;)
Wednesday
May212008
Marriage is Just Legal Prostitution Anyway.
Him: You ironed my cargo pants. Huh.
Me: Of course I did. If I'm going to iron, I'm going to iron everything.
Him: You didn't iron my t-shirts.
Me: No. Really? T-shirts?
Him: You said you iron everything.
Me: Everything people can see. No one sees your t-shirts.
Him: That's what you think.
Me: Well, everyone that does see them is going to just crumple them up in a ball and throw them on the floor anyway.
Him: All the more reason to have them ironed.
Me: Maybe you could work that into your fee structure.
(Awkward pause)
Me: $1 a ride and ironing. That's a fair charge, wouldn't you say?
Him: Honey, the only person I pay for sex is you.
Me: Game, set, match.
Me: Of course I did. If I'm going to iron, I'm going to iron everything.
Him: You didn't iron my t-shirts.
Me: No. Really? T-shirts?
Him: You said you iron everything.
Me: Everything people can see. No one sees your t-shirts.
Him: That's what you think.
Me: Well, everyone that does see them is going to just crumple them up in a ball and throw them on the floor anyway.
Him: All the more reason to have them ironed.
Me: Maybe you could work that into your fee structure.
(Awkward pause)
Me: $1 a ride and ironing. That's a fair charge, wouldn't you say?
Him: Honey, the only person I pay for sex is you.
Me: Game, set, match.
tagged 
Marriage, conversations, stupid crap my husband says | in Uncategorized, love and marriage | Permalink
Marriage, conversations, stupid crap my husband says | in Uncategorized, love and marriage | Permalink 
Reader Comments (27)
bwahahahahaaaaa....
the planet of janet's last blog post..http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-inner-geek.html' rel="nofollow">My inner geek
- Indeed, Janet. So true.
So what is the going rate? I just wanna make sure I am not selling myself short here.
Especially seeing I don't know where that iron thingy is...
Kelley's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MagnetoBoldToo/~3/295492304/' rel="nofollow">Buffer post to stop the madness.
- I think it varies depending on whether you're going for quality or quantity. It's all about the negotiations. Or so I hear. Wow, who knew I was such a pimp? Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!
And that is a conversation I can imagine happening at my house too.
Veronica's last blog post..http://somedaywewillsleep.com/?p=735' rel="nofollow">Updates
- I can certainly imagine it happening at your house!
Hysterical!!
Darla's last blog post..http://dmmos.blogspot.com/2008/05/child-support.html' rel="nofollow">Child Support
- Yeah, he has his moments. He's pretty hot, too. Hence why it all works out.
I know not what you speak of. This eye-ron thing.
Ree's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/hotfessional/KKFw/~3/295216578/' rel="nofollow">I’m gonna prove every word I say
- It's that thing in your closet you can knock a burglar out with.
lulz! I'm with Ree - you'll do whatnow for a bucknow? Eye-ron? Swassizit?
anne nahm's last blog post..http://annenahm.com/?p=430' rel="nofollow">Wednesday
- Oh, dude, I iron for much more than a buck. It's what HE does for a buck that's up for debate.
Hilarious!
calicobebop's last blog post..http://calicobebop.blogspot.com/2008/05/hurricanes-tornados-and-hail-oh-my.html' rel="nofollow">Hurricanes, Tornadoes and Hail - Oh My!
- Who knew you'd all be so into my husband whoring himself out? We should really draw up business cards. "Pimps Up, Ho's Down!"
That's too funny! I just posted about charging for services....just not exactly like YOU are, you devil!
christy's last blog post..http://thesouloneverypath.blogspot.com/2008/05/she-forgot-her-insulin-thank-god-thats.html' rel="nofollow">She forgot her insulin! Thank God, that's another $15....
- I'd like to say I could bill for other things, but really I am a completely lousy housewife. But THAT, oh yeah!
Holy cow! You are so freaking hilarious! I betcha I would have to pay him these days...
Kat's last blog post..http://kackalacka.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/going-to-the-chapel-and-were-going-to-maaaaarrieed/' rel="nofollow">Going to the chapel and we?re going to get maaaaarrieed
- I hear Doritos are bedroom currency. And beer.
Well. I don't iron, and haven't had any reason to charge for services, as I am currently without anyone who WANTS those services. Therefore, I am so...well, I was going to say screwed, but.... :)
Kori's last blog post..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/05/is-it-wednesday.html' rel="nofollow">Is it Wednesday?
- Tee Hee!
My husband keeps commenting that he pays me well. Um, really? But the thing is, if we were keeping score (heh, score) of who does what, I'd probably owe back pay (heh, back pay) and have to give HIM the raise (heh, raise). And I just realized how dirty my mind is to come up with three puns in one sentence. Awesome.
Andrea's last blog post..http://littlebalddoctors.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/this-sht-is-bananas-b-a-n-a-n-a-s/' rel="nofollow">This Sh*t is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S
- You ARE awesome. And WAY naughtier than I'd have guessed. Meeeeoooow!
*lololololol* You're a nut.
Maria's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/294961051/' rel="nofollow">Fuckin’ A[wkward.]
- Oh, Maria, like you JUST figured that out. ;-)
so what you're saying is that i charge too much? hmmm. i'll make sure JDawg never comes across this post.
zoeyjane's last blog post..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/05/20/deadly-sins-pride-and-vanity/' rel="nofollow">Deadly Sins - Pride and Vanity
- No, I am sure that you could charge LOADS more than he does. Could. Whatever. You're totally hotter than him.
I had to wager a "blowie" in order to get my new car (mini-van, mind you)...I gave him a leaf blower and reminded him that married women give that up on their wedding day...that's why we are all smiles!
Kat's last blog post..http://kackalacka.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/going-to-the-chapel-and-were-going-to-maaaaarrieed/' rel="nofollow">Going to the chapel and we?re going to get maaaaarrieed
- You gave him a LEAF BLOWER? You've got balls of steel, dude.
Heeeeeelarious!
Sizzle's last blog post..http://sizzlesays.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/inside-my-head-freak-show/' rel="nofollow">Inside My Head: Freak Show
- It really was!
Not sure What's funnier... the conversation or the comment dialogue :)
misty's last blog post..http://mistywagner.blogspot.com/2008/05/investing-in-self-really-late-wfmw.html' rel="nofollow">Investing in Self... (really LATE WFMW)
- The comments, fo sho. God, I LOVE the people that read this blog! Dirty, dirty, every one of'em.
Whoa, Whoa...you iron your husbands stuff? And CARGO pants no less? I HATE ironing cargo pants...they take like a month. Thats why I wear my cargo pants 'casually wrinkled'. Its very summery and hip.
matt's last blog post..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/05/19/finding-him/' rel="nofollow">Finding Him
- I HATE the way the pockets stick out on the cargo pants. And I iron his stuff semi-annually. Let's not give me Best Wife Award just yet!
Hmm... outsourcing comes to mind.
BusyDad's last blog post..http://www.busydadblog.com/entries/busydad-radio-interview-take-two-1pm-est-today.html' rel="nofollow">BusyDad Radio Interview - Take Two, 1pm EST TODAY
- I am afraid to ask where you're going with that. ;-)
What's an iron?
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)'s last blog post..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/05/weight-of-air.html' rel="nofollow">The Weight of Air
- A paper weight that you can store emergency back-up water in.
A dollar? That's cheap.
Audubon Ron's last blog post..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/05/interview-from-hell.html' rel="nofollow">An Interview from Hell
- Everything goes on sale eventually.
OMG I am laughing out loud in my office as people pass looking at me like I am a freak!!!!
Steph's last blog post..http://whalenmom.blogspot.com/2008/05/shes-having-baby-today.html' rel="nofollow">She’s having a baby today!!!!
- And my job here is done.
My iron hisses at me when I turn it on, as in, "How dare you! I've been resting all these months and now you want me to get hot and bothered". Kind of like what my vagina used to say back when I was single.
Momo Fali's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Momo-Fali/~3/295868302/oprah-cliffs-notes-iv.html' rel="nofollow">Oprah Cliffs Notes IV
- BWAHAHAHA!
Just found your site! Good stuff!
I HATE ironing...
I always have, and when my husband comes out of the bedroom after showering and getting dressed and inquires "does this look wrinkled?", I know what I'm going to answer BEFORE I even take a peek...
"NO! It's fine!!"
(I learned many years ago that any other answer spells a quick trip to the ironing board.... which I think I may have already mentioned, I HATE!!)
Jackie
;)
- Sadly enough, I actually like ironing. I just hate hanging the stuff up and putting it away after.
You slut! I can't believe you iron!
tenakim's last blog post..http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-belong-on-other-side-of-tracks.html' rel="nofollow">I belong on the other side of the tracks!
- Neither can I, dude. Neither can I.
I don't iron. At all. Ever.
My husband has a huge problem with this. The other day he actually said, "My mom used to iron everything. She even ironed my T-shirts."
I stg if he had said "Why can't you be more like her" I would have punched him, and I think he knew it too!
Cassie's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SouthernDomesticGoddess/~3/296468705/spicy-foods.html' rel="nofollow">Spicy foods?
lol good stuff. The best witty lines always come after ironing is discussed. Oh the irony.
soge shirts's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SogeshirtsBlog/~3/296728596/social-media-unsocial-me.html' rel="nofollow">Social Media= Unsocial Me
Ironing.. what is ironing?
seriously. I don't iron AT ALL. You are a high end prostitute huh? You do all the tricks girls like me won't do.. hahaha :)
Kim's last blog post..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/5/27/a-mommy-blessing-may-26-2007.html' rel="nofollow">A Mommy Blessing- May 26 2007