Saturday
Jun282008
Just When I Thought It Was All Over
Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 3:09AM | Mr Lady
Once upon a time, there was a little boy. The little boy could speak by age 1, and shortly thereafter was dubbed the Funniest Human Alive by all those lucky enough to cross his path.
He had other talents as well. He was the first boy in his class to blow bubble gum bubbles, he can burp a burp that will make you stop, look, and feel general concern for his physical well-being. He is an amazing artist, loves the guitar, and is a fabulous wing man. In fact, in a laundry room in the basement of an old apartment building, he once totally picked up some guy. That guy is now his godfather.
Boy's got mad skilz, yo.
He has one other god given talent; the Great American Pastime, Baseball. To see that boy throw or hit a ball is like watching poetry get smacked with metal and flung through the air at 60 miles and hour. He's good.
His momma signed him up for Little League, and due to the world's most incompetent group of Bud drinkin' idiots a scheduling error or two, the boys team had no coach. The boys momma volunteered. The boys momma has never played a day of baseball in her life, and was given a group of children to coach who were shipped in from Hades 2 days a week to get some fresh air and exercise. When the season was over, the boy had learned only one thing; he was better than every kid on that team. Not just talent-wise, but, like, character-wise.
The boys momma got down on her knees and cried in front of a candle lit alter to the mother of sweet baby Jesus in all her glory when the season ended.
And then that moron had the boy try out for the select team. He got on the team.
This weekend, you will not be hearing much from the boys momma, since she's got to be up well before dawn cracks its ass to get three kids out the door for 2 solid, action packed days of 8 year old Little League Championship games. Which the boys team is not nearly good enough to win, thank god, because if this crap goes on much longer, the boys momma may start hittin' the drink.
Cross your fingers for the boy, okay? He looks mighty cute in his little uniform.
He had other talents as well. He was the first boy in his class to blow bubble gum bubbles, he can burp a burp that will make you stop, look, and feel general concern for his physical well-being. He is an amazing artist, loves the guitar, and is a fabulous wing man. In fact, in a laundry room in the basement of an old apartment building, he once totally picked up some guy. That guy is now his godfather.
Boy's got mad skilz, yo.
He has one other god given talent; the Great American Pastime, Baseball. To see that boy throw or hit a ball is like watching poetry get smacked with metal and flung through the air at 60 miles and hour. He's good.
His momma signed him up for Little League, and due to the world's most incompetent group of Bud drinkin' idiots a scheduling error or two, the boys team had no coach. The boys momma volunteered. The boys momma has never played a day of baseball in her life, and was given a group of children to coach who were shipped in from Hades 2 days a week to get some fresh air and exercise. When the season was over, the boy had learned only one thing; he was better than every kid on that team. Not just talent-wise, but, like, character-wise.
The boys momma got down on her knees and cried in front of a candle lit alter to the mother of sweet baby Jesus in all her glory when the season ended.
And then that moron had the boy try out for the select team. He got on the team.
This weekend, you will not be hearing much from the boys momma, since she's got to be up well before dawn cracks its ass to get three kids out the door for 2 solid, action packed days of 8 year old Little League Championship games. Which the boys team is not nearly good enough to win, thank god, because if this crap goes on much longer, the boys momma may start hittin' the drink.
Cross your fingers for the boy, okay? He looks mighty cute in his little uniform.
Reader Comments (23)
I'll trade ya. I'll go hang with the boy at his tourney, you come hang with my girl and watch teenage girl/softball drama unfold over an entire weekend of softball games. I bet you'd be brave enough to slap some sense into the one girl who manages to find some reason to pout and act like she's better than everyone else.
Oh... and pictures of the cuteness in uniform, please???
terri's last blog post..http://territerri.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/random-photo-friday/' rel="nofollow">Random Photo Friday
Best of luck! At least you get to spend time with him on a lovely summer day. Then you can make him feel guilty for it all when he's older. :)
calicobebop's last blog post..http://calicobebop.blogspot.com/2008/06/belated-wordless-wednesday-rainbows.html' rel="nofollow">Belated Wordless Wednesday... Rainbows over DC
Hey there
Been a while since I stopped by... love the new site design even if my laptop's shitty Ie 6.0 does not .... the site format is all jacked up on my browser but on the PC it looks great.
Was on at 5 AM this morning while feeding Caitlin. Read through some of your older posts... then finally dozed off with her before Ty got up. I proceeded to dream that you and I were coaching little league and we got totally pissed at these obnoxious parents telling us we didn't know how to coach. So we started beaning them with school supplies, screaming "shut up! we can SO multitask! Have a some freaking hole punch!" Sadly, all was well and we were having a ball until you clocked someone with an electric pencil sharpener. The benches and field emptied into a huge brawl (kids involved).
Note to self - do not drink a pot of Starbucks Sumatra Extra Bold before attempting to nap.
Anyway, I can so totally sympathize with the shopping with a. freaking. 2. year. old. I once almost hauled off and clocked this toothless pot smoking grizzled WV mountain man in a freaking WalMart when Ty pitched a fit and this a-hole told me I was a shitty mom for not being able to control my son. Mind you, I was like 5 months pregnant too, so I was clearly a little unstable. But enough of my ramblings.
Just wanted to tell you that you and the site rock.
Much love
Mrs. Discovering Dad (AKA the kids favorite parent)
At least you have a reason for getting up early. My 4 year old wakes me up at 6:00 because "it's daytime momma!!". LOL Good luck!!
Tiffany's last blog post..http://stuck-in-the-sticks.blogspot.com/2008/06/um-thanks-son.html' rel="nofollow">Um thanks son
welcome to the hell that is little league.
or softball.
or competitive cheerleading.
but you gotta love a kid in a uniform :-)
the planet of janet's last blog post..http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/2008/06/when-technology-impaired-meet-21st.html' rel="nofollow">When the technology-impaired meet the 21st century, you just might lose your mind
Good luck to the Boy.... and his Mama. If he's lucky, he'll make the team. If she's not, she'll get more coaching experience.
Bradie's last blog post..http://free-quilting-patterns.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-to-pillow-case-turn-quilt-step-1.html' rel="nofollow">How to Pillow Case Turn a Quilt - Step 1
I have only one thing to say: any baseball tournament that brings you into my neighbourhood is a very good thing.
Latte Mommy's last blog post..http://lattemommy.blogspot.com/2008/06/mmmchocolate.html' rel="nofollow">Mmm...Chocolate...
My son hates, hates, HATES baseball. This season has been horrible. He is supposed to play on his tournament team but informed us yesterday that he will sit down on the dirt and refuse to move if we make him do it.
Loralee's last blog post..http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2008/06/27/want-to-elicit-screams-of-rapture-and-joy-from-your-children/' rel="nofollow">Want to elicit screams of rapture and joy from your children?
I just read this book (And Baby Makes Two, about single-parent international adoption, so not my point) and the character says that he can stand anything as long as there's a stopping time. It is only when you have no finite ending that there's trouble.
So two days, hmm? Can you drink a little?
daysgoby's last blog post..http://jessalogic.blogspot.com/2008/06/last-day-of-primary.html' rel="nofollow">the last day of primary
Can I be a cheerleader??
Maria's last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/321802941/' rel="nofollow">Dance, Dance. [II]
Much luck and much drink to you.
A Whole Lot of Nothing's last blog post..http://awholelotofnothing.net/bring-it/' rel="nofollow">Bring It
Don't let the boy's momma forget sunscreen!
tenakim's last blog post..http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/06/slutty-van.html' rel="nofollow">The Slutty Van
Good luck boy! You're lucky to have a mom who will sacrifice her sleep, coach heathens, and then blog about it for our entertainment. I hope to be as cool as her someday. I'm signing up for the PTA next year and I hope I don't regret it.
Ashley's last blog post..http://darlingcompanion.blogspot.com/2008/06/oh-dear-lord-it-hurts.html' rel="nofollow">Oh Dear Lord It Hurts
Ahhh... sounds like my life as a travel team soccer mom... I'm SO glad those days are over, can't say I miss it, not one little bit. Good luck and here's to a sweet summer season.
Tara R.'s last blog post..http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/step-one-in-the-plan/' rel="nofollow">Step one in THE PLAN
Don't forget to use sunscreen.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)'s last blog post..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/06/i-love-look-of-fear-in-his-eyes.html' rel="nofollow">I Love the Smell of Fear
:)
Audubon Ron's last blog post..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/06/hey-its-pastor-feel-good-here.html' rel="nofollow">Pastor Feel Good
Hey, at least you don't have to coach this season. ;)
Jane @ Kidzarama's last blog post..http://kidzarama.com/parenting/my-princess-is-ill/' rel="nofollow">My Princess is Ill
XX Fingers Crossed!!
Secret Agent Mama's last blog post..http://secretagentmama.com/blog/2008/06/29/weekly-winners-xxxiii/' rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners XXXIII
Good luck to the worlds coolest burping boy.
When you're done with baseball, can you come over here and coach the boy at soccer, cos his team totally sucks this year.
tiff's last blog post..http://www.mythreeringcircus.com/2008/06/weekly-winners-hospital-hometime-and-birthdays-oh-my/' rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners - hospital, hometime and birthdays, Oh my!
If it wasn't the cmmute from hell I'd totally be there to cheer him on. I want pics when it's all said n done, ya hear?
Ah, the memories of little league... :D I know I enjoyed myself while playing in all of the traveling leagues and stuff, but never thought about how hard it had to be on my parents. I guess my turn is coming... :D
You are awesome; I would have signed hubs up as the coach! Good luck!
Fingers crossed. And hey, how's it going?
Chris's last blog post..http://www.rudecactus.com/2008/07/hidden_talent.html' rel="nofollow">Hidden Talents