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Sep252008
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Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 1:21AM | Mr Lady
I'm not going to talk about the bailout, I'm not going to talk about the bailout, I'm not going to talk about the bailout.....
Today was parent teacher conferences at my kids' school. 2of3 has a new(ish) teacher this year. His old grade 2-3 teacher went on maternity leave (we get one entire YEAR up here) and he should have just been placed in her replacement teacher's room, but her replacement teacher just so happens to be my next door neighbor. He's seen her in her jammies. She will not be his teacher this year; no way, no how.
He was placed in his grade 2 math teacher's class, so she knows him, but only in the context of the one subject he loves. He is a great math student. He pays attention, he knuckles down, he excels. We were practicing algebra tonight, for fun, if that gives you a better picture of his beautiful little mind.
My kid doesn't pay attention to anything else at all ever. Well, except for puzzles. He's kind of a genius when it comes to puzzles. Like, enough that his preschool teacher pulled me aside one day and said, "Duuuuuude." To which I said, "Tooooootally."
Today, I sit down in my little 5" chair and say, "So, I don't have any concerns for you; whatcha got for me?" She says how he is a great little guy, how he's really creative and clearly very smart, and then she winces a little and says, "But, um, errr, he's not really so great at focusing?"
Yes, dude, I so know.
We talk for a while, and she asks about his history scholastically and at home, and I tell her about the tricks I attempt to use at home to help keep him on task. She tells me about her classroom strategies. She tells me how there are several kids in her class with this issue, and how it's pretty common at his age, but that even though he is sweet as sugar, and never naughty per se, wow o'lordy is he ever disruptive.
I just nod and smile.
I ask her if he's folding paper at his desk. I ask her if he is getting sidetracked by any little noise in the room. I ask her if he goes no more than 2 minutes at a stretch without talking to someone. Her eyes get kind of wide, and kind of relieved.
Yes, sister, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, these are his standard flibberdygibbits. Welcome to every minute of my day.
I tell her that I am totally willing to implement any strategies at home that she may think will be helpful in order to reinforce classroom habits. I assure her I am on her side, and that I will work with her. I mention to her that I could actually use some help with him, because I was at the point just a few months ago where I was looking into getting him tested for either Einstein levels of genius or ADD.
She sort of choked a little. She said, no, she stuttered, "That was exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn't think it was my place."
My child is funny. My child is very smart. My child will charm the pants off you and your daughter someday. My child has a huge heart, and he knows right from wrong, and he is good. And no one will help me with him. He has a need for something that is greater than I can provide for him. Is that something medication? Only if you killed me, cremated my body, spread my ashes on the ground, stomped on them, put them in a prune tart, ate them, and pooped them out the next day. I have nothing against giving meds to children who truly need them, but I feel pretty confident I know what that looks like. He isn't that. He needs tools. He needs training. He needs to understand that his brain is just wired awesomely, and that he needs to work with it, not against it.
More importantly maybe, I need tools. He is 8 1/2, pushing puberty, and this is going to affect his self-esteem, his image of himself as a learner and a member of his classroom, which is the closest thing to a community a kid has at that age. It is my job to guide him, to help him learn how to become a fabulous person. I taught him how to grab the stool and push it up to the bathroom counter when he was too short to reach on his own, I taught him that maybe his index finger is just too big to get up his nose, but look at how little that pinky is (Hey, kid's gonna do it, might as well not give himself nosebleeds) and I need to help him work around this, too.
I don't want my son to have ADD. I don't want to know he does, I don't want it in his "permanent record" and I don't want him to have a label slapped on his forehead. But I do want him to have every resource available to him in order to get the very most out of his education. I want him to love school, to love learning, to cherish his years before fucking high school hits and the zits pop out. Right now, he does. Right now, his teachers are so swoony over him, with his tiny little stature and his big blue eyes that he is happy to bat at them, that they will bend over backwards to accommodate him. That's not going to last forever.
So, for now, we are going to wait and see. We are doing this with the understanding that if he seems to need it, we may explore the option of having him tested for a few things. And though I am not excited in one small way about the idea of that, I am more relieved than I can tell you that someone finally saw what I have been seeing, that my little boy is just a little more, and she is willing to help me guide that in the best direction.
Today was parent teacher conferences at my kids' school. 2of3 has a new(ish) teacher this year. His old grade 2-3 teacher went on maternity leave (we get one entire YEAR up here) and he should have just been placed in her replacement teacher's room, but her replacement teacher just so happens to be my next door neighbor. He's seen her in her jammies. She will not be his teacher this year; no way, no how.
He was placed in his grade 2 math teacher's class, so she knows him, but only in the context of the one subject he loves. He is a great math student. He pays attention, he knuckles down, he excels. We were practicing algebra tonight, for fun, if that gives you a better picture of his beautiful little mind.
My kid doesn't pay attention to anything else at all ever. Well, except for puzzles. He's kind of a genius when it comes to puzzles. Like, enough that his preschool teacher pulled me aside one day and said, "Duuuuuude." To which I said, "Tooooootally."
Today, I sit down in my little 5" chair and say, "So, I don't have any concerns for you; whatcha got for me?" She says how he is a great little guy, how he's really creative and clearly very smart, and then she winces a little and says, "But, um, errr, he's not really so great at focusing?"
Yes, dude, I so know.
We talk for a while, and she asks about his history scholastically and at home, and I tell her about the tricks I attempt to use at home to help keep him on task. She tells me about her classroom strategies. She tells me how there are several kids in her class with this issue, and how it's pretty common at his age, but that even though he is sweet as sugar, and never naughty per se, wow o'lordy is he ever disruptive.
I just nod and smile.
I ask her if he's folding paper at his desk. I ask her if he is getting sidetracked by any little noise in the room. I ask her if he goes no more than 2 minutes at a stretch without talking to someone. Her eyes get kind of wide, and kind of relieved.
Yes, sister, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, these are his standard flibberdygibbits. Welcome to every minute of my day.
I tell her that I am totally willing to implement any strategies at home that she may think will be helpful in order to reinforce classroom habits. I assure her I am on her side, and that I will work with her. I mention to her that I could actually use some help with him, because I was at the point just a few months ago where I was looking into getting him tested for either Einstein levels of genius or ADD.
She sort of choked a little. She said, no, she stuttered, "That was exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn't think it was my place."
My child is funny. My child is very smart. My child will charm the pants off you and your daughter someday. My child has a huge heart, and he knows right from wrong, and he is good. And no one will help me with him. He has a need for something that is greater than I can provide for him. Is that something medication? Only if you killed me, cremated my body, spread my ashes on the ground, stomped on them, put them in a prune tart, ate them, and pooped them out the next day. I have nothing against giving meds to children who truly need them, but I feel pretty confident I know what that looks like. He isn't that. He needs tools. He needs training. He needs to understand that his brain is just wired awesomely, and that he needs to work with it, not against it.
More importantly maybe, I need tools. He is 8 1/2, pushing puberty, and this is going to affect his self-esteem, his image of himself as a learner and a member of his classroom, which is the closest thing to a community a kid has at that age. It is my job to guide him, to help him learn how to become a fabulous person. I taught him how to grab the stool and push it up to the bathroom counter when he was too short to reach on his own, I taught him that maybe his index finger is just too big to get up his nose, but look at how little that pinky is (Hey, kid's gonna do it, might as well not give himself nosebleeds) and I need to help him work around this, too.
I don't want my son to have ADD. I don't want to know he does, I don't want it in his "permanent record" and I don't want him to have a label slapped on his forehead. But I do want him to have every resource available to him in order to get the very most out of his education. I want him to love school, to love learning, to cherish his years before fucking high school hits and the zits pop out. Right now, he does. Right now, his teachers are so swoony over him, with his tiny little stature and his big blue eyes that he is happy to bat at them, that they will bend over backwards to accommodate him. That's not going to last forever.
So, for now, we are going to wait and see. We are doing this with the understanding that if he seems to need it, we may explore the option of having him tested for a few things. And though I am not excited in one small way about the idea of that, I am more relieved than I can tell you that someone finally saw what I have been seeing, that my little boy is just a little more, and she is willing to help me guide that in the best direction.
Reader Comments (69)
I would never ever tell you what to do.
But I will tell you that fears, concerns, 'more' like this - like me - Is why I'm going to be doing the alternative learning thing with Isobel. I will not get her tested for anything I don't already know about and live with myself, and I will not medicate her should I believe her to be struck with something (for which she has a very strong genetically-based predisposition towards) unless it's almost literally life or death.
But I will know what I've learned about how I need to learn. What I need to focus on something I consider unspectactular. And how to cope when sometimes, the focus just can't come.
And I will use these guidelines with her, and let her guide me in the direction that does work for her. Cuz the shitty thing about ADD and it's cousins and brothers and sisters is that it's largely over-medicated, under-managed and usually worked against. And how can we learn, if we're fighting ourselves?
Once upon a time, Zoeyjane wrote..http://mommyismoody.com/2008/09/24/on-health-and-wealth/" rel="nofollow">On health and wealth
I think waiting and seeing is the best thing you can do now, for him. And thankfully you have a teacher that is willing to listen and work and help his awesomeness grow in it's own little way.
That, in itself, is a huge gift. Don't give up.
Once upon a time, Carrie wrote..http://www.stopscreamingimdriving.com/2008/09/preschool-haz-no-nachos-bell-grande.html" rel="nofollow">Preschool Haz No Nachos Bell Grande
8 1/2 year olds do algebra?? Man, I was such a slacker at that age!
Kudos for recognizing the strengths in your kid and for wanting to help him learn the best way he can, rather than just jumping on the medication bandwagon. Like you, I think that there are some people who really benefit from medication, but not everyone. And it makes a lot of sense to figure out what tools and strategies your kid can use to get the most out of his education.
Once upon a time, Beth wrote..http://drbethsnow.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/aggie-hockey/" rel="nofollow">Hockey Team #2
When we went to school, kids didn't have ADD. They "had a hard time staying focused" or "were disruptive". Suddenly, everyone is producing offspring with this "condition"?
You know your kid, and you know what will happen if you let them medicate him. Stand by him.
I think he and I may have a bit more in common than either of us realize. When I was seven, my mother watched me do a math worksheet. I didn't use my fingers, or any of the other tactics my teacher had shown; I just put the right answers down, faster than my mom could read the questions. When she asked me how I solved a specific problem, I explained that I "made the numbers dance".
When I was eight I discovered an old Funk & Wagnall's set in the basement. I was fascinated with the "F" volume, specifically the flags of the world. The next day my teacher sent home a sheet I made during free time: I had reproduced some of the flags, several of them obscure, but all were labeled correctly and were accurate (at least by eight year old drawing standards).
Ultimately, I figured out that I approach problems differently than others; for me, it's about how my mind receives and processes the information. I see patterns and relationships, and have learned how to apply them to solve problems in a completely different way than I was taught. I was taken out of class, put into "special" ones, put back into "normal" ones, and ultimately it did nothing academically, but screwed me up socially for years later.
Do what you think is best, and FWIW, I think the no-meds policy is probably the right call, at least for now.
Dude, sorry for the massive comment.
Once upon a time, SciFi Dad wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TalesFromTheDadSide/~3/402679144/preparations.html" rel="nofollow">Preparations
I don't know you, never met you. What I do know is that I related to a lot of what you said in this post (with my Son) and I was very PROUD of you.
You're on the right track, and you have a great frame of mind, but the road is VERY long. Have much patience. 2of3 is a lucky kid to have such an understanding, bright Mother.
Can he charm the pants off any adult and has a wicked, almost adult, sense of humour? And I mean that in the sophisticated sense, not the dirty one...
Email me chick.
Once upon a time, Kelley wrote..http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MagnetoBoldToo/~3/400544491/" rel="nofollow">Hi, how are you?
I hear you. For his first two years of school, our now-seven-year old caused his teachers many headaches with his "lack of focus." They weren't very nice about it, either. Of course we know he's kind of... an airhead. Suddenly, this year, it's magically better! I don't know if it's him or the teacher or whether this is just a beginning-of-school honeymoon. We'll wait and see. Anyway. Good luck!
Once upon a time, Goldfish wrote..http://onthreekids.blogspot.com/2008/09/you-were-expecting-wheels-on-bus.html" rel="nofollow">You were expecting "Wheels on the Bus," perhaps?
Regardless of whether there's ADD there or not, many people manage ADD with ways other than medication. Maybe one of those would work for his focussing issues. And I so totally agree with what Sci-Fi Dad says. In our day there was no such thing...
Yea for you to have the patience and the wisdom to take the non-medicated route. I applaud your decision. Too often, I see parents around me allow some doctor to slap a label on their kid and offer up the drug du jour. It makes me ill. While drugs may be required for a minority of the population, often times kids just process things different from the masses and need skills to comply to the rules. Even on drugs, they need to learn the skills to comply. This part seems to be greatly overlooked in society today.
Once upon a time, Ashlie- MommyCosm wrote..http://www.mommycosm.com/journal/2008/9/24/show-and-tell-your-workspace.html" rel="nofollow">Show and Tell: Your Workspace
I totally have been stalking....errr reading your blog for a while now but felt the need to comment on this. My son (he's 17 now) was much the same way and was tested for ADD by a psychologist. It was decided that he had ADD with distractability disorder. Luckily, this psychologist didn't want him on medication and basically said that I had relax! He was going to learn things his own way but it was my job to try and keep him on task. In other words, when he fluttered about getting distracted, I had to direct him back to task. Its not easy...it takes much more patience than I have ever possessed...and it will fustrate the living hell out of you. In the long run, I'm so glad we had a doc that never pushed the meds! My daughter on the other hand (she's 13), was also tested and found to have no signs whatsoever. When she was in 1st grade, I got called in to the school for a "meeting". Me, little ole single mom, the school principal, her teacher, and a school psychologist. Yeah, that was good times! They really felt she was ADHD due to the fact that she constantly disrupted the classroom, didn't pay attention, etc. After fighting with them for an hour, we finally figured out she was bored.
Bottom line - don't let anyone tell you what to do with your children. After all, you know them best (even though it might sometimes seem like you don't!). It sounds like you are totally taking the right approach. If his grades are really good and he's zipping through homework with no help - perhaps he needs more of a challenge.
Good luck!
Once upon a time, Kate wrote..http://eastcoastgirlinthemidwest.blogspot.com/2008/09/happy-birthday-crabigail.html" rel="nofollow">Happy Birthday, Crabigail!!
This is weird. I just sat through a class about these issues. There are certain things you can do to help your child focus. If you are interested...I will email some strategies that actually do work without medication.
My niece is blessed with ADD. She is on meds. And she has exceled so much that the teachers cannot believe she is the same kid. Here are some things to remember.
ADD is not a bad label. Honestly, there are kids that are on meds for ADD and you would never have known about it.
Contrary to some beliefs, ADD is actually NOT overly miss diagnosed (according to some really smart people with lots of letters behind their names).
Many adults suffer from ADD but it was too new to diagnose back then.
ADD is not the parents fault however, parents can implement great things to help their children cope.
Most ADD kids on medication feel better about themselves and have more self esteem.
ADD has increased over the last 20yrs but certain professionals believe it is because we do not have the same amount of exercise as our great, great grandma did.
I personal believe that this is every.single.parents decision rather to medicate or not. I do not judge one way or the other. It is a personal choice between husband, wives, teachers and most importantly the kid.
Go to google and search "Chadd." This is a very great place to start. You can get some questions answered. There are many different levels of ADD and hyperactivity is just one of them.
Again, I do have the coolest tools to use that are proven to help any child (ADD, Autistic, and children that have none of the above!) and it is without meds. Pretty much exercise while learning. It sounds weird, but it is effective. Email me.
I have worked with children for a long time and even though I am not a certified teacher/professional....I am more aware then the average joe. Hope I helped.
Once upon a time, krissy wrote..http://firecrackermomma.blogspot.com/2008/09/you-know-you-are-cool-when.html" rel="nofollow">You know you are cool when....
I do testing for kids who have learning and focusing issues. I see kids like this all the time. And lots of times some behaviors lean toward the ADD side of things, but can be managed with strategies, patience, and lots of help.
It's great that the teacher is on board with you and wants help in helping your son. That's a great step! You can always get a private evaluation and choose not to share the results with the school. That way your son doesn't get that "label." But if you do choose to share, you can get an IEP created which means that everyone who works with your son in school will be on the same page when it comes to knowing what he needs to succeed. You DO NOT always need medication to combat the symptoms of ADD or ADHD. That's a misconception.
There could be other things going on too. Perhaps he has a mild letter reversal problem that's been undiagnosed, making reading and writing more difficult for him. Perhaps he isn't challenged enough in class. Perhaps he is a tactile learner, more than a visual or auditory one.
You might want to check out Teaching the Tiger (Dornbush and Pruitt, 1995) from your local library or bookstore. It will have some good strategies for you.
Don't go there too quickly. I certainly did, having been told that L would probably be ADD. But then I spent a few days with my nephew; that boy can't sit down to play a video game. So I hope you get the evaluations, because we have done a lot of looking into it (stopping just short of the evaluation) and it turns out that very clever doesn't always fit into the regular school system that well.
You've always known he's more because he's you. The beauty is that he's you but with you for a mom.
You know that I just wrote a post this week about adult ADD and yes, I am medicating myself and advocate it for others in some cases. Those cases are NEVER children. I will personally (no doubt with Molly's help) murder you with words (or worse) if you let anyone convince you meds are the way to go for him. I have been researching and studying ADD for several years - ever since my dad started having his troubles. I learned so much.
Things like, ADD is not a disease. And not necessarily a "disorder" other than not being the accepted norm in our society. (At the rate things are going it may become that) It's simply a different (some say more superior) way of thinking. Some have likened it to the quicker more effective thought process of the hunter vs the gatherer mentality. Our society are gatherers and heavily interdependent, and a lone hunter/survivor type mentality has trouble fitting in. But it's not wrong. The key is to teach healthy effective adaptation mechanisms early in life so that a kid doesn't develop self-worth issues and start to think they are diseased or broken.
Go to your local bookstore and get you some Thom Hartmann books. Also look up behavioral therapy approaches that will address adaptation rather that medication. http://www.chadd.org may also be very helpful in pointing you toward the kind of assistance you are looking for.
I'll keep my eye out for other resources, k?
Once upon a time, Marge wrote..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/this-idea-requires-your-input/" rel="nofollow">This Idea Requires Your Input
Do what you know and feel to be right- I'm sure you will. Can't offer up any advice- my kids are not "active", just not the sharpest tools in the box - unfortunately not much to help that!
Check out these two Hartmann books:
http://www.amazon.com/Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Different-Perception/dp/1887424148/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222353088&sr=1-8
http://www.amazon.com/Thom-Hartmanns-Complete-Guide-ADHD/dp/1887424520/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222353088&sr=1-4
Once upon a time, Marge wrote..http://wheremytruthlives.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/this-idea-requires-your-input/" rel="nofollow">This Idea Requires Your Input
My son is fixing to be 5 and his daycare teachers have already mentioned ADD to me. It scares the shit out of me. Like your son, mine never shuts up, can't sit still, I REALLY have to work with him on paying attention with schoolwork. He's smart as a whip but he just can't keep his attention on one thing. Please let me know what helps your son. I think I'm gonna need it in the future.
Once upon a time, Tiffany wrote..http://stuck-in-the-sticks.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-final-touch.html" rel="nofollow">My Final Touch
You and your commenters are so very, very wise. I'm trained to do the "testing" to which you referred and I have one child who truly has ADD and one who absolutely does not but people like to tell me he does. A truly gifted child like yours is just what you described: his brain is wired in a different way. Unfortunately, that can be just as difficult to deal with as a child whose brain is wired for learning disabilities. Are there academies/ Montessori schools/schools for the gifted in your area? It sounds like 2of3 has an awesome teacher but there are places whose curriculum is specifically designed for these little geniuses.
You're obviously an attentive, advocating and awesome mom. (How's that for assonance)? Best of luck...
Once upon a time, Susan wrote..http://stopcallingmethat.blogspot.com/2008/09/hes-usually-very-bright.html" rel="nofollow">He's Usually Very Bright
Just so you have another side...I was a gifted child, reading 5th grade level in 1st grade, but couldn't sit still or focus to save my life.
Finally, in HIGH SCHOOL I was diagnosed with ADD and put on medication--not a stimulant, actually a tricyclic anti-depressant. I had a very very good doctor who was well versed in brain chemistry. It was the first time I could think clearly since I could remember.
I went from D's and C's to the honor roll.
Finally, my teachers were saying how I was applying myself, how I was finally living up to my potential.
I wish someone had given me that tool--medication--when I was much younger. I would have been able to have had a better, easier time.
As an adult, I have learned the tools to help me control my ADD without medication, but in a school or classroom environment (such as job training seminars, etc.) I become that kid again, before meds, feeling like I'm just dumb or crazy or bad. I've learned how to avoid that.
But as a kid, you can't.
At some point, some medication MAY be helpful. Don't assume anything, please. It will not "change" your kid--just help him to be himself.
My entire family (minus my uber-type-A mother) is ADD, and I can tell you that most of the "ADD" kids I've met weren't. They were just unfocused, undisciplined, and obnoxious, and the parents wanted the easy way out. Enter: drugs!
My older brother takes the drugs off and on, when needed. My little brother has developed coping mechanisms and doesn't take drugs at all. My dad only takes them for long meetings or training seminars when he knows he'll need to stay focused.
You're on the right track, but understand that an ADD diagnosis isn't all bad. ADD kids are creative and fantastic in many ways that their peers will never be. Don't get hung up on the "why," just make sure that he's getting the best help possible. Learning coping mechanisms now is going to pay off in the long run, regardless of why he needs them now.
Me? I've never touched the drugs... I like my sideways brain the funky way it is.
My younger brother, who is 41 now, was that kid who didn't focus, didn't meet his potential, but scored off the IQ charts, was and is that funny, incredibly smart, charismatic person. He was tested as a college student and it was determined that along with being manic/depressive and suffering from migraines he has ADD. Had he, or my parents, had that information back when he was 8, his educational experience and consequently the development of his self esteem and confidence would have been significantly different. He might not be the person he is today, who questions every decision he makes, wonders if he is worth anything or if he will ever experience the success he can see just beyond his grasp.
I am not saying that you should or should not do anything in particular. I am saying that a diagnosis of ADD is not the evil label that some might believe. It can be a life saver if the end result is you find the tools to help the person in question learn and grow and believe in him or herself. How you as a parent deal with it makes all the difference in the world. Whether you ever get him tested, whether there is a diagnosis of it or not, you are the best advocate for your child, and from what I have seen on this blog, no stone will go unturned, no resource will go unchecked. But don't shy away from the possibility of testing because you are afraid of the labels. My brother would turn back time if he could go back to 3rd grade and know what he knows now about his brain and how it works. He would give a big toe for the meds that help his brain focus now, if it meant he could have grown up confident and trusting in himself. Lack of information can be more devastating than labels.
Once upon a time, MidLifeMama wrote..http://mkosboth.blogspot.com/2008/09/thats-right-i-am-talking-about-you.html" rel="nofollow">That's right, I am talking about YOU
I wouldn't necessarily say ADD. My Brat is extremely bright, and a little spoiled (ahem...don't know how THAT happened), some people had told me that she had ADD, but what she really needed was DISCIPLINE.
I don't know if anybody told you this...an extremely bright child who is in a class that is not up to par with his learning level will become disruptive because it's TOO EASY.
Just something to think about...
(and my favorite color is GREEN. see how easy it is to become distracted?)
I think ADD is too wide a diagnosis for many issues and I am so glad to hear that you AND your child's teacher are working together for your son! Sounds like he is in a great place and has some truely caring and informed people on his side! Best of luck!
Once upon a time, KD @ A Bit Squirrelly wrote..http://abitsquirrelly.blogspot.com/2008/09/reunion-recap-good-gorgeous-and-gay.html" rel="nofollow">Reunion Recap: the Good, the Gorgeous and the Gay
I want to second the boredom issues: if he excels at math because he loves the problem solving, that might suggest that he is less focused with other topics because they do not present a problem or challenge. I'm not a doctor, nor do I know your child -- but I sure as hell know from boredom in a classroom. I remember asking my first grade teacher for some homework because I was sooooo tired of sitting quietly at my desk doing NOTHING while waiting for other kids to finish worksheets. Kicking my little legs. With nothing to do. *sigh* Only I was too much of a "good girl" to be disruptive. But if I'd been like my son is now? High energy and all-boy? I can imagine the disruptions that would have ensued. I have no answers. But I am so grateful that you have such a wonderful an supportive teacher. You'll figure this out together, I'm sure of it.
Once upon a time, MommyTime wrote..http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com/2008/09/there-are-times-when-only-poetry-will.html" rel="nofollow">There Are Times When Only Poetry Will Suffice
"said, “Duuuuuude.” To which I said, “Tooooootally."
Exact same conversation PR Dad and I had when we first laid eyes on The Phi.
Once upon a time, punk rock mommy wrote..http://joeyelissasophia.blogspot.com/2008/09/skateboards-and-tutus.html" rel="nofollow">Skateboards and Tutus
I didn't want my son to have ADD/ADHD either, still don't. Didn't want to give him meds, still don't. But so far that has been his only saving grace. The meds are NOT a cure all, and he still needs help with time management, focusing and memory, but as much as I hate it, meds for him have worked.
I can also tell you, even before we got the definite diagnosis, he was still labeled, and without the diagnosis, he was not eligible for what little help we could get him. Finally, this school year, he has a guidance counselor who is making his life so much easier and getting him the academic assistance he deserves.
I hate to be such a downer, but it could get worse and you could get teachers who aren't as understanding and tolerant as the one he apparently has now. You may need to find out if it is ADD just to make sure your son is not left behind by a teacher who doesn't what to take the time to get to know how brilliant he is.
My husband is extremely intelligent -- he's so good at seeing the bigger picture and the patterns in things, he has an unbelievable spatial awareness, and knows more trivia than most people forget in a lifetime.
We met in university, where I got straight As and he got straight Bs and sometimes Cs. When he was in elementary school, he had a hard time concentrating, and he never learned how to study in high school. I doubt he's got ADHD, but he was a BOY. I've heard there are studies that show many boys learn better with more movement and activity. But that's not how classrooms are set up.
When I was in elementary school, we had a once-a-week program for "Gifted" students that really helped take the edge off the boredom. I remember the IQ tests being lots of fun -- I bet 2of3 would enjoy them! I wonder if there are any programs like that in the Vancouver public school system?
Once upon a time, Fawn wrote..http://fawnahareo.com/2008/09/25/gumbi/" rel="nofollow">Gumbi
I encourage you to read a book called "The Gift of ADD". Maybe it will help you to see ADD as more than a label, more than something wrong. Many gifted kids also have ADD, and it's not a curse. Many successful people have ADD. The founder of Jet Blue airlines, for one. He credits his ADD with giving him the creative, out of the box thinking that allowed him to come up with ideas the airline industry had never done.
Whether or not you choose to medicate is definitely a personal decision, your's and your son's, but I can tell you from experience that my daughter, also a 2of3, has thrived on the medication. It doesn't make her any less of the wonderful, creative, caring person she is, but it helps her control her impulses so she can get her classwork done and fit in better with her classmates. It has done wonders for her self esteem now that she can do the things the "normal" kids do. Think of it this way, if your child were diabetic, would you not want him to have insulin or to have him labeled? No, you would want everyone to know that he needed special care. ADD kids are no different. Slapping a label on my daughter has allowed me to request special accomodations from the school. Basically, they are forced to teach her in the way that she learns, not the cookie cutter way most schools opperate. Right now you might be fine with that, we did ok that way until the 4th grade. In the younger grades the teachers are more flexible, and they do a lot for the kids. When the teachers start expecting the kids to be responsible for writing down their own homework, and being otherwise independent, the ADD child often flounders.
Previous posters are only partially correct about ADD not existing when we were kids. The disorder itself has always been around, but has been called many different things. When we were kids it was called Minimal Brain Disfunction. Talk about a label nobody would want their kids to have! I can see why, when medical science came up with a better term for it, more people were willing to seek help for their children.
I was like you a couple of years ago, at a total loss of what to do to help my daughter. I encourage you to get your son tested, so you know what you are dealing with, and then educate yourself so you can help him in every way possible.
Good luck.
My real estate agent told me that her son is very ADD, but she is anti-medication. She took him to some place that works on re-training the brain. I don't remember all the specifics, but somehow it uses a system that rewards your brain when it thinks how it's 'supposed' to. She swears by it and claims all of his teachers are blown away that it was all done without meds.
Once upon a time, Amaelija wrote..http://amaelija.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/stealing-but-for-important-reasons/" rel="nofollow">Stealing, but for important reasons.
It is all how you and your husband choose to deal with it. He'll follow the way you respond and then react accordingly.
Once upon a time, Jack wrote..http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/2008/09/using-blog-to-make-money.html" rel="nofollow">Using The Blog to Make Money
Bah. I have much to say but in the best interests of everyone who reads this blog, EVER, i will just say that if she doesn't continue to follow through and help you GUIDE (as opposed to turning into a zombie and...oh. wait. not saying anything. NOT.) you guy, I will personally fly to Canada and kick.her.ass.
Once upon a time, Kori wrote..http://korij.blogspot.com/2008/09/do-i-have-to-love-her-close-up.html" rel="nofollow">Do I Have To Love Her Close Up?
I have to say, I agree with some of the other commenters. Whats the harm in having him tested? Worst case, they tell you he may have ADD. You're still in the same spot you're in now, only with a little more information (IF, they get it right, that is...but thats a whole other comment). You don't have to medicate him if you don't want to, right?
I wrote about preschool a while ago and stated how I felt that, no matter how much time we put in, we simply couldn't stimulate my daughter enough at home for her needs. I wonder if its possible that he's just bored, or not challenged enough? Would they ever consider moving him up a grade? The problem with any school is that the curriculum follows the curve...some can't keep up, while others are simply dragged down a bit and bored the whole time. Maybe the latter is him.
Once upon a time, Matt wrote..http://redsparks.com/playpen/2008/09/24/back-in-the-saddle/" rel="nofollow">Back in the Saddle
Two great books on ADHD are _The Myth of the ADD Child_ and _The Edison Gene_. These both approach ADHD as if it is *not* something that needs curing, but rather a personality trait that needs special kinds of facilitating. The Myth of the ADD Child has lots of great suggestions for things to try.
Once upon a time, wrongshoes wrote..http://wrongshoes.com/?p=523" rel="nofollow">Who wants some free stuff?
Um wow-I could have written this. Go get his IQ tested. Not kidding. Hopefully there is a program for gifted/talented students there. And most enrichment kids act as though they are ADD. Many of them are actually, but medication is generally not the answer. I went through it as a kid. So did my husband. I hate watching my child suffer through learning how to learn in a classroom setting since classrooms are absolutely not geared for teaching these kids. He's a brilliant kid, just like your son. We got the ADD question when he was in the 1st grade. Had his IQ tested instead and he was immediately placed in the enrichment program.
We've still not had him tested for ADD. I don't really want to because I know that he can do anything he puts his mind to, but will also take any excuse to get out of something that he doesn't want to do. I feel like a diagnosis would give him a crutch that I don't believe he needs. I certainly don't have the answers, but it is nice to know I'm not the only mom going through it.
Once upon a time, Jennifer wrote..http://injennifershead.com/?p=262" rel="nofollow">Cool Beans and Politics
oh yeah, I don't know if it is available at your school, but you can ask the counselor. We had a whole battery of tests done on the kiddo last year. Turns out, he is off the charts in verbal skills. I'm talking a normal kid would score 65-75, my kid's score was 120. He just doesn't do well with written things. If he can take a test out loud, he will ace it every time. So we did an IEP for him and this year has been so much better for him.
Once upon a time, Jennifer wrote..http://injennifershead.com/?p=262" rel="nofollow">Cool Beans and Politics
I think we're only three years behind you, lady. My son is extremely intelligent (that is not bias talking, no way), but his focus is....oooh look at the sparkly thing! I see it and his preschool teacher has told me as much. He's a good student and man, he can just bat his eyes, much like your son. They adore him.
But here's the thing... I'm not a big believer in ADD as a disorder. Call it a way of thinking and I'm cool with that, but don't call it a disorder. I think I recall reading a while back that people with higher intelligences are more likely to have it because THEY GET BORED with anything that is not challenging to them. This is EXACTLY how I worked as a child (although I was not disruptive) and if somebody, anybody had recognized that and actually CARED, I would have gained a lot more from my education. So I get irritated with all of these darn labels and I know that is not what your post is about, but making a child think there is something wrong with their brain because it may not fit inside the boxed standard, irks me.
If someone tells me my kid has it, they better not EVER suggest to me that we should find a way to make him think differently. I think it is the education system that needs to do some retooling. Not saying that's what's going on here, the topic just touched a nerve, yo. ;)
As an adult with ADD with one son and wife diagnosed with it and a step-daughter who sounds like the female version of your son (they shouldn't play together until their 21, I don't want them both charming the pants off of each other. It would be awkward), I totally understand what you're saying.
Medication, is a last resort as far as kids go. We aren't jumping the gun on the step-daughter because it's really easy to label and medicate. That's the easy way out and doesn't address the real needs.
In fact, what I learned the hard way was medication without, education, and lifestyle changes ended up being worthless. The education and lifestyle habits should've come first, but I did it the opposite way and just got frustrated.
Me, my wife and my son all take meds, but we don't rely on them. They're are positives and negatives, but we can live without them a focus on the lifestyle items to deal with it. I lived in denial for a long time. No one wants to be labeled or have their kid labeled, but after educating myself I discovered there is a ton of resources, techniques and tips out there that one can employ and no one is none the wiser.
My point, I guess, is medication or no medication, if you're tuned into your son's needs and know how best to help him then you can't go wrong. It sounds like you're already there.
You might enjoy read about Michael Phelps and how his mother helped him with ADD (no meds either). It's very inspirational.
ADD is my Kryptonite at times, but it's also the source of my creativity as well as serving as a means of connection to my son. I wouldn't change a thing about it.
Once upon a time, CK Lunchbox wrote..http://clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/2008/09/incredible-house-defies-hurricane-ike.html" rel="nofollow">Incredible House Defies Hurricane Ike
I'm with you on the no drugs thing, it's a travesty to turn our kids into drug-addicted zombies instead of taking the time to properly redirect their energy in positive directions. And it's good that the teacher is willing to work with you on your boy's classroom issues rather than insisting you pump him full of Ritalin. Are the teachers there in Canada better about such things than in the States? Around here too many schools would get a social worker and a court order to drug your kids whether you wanted it or not. And it's very rewarding to be able to successfully work with an ADD kid and keep their attention. I've worked with a couple such kids in our Scout troop and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. Well, most of the time.
Once upon a time, diamond dave wrote..http://davestuff.wordpress.com/2008/09/19/more-pet-peeves/" rel="nofollow">More pet peeves…
Wow, I see myself in your shoes in a few years and it scares teh bejezus outta me. My TOF is only 2 1/2 and so much like your son, funny creative, smart and soooo charming. I hate the labels, I hate the drugs, somebody needs to figure out what's been happening to little boys in the past 20 years
p.s. you know you really WANT to talk about the bailout. Maybe tomorrow
He sounds like every little boy I know around that age. A few tools should go a long way. I'd stay away from the labels and especially the meds. Hopefully 'the experts' will go a long way for you.
Once upon a time, Jim wrote..http://h31n0us.blogspot.com/2008/09/office-tour.html" rel="nofollow">Office Tour
I think it's important to remember that with a mom like you, having ADD won't cripple him (if he is even diagnosed with it).
I have an eight year old that does almost all the things you described (NOT the algebra). At this point I'm just putting it down to the fact that he's eight years old.
I didn't read all of the comments, so this may have been mentioned.
Because he is bright, he is probably bored and needs more of a challenge.
I'm sure you thought of this already, but I wanted to mention it anyway.
I could seriously kiss for refusing to label and medicate your son. I'm sick of so many kids being unnecessarily labeled these days. It's like, if they aren't a perfect angel they must be ill and need medication. Can you imagine people like Jim Carey or Robin Williams as kids? Nowadays they'd be so heavily medicated they wouldn't be able to think. So good for you for looking for ways to feed his mind, rather than trying to blanket it with medication.
Once upon a time, Jaina wrote..http://girl-with-the-camera.blogspot.com/2008/09/great-wisdom.html" rel="nofollow">Kick Your Butt Wisdom
Found your site on Happy Meals and Happy Hour. So glad I did! I had a similar situation with my son last year. He is such a smart, charming, beautiful and brilliant child. However, when it came to paying attention and focusing in school, he just couldn't do it. Thanks to a terriffic elementary school full of fantastic staff who were willing to include us in all aspects of his learning, he did amazingly well. I was a bit worried at the begining of this school year as he moved to another grade with another teacher (who happens to be new to the district), but things have been going well. I can not stress how important a good school-home team in this type of situation. Good luck! I'll be hoping for the same successes for your son!
Once upon a time, Mama2hre wrote..http://mama2hre.blogspot.com/2008/09/hearse.html" rel="nofollow">The Hearse?!
Do you need to call me? Please do if you do. Love you.
Once upon a time, molly_g wrote..http://soapywater.blogspot.com/2008/09/three-year-blog-aversary.html" rel="nofollow">Three year blog-aversary
As a sixth grade teacher, I will tell you: The kids who benefit from medication are the ones who finish nothing, turn in nothing, cannot be motivated in any way, and are impossible to assess. If your little guy is turning stuff in, and doing it well, let the teachers deal with the disruption, we are used to it. Today I got my kids out of their seats and worked on a clapping game for fifteen minutes. Kids need to move! ADD kids need to move more! As for the labeling - it depends on the school/district. if it means he will qualify for things like extended due dates and an extra teacher in the room to help with the focus, it's not such a bad thing. If they can't do that for you, forget it! The one thing you DO want from this teacher is a serious recommendation about next year's staff and who will be the most patient and capable of working with and appreciating your son.
Once upon a time, Middle-Aged-Woman wrote..http://unmitigated.typepad.com/unmitigated/2008/09/well-peggy-this-is-a-hellmouth.html" rel="nofollow">Well, Peggy, this is a hellmouth.
when i can focus (heh), i am going to send you a longish email.
there's too much here to put in a comment box, but sister? i have been where you are, and i have opinions about it too.
I hate labels, but in my case--hardly anyone knows or understands my son's disability. That being said having certain labels means they will get extra help and an organized plan of attack. I understand your concerns as this one word turns into let's medicate them, but imagine what he could do if he was paying attention in every class.
Sending you an e-mail. Have way too much to say.
Once upon a time, Diane wrote..http://onemomsopinion.blogspot.com/2008/09/how-to-trash-new-car.html" rel="nofollow">How to trash a new car
All kids have ADD... it's called childhood. I really have been turned off by medicating kids for being kids. I think at the end of the day the med's are for the parents who can't deal with being parents and need to have mindless little zombies wondering around. (Ever see the Nanny 911 ep of South Park? LOL )
Having been almost killed by being a test case for a 9 yr old on Lithium I can speak with a bit of authority on the subject.
(I intentionally didn't read any other comment, sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes =/ )