;)
Thursday
Aug212008
Killing Me Softly With His Room
Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 2:50AM
Both of my boys slept in our bed with us until they were right around 4 months old. You will never meet anyone in your whole life more against the concept of co-sleeping, but come off it. Those first months don't count, AT ALL.
Anyway, they slept with us and when 2of3 was 4 months old, making 1of3 27 months old, they embarked on the great journey called SHARING A ROOM. Bunk beds are as important in our world as toilet paper. Maybe more so. I won't elaborate. You're welcome. When they were 1 and 3, we moved into a house with 3 big ol' bedrooms, and we offered them their own rooms. They declined, loudly. We continued to offer them their own rooms until we scaled down to a 2 bedroom apartment, and they had no choice. Sucks to be them.
They've never been bothered by sharing a room; I don't think they can imagine it any other way, really. I shared a room with both my brothers until I was 6, and I LOVED it. Excepting the occasional sleepover, they have bunked down together for every one of the past 2,972 nights.
Tonight, we're resetting the counter. Tonight, they sleep in separate rooms. And not just because I chained one of them to the radiator in the basement, either.
We live in a 4-ish story townhouse, with a den/rec room/whatever at ground level, a main level with the living room/kitchen/dining room and-or family room depending, a bath on the next 1/2 level, the upper level with 2 bedrooms and the master suite, and then another bathroom on the top 1/2 level. Long story short, we have three bedrooms. The boys share the middle one, and that's fine, but they're getting BIG. Their stuff is getting big. Their clothes are big. Their shoes are huge. And they're old enough that they need a little *cough* personal time every now and then. The room they share isn't big enough unless I stack the bunks, and then only barely, and if I stack the bunks, I have to make the beds, and fuck that shit.
I decided yesterday to use the dining room as a den area, just like everyone else in my 'hood does, and clear out the basement. And put my 10 year old in it. 2of3 protested wildly. He said that it wasn't fair, that they had pillow fights every single night and how could I take that away from him? He said he couldn't sleep alone because the closet scared him. And then tonight he saw a room with none of his stink-ass older brother's crap in it, and he promptly sold the fuck out.
Guess who is currently freaking out? Me, that's who, and it was MY idea.
My baby isn't 20 feet from me anymore. If he wheezes at night, I won't hear it. If he has to pee, he'll have to climb two flights of stairs. If he has a bad dream, he'll have to climb three flights of stairs IN THE DARK to get to me. If he wanted to sneak babes in, I'd never know. When the zombies come to eat our brains in the middle of the night, they'll get him first.
My basement is not in any way set up to be a bedroom. We're going to have to get a room divider and a wardrobe, and he's going to have to use a space heater in the winter. That is, of course, a really old woman's perspective. All he sees in his own desk, his own bookshelves, his own crap on the walls, and his independence. He sees privacy, and I see a growing man in a little body that used to sleep, happily, curled up in one of my arms in the middle of my bed.
I can almost not even picture that baby anymore, and I rejoice for him, but it's kind of killing me slowly. I'm just not ready, yo. I'm starting to think I never will be.
Anyway, they slept with us and when 2of3 was 4 months old, making 1of3 27 months old, they embarked on the great journey called SHARING A ROOM. Bunk beds are as important in our world as toilet paper. Maybe more so. I won't elaborate. You're welcome. When they were 1 and 3, we moved into a house with 3 big ol' bedrooms, and we offered them their own rooms. They declined, loudly. We continued to offer them their own rooms until we scaled down to a 2 bedroom apartment, and they had no choice. Sucks to be them.
They've never been bothered by sharing a room; I don't think they can imagine it any other way, really. I shared a room with both my brothers until I was 6, and I LOVED it. Excepting the occasional sleepover, they have bunked down together for every one of the past 2,972 nights.
Tonight, we're resetting the counter. Tonight, they sleep in separate rooms. And not just because I chained one of them to the radiator in the basement, either.
We live in a 4-ish story townhouse, with a den/rec room/whatever at ground level, a main level with the living room/kitchen/dining room and-or family room depending, a bath on the next 1/2 level, the upper level with 2 bedrooms and the master suite, and then another bathroom on the top 1/2 level. Long story short, we have three bedrooms. The boys share the middle one, and that's fine, but they're getting BIG. Their stuff is getting big. Their clothes are big. Their shoes are huge. And they're old enough that they need a little *cough* personal time every now and then. The room they share isn't big enough unless I stack the bunks, and then only barely, and if I stack the bunks, I have to make the beds, and fuck that shit.
I decided yesterday to use the dining room as a den area, just like everyone else in my 'hood does, and clear out the basement. And put my 10 year old in it. 2of3 protested wildly. He said that it wasn't fair, that they had pillow fights every single night and how could I take that away from him? He said he couldn't sleep alone because the closet scared him. And then tonight he saw a room with none of his stink-ass older brother's crap in it, and he promptly sold the fuck out.
Guess who is currently freaking out? Me, that's who, and it was MY idea.
My baby isn't 20 feet from me anymore. If he wheezes at night, I won't hear it. If he has to pee, he'll have to climb two flights of stairs. If he has a bad dream, he'll have to climb three flights of stairs IN THE DARK to get to me. If he wanted to sneak babes in, I'd never know. When the zombies come to eat our brains in the middle of the night, they'll get him first.
My basement is not in any way set up to be a bedroom. We're going to have to get a room divider and a wardrobe, and he's going to have to use a space heater in the winter. That is, of course, a really old woman's perspective. All he sees in his own desk, his own bookshelves, his own crap on the walls, and his independence. He sees privacy, and I see a growing man in a little body that used to sleep, happily, curled up in one of my arms in the middle of my bed.
I can almost not even picture that baby anymore, and I rejoice for him, but it's kind of killing me slowly. I'm just not ready, yo. I'm starting to think I never will be.
Reader Comments (49)
I bet I'd feel the same if I were you and he was mine. It's hard to make changes like that, but I applaud you for giving him the space he needed (and 2of3 too) and I bet it'll work out just fine. But for the next few weeks, I'm sending you hugs as you adjust. Because I'm sure it's tough seeing your baby boy grow up.
flickrlovrs last blog post..http://idblogthaton.blogspot.com/2008/08/post-i-cant-think-up-title-for.html" rel="nofollow">The Post I Can't Think Up A Title For...
Now if only you had thought to freeze him in time 6 months ago.
Veronicas last blog post..http://somedaywewillsleep.com/?p=903" rel="nofollow">You’ll Find Me in the Corner, Rocking
No worries. When the zombies come, he'll disembowl them with the space heater. They'll move along.
I'd worry about the babes most. That's babes, as in many. Maybe even at once. You never know what he'll get up to down there in a few years time.
Vic @ Glowstarss last blog post..http://glowstars.net/wpb/?p=342" rel="nofollow">Letter to My 18 Year Old Self
I want my boys to have their own rooms, too. But we have 3 kids, 2 parents, and a 3 bedroom house. So no such luck. But maybe someday...
I, on the other hand, grew up in a 4 bedroom house, with 2 siblings. And I still had to share a room with my younger, whiny, sniveling, tattle-taling, clothes-stealing sister. Bah.
AmyMs last blog post..http://amysmagnumopus.wordpress.com/2008/08/19/surprise/" rel="nofollow">Surprise!
You know, if he's this excited about being chained to a radiator in the basement, having him climb stairs to take a leak is the least of your parenting worries... just sayin'.
I shared a room with my sister until I was 8 (she was 7). Then (and I am so not kidding), my 19 year old older sister lost her room and I got my own room while she moved in with my (bed wetting) younger sister. (Did I mention the room had an old double bed in it?)
For now, we have three bedrooms and 1.8 kids (2 kids will commence October 1), so we're still good on the space front.
SciFi Dads last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/370816657/power-of-sad-eyes.html" rel="nofollow">The Power Of Sad Eyes
Both of our children share a room right next door to ours. It's almost time for us to spread out; in fact, it's a bit overdue. But it's hard, it's a big step forward that we can't go back from. They're both so close now, we can practically here them breathing.
This seems to be the week for lamenting our growing children. Nothing can prepare a parent for this. NOTHING.
On another note, he would probably want to die quickly and easily as the Zombie's were eating brains. I know I would want to be the first to go.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie @ KEEP BELIEVINGs last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KeepBelieving/~3/370545203/almost-got-what-i-asked-for.html" rel="nofollow">almost got what I asked for
Wow, a babe room. I would have loved that as a younger man. Although I would not have ever needed it.....wait, nevermind. That would have just added to my torture. :( I need a drink.
Hockeymans last blog post..http://hockeyman.wordpress.com/2008/08/17/here-we-go-again/" rel="nofollow">Here we go again…
My son is nearly three and I'm not ready for him to leave his crib yet. I'm thinking he can stay in there til college.
you're gonna have to start picking up those socks a lot more carefully...
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/2008/08/black-humerus.html" rel="nofollow">The black humerus
First of all, your town house layout sounds very confusing me. I think I would get lost living there. Second of all, THEY ALREADY NEED "PRIVATE TIME" AT 10??? Man, I thought I'd at least have until the teen years until that happened.
Think of it like when Greg Brady finally got his room in the attic and how cool that was. Maybe that will help?
Jills last blog post..http://charmingdelightful.blogspot.com/2008/08/finding-joy-in-likeliest-of-places.html" rel="nofollow">Finding joy in the likeliest of places
Eww to what Xbox wrote.
This is just like when Greg moved into the attic bedroom and put up the groovy beads.
CarolynOnlines last blog post..http://carolynonline.blogspot.com/2008/08/yeah-she-did.html" rel="nofollow">Yeah she did.
Ah, this is really kind of sweet. Kids grow and need their own space, but that wouldn't stop ME from freaking out either! He'll be able to sneak out at the age of 13 and you will never know!!!!!! I sure hope you have an alarm system. That's how we catch my step son from trying to sneak out!
Robinas last blog post..http://justanotherday-bina.blogspot.com/2008/08/at-least-im-not-dead.html" rel="nofollow">At least I'm not dead!
I am jealous; I really and truly am jealous. and I hate myself for BEING jealous. We have a two-bedroom house, I have four kids, one of whom is a teenaged GIRL. She does not want to share a room with anyone, of course, and I hate that she has to. She shares with the baby. Who is two. And loves her girly lotiony sparkly shit. And has learned how to open things. Then my 14 year old who needs, ahem, private time has to share with his 9 year old. Who is, frankly, a shit. So 14 spends lot of time in the bathroom. We go through a shitload of conditioner, I will add. And forget XboX's soxks, handtowels are worse. ANYWAY. I sleep on the couch. In the living room. My clothes are in plasic bins in the living room. I hate you. Not really, not really, not really, and I hear you about the kids growing up (babe room? YIKES), and I think it is one of the hardest things as a parent, to let them grow up. I hate it.
Oh no! As a co-sleeper myself, it's hard for me to imagine it. My 4-month old's crib has never been slept in! And my 4-year old just now started sleeping in his own bed. So I feel your pain. Ouch.
HeatherPrides last blog post..http://viewfromtheshortbus.blogspot.com/2008/08/this-is-why-i-hope-i-never-end-up-in.html" rel="nofollow">This is Why I Hope I Never End Up in a Nursing Home - Or, The Day My Baby Pooped On a Complete Stranger
I don't know how I happened upon your blog but I have been reading for a few months now and you are hilarious.
1. Point of observation: I have a 10 year old girl and a new baby boy. Your post about your boys (ahem) and the comments (gasp) were a real eye opener for me. Thanks for the lesson.
2. We live in a similar townhouse and plan to have more children. Someone will have to share a room. As an only child, I thought that this would be horrible for them and have been trying to figure out a better plan (not many options since moving isn't a choice). It had never occured to me that they might want to room together while they are little. Thanks for the insight.
napmoms last blog post..http://napmom.blogspot.com/2008/08/re-new-features.html" rel="nofollow">Re: New Features
Ugh. I kind of can't wait until she is sleeping in her own room, but also know I'm going to miss her shuffling in the morning, her popping up and announcing "Dada!"
Backpacking Dads last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BackpackingDad/~3/370624629/curious.html" rel="nofollow">Curious
I think it's great and it's part of the process. Our kids grow up, learn to fend for themselves and move on. I need coffee. Where is my brain this morning? It's mush. Last few days of laziness before school starts.
One Moms Opinions last blog post..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/08/democratic-national-convention.html" rel="nofollow">Democratic National Convention
Oh! Heart is wringing for you...
I love the Greg Brady reference comment- are you going to hang beads from his door?
tenakims last blog post..http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/08/safety-first.html" rel="nofollow">Safety first
I'm feeling your pain in a big way. My son is SIX year old TODAY. He starts 1st grade in about a week. Which means he'll be gone ALL DAY. Away from me. I think this is more painful than him starting kindergarten. Seriously. I'm not sure I can do it. The "letting them grow up" thing.
Kates last blog post..http://katescrazylife.blogspot.com/2008/08/force-of-nature.html" rel="nofollow">Force of Nature
Having to make the top bunk was the reason we took the boys apart. Why isn't there an easier way? Like I wanna climb a ladder to make a bed.
You make a valid point about the zombies.
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/2008/08/you-should-at-least-have-facial-hair-if.html" rel="nofollow">You Should at Least Have Facial Hair if You're Going to Take that Tone With Me
My issue w/ my 10-yr-old is how she fluctuates from acting more grown-up to acting more child-like. The challenge is knowing how to respond to her.
And yeah, like Kori, hate your big old townhouse, too :)
Aprils last blog post..http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2008/08/children-and-industry.html" rel="nofollow">Children and the Industry
My oldest just turned 3 and my youngest is 4 months. I am cherishing the baby moments more this time than I did the first as I know he won't be little forever. The middle of the night feedings didn't bother me so much this time. I don't know how I will be when my babies start school, and then have their own rooms and need "personal" time. Time sure goes by fast...
The Mrs.s last blog post..http://fromringstothings.blogspot.com/2008/08/50-years.html" rel="nofollow">50 Years
Baby steps, baby steps.....look at the positive....you will have to go a lot farther to see the mess in his room....he will have more privacy to *cough* do his thing, so just make sure he picks up his dirty laundry...GROSS!!! At least he is not moving out yet....maybe he will like the basement sooooo much you will never get him to leave! :)
abunslifes last blog post..http://bunslife.blogspot.com/2008/08/goodbye-to-my-bestfriend.html" rel="nofollow">Goodbye to my bestfriend.....
aw, I think it's sweet that they've been sharing a room all this time. And it'll be OK ... just think of it as Preparing For When They Go To College.
(you can stop hyperventilating now)
moos last blog post..http://moosmoo.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/on-moving-to-a-big-boy-bed-potty-training-and-more/" rel="nofollow">on moving to a big boy bed, potty training and more
Today my 21 month old did a puzzle and finished counting to three for one of his school teachers. She was trying to get him to get out of a car he was attempting to "share" with another child and by share I mean he was pushing the other kid out of the car while trying to get into it. Anyway, she said "I am going to count to three...one..." and he piped up "two three!" My not even two year old can count? Or at least repeat numbers in order? And do puzzles? I don't even want to think about him being 10 and having his own bachelor pad in the basement. AGH. Stop scaring me.
MidLifeMammas last blog post..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/08/shunting-cars-and-hauling-freight.html" rel="nofollow">Shunting cars and hauling freight...
My oldest started high school yesterday, I almost broke in 1/2, wanting her to be 2 yrs old again. But if you want a pick me up and a total wet your pants laugh go to Hot Wheels post at worldofweasels dot blogspot dot com
Weaselmommas last blog post..http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-love-good-scam-scheme-especially-if.html" rel="nofollow">Hot Wheels
Wow, our are so fast I am begining to think you are a cyborg or everybody's favorite date. Sorry you didn't get a laugh, I so thought you would.
Weaselmommas last blog post..http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-love-good-scam-scheme-especially-if.html" rel="nofollow">Hot Wheels
Your post brought a smile to my face today. Thank you!
Missies last blog post..http://deathbychocolatemartini.blogspot.com/2008/08/grounded.html" rel="nofollow">Grounded
Para 1. “You will never meet anyone in your whole more against…” Is that whole or hole?
I slept with my parents until I was 36 years old. That’s until they both died tragically in a submarine accident, in Cuba. Actually I didn’t have parents, I was an orphan.
Bullshit on both accounts, but I did have BABES over when my parents weren’t home…and my parents never knew it. I had babes over so we could play electrician. I laid the cable. ;)
Audubon Rons last blog post..http://ducksmahal.blogspot.com/2008/08/our-town.html" rel="nofollow">Our Town
As long as he'll climb three flights of stairs for his mom when he has a nightmare or is sick (hopefully not puking all the way up), he'll still be close to your heart. Maybe if you're REALLY lucky, he won't be ashamed of giving Mom a hug or a kiss in front of his friends, saying, "Big deal. That's what you're supposed to do with your Mom". Just be sure and hold on to that little kid, even as the little kid becomes a teenager, and keep him as close as possible (allowing for normal teenage freedom and *cough* privacy). And hope and pray he keeps the same love for Mom as he gets older, and doesn't turn into one of those raging teen assholes (like a couple of mine did).
diamond daves last blog post..http://davestuff.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/i-like-darwin/" rel="nofollow">I like Darwin
My parents' room was right across from mine in a crappy little tract house, so I couldn't really sneak boys in. instead, i'd stay the night with my grandparents, who both slept with their one good ear buried deep in the pillow. right around midnight, my boyfriend would come by and i'd crawl out the window, stay out till 4 a.m.
i feel for you with your boys growing up. just remember, never trust their grandparents to keep an eye on them.
No Clockss last blog post..http://noclocks.wordpress.com/2008/08/18/part-2-what-really-makes-us-late/" rel="nofollow">Part 2 - What Really Makes Us Late?
i'd be freaking out too.
you're in good company.
:)
alis last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/alimartell/mzqi/~3/370904651/" rel="nofollow">professional
I still remember him toddling around my backyard, sniff sniff.
Aimee Greeblemonkeys last blog post..http://www.greeblemonkey.com/2008/08/lastfm-has-outted-me-as-kelly-clarkson.html" rel="nofollow">Last.fm has outted me as a Kelly Clarkson lover.
The basement doesn't have its own entrance does it? 'Cause, err, that would not be a good thing.
I'm sure he'll be fine. And you will be fine too! You have sealed your fate as a FABULOUS MOM by giving him this new basement room! He'll be telling all of his friends how great you are! How awesome will that be???
Melisas last blog post..http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com/2008/08/cinderella-sarah-and-her-tiara.html" rel="nofollow">Cinderella Sarah and Her Tiara
Ahhh, man...he'll love it. Are you kidding? I remember when my best friend got his own room and it was the BASEMENT. It.....was....AWESOME. It was like the little dude lair down there, man! We spent a weekend putting up velvet black light Maiden posters and talking about Olivia Newton John.
You know he'll be fine...just don't forget to check underneath the top tennis ball in every can for contraband!
Matts last blog post..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/08/14/they-hottest-baby-clothes-on-the-cheap/" rel="nofollow">The Hottest Baby Clothes on the Cheap!
doesn't get better, either. they grow up IN SPITE of us.
ingrates!
the planet of janets last blog post..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/08/one-piranha-two-piranha-three-piranha.html" rel="nofollow">One piranha, two piranha, three piranha, four ...
I'm sure he will adapt and you will adapt. Might take some time though. Hooray for me king of the obvious and pointless.
Soge shirtss last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SogeshirtsBlog/~3/369393975/party-economics.html" rel="nofollow">Party Economics
What's wrong with co-sleeping? Hmmm???
*furrows brows in an attempt to look menacing even though you know you turn me into a big ol' softie pants*
Marias last blog post..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ImmoralMatriarch/~3/369625366/" rel="nofollow">Lyin’ Ass Mommies.
Wow, Lucky. Sometimes I wish I had my own room, too. Heh.
Ashleys last blog post..http://www.bosssanders.com/2008/08/20/the-curriculum/" rel="nofollow">The “Curriculum”
I feel your pain. I have a daughter starting 1st grade. a son starting pre-K and a 3 month old at home. This year will be particularly rough for me as it will be the first year my older 2 kids go off to school and I will be home. I am taking the year off to raise my new baby. I'm so excited for the opportunity, but very sad that I wasn't able to do it for the other two and now they will be in school all day. I'm gonna miss them so much!
Well, you've just given me the best pep talk imaginable. See, my son is two and still sleeps with us every night (we were once reluctant, now resigned co-sleepers who bitch about it sometimes, but secretly love every second of it). Occasionally, I run into someone with more asshole than opinion who finds out and says something like, "OHMYGOD! If you don't get him out soon, he'll be there until he's 16!" Which is clearly not true, since your 10-year-old is ecstatic to be on his own, and you're now sad. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, because my husband interrupted me by calling downstairs to let me know our little dictator (emphasis on "dick" sometimes) just requested water and I was told to "deliver it sooner rather than later". Whatever.
Missives From Suburbias last blog post..http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2008/08/debating-artistic-media.html" rel="nofollow">Debating Artistic Media
the basement? how could you. i can't even sleep in the basement and i'm bleep bleep years old! yesterday, i actually left the lights on in the living room bc hubby was out late night and i heard noises. yes, i did. it was probably a squirrel banging on my door, but i heard it.
geez, the basement. growing up is so hard.
We co-slept with princesses#1 until this summer. She had attachment issues from being in an orphanage until 7 months of age and truth be told I loved sleeping in the room with her. Fast forward to this summer when #2 finally climbed out of her "cribby". That girl loooooooved her cribby! She took my place in Mae's room. While I am glad that I no longer have to make "visits" to my husband and then sneak back into her room, I am sad and scared. What if one of them quits breathing or has a nightmare and tries to come down the stairs to us and then falls down said stairs and dies from subsequent brain injury? Okay, I know too much medical shit and those scenarios are not likely but I still worry and sleep upstairs in the guest room half the time!
Julies last blog post..http://primroseprincessess.blogspot.com/2008/08/you-go-girl.html" rel="nofollow">You go Girl!!
Three of my 4 kids share a room. They don't have to but want to until recently my 10 year old has been asking to have her own room which means moving her to the guest room in the basement. I'm not ready either to have her so far. Fortunately my other kids are protesting their sister moving out of their room. I'm going to milk it for as long as I can.
With those eyes.. like his mama.. I am thinking you are in trouble anyway..
I am crying and my boy is only starting Pre-K.. I can't imagine myself at this stage.. hugs to you..
Kims last blog post..http://www.joggingincircles.com/journal/2008/8/27/wordless-wednesday-love.html" rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday - Love
Oh god, bee careful in three years, i know EXACTLY what goes on in the basements of teen aged boys!
hubss last blog post..http://www.artifacting.com/blog/2008/08/13/fresh/" rel="nofollow">Fresh