;)
Sunday
Jul132008
Cause and Effect; A Cautionary Photostudy for the Modern Housewife
Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 10:53PM
What happens when you lose your brand new tube of deodorant? 5 times in one week? You give up and use your son's instead.
And your 13 year old girl-heart really likes it.
What happens when you get all hasty and wash the chocolate brown bath mat on hot with the white one?
You learn to like lavender. Or live without a bathmat. Either way, really.
What happens when you get a hair up your ass to "get all the ironing done"?
You stare at this pile on the couch. All. Week. Long. That doesn't seem to get smaller ever.
What happens when you give up, admit that you just don't have a green thumb, and totally ignore your sad, pathetic, dead plants?
You name your basil plant Lazarus, because you'll be damned if that sucker isn't starting to come back to life all by its own self.
What happens when you and your husband do way to much crack one day and then decide to buy a brand new sectional couch?
You end up kicking yourselves, quite hard, in the hind-quarters when your toddler who has just graduated to a big girl bed gets up in the middle of the night and does THIS.
That would be sharpie. On a WHITE couch. (And PS? I have one two year old for sale cheap.)
What happens when you come to the sad realization that you live on the planet Vogon after you go to the doctor and are told that your health insurance has expired, even though you totally submitted all the proper paperwork, in triplicate, over a month ago?
You self-medicate your urinary tract infection. Which goes down much better than antibiotics anyway.
See all of Lotus' Weekly Winners here.
And your 13 year old girl-heart really likes it.
What happens when you get all hasty and wash the chocolate brown bath mat on hot with the white one?
You learn to like lavender. Or live without a bathmat. Either way, really.
What happens when you get a hair up your ass to "get all the ironing done"?
You stare at this pile on the couch. All. Week. Long. That doesn't seem to get smaller ever.
What happens when you give up, admit that you just don't have a green thumb, and totally ignore your sad, pathetic, dead plants?
You name your basil plant Lazarus, because you'll be damned if that sucker isn't starting to come back to life all by its own self.
What happens when you and your husband do way to much crack one day and then decide to buy a brand new sectional couch?
You end up kicking yourselves, quite hard, in the hind-quarters when your toddler who has just graduated to a big girl bed gets up in the middle of the night and does THIS.
That would be sharpie. On a WHITE couch. (And PS? I have one two year old for sale cheap.)
What happens when you come to the sad realization that you live on the planet Vogon after you go to the doctor and are told that your health insurance has expired, even though you totally submitted all the proper paperwork, in triplicate, over a month ago?
You self-medicate your urinary tract infection. Which goes down much better than antibiotics anyway.
See all of Lotus' Weekly Winners here.
Reader Comments (45)
LOL I love it!
LibAnns last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/NotMuchMoreThanThis/~3/334373189/stowaway-kitties.html" rel="nofollow">Stowaway Kitties
And I love YOOU, maaan....
Sorry that was the vodka talking ;)
I don't think you're on crack because of the couch. which I totally want to sit and dish with you on, sharpie or no sharpie. I think you're on crack because you have kids and you decided that the best colour option for the couch was WHITE. How do you know it was her? Maybe The DONOR got bored in the middle of the night?
Bored? Nah, I think we've covered what he does when he gets bored in the middle of the night (see previous post)
Dude. I think we've had this conversation before. Old Spice IS my deodorant of choice. All Day, Every Day.
Leslie Dillingers last blog post..http://thehipolounge.blogspot.com/2008/04/reunion-of-known-and-unknown-that-there.html" rel="nofollow">
Because you're my SOUL MATE, duh.
You're just hilarious.
3of3? Not laughing at you, babe. That was just plain ol' badass behavior. NO SHARPIES ON MOMMY'S WHITE SECTIONAL darling! There there, don't cry. Auntie flickrlovr just wants you to behave for your poor mommy...she has a ur-in-air-ee trakt infek-shun baby. And now is not the time to piss her off.
flickrlovrs last blog post..http://idblogthaton.blogspot.com/2008/07/anyones-vacuum-on-fritz-want-new-one.html" rel="nofollow">Anyone's vacuum on the fritz? Want a new one for FREE?
Does Auntie FlickRLovR want to KEEP 3of3?
You might be able to get that sharpie out with hairspray or rubbing alcohol. If not, let her color the WHOLE sectional.
Sarahs last blog post..http://thethirddegree.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/rock-lobster/" rel="nofollow">Rock Lobster
If anyone can get Sharpie out, it's me. Didn't you know I am the Queen of Stain Removal? http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Mommy's Martini can vouch for me. But I never did think of just having her color the whole couch...you're on to something there, sister!
We seem to be living parallel lives, all except for the health insurance card mishap. My son wears Axe deoderant though, which makes him smell like a paid escort, so I borrow hubby's if I run out.
I could write a book on rogue Sharpie and pen marks.
*sigh*
Sunshines last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/Giwc/~3/333646885/just-another-reminder-that-i-dont-know.html" rel="nofollow">Just Another Reminder That I Don't Know Jack, But I'm Trying
I LURVE Axe, and I am
beyond ashamednot at all ashamed to admit it.Point by point:
I use men's shaving foam, for the same reason - it makes the 16 year old in me horny.
I have no bathmat. Not a one, lavender or otherwise. I find a towel works just as well.
The trick to ironing is to just say no. Like Quaaludes.
I kill every plant that has ever come into contact with me. DEAD in record time.
I think the sectional is beautiful. And that you need an afghan. Lemme know if you want me to hook you up with one.
And let me know if you want me to hook you up with some Cipro. Since I have medical and all. But either way, that's my favourite self-medicating way.
Zoeyjanes last blog post..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/07/13/where-i-become-that-single-parent/" rel="nofollow">Where I Become THAT Single Parent
Point by point:
Soap. Cheaper.
Towels have to be washed daily. (What? So do bathmats? Shut up, and let me have my fantasy)
I don't know why, but I have to iron. Even the sheets.
Me, too. Cactus' aren't even safe.
Isn't it? And you should SEE the afgan Gramma made before she left for Africa. It's muy bonita.
I will have medical tomorrow, or I will perform a coup on the gov't.
See above for useful information.
Mine: keep drinking.
Sorry. All I got and it works for me.
ms picket to yous last blog post..http://postpicket.blogspot.com/2008/07/officepaloser.html" rel="nofollow">OfficePaLoser
You're my kinda girl. ;-)
I've heard vodka is really good for UTI's.
Feel better!!
Bunchys last blog post..http://bunchy.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/nineteen/" rel="nofollow">Nineteen
We'll say it kills germs, right?
LOL, that's brilliant!
Jentys last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JentysLifeinPics/~3/334456004/smokey-haze.html" rel="nofollow">Smokey haze
I can think of 5 words I'd use to describe this post, but none of them have more than 4 letters each. ;-)
OUCH. I don't know which hurts worse! The urinary tract infection or the sharpie. I think I'm gonna have to go with the sharpie. I would tear my offspring's limbs off if they did that!
Shannons last blog post..http://www.livinginthegray.com/2008/07/12/washers-and-dryers-and-elevators-oh-my/" rel="nofollow">washers and dryers and elevators, OH MY
The couch really did hurt. SO MUCH.
I love the wet scrubs of desperation around the biggest mark. I feel bad laughing. But not bad enough to stop.
anne nahms last blog post..http://annenahm.com/?p=474" rel="nofollow">Food Porn: Carrot Edition
I'm glad you noticed. I figured you would. PS: Laugh it up, fuzzball.
White is so overrated.... patterns are classy. Give her back the marker. ;)
ohmommys last blog post..http://www.classychaos.com/2008/07/their-conspiracy-to-keep-me-from-going.html" rel="nofollow">Their conspiracy to keep me from going to BlogHer...
I think you're on to something here.
I don't know if anyone's suggested this, but use some Purell to get that sharpie out of the couch. It works on ink, I don't see why it wouldn't work on marker.
You just reminded me that we need some bathmats... Thanks. Now I have to go to *hell.
*Walmart
Secret Agent Mamas last blog post..http://secretagentmama.com/blog/2008/07/13/project-365-325365/" rel="nofollow">Project 365 (325/365)
So does rubbing alcohol, so does hairspray. Everything I try BLEEDS. Me? Fucked. Have fun at *hell, BTW. You know you're going there for shopping there, right? ;-)
Looks like you had a tough week. At least the basil plant seems to be doing well.
I hope this week gets better, and that clothes pile learns to iron itself. I keep hoping that happens to mine!
merrymishapss last blog post..http://blog.merrymishaps.com/2008/07/july-6-12-2008-where-has-time-gone-its.html" rel="nofollow">weekly winners
You know what? That basil plant can kiss my grits. I loved that fucker, and he only wants me when I ignore him. Son of a bi#$h!
That sharpie on the sofa even hurt ME as I looked at it. Although that is an adorable picture of your hubby and daughter. At least she didn't get a hold of some scissors like my 3 year old did. Thank god he only cut the sofa cover. LOL
Tiffanys last blog post..http://stuck-in-the-sticks.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-i-phone-journey.html" rel="nofollow">My I-Phone Journey
I just died a little inside for you.
$500 a month on health insurance vs $500 a month on booze... you're onto something big, Mr Lady.
BusyDads last blog post..http://www.busydadblog.com/entries/im-only-3-years-older-than-d-wife.html" rel="nofollow">I'm Only 3 Years Older Than d Wife
I know how to prioritize. PS: It's Canada. My insurance costs me $0 a month. Just sayin'.
You know, I've been wondering about that couch. Oh crap, that's ummm, not good.
Love the self-medication. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Natalies last blog post..http://www.startingfromhere.com/2008/07/13/moisture-and-cupcakes/" rel="nofollow">Moisture. And Cupcakes!
Yeah, this happened a while ago. I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it.
I love to self medicate! Ouch on the couch, hope you got it out!
amys last blog post..http://amysbratpack.blogspot.com/2008/07/did-i-mention-i-have-teenager.html" rel="nofollow">Did I mention I have a teenager?
I didn't. YET. *shakes fist at air*
The best thing about self medication is that even if it doesn't cure you, you totally don't care as much.
(Didn't mean to terrify you with my earlier comment, by the way. Only to tell you not to avoid antibiotics on principle.)
And this is one of the best photo essays evah!
MommyTimes last blog post..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/07/hair-fundraising-best-contest-ever.html" rel="nofollow">Hair-(fund)Raising: The Best Contest Ever!
See? You get it. That's why I loves ya.
I have a red sectional that matches your white one PERFECTLY!
I wonder if we'd get more if we put two toddlers up for sale together!
Alisons last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/mountainmomma/~3/335187378/whats-good-for-goose.html" rel="nofollow">What's Good for the Goose
I have a red couch next to this one that doesn't match. AT ALL. Maybe we could trade? OOOO! I'll trade you for my new Transformer, Destructacon! Little Man would like a new Transformer, wouldn't he?
My ironing piles are much bigger. I could literally iron for several hours daily for weeks before I would be all caught up. I just resorted to taking the hubby's work clothes to the dry cleaners every week to keep my ironing to a minimum as I just can't keep up and I'm sick of looking at the piles.
The couch, ugh. If I remember correctly you know the trick for getting that out.
Dianes last blog post..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/07/accountability.html" rel="nofollow">Accountability
I DID iron for several hours daily. My man wears a tux to work; my pile doesn't even INCLUDE work stuff!
we've been victims of a toddler sharpie attack.
on THREE occasions.
being a parent sure can be awesome, eh?
alis last blog post..http://www.alimartell.com/index.php/2008/07/14/life-with-emilysigh/" rel="nofollow">life with Emily…*sigh*
Only three? Oh, momma, you're in for a world of hurt. ;-)
That Sharpie thing makes me mad. I hate it when my daughter does that....HATE it. I put it in my top three toddler pet peeves. The last time she did it, it was on these Japanese lamp shades that we have in the living room. They're sort of like a yellow rice paper. Tell me, how do you get Sharpie off of rice paper?
matts last blog post..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/07/13/my-husband-is-famous/" rel="nofollow">My Husband Is Famous!
You trade the toddler in for a new lamp.
CLASSIC!!
Classically EVIL!
I hope you feel better soon. And I SO wish I knew how to get sharpie out of couches, but I don't. Sorry. Closest thing I know of is using the magic eraser sponge on it (it can get sharpie off of walls) but it might also eat your couch.
I'm about ready to take an xacto knife to my carpet. Wanna help? lol. And no, we're not laying down carpet.
Ashleys last blog post..http://www.bosssanders.com/2008/07/09/in-awe/" rel="nofollow">In awe.
Thank you for calling, you have reached the Queen of Stain Removal. Leave a message and I'll get right back to you.....
My SIL was a fashion major and can tell me how to get anything out of fabric, she's not home right now but you can email me the fabric type (it looks like suede but I'm not sure) and I can ask her when she gets home what works best. She has saved so many of my clothes it's unbelievable.
As for the UTI, alcohol gets rid of infection, that would have been my choice too...lol.
Allie Bears last blog post..http://fridaynightambulance.blogspot.com/2008/07/i-know-i-promised-you-guys-some.html" rel="nofollow">Our New House
It's terrycloth microsuede, which bleeds like, well, every analogy I had was gross.
I don't iron. If it needs ironed, it must not be mine. Or gets thrown in the pile to take to the thrift store. I have given up on ever owning new furniture until the last kid leaves home, which is only a mere 16 years away if all goes well. The only thing I have going for me is that my basil plants haven't died and come back to life-but even Lazarus looks better than mine do. Perhaps I should take a small sip of vodka to chase down the valium? :)
Koris last blog post..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/07/award-for-me-from-two-people.html" rel="nofollow">An Award! For Me! From TWO People!
I'm all for a gulp.
HOMICIDE. That was the thought I had when I saw the blue marks.
Hey, I don't have health insurance, and I can't even drink b/c my husband's an alcoholic.
So I cut myself for thrills.
*jk*
Sarcastic Moms last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/sarcasticmomdotcom/~3/334807756/" rel="nofollow">PSBN Update
You're so hardcore.
You bought a white couch?
What were you thinking?
I hope the UTI gets better soon, those things are the worst.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..http://luvmydoxies.blogspot.com/2008/07/monday-mantras-how-to-stay-young.html" rel="nofollow">Monday Mantras ~ How to Stay Young
Sharpie! on a white couch!?
Oh my lord I can't ever have kids.
Do yourself a favor...RENT.
Want to know what I'm busy doing this week? Hiding all my sharpies. ;)
Latte Mommys last blog post..http://lattemommy.blogspot.com/2008/07/from-mouths-of-babes.html" rel="nofollow">From the Mouths of Babes
I'm sending her in her Devil Costume, no joke.
I think you've been to my home! Mixed color debacles. Dead plants. Wearing men's deodorant.
Yep. You've totally been here!
CCs last blog post..http://ifonlyihadsuperpowers.blogspot.com/2008/07/marvelous-monday-childrens-books.html" rel="nofollow">Marvelous Monday Children's Books: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
SOLIDARITY, SISTER. *fist bump*
No need to worry, Dr. McMommy is here.
First of all, take a VERY LARGE SIP of that drink.
Secondly, take some Purell hand sanitizer and scrub, scrub, scrub the blue out of that couch.
Thirdly, take 4 more VERY LARGE SIPS of that drink.
And so on and so forth.....until either you pass out or the stain is gone.
McMommys last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheMcmommyChronicles/~3/334664983/highway-to-danger-zone.html" rel="nofollow">Highway to the Danger Zone
I love Dr McMommy. I want to do housework with her every day.
Couch. Magic Eraser. Give it a try. I hear it works from one sister in law with a Sharpie happy son.
NOT ON FABRIC!!! NEVER! Alcohol should work, so should Purell. It's just NOT this time. *weeps*
That girl shouldn't see ink for A YEAR. Sun got into my purse and subsequently my lipstick last week. She was quiet. That gave her away. But not before it was all over her, her clothes, and yeah, my sofa. But ours isn't new. Or white. Youch.
Nolas last blog post..http://www.nolanotes.com/2008/07/14/hunting-streetcars/" rel="nofollow">Hunting Streetcars
Oh no she di'nt! gasp. nice couch though. could easily fit a few more kids on it if you have more...haha. kidding. only kidding. dont banish me.
sharpie too. girl wants to leave her mark.
try this product called simple green, it got nailpolish off my berber carpet. give it a shot but test it out first on an area.
been there, experienced all of it. as for the plant, put one of your kids to doing that job every other day. they will gladly pour water into things! i'm serious. they'll remember that kinda stuff. it's a living thing, so i feel for it...
oh, and most ishockingly you iron? people still iron? i thought it was cool to be grungy. oh, that's right, it's not the 90s anymore, that was a good decade for non-ironing.
ironing is against my religion. ;-)
as for the couch... what were you thinking when you got white? the same thing i thought when we put white carpet in our old house.
insanity ... you get it from your kids.
My neurotic heart aches for that couch! When we bought a new camel colored sued couch a couple of years ago we purchased an extended warranty to replace stuff like that...what are the odds that went through instead of the insurance ☺ Sucks.
We learned our insurance die the same thing AFTER Little Man had ENT surgery!
Well I know your good with stains, but that looks like it's pretty much ruined.
I fell behind in my reading- great stuff- sorry about the insurance and UTI, that sucks(so does the couch and rug)
tenakims last blog post..http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/07/back-to-swing-of-things.html" rel="nofollow">Back to the swing of things
Aw hell. But dude, you have better vodka than me. I'm on the way.
I have sharpie all over the arms of my new leather office chair. It would be a perfect mate for your couch.
NOTHING takes sharpie outta leather without taking the color off the leather. 'But the sharpie remains. Sharpies are the equivalent of an airplane's black box... stains stay, all other colors disappear. Who knew?
Oh, guess what?
I gave up ironing years ago, right after Mr. Discovering Dad said my pant creases weren't up to military standards. Guess who does all the ironing now? Not me. Want me to send him over with some Grey Goose and amoxicillan? He does a mean load of laundry too, bathmats and all.
Lori Bs last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MamaNuggle/~3/336222793/" rel="nofollow">Confessions of An Addict
I think I would kill my child if he ever did that to my couch. But why in the hell would you buy wihite with small children? Did you have the vodka and cranberry before going shopping? lol
Note to self: When my son graduatres to a toddler bed (in the next month) Gate him in his bedroom at night:)
Lonis last blog post..http://noahwadams.blogspot.com/2008/07/moment-of-confusion.html" rel="nofollow">A Moment of Confusion
NOT THE COUCH!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo...
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/2008/07/and-then-i-smashed-it-with-sledgehammer.html" rel="nofollow">And Then I Smashed it with a Sledgehammer from Aisle Five