;)
Thursday
Jul312008
If I Link To Them Enough Times, Do You Think They'll Notice?
Thursday, July 31, 2008 at 2:55AM
This Christmas, my boys received a very cool gift from their very cool Auntie.
This, friends, is a RipStick. A Ripstick is a two-wheeled skateboard, on casters. You can zoom down hills, take radically sharp turns, and once you've watched the instructional DVD, you can actually ride it uphill, from a dead stop.
PS: Chris, if you're reading this, go away, because this is what you're getting for your 30th birthday next month. Go on, scoot.
At Christmas time, these were only available through the website and Sharper Image. Auntie sent us one all the way from the US of A, and 2of3, well, he's got his daddy's perfect skin and his momma's coordination. For those of you who have never seen me try to take more than 3 steps, that would be none. In fact, I have fallen over while propped up against something, dead sober and standing perfectly still. Someday, if you're very nice, I'll tell you that story.
So, the Ripstick, by default and the laws of gravity, came to be solely 1of3's possession. Every sunny day, or, I should say, both sunny days since Christmas, he has been outside trying to ride this thing. I'll give the kid credit; he learned fast. He kind of had to, since his old skateboard literally disintigrated in the rain and his bike is, well, um, it's in his godfather's garage still. In DENVER. Because I am the shittest mother alive, that's why.
Needless to say, come summer-time, he was dazzling all the ladiez in the 'hood and scaring all the mommas out of their socks. Last week, he went outside with his Ripstick, and one of the neighborhood kids was all, "OOOOoooh!, Whaaat's thaaaat?" and he was all, "Yeah, whatever, it's my Ripstick. It's pretty much my favorite skateboard." The next day, that kid owned one.
The next day, that kids sister did, too.
The next day, every kid on my block (and there are a fuckload of kids on my block) had a shiny new Ripstick. You're welcome. Every kid, that is, except my little 2of3. But that didn't stop him, oh no. He begged, borrowed and stole and now he too is tearing it up down my street whenever the older kids see fit to share with him (usually right about the time I see fit to bake brownies, coincidentally enough.) Seriously, when they're all whizzing down our road at the same time, it sounds exactly like Armageddon out front on my cobblestone streets. Like a bunch of ziity, short, smelly goth horsemen skating in.
Much to my shock, my boys haven't taken too many diggers on this thing. It's so low to the ground and so swervy that you just just step right off it when you're about to biff it. Unless you don't. 2of3 fell, and fell hard. He came running in the house, SCREAMING, blood shooting out of his elbow.
"MAAAAWM! I-I-I-I-I-I FELL!!!!! *squirt squirt* I start cleaning him up.
He totally tore his elbow wide open. The next day, he fell and caught himself with the same elbow. Brilliant, that one. And then 1of3 took a good fall and scraped up his arm. And then lost it and sprained his wrist.
(No chance Ripstick is going to google this and send me a free one for my kid now, is there? Crap.)
I told you all of that to tell you this:
...to be continued. Yes, I suck, thankyouverymuch.
(Just kidding. Well, I changed my mind, at least. This is why I publish at one in the morning.)
Today, my kids went to Crash Crawly's with the neighbors. Which is, apparently, aptly named:
Impressive, no? Holy Fight Club, Batman. That should be fully swollen by morning, if I'm guessing right. So, to recap, my kids in the past month have sustained:
The fact that I still maintain full custody of these children is proof alone of the existence of God, and not just that Flying Spaghetti Monster one. Over dinner, once the tears subsided and the stories began, I got the recap:
He really likes the DESIGN of his golf-ball BLACK EYE. He also reads encyclopedias. For fun. He's spent all day estimating rates of swelling vs. ice applied, calculating blood flow at differing pillow elevations, and eating bubble gum.
And we, well, we may never actually leave the house again without full body armour. Unless, of course, we had a new Ripstick to soften the blow.
This, friends, is a RipStick. A Ripstick is a two-wheeled skateboard, on casters. You can zoom down hills, take radically sharp turns, and once you've watched the instructional DVD, you can actually ride it uphill, from a dead stop.
PS: Chris, if you're reading this, go away, because this is what you're getting for your 30th birthday next month. Go on, scoot.
At Christmas time, these were only available through the website and Sharper Image. Auntie sent us one all the way from the US of A, and 2of3, well, he's got his daddy's perfect skin and his momma's coordination. For those of you who have never seen me try to take more than 3 steps, that would be none. In fact, I have fallen over while propped up against something, dead sober and standing perfectly still. Someday, if you're very nice, I'll tell you that story.
So, the Ripstick, by default and the laws of gravity, came to be solely 1of3's possession. Every sunny day, or, I should say, both sunny days since Christmas, he has been outside trying to ride this thing. I'll give the kid credit; he learned fast. He kind of had to, since his old skateboard literally disintigrated in the rain and his bike is, well, um, it's in his godfather's garage still. In DENVER. Because I am the shittest mother alive, that's why.
Needless to say, come summer-time, he was dazzling all the ladiez in the 'hood and scaring all the mommas out of their socks. Last week, he went outside with his Ripstick, and one of the neighborhood kids was all, "OOOOoooh!, Whaaat's thaaaat?" and he was all, "Yeah, whatever, it's my Ripstick. It's pretty much my favorite skateboard." The next day, that kid owned one.
The next day, that kids sister did, too.
The next day, every kid on my block (and there are a fuckload of kids on my block) had a shiny new Ripstick. You're welcome. Every kid, that is, except my little 2of3. But that didn't stop him, oh no. He begged, borrowed and stole and now he too is tearing it up down my street whenever the older kids see fit to share with him (usually right about the time I see fit to bake brownies, coincidentally enough.) Seriously, when they're all whizzing down our road at the same time, it sounds exactly like Armageddon out front on my cobblestone streets. Like a bunch of ziity, short, smelly goth horsemen skating in.
Much to my shock, my boys haven't taken too many diggers on this thing. It's so low to the ground and so swervy that you just just step right off it when you're about to biff it. Unless you don't. 2of3 fell, and fell hard. He came running in the house, SCREAMING, blood shooting out of his elbow.
"MAAAAWM! I-I-I-I-I-I FELL!!!!! *squirt squirt* I start cleaning him up.
" *sniffle sniffle* Mom, Austin totally crashed into me ON PURPOSE and made me fall!" No, no he didn't. He's your friend. "No, it was TOTALLY ON PURPOSE! He doesn't like me because I'm only EIGHT. *sniffle snort* " 2of3, I seriously doubt that. Tell me everything that happened, from the beginning. " *deep breath in* Well, we were on the Ripsticks playing Collision and tha...." *giggle* Um, you were playing Collision? "Y-eh-eh-eh-es. *whimper* " As in, to-crash-into-something Collision? "Uh huh" Dude, um, what did you expect to...oh, nevermind.
He totally tore his elbow wide open. The next day, he fell and caught himself with the same elbow. Brilliant, that one. And then 1of3 took a good fall and scraped up his arm. And then lost it and sprained his wrist.
(No chance Ripstick is going to google this and send me a free one for my kid now, is there? Crap.)
I told you all of that to tell you this:
...to be continued. Yes, I suck, thankyouverymuch.
(Just kidding. Well, I changed my mind, at least. This is why I publish at one in the morning.)
Today, my kids went to Crash Crawly's with the neighbors. Which is, apparently, aptly named:
Impressive, no? Holy Fight Club, Batman. That should be fully swollen by morning, if I'm guessing right. So, to recap, my kids in the past month have sustained:
- One black eye
- Two open elbows
- Several minor scrapes and cuts
- A broken foot
- A sprained ankle
The fact that I still maintain full custody of these children is proof alone of the existence of God, and not just that Flying Spaghetti Monster one. Over dinner, once the tears subsided and the stories began, I got the recap:
So, mom, this girl was totally climbing UP the slide even though there is a great big sign that said 'Please Do Not Climb Up the Slides', and it was the really fastest slide, and I was coming down and her elbow was right in the way of my face! Oh, no, did you duck? I tried to, Mawm, but she was right in my way! And then, and then, she tried to LIE her way out of trouble, but she got in trouble anyway. And I got a blue raspberry slushie and a ticket for VALID FREE ADMISSION next time. Fitting. Huh? Well, you got a blue raspberry slushie for a blue and raspberry black eye. *gigglegiggle* You're right! *touches swollen face* Yeah, I really like the design, but it's just so gross!
He really likes the DESIGN of his golf-ball BLACK EYE. He also reads encyclopedias. For fun. He's spent all day estimating rates of swelling vs. ice applied, calculating blood flow at differing pillow elevations, and eating bubble gum.
And we, well, we may never actually leave the house again without full body armour. Unless, of course, we had a new Ripstick to soften the blow.
Reader Comments (38)
If you get a ripstick out of this you will further be my blogging idol. I posted about Cheez-It Stix and even search engine optimized that mofo so it appeared on the first page in google searches for cheez-it stix. Bastards never sent me no crackers. Crackers dammit. Cra-ckers!
Haha playing collision. I played "douse the cardboard box in lighter fluid and light it under the subway tunnel" in second grade and was pissed that the ensuing fire blocked our way OUT of the tunnel. The concept of Object of the Game takes a while to internalize I guess...
BusyDads last blog post..http://www.busydadblog.com/entries/always-late.html" rel="nofollow">Always Late
Girl, if you get one I am totally gunna start pimping for Boo's ultimate toy. A real life clapper board like they have in the movies. Cause I got him a toy one.
And he ate it.
I am thinking the movie ones with all those electriky things inside might give him a bit of a jolt and prevent the nomming.
Like when he ate that battery...
Good luck babe!
Kelleys last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MagnetoBoldToo/~3/350272655/" rel="nofollow">Sights and smells in the local supermarket.
Good luck with the new Ripstick. (Maybe it will help if they see it in your comments section, too.) I used to play collision, but not on purpose. I was so bad (not the good kind of bad) that my brother took my skateboard and I didn't put up a fight.
Good luck with the clinic that is your home!
RobMonroes last blog post..http://rob.mdmonroes.com/2008/07/wordless-wednesday.html" rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday
I hope you get a ripstick. I had an awesome rice a roni video and all those losers said was "Thanks!" Not even a coupon!
I hope your son heals quickly from that shiner. Will he be telling people that he suffered it because of a girl's elbow or will he say that he joined the secondary school branch of fight club?
kiridas last blog post..http://www.kirida.com/2008/07/awesome-not-awesome.html" rel="nofollow">awesome. not awesome.
That's hilarious. I broke my skateboard and I want a ripstick but at 21 I have a feeling that I could possibly get very injured with it. I might just have to spend the money and try it. Afterall, at least it'll give me good blogs to write about!
Perksofbeingmes last blog post..http://perksofbeingme.blogspot.com/2008/07/guest-posts.html" rel="nofollow">Guest posts
I hope there's a new ripstick in it for you guys.
I'll help further your cause.
Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick. Ripstick.
Maybe that will move you up the google ladder a little?
And holy friggin black eye. I am so not looking forward to my boys getting older.
OMG. That eye is impressive. So is that list.
HRHs last blog post..http://www.junecleavernirvana.com/2008/07/how-to-get-your-dog-in-car.html" rel="nofollow">How to get your dog in the car
Ow.
Bart doesn't have the daredevil gene but Homer was just telling me the other day all about these RestInPeace Sticks and how he'd love to have one. I don't want one but thinking about it kinda makes me miss my little red plastic Dr. Pepper schwag skateboard.
Marges last blog post..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/marge-madness/" rel="nofollow">Marge Madness
I am just as coordinated as you. I can walk in 3 inch heels, but don't strap wheels or blades to my feet thank you very much. Are you EVER going to post another Stark Raving Dad's post??? Hello, Busy Dad? Anyone...Bueller..
MidLifeMammas last blog post..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/07/once-upon-time-in-land-far-far-away.html" rel="nofollow">Once upon a time in a land far, far, away, called Cleveland...
oh lord. I love boys.
Mine is as coordinated as I am... which, like you, means NOT. My two year old would probably rip the shit out of the ripstick, though. Ha! That was fun to say.
xo
b.
just beths last blog post..http://bethalea.blogspot.com/2008/07/not-even-one-single-mention-of-poop.html" rel="nofollow">Not even one single mention of poop!
boys.
that's the way they are. it's on the y chromosome, in fact.
now 3of3? that will test you. be afraid, be very afraid.
the planet of janets last blog post..http://fromtheplanetofjanet.blogspot.com/2008/07/for-sale-teenager-cheap.html" rel="nofollow">For sale: teenager. Cheap.
Second daughter got the scooter version of the ripstick for her 7th birthday. I wiped out on it, she wiped out on it, her sister wiped out on it, every neighbor kid wiped out on it, so now it sits in a corner of the driveway hopefully getting rusty. Except for when I sneak it out for a spin.
ms picket to yous last blog post..http://postpicket.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-borrowing.html" rel="nofollow">Baby Borrowing
In fact, I have fallen over while propped up against something, dead sober and standing perfectly still. Someday, if you’re very nice, I’ll tell you that story.
Story, hell. I want to see video of that. It could be the latest viral vid.
Where the hell are you living now? Somewhere here in Canada? Within driving distance to me? Hmmm?
Now I know what I'm getting my kids for Christmas!
Tammys last blog post..http://thopgood-mylife.blogspot.com/2008/07/and-here-is-where-i-get-all-melancholy.html" rel="nofollow">And here is where I get all melancholy and shit....
Wow... You really could be a PSA for the Social Services Department.
Ever see Miss Congi... Miss Congen... Naga, Naga, Na gonna work here anymore anyway. God I wish I wasn't illiterate. Any Miss Congenality... Sandra Bullock walking, walking, WIPE... I'M OK! Yeah, that the scene around here on a daily basis. Hilarious.
Great shiner. I love his pride in it. So honest. Because even if boys act like they hate their shiners. They don't.
If you get a Ripstick, you have to give it away in a contest - to me. Because each of my boys want one soooo bad. Daily requests. Had to buy 5yr old a new helmet the other day and the helmets were displayed adjacent to the Ripsticks. Damn. Didn't come home with one though. I held out because, um, hello? $100. We don't do the whole - $100 for something for nothing. Make sense?
KEEP BELIEVING
are you sure he just didn't cuss again??
Kats last blog post..http://kackalacka.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/facebook-anonymous/" rel="nofollow">Facebook Anonymous
The design?! That kid is awesome.
Misss last blog post..http://ruraandmiss.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/just-shut-up-already/" rel="nofollow">Just shut up already!
Sounds like Austin needs a nice old school beat down. The design IS very nice. It references typographical studies created by Marinetti during the Futurist Movement. I also think I see the Virgin Mary in it.
matts last blog post..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/07/29/earthquake/" rel="nofollow">Earthquake!
And, dude, this is why I love you to absolute pieces: in the same breath that you recount the mondo amount of injuries your boys have sustained in the last 30 days, you beg repeatedly for YET ANOTHER instrument of damage and destruction to add to their arsenal of boyish bravado.
MommyTimes last blog post..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/07/all-i-ever-needed-to-know-about-writing.html" rel="nofollow">All I Ever Needed to Know About Writing, I Learned in the 1970s
I will use every shred of my mental powers to try to get the Ripstick Makers to give you the justice you so richly deserve.
sorry about all the injuries. My husband bought my spawn some miniature baseball bats at a minor league game they went to, and they have been spending every waking moment ever since finding new and creative ways to use them to break things as well as injure themselves and each other.
I wish that my husband had just written a check directly to the emergency room instead of wasting the money on the bats.
manager moms last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/BwvF/~3/351450028/triage.html" rel="nofollow">Triage
Oh. Good. Lord. (Or flying spaghetti monster) Is this what I'm in for? Um... I don't think I signed up for this...
Nells last blog post..http://mamaguse.blogspot.com/2008/07/stupidity.html" rel="nofollow">Stupidity
I'm going to go throw my kid on a borrowed Segway and hope she falls.
Momo Falis last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Momo-Fali/~3/350861233/i-cant-compete-with-that.html" rel="nofollow">I Can't Compete With That
I always wondered how kids weren't coming home black and blue from riding those things. Hmm, I wonder if they make and adult size and how much work could I get out of when I end up in a full body cast?
OUCH! You know there is a Ripstick Jr too that is supposed to be easier for the younger kids to manuever. My 6yo wants one because all the boys have one and she's got to hang with all the boys. She just needs to get that out of her system now.
amys last blog post..http://amysbratpack.blogspot.com/2008/07/go-go-girl.html" rel="nofollow">Go-Go Girl
That thing looks like so much fun that I want one! Too cool.
I hope you get one out of this because that thing looks awesome and you're such a bad ass that I'm sure they'll find you and send you one!!
Love that picture, sorry about the pain that caused it though. Tough little suckers you have.
rachels last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/FromTheLandOfMonkeysAndPrincesses/~3/350590163/wordless-wednesday-monkey-style.html" rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday: Monkey Style
I just wanna hug him. :(
I sutured the knee of a neighbor girl last weekend whole fell off her bike and tore a nice hole over her knee cap. If your kid takes a bad digger on the new Ripstik he's likely to receive after your fantastic blog entry...send him down to me in MT, and I'll fix him right up!
Kimmelins last blog post..http://kimmelin.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/business-week-working-parents-article/" rel="nofollow">Business Week Working Parents article
I am now fearful of being the mother of a boy - they are dangerous aren't they? Go figure I was a tomboy and still am - damn it I'm doomed. If I'm in the ER enough w/ LM maybe they will name a wing of the hopsital after me...or him - HA...
Flag football starts next month - and I'm thinking so will the ER visits. Lord Jesus in heaven help me. As the child loves to tackle - it's not tackle it's flag I try to say...he doesn't care...
I so hope you get like a warehouse full of ripsticks...one for every child in Canada.
As for the eye - it made mine tear up. That hurts me just from looking at it. Hope all is well w/ him in the morning...he looks like a trooper and a good sport.
OUCHIE OCHIE OUCH!!
HUGS & KISSES...
Darlas last blog post..http://dmmos.blogspot.com/2008/07/middle-age-for-better-for-worse.html" rel="nofollow">Middle Age - For Better For Worse
Oh, ouch. Poor kid :(
janethesanes last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/YouSeeWhatYouWantToSee/~3/351065904/she-signed-to-me.html" rel="nofollow">She signed to me
Oh holy night....that is one big fat shiner. That sucks shit.
The ripstick will never ever be allowed in this house or near any of my nephews only because their stupid Aunt (me) thought it would be a good gift for my older nephews. But, for safety reasons, I had to try this damn thing out. Hell, I can somewhat ride a skateboard. I was brave.
Let's just say that a ugly fall went down at Wal-Mart, everyone stared at me like I just sniffed crack and some toys were destroyed during this trial run. Not to mention my ass was bruised and my back was scratched. And even the children in the store stared at me in shock. And then they chuckled. And my husband laughed. And my daughter farted she was laughing so hard. It was a day that I would have liked to forget. Thank you for bringing back this bad memory. LOL!
They got gameboys instead.
krissys last blog post..http://firecrackermomma.blogspot.com/2008/07/yai-know.html" rel="nofollow">Ya....I know
i am not looking forward to that age. i do NOT, for the record, want my son to do the skateboarding thing. but i have a feeling he is, even at age six and a half, going to be a skaterboy. he was trying to convince my neighbor's husband to take off the stick off this scooter thing so he could use it as a skateboard. and poor man was doing it and had the toolbox out and everything until i called over and put an end to that conspiracy. he just wants to try everything cool. geez.
O lord have mercy is this what's in store? I mean, for our child that isn't the traipsing wood nymph, but rather the bookshelf climber? Yegods. Going now to review our health insurance policy.
And thank you for posting at one in the morning. We all thank you.
Those things terrify me. But, then again, I also can sympathize (is that the right word?) with being able to fall over while completely sober and leaning stationary on something. I have also perfected the art of falling out of chairs and off of beds while merely sitting in/on them while talking on the phone.
I hope his eye gets better quick, and I hope they send you a new Ripstick.
Jainas last blog post..http://girl-with-the-camera.blogspot.com/2008/08/photostory-friday-intro-to-cor-racing.html" rel="nofollow">PhotoStory Friday: Intro to COR Racing
[...] your site by Jeremy on Discovering Dad. Bonus: Stumbled (recommended) a specific post about a cool Ripstick that I would love to have for myself my [...]
Just w8, you'll catch the lad reading the dictionary under the covers with a flashlight. Probably no porn until he writes his own.
Jordans last blog post..http://jamesotis.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/it-ended-with-a-story/" rel="nofollow">It ended with a Story
We gave one of these to our oldest son for Christmas. Number of times it's been ridden since Christmas? Exactly once.
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/2008/08/even-one-of-our-three-children-was.html" rel="nofollow">Even One of our Three Children was Conceived in it