss wrote..http://justmiss.wordpress.com/2008/12/03/3rd-edition-things-that-need-to-be-said/" rel="nofollow">3rd Edition: Things That Need To Be Said
I think it looks great and I love the color of your walls. Good job!
Allie wrote..http://fridaynightambulance.blogspot.com/2008/12/pure-hell-starts-tomorrow.html" rel="nofollow">Pure hell starts tomorrow.
I can do the same things with the same items and then some, but alas, I can't find room for a tree. You are one good woman there!
Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/12/beam-of-light.html" rel="nofollow">A Beam of Light
a christmas miracle!
ms picket to you wrote..http://postpicket.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-had-nothing-to-do-with-this.html" rel="nofollow">I Had Nothing to Do With This
Seriously impressive. You got out of that nightmare pretty good I think. Place looks all cozy and family and Christmasy....it was tree weekend I guess - we're in the midst...the decorating may take all week.
Lee the MWOB Queen wrote..http://momswithoutblogs.blogspot.com/2008/12/bribes-and-imaginary-reward-charts.html" rel="nofollow">Bribes and Imaginary Reward Charts
Um, can you just come over here and work that magic on MY loungeroom?
I was so going to post about how much I hate the loungeroom because nothing fits.
tiff wrote..http://www.mythreeringcircus.com/2008/12/the-fighter/" rel="nofollow">The fighter.