For better or worse

Everyone who's ever had kids knows that when you get them, you change, fundamentally. In the core of who you are. Forever and always. I had my two boys, and I really did shift. It wasn't until I had Little Ms Oopsie, the baby girl, however, that everything I thought I knew about me jumped right out the window. Example? Here's five:

  1. Pink. I am as far from being a Pink Girl as is humanly possible to be. If you know me, you'll know how true this is. When The Donor buys me lovely pink tops, I wear them to make spaghetti sauce. Because after that, I'll never be able to wear them again. :) When I had this girl, I S.W.O.R.E. she'd wear Social Distortion black onesies and Converse. Well, she has the Converse, but, um, yeah...they're PINK. Everything she has is pink. And I loves it.

  2. Panties. We all have a word we can't or won't say. Most people's Forbidden Word has to do with a delicate part of the female anatomy (c*$t) but mine? Panties. I hate that word. I have a mouth like a sailor, but that word feels dirty. Wrong. Naughty. I won't say it; I say Undies or Chones. Since this kid has come, though, I say it no less than 3,916 times a day. And I'm almost okay with that.

  3. Ironing. We all know I don't iron. Which is weird, because I LOVE ironing, I just never get around to it, and I was raised by Little Ms. I Am Not Paying $0.05 Extra On My Utility Bill For Ironing So You Can Wait 3 Days To Pull Your Clothes Out Of The Dryer. Ironing was cheaped out of me at a young age. And, um, bedsheets? Seriously? People IRON things they Sleep on and Do It on? WHAA? Well, now, I have this girl who has a bedskirt that is white with the sweetest little purple and green and PINK embroidered flowers on it, and I totally iron it. It looks like utter crap if I don't. And that has brought me to ironing everyone else's bedsheets, too.

  4. Children's Books. My mother did not allow us to read Children's Books. We read The Bible, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I Robot and The History of Physics. And I have no problem with that. I still love all those books. (Yes, even The Bible and yes, I am an atheist. I don't make any sense to me, either.) When the boys were born, we had a small stash of kid's books, but my oldest sort of only read non-fiction until a year ago, and my middle child did whatever his big brother did, because I am a shitty mother who perpetuates stereotypes within the family. But then this girl came along. You wouldn't believe the amount of ridiculously fluffy kids books we have now. Every Sandra Boynton book, the entire That's Not My series (the best kids books evs, BTW) and yes, even the token Barbie book.

  5. Barbies. I was not allowed to have Ken dolls growing up. My mother thought that was entirely too much penis laying around, which is sort of odd, seeings how I had, oh, FOUR brothers. Anyway, I was allowed to have Barbies, and since I was a terrible, horrible, no good deviant child and had no Ken dolls, all my Barbies were lesbians. Which has nothing at all to do with the story, I just thought I'd share that. Moving on, Barbie and I have never really been BFF's, and I was quite happy with the awesome Tech Deck collection my daughter inherited from her brothers and cousin. But then Gramma sent her a Barbie for her first Christmas. And then Auntie caught wind of that and sent her every Barbie ever for her 2nd birthday. And. She. Loves. Them. And now I'm back to buying Barbie shoes and brushing Barbie hair and changing Barbie outfits. And you know what? I don't hate it. Also, our Barbies are Puritans. Just like me. There will be no hanky-panky 'round here, yo.

This awesome picture courtesy of MommyTime and BusyDad.

I am sure there is more, but that's plenty of Sell Out Confessions for today. So, How have your kids changed you?