Monday
Mar032008
Just another Memey Monday
Monday, March 3, 2008 at 1:00PM | Mr Lady
Tomorrow, we're going to discuss night terrors, dehydration, and how my kids cannot help but ruin my plans every stinking time I have a hot date. Seriously, I put TWO shades of purple eyeshadow on this morning, and here I sit in my sweats, watching Discovery Kids, and listening to green snot getting sucked back in through red noses.
Today, however, we are going to address Marge's meme challenge for the week. Marge has decided to single-handedly revolutionize memes as we know them; when Marge does something, you would be wise to follow her lead. (Thank you, Mommytime, for the refresher course in the proper usage of the almighty semi-colon. I hope I get a passing grade today.)
Anyway, meme.
I am not even going to touch the what did my parents do wrong? part. Procreating is what they did wrong, but I must admit that it worked out fairly well for me in the end. And the question of what I do differently? I basically take everything I ever learned about parenting from my parents and do the complete opposite. Turns out, the inside-out version of my parents is a damn fine version, indeed.
What I can talk about today is what they did right. It is a very short list, and short lists make for good blog-fodder. I have thought about this all week, and my goal was to find three things they did right. And it took me a whole week to figure that out. Here they are, in no particular order:
With that, I have officially said more nice things about my parents than I think I ever had before in my whole life. Thanks, Marge, for making me stop and think about this one. It actually was sort of nice.
If you'd like to share some of your stories, too, just go drop Marge a little comment and then post away.
Today, however, we are going to address Marge's meme challenge for the week. Marge has decided to single-handedly revolutionize memes as we know them; when Marge does something, you would be wise to follow her lead. (Thank you, Mommytime, for the refresher course in the proper usage of the almighty semi-colon. I hope I get a passing grade today.)
Anyway, meme.
TOPIC: In raising you, what did your parents do right? What did your parents do wrong? If you are a parent, what are you doing differently?
I am not even going to touch the what did my parents do wrong? part. Procreating is what they did wrong, but I must admit that it worked out fairly well for me in the end. And the question of what I do differently? I basically take everything I ever learned about parenting from my parents and do the complete opposite. Turns out, the inside-out version of my parents is a damn fine version, indeed.
What I can talk about today is what they did right. It is a very short list, and short lists make for good blog-fodder. I have thought about this all week, and my goal was to find three things they did right. And it took me a whole week to figure that out. Here they are, in no particular order:
- My parents are both brilliant musicians. And by brilliant, I mean brilliant. Freakishly so. My mother's singing voice sounds almost exactly like Emmylou Harris, and my father plays a guitar at a skill level that would make Jimi Hendrix say, "Well, damn!" Music has always come naturally to them, and they definitely passed that onto us. Maybe we didn't have food every day, but we had two player pianos in the house. I fell asleep to band practice, I spent my Saturdays playing roadie to the band, putting together the drum kit and wiring the amps. The stereo was never not on. My childhood, however unpleasant, has the best soundtrack in the fucking universe. Every minute of my life was drowned in four-part harmonies. They taught us to love music, to really listen to it, to hear the subtleties and hidden details and to visualize compositions. It was a beautiful way to grow up, and no matter how many bad or painful memories I will have of my childhood, every one of them will be trumped by the memories of the sounds.
- They gave us religion. Of course, they gave us the entirely wrong religion, but still. I have learned through watching my children that the mind of a child is constantly reaching outward for something to touch. They want to know, they want there to be more. Children have perfect faith. They have to; they are helpless but for their parents. Raising my own children while being an atheist is truly a challenge for me because I want them to have that thing, that place in my heart that I had as a child, that love and comfort and peace that I felt simply because I believed in something larger than myself. And so, I give my own children religion. I give them all the religions, though, and I know that is not the same. Being raised in a really, really reclusive sort of cult, we were so indoctrinated in our belief structure that we could not see past it. Although I do not in any way approve of that sort of brain-washing now, I do understand why some people are drawn to it. It is a big, cozy, warn blanket under which you feel totally safe and loved. At my depths of the darkness in my life, I never once felt alone. I had belief, I had an absolute, and I am so grateful that both of my parents gave that to me.
- They were the model divorcees. My parents divorced when I was 6. My brother was 8; my younger brother and sister were 3 and 10 months. My parents had one single fight over custody which resolved itself in a day. My father gave my mother everything in the house, respecting that she had the children and therefore was in slightly more dire need of a washer and dryer than his bachelor self. They agreed immediately on visitation times, and never, ever once wavered from it. They only spoke to each other when it was absolutely necessary, they never talked about each other in front of us, in either a good or bad light. I think they were both just so damn happy to be rid of each other that when the opportunity struck, they glided through it with grace and ease. They respected each others roles as our parents, and they never undermined each other. Separated, they were better parents than they ever were together. They were united, they weren't so angry, they were a stronger front. The very best thing my parents ever did for us was break up, and we always knew it.
With that, I have officially said more nice things about my parents than I think I ever had before in my whole life. Thanks, Marge, for making me stop and think about this one. It actually was sort of nice.
If you'd like to share some of your stories, too, just go drop Marge a little comment and then post away.
Reader Comments (22)
sorry to hear that the green booger monster has gotten a hold of your children. :( that sucks. for them, and for you. :( bummer. my kids, knock on wood, or whatever, just hope they don't get sick again, spent the beginning monthS of the winter sick and sucking boogers back up into their red little noses too. i hope they are done with that crap now.
about the meme, i like how you only wrote the positive things about your parents. great that they were such talented people. i'm glad you have some fond memories. i think everyone has some effed up shit about their past, but it is best if you can try to focus on the good not the bad. I guess everyone makes mistakes, even parents. :)
good for you for being a better parent too. :)
hugs, jenn
Jennifer's last blog post..http://1boy2girls.blogspot.com/2008/03/monday.html' rel="nofollow">Monday...
Glad to know you did not spring out fully formed from Zesus' head. I wonder if your indocrination into music at such an early age is why you have such a gift with the candence of language.
Kelly's last blog post..http://ordinaryartblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/what-disaster-can-teach-us.html' rel="nofollow">What Disaster Can Teach Us
That was a really great post and I think it was really big of you to say such positive things about your parents. Makes me think about my parents in a different mindset.
Alison's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/mountainmomma/~3/244556484/rainy-days-and-sundays.html' rel="nofollow">Rainy Days and Sundays...
Dude, everyone is sick. Hope the kiddos feel better soon. We have had 2 sleepless nights here.
I admire you not only for your honesty but also for your classiness. It takes a very good person to find the good in the bad. And for you, an atheist, to give your children religion for their comfort, is brilliant.
You. Brilliant. Again.
ohmommy's last blog post..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/03/stilettos-101.html' rel="nofollow">Stilettos 101
This was absolutely wonderful. I don't know what else to say.
Just plain cool in a lot of ways, and I enjoyed reading. Good for you.
Maggie's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MaggiesMind/~3/245053676/reflecting-and-tagged.html' rel="nofollow">Reflecting and Tagged
*GASP*
*heart pounding*
*holy crap!*
One small step for Mr Lady, one giant leap for parentkind.
You continue (as always) to amaze me.
Marge's last blog post..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/03/03/more-than-hoping-to-survive-with-our-sanity-intact/' rel="nofollow">More Than Hoping To Survive With Our Sanity Intact
Wow, that is one hell of a meme challenge. You met it brilliantly. Congrats for being the bigger person...
And on a side note - I'm missing out on not one, but two shades of purple eyeshadow? Wow, now I'm bitter. When you do make it down here, you gotta show me how to put the stuff on. I never wear eyeshadow - I just don't have a clue. Hell, half the time I don't wear any makeup at all. I'm damn lucky if I'm showered. (That picture really makes you want to come to my house, doesn't it?)
Latte Mommy's last blog post..http://lattemommy.blogspot.com/2008/03/little-taste.html' rel="nofollow">A Little Taste...
Very interesting topic. I'ma have to think really, really hard about this one.
AmyM's last blog post..http://amysmagnumopus.wordpress.com/2008/03/03/always-looking-out-for-everyone-else/' rel="nofollow">Such a polite kid.
Really, I am so ready for this sickness to go away, for everyone!!
I love that your parents were model divorcees. Mine were not. Which is why I try really, really hard to be the best ex-wife and mother possible for my girls' sake. Unfortunately my ex is the biggest prick in the world and doesn't extend that same respect. Maybe that's why we're not married anymore...
amy's last blog post..http://amysbratpack.blogspot.com/2008/03/it-just-gets-better.html' rel="nofollow">It just gets better
Co-Parenting is hard. It's good that they were able to do it.
Maria [Immoral Matriarch]'s last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/immoralmc/~3/244974917/my-life-hollywood-style.html' rel="nofollow">My Life. Hollywood Style.
A+
MommyTime's last blog post..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/03/5-things-i-learned-in-last-week.html' rel="nofollow">5 things I learned in the last week...
Also, lest that previous comment be taken the wrong way: (1) I'm not here to judge Mr. Lady, only to love her; (2) Blog posts shouldn't get grades, per se, because they are too personal, and grading them would just be wrong (or mean); (3) you got the semi-colons just right (of course); (4) this is an example of the list usage of semi-colons, just in case anyone was confused about that. :)
Is it obvious my week of vacation is over and I start back to school tomorrow?
MommyTime's last blog post..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/03/5-things-i-learned-in-last-week.html' rel="nofollow">5 things I learned in the last week...
Oh, so priceless. And I couldn't agree more about the WHOLE.ENTIRE.POST on parenting jobs done by parents.
Thanks for the read, blog hopping from AMy's Brat Pack.
TRACI's last blog post..http://mymanettasfam.blogspot.com/2008/03/devil-made-me-do-it.html' rel="nofollow">The Devil Made Me Do It
You seriously have to meet my dad sometime. That's one of the things I'm most grateful for: being a musician's daughter. However, it does lead me to date musicians, which is rarely if ever a good thing.
The difference between our parents? My mom THINKS she has the voice of EmmyLou Harris, but your mom actually DOES!
Great meme, and thanks for the welcome over at the buzz . . . I have no idea what to do there, but hopefully I'll figure it out! :)
Oh, and my March "baby" is now ELEVEN! I feel officially old now, *sigh*.
Carrie's last blog post..http://blankenshipkids.blogspot.com/2008/03/minding-my-own-business.html' rel="nofollow">Minding My Own Business
Dude.
I understand crappy childhoods.
This totally reaffirms my decision to have a "Perfect Divorce". It's gone about as you described with my ex.
I didn't know your parents were musicians.
It's funny...My husband and I are musicians in that "Sickeningly talented" group but we have very little of our own music in the house.
I've always thought that was a bit weird.
Maybe it's because my house is too tiny for a piano and it will change when we move, who knows?
Loralee's last blog post..http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2008/03/04/sideblogtwo-years-of-perfect-posts/' rel="nofollow">Sideblog:Two years of ?Perfect Posts?
I saw this floating around. You did a heck of a job addressing the questions. I don't think there's enough time, nor enough alcohol in the entire world, for me to get started on this topic.
Momo Fali's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Momo-Fali/~3/245563802/then-i-ordered-double-saki.html' rel="nofollow">Then I Ordered A Double Saki
wow...tackling the loss of a child is hard, but I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole. You get 1000 points for bravery. I need drinks just thinking about it.
Another crappy childhood owner here, respectfully bowing down to your awesome ability to find the good.
tiff's last blog post..http://www.mythreeringcircus.com/2008/03/things-i-will-never-ever-do-again/' rel="nofollow">Things I will never EVER do again.
How have I never been to your site before? I too was raised very unique....
I can relate. Oh can I relate to much of this!
Consider this your official notice of me stalking you!
;-)
Great post, honey!
You know, a lot of people believe that music is the greatest gift that can be given, if that helps at all. :) Oh! And my parents were pretty great divorcees themselves... They divorced when I was a year old but somehow managed to stay together for five more years and two more children.
Talk about screwing with a kid's head, eh?
Judith Shakespeare's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheOnlyThing/~3/247269125/i-think-youre-c.html' rel="nofollow">It's Like Ra-i-ain...