;)
Tuesday
May202008
If You Cared, You'd Have Held an Intervention By Now
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 10:25PM
Thankfully, this is the last time I am going to subject you to an American idol post. Here we go...
David V David. TO THE DEATH. I bet David Archuleta would eat David Cook's raw, beating heart right after he ripped it from his chest. Kind of like Marilyn Manson in Celebrity Death Match, the video game, just wearing more neutrals. Archie has some aggressions pent up in that little earth-toned, color coordinated package.
Speaking of which, what gives with the shoulder pads, Archie? Seriously, dude. You look like you're auditioning for Tootsie.
Okay, the competition: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For? Pshaw. Cook found it, and then some. He just won the show. Period. I can't wait until he has a record deal and can stop doing the ballad-esque big note endings. Grrr.
Whaa? Aside: Paula really needs to stop shopping in the Junior's section of JCPenny's. And step away from the Bedazzler.
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me is one of those songs so easily Mariah Carey'd (you know what I mean, with the aaahhhahAHHH ahaha's). I think I figured out what annoys me about Archuleta. It's the theater face. The Musical Theater face. I KNOW that face. It makes me want to hit people.
He should have gospeled that song. He could have blown it out of the water if he'd went gospel. He didn't. Oh well. The judges love it, I am meh.
So I Think I Can Criticize Aside: So You Think You Can Dance is Coming. And I am seriously happy about that.
Round Two:
Straight to the Aside Aside: Remember Season One? When they weren't pompous asses about this whole AI thing? Me too, dude. Me too.
David Cook finally got to end a song like a man. Thank you sweet little baby Jesus.
Wow Aside: I get nervous smoking cigarettes in public, and there sits Paula Abdul, cracked out of her fucking mind, for all the world to see. Girl's got balls, yo.
David Archuleta will sell many, many Top 40 albums, and I will be forced by my children to buy them all. God help me.
Randy needs some new material aside: Next year, I'm doing a Randy Buzz Word pool. How many times will he say _____? I'll need a corporate sponsor. Any takers?
Round Three:
This is the round I was most excited for. Until David Cook said Collective Soul's The World I Know. Now, if he'd said Run by Collective Soul? That would have rocked. This is perhaps their least compelling song in my humble opinion, but I have to say that he did a fine job with it. A damn fine job, indeed. I felt that, dawg.
I am a gigantic wuss aside: The tears he shed after this song? Yeah, I might have a little trouble un-sticking myself from this seat.
David Archuleta is singing Imagine. This had better be brilliant...
Well, um. He can just turn anything into a pop song, can't he?
Paging Warbrode aside: I wear jackets a lot because I am totally tubby and they help cover it up. I think he does, too. That is all.
And, for the record, I didn't agree with Simon once tonight. Which is weird.
Seacrest, out.
David V David. TO THE DEATH. I bet David Archuleta would eat David Cook's raw, beating heart right after he ripped it from his chest. Kind of like Marilyn Manson in Celebrity Death Match, the video game, just wearing more neutrals. Archie has some aggressions pent up in that little earth-toned, color coordinated package.
Speaking of which, what gives with the shoulder pads, Archie? Seriously, dude. You look like you're auditioning for Tootsie.
Okay, the competition: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For? Pshaw. Cook found it, and then some. He just won the show. Period. I can't wait until he has a record deal and can stop doing the ballad-esque big note endings. Grrr.
Whaa? Aside: Paula really needs to stop shopping in the Junior's section of JCPenny's. And step away from the Bedazzler.
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me is one of those songs so easily Mariah Carey'd (you know what I mean, with the aaahhhahAHHH ahaha's). I think I figured out what annoys me about Archuleta. It's the theater face. The Musical Theater face. I KNOW that face. It makes me want to hit people.
He should have gospeled that song. He could have blown it out of the water if he'd went gospel. He didn't. Oh well. The judges love it, I am meh.
So I Think I Can Criticize Aside: So You Think You Can Dance is Coming. And I am seriously happy about that.
Round Two:
Straight to the Aside Aside: Remember Season One? When they weren't pompous asses about this whole AI thing? Me too, dude. Me too.
David Cook finally got to end a song like a man. Thank you sweet little baby Jesus.
Wow Aside: I get nervous smoking cigarettes in public, and there sits Paula Abdul, cracked out of her fucking mind, for all the world to see. Girl's got balls, yo.
David Archuleta will sell many, many Top 40 albums, and I will be forced by my children to buy them all. God help me.
Randy needs some new material aside: Next year, I'm doing a Randy Buzz Word pool. How many times will he say _____? I'll need a corporate sponsor. Any takers?
Round Three:
This is the round I was most excited for. Until David Cook said Collective Soul's The World I Know. Now, if he'd said Run by Collective Soul? That would have rocked. This is perhaps their least compelling song in my humble opinion, but I have to say that he did a fine job with it. A damn fine job, indeed. I felt that, dawg.
I am a gigantic wuss aside: The tears he shed after this song? Yeah, I might have a little trouble un-sticking myself from this seat.
David Archuleta is singing Imagine. This had better be brilliant...
Well, um. He can just turn anything into a pop song, can't he?
Paging Warbrode aside: I wear jackets a lot because I am totally tubby and they help cover it up. I think he does, too. That is all.
And, for the record, I didn't agree with Simon once tonight. Which is weird.
Seacrest, out.
Reader Comments (26)
David a is going to win because he has better hair and is rocking that whole "25-year old pre-pubescent boy band" thing. David C. is looking at a future of The Donald hair . . . and not too far into the future.
The Super Bongo's last blog post..http://thesuperbongo.blogspot.com/2008/05/if-god-didnt-want-us-to-entertain.html' rel="nofollow">If god didn't want us to entertain. . .
Irinically, I thought The Baby smoked DC, but I'm still voting for The Grownup (and by "voting" I mean hitting redial for the next four hours). I've been a Cook fan since the beginning...
Karelle's last blog post..http://happyhippyraindancer.blogspot.com/2008/05/blog-post.html' rel="nofollow">Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes
"Wow Aside: I get nervous smoking cigarettes in public, and there sits Paula Abdul, cracked out of her fucking mind, for all the world to see. Girl’s got balls, yo."
For serious!
Ok I didn't watch tonight- I felt it would be painful. But I enjoyed your recap nonetheless. Now I don't HAVE to watch it. :)
Sizzle's last blog post..http://sizzlesays.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/the-man-i-love/' rel="nofollow">The Man I Love
i miss ALL the fun...
the planet of janet's last blog post..http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-inner-geek.html' rel="nofollow">My inner geek
Yeah! It's almost over. I'm going to get my TV back...oh wait, you're right, So you think you can Dance starts Thur...damn.
So, do the other channels even program anything midweek anymore?
Bob's last blog post..http://bobsbarandgrill.blogspot.com/2008/05/who-invented-us-navys-first-successful.html' rel="nofollow">Who invented the U.S. Navy’s first successful submarine?
You know what I don't like about Archie...that stupid surprised face like Melinda Doolittle from last year - like, "really? I didn't know I could sing and I'm in the top 10..." He will be good once puberty sets in! One day...
And as for Randy's new words: hell to the no, fugly, cat (instead of dawg)...I will be back with more.
No comment on Simon and his chest hair or flipping Paula...I really want what she's having!
Kat's last blog post..http://kackalacka.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/total-buzz-kill/' rel="nofollow">Where's the beef?
Well, um. He can just turn anything into a pop song, can’t he?
Yes, and not in a cool way like Richard Cheese turns NIN's tunes into lounge. I wanna see elf-boi sing NIN's "Closer." Turn THAT into adult-contemporary, bitch.
Carin's last blog post..http://isthisblogon.blogspot.com/2008/05/radiohead-dreams.html' rel="nofollow">Radiohead dreams
I haven't been watching, since I don't have TV like freakin' normal people, but I've been keeping up.
David Cook all the way!!
Wacky She Doesn't Have TV So How Does She Know This Aside: Did you see Fantasia a couple weeks ago. What. the. fuck. yo?
Secret Agent Mama's Fill In's last blog post..http://secretagentmama.com/blog/2008/05/21/wordless-wednesday-with-words/' rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday With Words
Regardless of the outcome, DC will have a fabu career. I appreciate that he DIDN'T go over the top with his song choices, unlike Simon who seemed to think he was supposed to do some sort of Van Halen when David Lee Roth fronted them super sonic flames shooting out of his butt performance. Whatever. DA will probably win, and then his dad will be the puppetmaster of his sad, uptight/closeted future. And where is Melinda Doolittle (DO Little?) anyway?
MidLifeMamma's last blog post..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/05/hooraaaaaay-for-green-beans-and-peas.html' rel="nofollow">Hooraaaaaay for green beans and peas and mama's pasta
First, bwaaahahahaha to Carin's comment about NIN's Closer. There's just no way to muzak that song, but it'd be funny, trainwrecky to see David A try.
Second, I don't even watch AI, and I know that Randy's euphemisms are tired. I'm sick of the people making fun of him repeating himself repeating the "sing the phonebook" line.
Andrea's last blog post..http://littlebalddoctors.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/memories-of-a-wee-me-for-a-wii/' rel="nofollow">Memories of a Wee Me for a Wii
I agreed with Simon David A did a better job lats night but David C should still win. I worry that little David will get the snot beat out of him by his dad if that happens though...
Don Mills Diva's last blog post..http://donmillsdiva.blogspot.com/2008/05/happy-happy.html' rel="nofollow">Happy Happy
After seeing as much as I could take of Paula Abdul's reality show?
I can't make fun of her, because it is like humiliating a child. Never seen such spazz CELEBRATED. Made me flinch. Really.
And Simon, dear sweet Simon. He winked at my DC, he was saying, "Dude, I'm doing you a favor, throwing you under the bus to avoid the speeding freight train of uncool that IS AI."
Archie is the new conductor of the terminally uncool express, toot-toot!
christy's last blog post..http://thesouloneverypath.blogspot.com/2008/05/she-can-be-taught.html' rel="nofollow">She CAN be taught!
So You Think You Can Dance is my favorite show evah! I already have it set to TIVO. My kids even enjoy it. I have the whole family geeked that it's starting again.
Tammy's last blog post..http://thopgood-mylife.blogspot.com/2008/05/tackle-it-tuesday_19.html' rel="nofollow">Tackle it Tuesday
Again, Huh?! You are such a great recapper I may start watching!
Jen-The Mom's last blog post..http://cheaperthantherapyjen.blogspot.com/2008/05/its-raining-men.html' rel="nofollow">It's Raining Men!
I'm with you. Simon was too hard on Cook, and too easy on Archuleta. But I also saw from the getgo that Cook already knows he's not going to win. In a different kind of support, I actually downloaded 10 of his songs from iTunes last night. Am I crazy, or what?
And what the fuck was the Rumble guy doing there? I mean, Seacrest isn't my fave person in the world, either, but that kinda sucked. And it was so godawful stupid!
Okay, you can have your blog back now.
April's last blog post..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/05/terrible-tuesday-sloth.html' rel="nofollow">Terrible Tuesday - Sloth
You know, my beef with David Archuletta, other than him looking like a deer in headlights and not being eye candy, is that he seriously acts like he is surprised when the words coming out of his mouth actually sound good. He's all, "Aw, shit man. I didn't know I could sing." Whatever. Also: last night, I was sad that David Cook didn't re-do Billie Jean, but at the same time, I am glad. Because my tv would've suffered a fate worse than death after I licked and dry humped it with my husband watching. He's pretty excited about this season being over. He loves our tv and is tired of fearing for it's life. Little does he know, Last Comic Standing is about to start. And to me, the only thin more hot than a smoking hot guy singing is a smoking hot guy that is funny. Let the dry humpage continue.
Shamelessly Sassy's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/shamelesslysassy/oRdr/~3/294764620/' rel="nofollow">Olfactory Functions
So, who wins Idol Smartypants?
Chris Cactus's last blog post..http://www.rudecactus.com/2008/05/we_are_all_john_cusak.html' rel="nofollow">We Are John Cusak
THis will officially be my last season of AI, and I have seen them all. I am SICK of it. Watching this season is like trudging 50 miles through the Sahara with no water...you don't think you can possibly go another step but, somehow you press on.
David A is playing us. All. He knows exactly how he is. And did you see during his "package" when Ryan said "guess who these fans are rooting for"? There couldn't have been a girl over four years old in that crowd. Can't wait for his album to come out so I can listen to 12 straight tracks of sappy ballads. Sign. Me. Up.
David C is OK, but I'm sticking to my guns on my opinion that if he just all of a sudden showed up on the radio without having gone through the show, he'd be a dime a dozen.
Please let it end. Please.
matt's last blog post..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/05/19/finding-him/' rel="nofollow">Finding Him
I'm the next European Idle.
Xbox4NappyRash's last blog post..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/05/warning-to-txt-generation.html' rel="nofollow">A warning to the txt generation
Nice recap- I agree with you totally! The tears from David C were hot- the tears from David A were just pussy! Like when he got the overrated reviews from the judges and you see him mouth- Oh My Goodness! He is like a little brainwashed robot.
tenakim's last blog post..http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-have-2-men-in-my-life-and-they-are.html' rel="nofollow">Men!
Thanks for the blow by blow ... I can just delete my DVR now. Whee!
I am so stoked for SYTYCD. Neil from last season was so damn dreamy. I even got to see the group in San Antonio for my birthday. Rawr ~.^
Prettyneato's last blog post..http://theneatos.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/next-year-should-be-easier/' rel="nofollow">Next year should be easier
I thought only my 86 year old Nana and totally repressed catholic dad actually watched that show. Now, I find out my blogging hero tunes in. Oh, Mr. Lady, say it isn't so.
I have yet to see a single episode of this season's competition. I have no clue who you are even talking about. I know, I am sad.
Tara R.'s last blog post..http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/random-wednesday-head-level/' rel="nofollow">Random Wednesday - head level
*sigh* I cannot relate.
Maria's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/294961051/' rel="nofollow">Fuckin’ A[wkward.]
DUDE. I freaking LOVE So You Think You Can Dance. My friends are all into Dancing With the Stars, and they make fun of me for liking SYTYCD, but seriously, they just don't get it.
Lyndsey's last blog post..http://whyifailedmath.blogspot.com/2008/05/monday-musings-on-actual-monday.html' rel="nofollow">Monday Musings on an actual Monday
Okay, I am watching the results show RIGHT NOW and holy mother of god they have that weirdo Reynaldo with the pimp outfit singing along with the USC marching band. Officially this show is over the edge. However, David C and the Guitar Hero commercial...rrrrrawwwwr.
MidLifeMama's last blog post..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/05/kaaaaapooooow.html' rel="nofollow">KaaaaaPOOOOOW!!