Or Die Trying
Monday, January 26, 2009 at 12:29AM | Mr Lady 
Time will tell.
I don't make New Year's resolutions. I find new and creative ways to let myself down daily, and I just don't think I could handle that sort of failure. That said, my darling Maria and I have decided that's it's time to improve ourselves, our lives, little by little, step by step, month by month this year.
Because I can do 30 days of anything. I think. We'll sink or we'll swim but we're going to get in the water. Publically.
For the next six months, we'll update monthly with our progress and our new goal for the next month, and then in July we'll get really drunk together and undo everything we've worked so hard for. It's the natural order of things, you know.
Maria's January goal was to stop drinking soda completely and to start drinking more water. I almost never drink soda anyway and I started drinking a lot more water the day I started getting bladder infections every 28 days on the nose. So, I took some liberties with her idea. She did something that she knew needed to be done, something that seems simple and obvious but was neither for her. I decided to do the same.
I got glasses today.
Here's the thing: I had glasses, I loved my glasses, and I left them in San Francisco last July. Here's the other thing: I cannot spend more than $50 without absolutely freaking the fuck out about it for months. Every time I went to get glasses, I thought of the shoes and the milk and the tires and the diapers we needed instead, and I couldn't make myself do it. I tried. I've had the frames picked out for five months; I just could NOT drop the money for them.
The deal with my eyes was that I had a righteously bad astigmatism in my left eye and perfect 20/20 in my right. My lenses were literally one very bent lens and one piece of plain old plastic. A few months ago, I noticed that might right eye was just not keeping up as well anymore. I thought it was me being paranoid, I thought I was just tired, blah blah blah. I tried retraining my eyes a little, to see if maybe I could just teach my eyes to see properly without my glasses. (It can be done sometimes. Shut up.)
Guess who now has TWO eyes with astigmatism? Yup, I am officially freaking blindish. I can't ever go without glasses again, because my "I lived through the depression and hoard cash in a cigar box under my mattress" brand of frugality prevented me from getting some stupid, basic, common medical care.
I am pissed as all hell at myself. Something as obvious as getting glasses, or as drinking water, shouldn't be so hard. It should come naturally. But, truth is, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes we forget to put ourselves first. Sometimes I forget to put myself, my health, this body, first. That's my step this month; pulling my head out of my ass and doing what's obvious and easy and basic. It's the oil change that's going to keep the engine from seizing on me.
Next month, we're going to attempt some serious carb-free, no cheating, no accidentally tripping and falling face first into brownies healthy eating. Because now I can actually see the number on the scale, and it's scaring me.
Reader Comments (60)
first, maybe?!!?
lol, i've been putting off my new eye exam for awhile now, because even though it seems to me like i'm going BLIND the dr. is like eeehh slight change no need to adjust it. so now i'll all, shit, there goes the hypbchondriac genes kicking in, so i don't go.
i think i really need to go now. for real. having trouble focusing up close and I'M NEARSIGHTED! with astigmatisms to boot. lol
good for you two. i'm gonna try to throw in some regular walking to go along with my cleaning attempts.
Well, at least your lenses will sort of match each other now. :P Hey, I've got -8.5 or so in BOTH eyes, so I'm more than blindish. I can see the tiny polar bear etched on the edge of my diamond ring because I can hold it THAT CLOSE to my eyeball. Any closer and that diamond would be performing surgery on my cornea. Can't wait to see the new glasses, dahling!
How funny ... on my calendar for tomorrow in BOLD letters, "Make eye appt."
I can't see shit! I've put it off and put it off and I HAVE TO go.
So ... yeah, that's my chore for tomorrow. Just making the appointment bums me out because we don't have any type of eye insurance. I hate to spend money on stuff like this. OK, so I'll stop bitching now .....
I bet your specs look good on you. I have no problem spending money (my husband would attest to this) if I have the money to spend. My hangup is pain. My biggest needs right now are dental. And I REALLY don't like going to the dentist. The amount of work I need right now is staggeringly expensive. BUt, I need to do it and I need to be a good example to my son so I grin and bear it (pun kinda intended). FWIW- Laser eye surgery was the best investment I ever made!
Sometimes we just plain old forget that we have this body and that it is up to us to take care of it.
I'm thinking it has something to do with having a bunch of other little bodies to take care of . . . I'm pretty sure.
Glad to "see" you are taking care of YOU.
"officially freaking blindish"--you are not alone. If we ever meet, I'll be the one squinting like I just sucked on a bajillion lemons or the one in the super cute geek glasses.
I think I need to do 30 days of something too. But not in public. Not yet.
But this is a good post to tuck into my brain so I can really keep thinking about this.
So sorry about your eyes dude - that sucks. Really. I'm totally blind already and have been wearing contacts since 6th grade so I feel ya.
But taking care of yourself? Myself? Ourselves? All of us who keep letting us slip too far down on the care-taking scale? Hell yes!! Time is now. Okay I'm gonna do something. I'm convincing myself in this ramble in your comment section. I hate when I do that....
Later.
Hey...really? Did you really kind of 'give' yourself an astgmatisim? (God, am I spelling that right? Anyway...) because I've totally been putting off getting my son glasses (he's only a very, very little near-sighted) because my Opthamologist growing up tokd me that the eye is a muscle, and you really need to work it in order for it not to lose more ability.
Uh. Sorry. I guess you're not an eye doctor. HAHAAAHAAA! God, I'm a spaz.
XO
B.
You guys are rad.
We totally need to start a little band of biatches doing it for ourselves. Well, not in THAT way. Unless that floats your boat and that is totally fine but girl, I am thinking you will need a new prescription for those glasses if it does.
It would be epic. We could have a motto and everything. I love me a motto.
I've got an astigmatism in each eye. I've had glasses since I was three years old. My daughter was doomed (wife has astigmatism too) and at a couple of months shy of three got her glasses.
But, I hear you about the spending thing... I don't "need" new glasses (the prescription change isn't significant) but since these ones are pushing five years and I wear them all day every day (literally: first thing I do in the morning after my shower is put them on, last thing before getting into bed is take them off) they're starting to show signs of wear. It wasn't until the companion sun clips went this weekend that I actually seriously entertained the idea of new ones.
I am finding myself in need of my first pair of glasses, as my eye doctor (jerk) was right when he said "Once you turn 40, your eyesight will likely go downhill." He lives in my neighborhood and I am almost certain that he let loose some chemical near my house that has made my vision up-close very blurry, just so I will have to go see him for an eye exam and then spend our hard-earned $$$ on glasses.
I can't put it off any more, so I'm going in next week.
Or maybe next month.
You're way ahead of me, despite squinting like an Astronaut without a visor, I haven't been to get checked.
I am also frugal.
That's frugal, not, tight.
Definitely frugal.
I feel Maria's pain. I haven't had a Coke (I'm from the South, and here we call soda Coke -- no matter what kind it is) in three weeks. I do believe that is the longest time ever for me.
You rock! Take care of yourself. Someday you can join me in "the world of bifocals!"
I understand. Sometimes spending ANY money on yourself isn't worth the introspection. Do I REALLY REALLY REALLY need it?
Or my favorite: Lying awake at night wondering which major appliance or household utility will sense that I've just spent money, and take revenge.
You'll be dahling, darlin'.
I'm on the low carb wagon, too! I feel great and my blood sugar is coming down. Count on me as a go to girl for recipes and ideas since I lost over 70lbs on it once!!
Heh, you want better vision, numerous optometrist visits and dropping WAY MORE than $50?
Try laser surgery. :) I go in for follow-up appointment number 4 in a week or so. My mom had astigmatism in both eyes too all her life (and then she got laser surgery and they fixed it).
Also if you're loathe to spend a lot on glasses, On-Time Optical (Broadway and Willow-ish, north side of Broadway) has good deals. I used to get my single vision basic presciption glasses with UV filtre there for under $100. I work near there offer you snarky comments on glasses. :)
P.S. I'm glad you got the glasses. I have a website that sells some cheapos if you need some extras or spares. I can get the addy to you later!
I wore glasses/contact for a year or so. I found out I was pregs with my first by sitting in Gov't 101 and realizing I wasn't wearing contacts and could see everything. And I thought 'Holy Moses! You're knocked up!' and I was. My vision was cured. But the day I went to have my precious miracle baby, I was scared shiteless that I would go blind again.
So, anyhow-good for you. And Maria!
Good luck with this idea, sounds challenging. Hope you get a pair of glasses you can love as much as the last pair ...
~K
One foot in front of the other my dear :)
I set my goal this month on focusing...For January, it was getting up early and getting in my excercise (or at least some exercise) and meditation...So far so good. Next month I think I will focus in actually getting in the full 8 glasses of water every day. I figure by the end of the year, I will be a smaller size, and I will have done it one step at a time!!
I'm all for getting drunk to celebrate this summer...!!
Yep. I decided to go public with my quest to be less squishy.
This week, gained 2 pounds. Overall, my weight is exact 1/2 pound MORE than where I started.
My waist and ass are smaller though. We're going to claim it's all due to muscle and not cheesecake.
I completely understand the line of thinking where you put yourself last. I've done that my entire life and it's hard to remember that sometimes I have to put myself first. Good luck with doing what you need to do and know that I'm thinking about you.
That sucks about your eyes! But at least you DID do something about it, before it got REALLY bad.
I haven't bought new glasses since 2000. Back then my lenses alone were just over $400. I am afraid of what they'd be today. My insurance in 2000 was much better than it is today, and it was very selective about my prescription. (read: they didn't pay much of it)
I do that too. I've been avoiding the dermatologist like mad, because as a specialist my co-pay would be $50. Insane right? So is not paying attention to my skin!
Oh my God girl - I can't believe you left it so long to get glasses.
I am going to kick your butt for that in July.
Unless you succeed at February's challenge and get all buff. In that case, anythign you do is totally cool, 'kay?
So where's the picture??
This is fun! My husband and I are doing something smilar in February -- no drinking (except for Valentine's day) and no eating out -- in an effort to save money. But I like the idea of trying a new challenge every month. Good luck!!
I want to see a pic with your hottie glasses. We four-eyed geeks need to band together.
And just so you know, I'm on day two of no Coke. I officially despise you and Maria.
Sometimes the stuff you write really scares me, because I also have an astigmatism in one eye and the other eye has nary a prescription just a lens. I too, have issues spending more than $50 because I am quite sure there is some other area in my life about to fall apart and that $50 would have been just the thing to make it all better.
Is this me writing? Do I have a split personality and you are the skinny cute me that I have always longed to be??? Holy Crap! This opens up a whole new world to me. Is your/my alter self husband hot? I hope so!
Hoping your day totally rocks, because that means my day might rock a little bit too!
Gabbi
I got tired of spending $600 or so a year on glasses and contacts - and that is with a really good eye plan - thank goodness for work ;). However last year I had had enough and got lasik - the best investmet E V E R. Still seeing 20/20...and no need to by glasses and/or contracts - so it really does pay for itself.
The boy toy loved my glasses said it gave me the hottie teacher look - so I told him you want that look you can buy my stuff - Lasik won.
The sting in the checkbook hurt for a while BUT I would do it again. ;)
I read this through 5 yr old contacts (the weekly disposabe kind)- most things are blurry and I feel like I look cross eyed and my eyes water and burn 75% of the time. I, too, am too cheap and have royally fucked up astigmatisms (and probably do have crossed eyes- I just can't tell)...
I have anxiety from the thought of having to go to the eye dr... because it's a double whammy- I need new glasses and contacts... I'll drink some water.
i love this: "Something as obvious as getting glasses, or as drinking water, shouldn’t be so hard. It should come naturally."
i've been waging this battle with myself FOREVER - and the problem is that the stubborn little girl inside me always wins! she doesn't like to exercise or drink water or get enough sleep. she'd rather watch cartoons and drink pepsi and stay up all night playing on the internet! apparently there's a big part of me that hasn't grown up yet...but i'm working on it!
thanks for the inspiration :)
Life has its moments.
We are going to kick so much ass. I'm so glad you're doing this with me.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who falls face first into the freshly-baked brownie pan that magically appeared out of my oven.
Brava to you and Maria!
Welcome to my world. Only I spend $300 on glasses (with insurance, WTF?) ever few years and wear toric contact lenses because my astigmatisms are THAT bad.
I'd join you on the 30 day thing, but my sinus infection hasn't gotten the e-mail I want it to leave, NOW, so I'm barely eating anything that sounds good. Or is remotely healthy.
Good for you! Now you can follow in my footsteps and have TWO Lasik surgeries, and STILL need to wear glasses. Oh, you don 't want to follow in those footsteps? My bad.
I rejoiced the day my vision was too poor to pass the DMV test because I wanted to wear glasses. But after a while I got sick of that look and stopped wearing them. And my vision fixed itself. You may think I just imagined that, but the next time I renewed my license, I read EVERY line on that chart. Even the small one.
I can self-alter the curvature of my retina, yet I can't lose a measley 15 lbs. Odd talents. I gots em.
go get those glasses girl.....I did last sept. b/c of my astigmatism. I heard if you wear them long enough you can correct it for short periods of time. I used to have to wear them 24/7, now I can go a few hours without them...nice. So there is hope! well a lil! :P I think I will join your girly pal though...drink more water! :)
Shit. Because of you now I'm making an optometry appointment TODAY (and maybe a dental one because even though I don't think I have any cavities, I am deathly afraid of my dentist ever since he pulled a wisdom tooth and I never want him to have to drill, poke or pull anything ever again so I should go before he HAS to)
I used to wear glasses just for the anti-social/alterna look. But my vision? PERFECT.
I want in on February. For serious. Let me hop on the wagon, please.
I get it, the whole "why am I buying ________ for me when the kids need _______ " thing. I'm the same way, of course I learned it from my mother who has her mother to thank for it as well.... That's one of the hard things for us moms to get, we are the caregivers and that means for US too!
I applaud your ambition and drive to change things!
Maybe I should do a little of my own "oil changing", like you said I can do anything for 30 days right?
Thanks for the inspiration!
I didn't realize you could go blind in a good eye by over-compensating. That Jeebus is one messed up dude.
My eyes aren't great but the some of the other commenters make me look like I've got good vision. I do the cheap out thing and would make one month contact lenses go two or more to avoid buying new ones. Hello scratched corneas!
I was just talking about this today. I always put myself last for things. The other night, I put on a Northern Exposure t-shirt to wear to bed. I itched my neck and tore a hole in it because it's that thin. When did that show go off the air? 1994, that's when. So, yeah. Maybe it's time to invest in me. And some new night shirts.
This post was written by the woman who's been holding her glasses together with a piece of black electrical tape since Thanksgiving because she can't seem to rationalize the $100 it would cost to get new frames.....
I really loved this post (I love all your posts, but this one I REALLY loved) because I'm the same way - astigmatism blind and equally obstinate.