;)
Tuesday
May202008
Winds of Change
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 1:34AM
(Psst: BusyDad and I have a new post up at our brand new site. Don't be afraid to stop in and say hi.)
Not only am I the worst mother ever, now I get to wear the coveted badge of meanest mother ever, too.
Remember when you were a kid, and you woke up Saturday morning at exactly half past way too early and ran down the stairs into your wood-paneling covered living room and poured yourself a big ol' bowl of Pac Man cereal and grabbed a wire hanger to shove into the back of your tv and plopped down on the orange (or green, if your parents were classy) extra-shag carpet and turned that tv dial no less than 5,719 times to get to the one and only channel on the one and only day that broadcast cartoons?
No? Well, you're too young to be reading this, then.
Yes, well so do I. And now my kids do, too.
I used to forbid tv on schoolnights. Period. The tv went off Sunday after dinner and didn't come back on, except for news, until Friday night. And then my kids started in with the Discovery Channel. Who says no to that? And then one of them went and taught himself how to read adult level geek cheat books at age 7 in order to kick Zelda's ass, and I'm not the only one who thought that was note-worthy, nigh rewardable. I caved. Slowly, almost unnoticeably, they reclaimed the boob tube.
The situation became grim, and my husband and I had to make some "serious decisions." The kids had sat on their asses one too many times, not getting ready for Little League, making us late, having lost a mitt, and he'd just had it. We put them to bed and spent the night "hashing it out." We came to the conclusion that we are the proud parents of two ungrateful spoiled children who don't know how good they have it. I mean, when he was a kid, he had to be out the door at 4 to hit the pool for swim team. I had to have my little brothers and sisters ready to go before I left at 6:15 for my bus. He had to walk 15 miles in the snow oh my god we are our parents.
We "got it all sorted out" and then we went to bed.
And that was our biggest mistake.
We had stayed up entirely too late "making decisions"* and we sort of overslept. And by sort of, I mean I woke up 7 minutes before school began. I ran downstairs, frantically checked my email**, and then found both of my children wide awake, playing fucking Mario or something, in their jammies, not at all ready for school.
They are 8 and 10. It is still technically my job to get them up and ready, but when mom has one long night, I assume they will at least look at a clock. Hells nos. They were busy. I was pissed.
They made it out the door in less than 10 minutes and when they came home that afternoon, guess what? They had lost tv privileges. Like, forever.
We are reverting back to my old rule about no tube during the week. They survived one week intact. They crammed as much as they could get in this weekend, and tomorrow begins week two. God help me.
As if that isn't enough, Princess-TheWorldIsMyOyster-Cup found out the definition of the word Big Girl the other day. Guess who isn't in a crib anymore? Guess who also had to break up with her bottles? That's right. I am cruel. Someone call Child Services.
I converted her crib to the toddler bed. I didn't ask her, or tell her, I just did it. Night one, she was too busy being pissed off about no bottle to notice. Night two she kept asking for Big Wall. What is Big Wall? The missing side of her crib. Tonight went much better. She didn't whine at me at all. Of course, it's 11:13 and as I type this there is a dirty Q-Tip being shoved up my nose, but at least she isn't crying. Surprisingly enough, she took to a sippy cup of water instead of a bottle of milk with no trouble at all.
Oh, wait, now there's TWO Q-Tips. One for each nostril. At least it's balanced now.
I think that I have had a personal revelation or two as of late, but yeah...no Q-Tips in that story. Maybe another day.
*If you haven't figured out what the " 's are alluding to yet, maybe you really ARE too young to be here.
**Shut up. You'd do it, too, and you know it.
Not only am I the worst mother ever, now I get to wear the coveted badge of meanest mother ever, too.
Remember when you were a kid, and you woke up Saturday morning at exactly half past way too early and ran down the stairs into your wood-paneling covered living room and poured yourself a big ol' bowl of Pac Man cereal and grabbed a wire hanger to shove into the back of your tv and plopped down on the orange (or green, if your parents were classy) extra-shag carpet and turned that tv dial no less than 5,719 times to get to the one and only channel on the one and only day that broadcast cartoons?
No? Well, you're too young to be reading this, then.
Yes, well so do I. And now my kids do, too.
I used to forbid tv on schoolnights. Period. The tv went off Sunday after dinner and didn't come back on, except for news, until Friday night. And then my kids started in with the Discovery Channel. Who says no to that? And then one of them went and taught himself how to read adult level geek cheat books at age 7 in order to kick Zelda's ass, and I'm not the only one who thought that was note-worthy, nigh rewardable. I caved. Slowly, almost unnoticeably, they reclaimed the boob tube.
The situation became grim, and my husband and I had to make some "serious decisions." The kids had sat on their asses one too many times, not getting ready for Little League, making us late, having lost a mitt, and he'd just had it. We put them to bed and spent the night "hashing it out." We came to the conclusion that we are the proud parents of two ungrateful spoiled children who don't know how good they have it. I mean, when he was a kid, he had to be out the door at 4 to hit the pool for swim team. I had to have my little brothers and sisters ready to go before I left at 6:15 for my bus. He had to walk 15 miles in the snow oh my god we are our parents.
We "got it all sorted out" and then we went to bed.
And that was our biggest mistake.
We had stayed up entirely too late "making decisions"* and we sort of overslept. And by sort of, I mean I woke up 7 minutes before school began. I ran downstairs, frantically checked my email**, and then found both of my children wide awake, playing fucking Mario or something, in their jammies, not at all ready for school.
They are 8 and 10. It is still technically my job to get them up and ready, but when mom has one long night, I assume they will at least look at a clock. Hells nos. They were busy. I was pissed.
They made it out the door in less than 10 minutes and when they came home that afternoon, guess what? They had lost tv privileges. Like, forever.
We are reverting back to my old rule about no tube during the week. They survived one week intact. They crammed as much as they could get in this weekend, and tomorrow begins week two. God help me.
As if that isn't enough, Princess-TheWorldIsMyOyster-Cup found out the definition of the word Big Girl the other day. Guess who isn't in a crib anymore? Guess who also had to break up with her bottles? That's right. I am cruel. Someone call Child Services.
I converted her crib to the toddler bed. I didn't ask her, or tell her, I just did it. Night one, she was too busy being pissed off about no bottle to notice. Night two she kept asking for Big Wall. What is Big Wall? The missing side of her crib. Tonight went much better. She didn't whine at me at all. Of course, it's 11:13 and as I type this there is a dirty Q-Tip being shoved up my nose, but at least she isn't crying. Surprisingly enough, she took to a sippy cup of water instead of a bottle of milk with no trouble at all.
Oh, wait, now there's TWO Q-Tips. One for each nostril. At least it's balanced now.
I think that I have had a personal revelation or two as of late, but yeah...no Q-Tips in that story. Maybe another day.
*If you haven't figured out what the " 's are alluding to yet, maybe you really ARE too young to be here.
**Shut up. You'd do it, too, and you know it.
Reader Comments (35)
Ha! You think you're mean?
I just took all life away from my daughter until she learns to do her homework. That girl hates me tonight. H. A. T.E.S me.
Also, can you come train my princess in the art of sleeping in her own bed? Please!
tiff's last blog post..http://www.mythreeringcircus.com/2008/05/space-face/' rel="nofollow">Space face.
Meanie.
Veronica's last blog post..http://somedaywewillsleep.com/?p=733' rel="nofollow">The Best News
Ooh you are mean. Good for you. More parents should be so cruel.
Jennifer's last blog post..http://injennifershead.com/?p=159' rel="nofollow">Moore is Less
We missed my son's soccer game a few Saturdays ago. My husband and I might have had a few too many margaritas and (ahem) stayed up a bit late. But my 8 year old son? He was up on time. He chose to watch Cartoon Network on the computer and let everyone sleep in. Very considerate.
Gettysburg Mom's last blog post..http://gettysburgfamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/ponys-new-tricks.html' rel="nofollow">Pony's New Tricks...
Mean ass.
and why the hell do you have these columns and blogs and articles and never pass on the good word that is me? I mean jeez....butt sisters nuthin'.
:p
Maria's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/294004948/' rel="nofollow">This Must be Over My Head. [& A Wager]
Most parents aren't mean enough - way to go!
I did the same thing with Muffin's crib - but she never asked for the big wall. :) I usually just find her on the floor asleep after secretly playing with her toys in the middle of the night.
calicobebop's last blog post..http://calicobebop.blogspot.com/2008/05/star-wars-lols.html' rel="nofollow">Star Wars Lols...
Good for you. I wish I could be that cruel. Maybe when school starts in the fall. LM and all day K - YIKES...
Darla's last blog post..http://dmmos.blogspot.com/2008/05/da-beach-part-ii.html' rel="nofollow">Da Beach Part II
The really nice thing about being at home together all day? We "make decisions" in the middle of the day. And then we don't oversleep.
Snort.
Ree's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/hotfessional/KKFw/~3/293757461/' rel="nofollow">Cos I told you once before goodbye, but I came back again.
Tell your kids that here in Idaho, there lives a parent even meaner; might make them feel better. We don't do TV. At. All. Nor do we have a playstation, Gameboy, Wii, or any other video game console. Well, we did Have a Nintendo DS until Middle Son threw a fit and broke it; it will NOT be replaced. They are allowed to GET bored, they are just not allowed to say it out loud. Because there are always things to do to keep them busy. We do have a DVD player and a subscripttion to Netflix. As for the no crib, no bottle thing, I haven't been there yet. Am lucky in that O. never went to bed with a bottle because I nursed, and I also plan on leaving him in his playpen until he can figure out how to climb out. He did it once, on Sunday, but seems to have forgotten-thank God, because I don't think I have the energy to deal with the toddler bed transition yet! :)
Kori's last blog post..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/05/flashback-friday-my-17th-birthday.html' rel="nofollow">Flashback Friday-My 17th Birthday
I am beginning to realize that having a 5 and 4 and 1 year old is cake. They haven't started playing video games. Yet.
ohmommy's last blog post..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/05/maybe-she-is-born-with-it.html' rel="nofollow">Maybe she is born with it?
I think I need to do the same with the TV in my house. But then I think I'd just be shooting myself in the foot.
Tammy's last blog post..http://thopgood-mylife.blogspot.com/2008/05/tackle-it-tuesday_19.html' rel="nofollow">Tackle it Tuesday
Ha Ha! I'm sorry. But this is funny in SO many ways! And oh yea, I remember the Saturday mornings watching cartoons. Those were the days.
Q-tips up your nose, huh? You are a patient woman.
Robina's last blog post..http://justanotherday-bina.blogspot.com/2008/05/ghost-in-picture.html' rel="nofollow">Ghost in the picture?
I don't care if I am three hours late for anything. My email needs to be checked. period.
Kim's last blog post..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/5/20/soapbox-radio-show-today.html' rel="nofollow">SoapBox Radio Show Today
My kids can't believe I survived my childhood without a computer. Come to think of it, neither can I!
April's last blog post..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/05/terrible-tuesday-sloth.html' rel="nofollow">Terrible Tuesday - Sloth
"Making decisions", huh? Too many euphemisims, not enough time.
NukeDad's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Nuclearfamilywarheadcom/~3/294042564/' rel="nofollow">Lester Holt Saves The World
I just wanted to whistle from the moment I read the title.
Xbox4NappyRash's last blog post..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/05/bonnie-tyler-bono-toasted-infertility.html' rel="nofollow">A Bonnie Tyler & Bono toasted infertility sandwich
Our shag was diarrhea-brown (really classy), and I preferred Fruit Loops to Pac Man. Super Friends was my fave. (I had the hots for dark, brooding Batman types even then...)
I think you definitely win the award for meanest mom this week. Best mom, but meanest. Looking forward to seeing pics of 3of3 in that new bed! (And can we get a shot with 2 Q-tips up your nose? You know you want to!)
Latte Mommy's last blog post..http://lattemommy.blogspot.com/2008/05/slow-and-steadywins-race.html' rel="nofollow">Slow and Steady...Wins the Race?
a) that was totally hysterical.
b) as much as I'm a TV-hater, I can't help but encourage -- DON'T HATE ME -- Edan to play video games on our Wii. One day when I oversleep this will come back to BITE ME IN THE ASS, and then I'll be a meanie too.
Okay, creepy. Were you mind surfing around today? You can add witchcraft to your bag of tricks 'cause I just wrote a similar post with the Saturday morning thang. Of course we tie for which is better. Did you read tie? I meant I never lose. :) Try being married to me.
Jamie's last blog post..http://choosingmyown.blogspot.com/2008/05/saturday-morning-ubiquity.html' rel="nofollow">Saturday Morning Ubiquity
oh yeah, that WAS my childhood, except for it was sugar pops or sugar smacks -- before they decided to take "sugar" out of the cereal names so health-conscious parents would buy it.
and you ARE mean. but i've been meaner. you'll just have to take my word for it.
the planet of janet's last blog post..http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/2008/05/random-acts-of-blondness.html' rel="nofollow">Random acts of blondness
I just find the no tv thing punsishes me. Thank god for tv otherwise we'd have no dinners cooked laundry folded or no sane me. Hats off to you though
Suzie's last blog post..http://upthehillbackwards2.blogspot.com/2008/05/dreaming-of-captain-crunch_20.html' rel="nofollow">Dreaming of Captain Crunch
sippy cup of water=saved us from bottles forever. it was all about the coco-pebbles for me and saved by the bell/full house. and um, no tv? doesn't that mean you'll have to like, do stuff? i don't wanna face the concept of having to do stuff, so i'll keep our constant flow of elmo and dora, thankyouverymuch.
zoeyjane's last blog post..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/05/17/because-gloom-and-doom-is-over-rated/' rel="nofollow">Because Gloom and Doom is Over Rated
You evil, spiteful, vengeful woman. I can't believe you haven't been stoned to death for all this.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KeepBelieving/~3/293630524/spring-cleaning-discovery-3-summer.html' rel="nofollow">Spring Cleaning Discovery #3 - Summer Plans
Fighting with the kids makes me horny too.
That's the twisted part......
God, I hate it, though, when you can't use the old natural consequences thing--I mean, you couldn't just let the kids miss school. I just love it when my kids dilly-dally and miss something they like.
Oh, when my middle-schooler missed the bus? I charged her to drive her.
christy's last blog post..http://thesouloneverypath.blogspot.com/2008/05/for-justice-badge-they-had-me-arrested.html' rel="nofollow">For the justice badge? They had me arrested
My parents would just make it so we couldn't do what we wanted to.... You know unplugging and hiding the computer keyboard, putting the TV/ video games in storage, hiding the radio... Nice huh?
Dirty Laundry Diva's last blog post..http://thescoopblog.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/littledawgnews-has-its-own-bridezilla/' rel="nofollow">LittleDawgNews has its own Bridezilla!
Yep. My husband says...we're late!! Do you have to check your email again??? Right now???
Of course I do! Sooooo glad you get it. We should be best friends.
Bunchy's last blog post..http://bunchy.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/go-ahead-and-sing-the-theme-song-from-friends/' rel="nofollow">Go Ahead and Sing the Theme Song From ?Friends??
My nine year old daughter not only gets herself up, dressed, AND gets her own breakfast, but every night I have to reset her alarm for 7:00, because she wants to get up at 6:45. That's right. You heard me.
Momo Fali's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Momo-Fali/~3/294663727/either-way-youd-be-in-trouble-buddy.html' rel="nofollow">Either Way, You'd Be In Trouble Buddy
I'm just going to take you at your word and institute this policy the moment my child has an opinion about TV. This just seems like the smart thing to do without even testing it. Sort of like not slamming on the brakes at a green light. Not necessary to test.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)'s last blog post..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/05/weight-of-air.html' rel="nofollow">The Weight of Air
I hate it when I get all mean and nasty and say stupid things like that's it no tv and then they are driving me crazy while I am checking email and I say go watch a show and they say you told us we were banned and i say oh for christ's sake why do you believe anything I say?
ms picket to you's last blog post..http://postpicket.blogspot.com/2008/05/dude-wheres-charger_20.html' rel="nofollow">Dude, Where's the Charger?
My oldest hates me....she thinks I yell too much....tonight she forgot again to do the dishes....little does she know while she is in school tomorrow the tv will be removed from her room, consequences and all. Does it make me wrong that I am looking forward to the look on her face when she gets home? :)
Drama's last blog post..http://hellomynameisdrama.blogspot.com/2008/05/it-couldve-been-worse.html' rel="nofollow">It could've been worse.....
Moo comes in to me tonight
'I need a haircut'
I am all 'I need to give a shit'
I got a letter from her school today and she is FAILING a class. She is in the freaking smart class, like accelerated 2 years ahead. And she is failing? Oh Moo, life is about to get real hard. Needing a hair cut is the least of your worries dear girl.
Oh and my heart is breaking for you babe. Baby in a big girl bed. Before you know it she will be driving... THAT'S IT! No driving for you Miss Moo!
Kelley's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MagnetoBoldToo/~3/294184544/' rel="nofollow">Random McRandomness. You want fries with that?
*clapping*
daysgoby's last blog post..http://jessalogic.blogspot.com/2008/05/free-air-travel.html' rel="nofollow">free air travel
Too funny, I read this last night and this morning ThingOne got up and the first thing she said to me was "Why is the TV off? It sounds bad I know but in my defense ThingTwo ends up in our bed every night by about midnight, and wakes up between 5:00-5:30 like clockwork. Having a movie of choice cued up in the DVD player in our bedroom might get me an extra 1/2 hr of sleep. ThingOne heard that movie playing but the TV in the Living room was off when she ventured out and thus prompted said question. Oh well, I suppose at this point sleep holds more value for me than principle. ThingTwo is almost 2.5 and has yet to sleep through the night........
At the end of your post, when you said if we didn't know what the "'s were for? I was like, wtf does she mean? So I scrolled back up.
Ah-ha. "Got it all sorted out" eh? We like to stay up and "have sweets".
You are not a bad mom, you are an awesome mom. Better than I am, I would die without tv and no laundry would ever get done.
J's last blog post..http://imatroublemaker.blogspot.com/2008/05/today-will-be-good-day.html' rel="nofollow">Today will be a good day.
Ah yes, late night decision making takes a lot out of you. I'm actually amazed you were able to get out of bed at all. Lately, when hubs and I do it, we can't move the next day. Like, at all.
P.S.
No TV????
Then who would babysit my children???
;)
Lunanik's last blog post..http://lsecretsofablackheart.blogspot.com/2008/05/wiggle-iggle-friday_23.html' rel="nofollow">Wiggle Iggle Friday