;)
Tuesday
Sep232008
Feet Don't Actually Taste Very Good At All
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 2:05AM
Every married couple has some thing they like to do together, and my man and I? We like to walk.
Oh, now, I have to admit that when we first got together, we did a lot of walking, and then the kids came and we made new friends and we went through that whole "hating each other" phase, and then we didn't walk so much. In fact, we'd go months without. But as we've grown older, and the kids have, too, we've fallen into a nice rhythm. We set the time aside for each other, and we are finally really able to enjoy our walks together.
I used to be a really slow walker. I am, truth be told, really slow at most things in life. I don't even wear a watch; I'm just never in that much of a hurry, you know? The Donor is a much more efficient walker than I am, for sure. He walks tall, takes long, powerful strides, makes each step count. Me? I start with a bang and then I'm all FLOWERS! and SUNSHINE! and BIRDIES! and then I realize I've wasted all this time and energy, and so I power on out to the end.
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they walk, I've noticed.
Anyway, after a few years, we kind of figured out how we could accommodate each other's pace and sort of keep up with each other just enough to finish our walks at the same time. We could just as easily take a walk by ourselves, I suppose, but it's just more fun with each other. We got married so we could do stuff like this together, right? Right. A decade in, we'd finally gotten ourselves settled into a nice place where we were keeping pace with each other, and then I had to go fuck it all up.
Lately, I seem to have gravitated towards speed-walking. I don't mean to; I always start out fully intent on soaking in the scenery and enjoying a nice, relaxing stroll, but I'll be damned if walking that first half with him, pushing to keep up with him, doesn't get my heart racing and kick me right into overdrive, and then I'm all pile-driving my way through the second half, leaving my poor man behind to eat my dust.
On the rare occasion when he gets really going and makes it around the track before I do, I'm usually pretty happy to just throw in the towel and call it a day. Call me lazy, but the Starbucks stop after is just as much fun for me as the walk itself. But when I am the first one to the finish, well, he's a little more dedicated to the cause than me. He's an athlete. He's going the distance. The problem is, this is where I'm totally screwing myself over. If I'd just stayed with him, we could be chatting about the weather or the election or something, but since I didn't even have the consideration to hang back with him, now I'm stuck having to wait and he has to decide whether or not to hurry it up already so I don't get bored or whether to take his time and enjoy his damn walk that he was trying to take with pequeño Senorita Speedy Gonzales in the first place.
I was thinking about the sudden change in my performance, and I got to thinking about the reasons why. I'm not a competitive person, really, so I thought there had to be some other reason for the difference. And then I remembered that not too long ago, I switched from the regular anti-depressants that I take to the extended release kind. Which means that at certain points throughout my day, I get this little zing of activityableness (is to a word). I take advantage of the zing to get the floors swept or the laundry folded. There's no reason that isn't playing right into our walks. It seemed perfectly reasonable to me that it wasn't so much that he was motivating me to walk faster or inspiring me to really push myself, but that pharmaceuticals were to blame. (Or be credited, depending on how literally you're taking this post.)
Which, by the way, is a terrible thing to say to your husband while you're out on your first date in just about a year. Yeah, honey, it's not you, it's the drugs.
Oh, now, I have to admit that when we first got together, we did a lot of walking, and then the kids came and we made new friends and we went through that whole "hating each other" phase, and then we didn't walk so much. In fact, we'd go months without. But as we've grown older, and the kids have, too, we've fallen into a nice rhythm. We set the time aside for each other, and we are finally really able to enjoy our walks together.
I used to be a really slow walker. I am, truth be told, really slow at most things in life. I don't even wear a watch; I'm just never in that much of a hurry, you know? The Donor is a much more efficient walker than I am, for sure. He walks tall, takes long, powerful strides, makes each step count. Me? I start with a bang and then I'm all FLOWERS! and SUNSHINE! and BIRDIES! and then I realize I've wasted all this time and energy, and so I power on out to the end.
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they walk, I've noticed.
Anyway, after a few years, we kind of figured out how we could accommodate each other's pace and sort of keep up with each other just enough to finish our walks at the same time. We could just as easily take a walk by ourselves, I suppose, but it's just more fun with each other. We got married so we could do stuff like this together, right? Right. A decade in, we'd finally gotten ourselves settled into a nice place where we were keeping pace with each other, and then I had to go fuck it all up.
Lately, I seem to have gravitated towards speed-walking. I don't mean to; I always start out fully intent on soaking in the scenery and enjoying a nice, relaxing stroll, but I'll be damned if walking that first half with him, pushing to keep up with him, doesn't get my heart racing and kick me right into overdrive, and then I'm all pile-driving my way through the second half, leaving my poor man behind to eat my dust.
On the rare occasion when he gets really going and makes it around the track before I do, I'm usually pretty happy to just throw in the towel and call it a day. Call me lazy, but the Starbucks stop after is just as much fun for me as the walk itself. But when I am the first one to the finish, well, he's a little more dedicated to the cause than me. He's an athlete. He's going the distance. The problem is, this is where I'm totally screwing myself over. If I'd just stayed with him, we could be chatting about the weather or the election or something, but since I didn't even have the consideration to hang back with him, now I'm stuck having to wait and he has to decide whether or not to hurry it up already so I don't get bored or whether to take his time and enjoy his damn walk that he was trying to take with pequeño Senorita Speedy Gonzales in the first place.
I was thinking about the sudden change in my performance, and I got to thinking about the reasons why. I'm not a competitive person, really, so I thought there had to be some other reason for the difference. And then I remembered that not too long ago, I switched from the regular anti-depressants that I take to the extended release kind. Which means that at certain points throughout my day, I get this little zing of activityableness (is to a word). I take advantage of the zing to get the floors swept or the laundry folded. There's no reason that isn't playing right into our walks. It seemed perfectly reasonable to me that it wasn't so much that he was motivating me to walk faster or inspiring me to really push myself, but that pharmaceuticals were to blame. (Or be credited, depending on how literally you're taking this post.)
Which, by the way, is a terrible thing to say to your husband while you're out on your first date in just about a year. Yeah, honey, it's not you, it's the drugs.
Reader Comments (32)
Wait... you fold laundry and sweep floors?
My entire understanding of the universe just got completely fucked up. I thought that's why your MIL came to visit, to take care of those things because you didn't.
Once upon a time, SciFi Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/397359525/im-like-matrix.html" rel="nofollow">I'm Like The Matrix...
I LOVE to blame the drugs. It's just so convenient.
All I saw was "bow chicka bow wow" in this post. Am I right? Do I win a prizeola (is TO a word.)
Tu me manques beaucoup.
Once upon a time, Secret Agent Mama wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SecretAgentMama/~3/398633114/" rel="nofollow">Weekly Winners XXXXV
Yay for a drug that serves two purposes!!
Once upon a time, tracey wrote..http://tracey-justanothermommyblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/only-i-could-become-paralyzed-from.html" rel="nofollow">ONLY I could become paralyzed from taking a nap!
Zing! Think of all the other stuff you can do quickly now.
Once upon a time, Ellie wrote..http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2008/09/nevada.html" rel="nofollow">Nevada?
Me and the Mrs love walking together too. Over the years, we gotten much better at it. IMHO.
My wife is sometimes the sprinter too. There used to be a time when she was on a short course and I was on the long trail around the lake. I've learned to spot these deviations and encourage to work for a second finish line. Now, she sometimes just loses count and crosses them over and over.
One thing we've chosen that really seems to help is to change the course regularly. Sometimes we both just want to sprint. Other times, we want to do win sprints over and over. Heck, there are days we really just want a routine walk around the block.
I think the most important concept is to just not be selfish and sometimes, I like the course to taste like cinnamon. Just sayin'
Once upon a time, OhCaptain wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLifeAndThoughtsOfAMidwestGeek/~3/398323608/one-boy-scout.html" rel="nofollow">One Boy Scout
Next time that burst of energy hits you, power on over Chicago way and fold my laundry!
Once upon a time, Jill wrote..http://charmingdelightful.blogspot.com/2008/09/this-is-all-kinds-of-awesome.html" rel="nofollow">This is all kinds of awesome
Well, next time you get that burst of energy, you know what else you could do, together, right??? LOL
Once upon a time, Robina wrote..http://justanotherday-bina.blogspot.com/2008/09/court-results.html" rel="nofollow">Court Results
What is it with the whole "kids-are-young-hating-each-other" thing?! I'm gonna show this to my husband to give him hope that someday (!) we, too, shall walk together again. And I'll even like it.
Once upon a time, Goldfish wrote..http://onthreekids.blogspot.com/2008/09/these-are-not-reasons-or-did-you-really.html" rel="nofollow">These are not the reasons; or, did you really just say that?
So who says you only have to walk around the track one time..hmmm? If you are gonna lap him, make it worth it.
Once upon a time, MidLifeMama wrote..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/09/comment-on-comments.html" rel="nofollow">A comment on comments
I have nothing witty to add about long v. short tracks or multiple finish lines because I am totally cracking up over here. Which some say would be as beneficial to your health as a good walk.
Once upon a time, DCD wrote..http://dcdsbrain.blogspot.com/2008/09/im-sorry-he-did-what-now.html" rel="nofollow">I'm sorry, he did WHAT now??
Sigh, I haven't taken a walk with anyone other than my kids in YEARS. One more reason to hate you. Ha. Not really.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/09/in-which-i-say-thank-you.html" rel="nofollow">In Which I Say Thank You
we used to walk alot...before the little guy. Now, we are starting to get into the whole caravan of stroller, chihuahua on leash...etc...makes the walks slower and the flower smelling more intense but sort of kills the conversation.
Most likely you will here--don't poop there! (to the dog) Wait until you see a for sale sign!
:) I'm courteous like that.
Drugs might help...
i lost it at multiple finish lines.
just sayin'
Once upon a time, the planet of janet wrote..http://www.fromtheplanetofjanet.com/2008/09/karate-kid.html" rel="nofollow">The karate kid
Are you really talking about "walking"? Because in my marriage we call it "a date" as in, "Honey, the kids are asleep. Wanna lock the door and have a date?" But I dunno. Maybe you really are talking about walking?
And it's called "polychronic." I am too. Polychronic, that is. As boring as that sounds, I just co-taught a class where I talked about my polychronicism. That means I don't wear a watch either. And I don't have a clock in my house, except on the microwave. I don't even use an alarm clock. A short hand is that you are "in time" while most westerners are "on time." Yeah, I really am that boring that I could spend so much time thinking about it.
Once upon a time, rebecca wrote..http://rebelwithablog.blogspot.com/2008/09/identity-crisis.html" rel="nofollow">Identity Crisis
I'm just going to say it. I hate walking. I don't understand it. Never have. I love my wife's company, but every time she asks to go for a walk I'm just sort of like "Really? Um...yeah. That would be great" *eyes rolling*. Then she's all "FINE". Then I'm all "FINE, lets GO!" Then we both walk really fast and angry around the neighborhood, glaring and throwing elbows at each other. Neighbors pass and say a pleasant "Good evening" with a smile, to which I shout "Shut Up!" as my wife shoves them into the bushes. Its just not good.
I've had too much coffee. "zing".
Once upon a time, Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/09/19/psst-god-you-still-there/" rel="nofollow">Psst. God. You still there?
For the record, Speedy Gonzalez and his lazy Mexican stereotyped buddies hung around in the hot sun all day talking about how tired they were. Mr. Gonzalez only got going when Sylvester the cat came calling to eat them. For some reason, I'm going to stop that metaphor right now.
Once upon a time, Punditdad wrote..http://punditdad.wordpress.com/2008/09/23/fck-you-cursing-and-parenthood/" rel="nofollow">F*ck you: Cursing and Parenthood
Walking with a long-term work-out partner is teh best, because you really know each other's stride! It can be awkward to walk with strangers because you don't know their favorite route and all that. But you can see new streets you never even knew about, so there's that!
But I wanted to say is: there are plenty of ways to dope for performance, so if you find something that works, take 2.
Once upon a time, deb on the rocks wrote..http://www.debontherocks.com/2008/09/no-parachute-test.html" rel="nofollow">The No Parachute Test
**SIGH** We too used to walk daily, or at least weekly...after children, not so much.
We get out once and a while, but exhaustion and lack of practice makes it an exercise in frustration sometimes, painful others.
Please for the love of bob tell me the name of your zinger anti-depressant. I'll buy a truckload if it gives me even five minutes of feeling less than the spry hundred-and-eighty-two I feel these days.
Once upon a time, ShredderFeeder wrote..http://www.shredderfood.com/?p=206" rel="nofollow">On being presidential:
Wow, you really don't walk much, huh? :) Usually that burst of energy is the endorphins that come from exercise. You know, when you get all of your limbs moving, your heart beating faster, and break out in the lightest of sweats. No, not THAT kind of exercise. I'm talking vertical. Your body likes it, and it tells your brain to like it too, so you'll do more of it.
Of course, you can always blame the drugs. Or the Starbucks. Both seem reasonable.
Once upon a time, MommyTime wrote..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/09/do-you-blog-nosh.html" rel="nofollow">Do You Blog Nosh?
walking is romantic. i think couples who walk together, stay together.
but i don't like to do the power walking, i find it well, a lot like exercise, and God forbid if romance and exercise go hand in hand...or maybe they should.
you're lucky he does that with you. i could never get mine to do that.
man. where can i get me some of that? is need to walk, sweep floors and fold laundry. hell, i need help getting out of bed some days.
I miss walking. It's been a long time since I've taken a good long walk, alone or with my wife.
I miss the kind of walks where there is no real destination, you're just out there to see where it takes you. I even miss the kind of walks that are just a quick once around the track...fairly routine but it gets it out of your system.
Walks can be fun or serious, exercise or play, quick jogs or long, slow, meandering journeys.
All walks are good, even bad ones.
Once upon a time, ShredderFeeder wrote..http://www.shredderfood.com/?p=208" rel="nofollow">You can dress a monkey up in silk….
bwahahahahahahahahaha. Damn girl, you've been watching Mr. Hot and I walk haven't you???
Once upon a time, Ree wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/hotfessional/KKFw/~3/401116876/" rel="nofollow">Q: Where is Hotfessional?
Kori up there is totally crackin' me up... Walkin with her KIDS... Aghhhh
some of these comments were disturbing.
Walking. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Once upon a time, Tootsie Farklepants wrote..http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/2008/09/hopefully-curiosity-does-not-kill_24.html" rel="nofollow">Hopefully Curiosity Does Not Kill a Blogger
I SO need to go on a walk. More than one. Yeah.
Once upon a time, Jaina wrote..http://girl-with-the-camera.blogspot.com/2008/09/great-wisdom.html" rel="nofollow">Kick Your Butt Wisdom
Oh god, I don't really walk with my kids. holy jesus. Dove chocolate right.out.the.nose.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/09/untitled.html" rel="nofollow">Untitled-With an Unrelated Update
Yeah...I posted it, and then went to read other posts, and THEN the innuendo side of my brain caught up with me. I don't walk, never gone on a walk...I'm going away now and maybe I'll turn slightly less red...
Once upon a time, Jaina wrote..http://girl-with-the-camera.blogspot.com/2008/09/great-wisdom.html" rel="nofollow">Kick Your Butt Wisdom
I'm only commenting to say that I didn't read this because the title of the post made me vomit. FEEEEEEEEEEEET NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Once upon a time, heather... wrote..http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/2008/09/what-did-i-miss/" rel="nofollow">What Did I Miss?
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