Wednesday
Jan282009
Yesterday
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 1:23AM | Mr Lady
I read a lot of mom blogs. I hang out with a lot of moms. Thanks to Little Ms. Whoopsie-Pants, I can still roll with all the preschool moms. And this time, I'm a respectable age to do it. But I find that in most situations, blog-related or otherwise, I am the odd man out in one small aspect: I have kids whose shoes and deodorant I can borrow, too.
It's not as common as I would have thought to have a rather large age gap in your children. Though some of my favorite blogs are written by mothers of tweens, I find myself greatly outnumbered in the blogosphere. And in real life, most mothers of kids in puberty have at least 10 years on me. And less crap in their face.
I am an island. I am okay with this.
I love reading along as you all navigate through nursing, laughing as you attempt potty training, sighing as you send your darling little ones off to school for the first time. Because I've done all that already a few times over, and I remember it, and it's no big deal for me three kids in, but your stories help me hold on to the memory of how terrifying and thrilling and gut-wrenching all of those days were. It makes savour it a little more with my third. It's a win-win.
I talk about "walking in" on the boys, and you all cringe, but few of you can ever fathom that day. I don't even mention how I can wear my oldest son's shoes if I'm in a pinch, or how his father has officially started handing him down sweaters, mainly because those are his stories, not mine, but partly because that's not the world I inhabit online. I swim in the seas of diapers and teething and temper tantrums. And I'm happy there.
But today I am here to tell you that as much as I love hearing about your children teething, as much as I adore the good laugh I get recalling those late nights, the tooth-poop, the 106 degree fever with each tooth and the subsequent 10 ER trips, the frozen peaches and the gnawed on nipples, the clove oil, the drool all over the new suede coats, the rash on the baby's little bottom lip...as much as I want to commiserate and lend you advice and tell you it will all be okay, I am officially out. You're on your own, guys and dolls.
Why?
Because almost none of you are even close to knowing the pain that comes with your precious little angel losing his first molar.
I spent months on that molar. That molar is lullabies and cuddles in my shoulder and little sweet tears and stories and love. I loved that little molar. It signaled his transition from tiny baby to person, nurser to eater, the end of me and the beginning of him.
I take him to the dentist, they put in the sealants and they say things like, Someday, when he's elllllleeeeeevennnn... because 11 is something far far away and untouchable and unimaginable. Except that it's here. It's right here under his pillow, waiting to get changed in for a fiver.
I know I'm being ridiculous. I know that I've already crossed this threshold with him a million times, but something about this just kicked me in the gut today. Maybe it's because I read all about you all and your little ones with their little milestones and I forget that it wasn't last month, it was last decade. It was a whole decade ago, and that tooth is never coming out again, never going under a pillow again.
But, in all honesty, I am kind of glad I never have to pay him for at least that one tooth ever again. The boy, he's bleeding me dry. Five bucks, my ass.
It's not as common as I would have thought to have a rather large age gap in your children. Though some of my favorite blogs are written by mothers of tweens, I find myself greatly outnumbered in the blogosphere. And in real life, most mothers of kids in puberty have at least 10 years on me. And less crap in their face.
I am an island. I am okay with this.
I love reading along as you all navigate through nursing, laughing as you attempt potty training, sighing as you send your darling little ones off to school for the first time. Because I've done all that already a few times over, and I remember it, and it's no big deal for me three kids in, but your stories help me hold on to the memory of how terrifying and thrilling and gut-wrenching all of those days were. It makes savour it a little more with my third. It's a win-win.
I talk about "walking in" on the boys, and you all cringe, but few of you can ever fathom that day. I don't even mention how I can wear my oldest son's shoes if I'm in a pinch, or how his father has officially started handing him down sweaters, mainly because those are his stories, not mine, but partly because that's not the world I inhabit online. I swim in the seas of diapers and teething and temper tantrums. And I'm happy there.
But today I am here to tell you that as much as I love hearing about your children teething, as much as I adore the good laugh I get recalling those late nights, the tooth-poop, the 106 degree fever with each tooth and the subsequent 10 ER trips, the frozen peaches and the gnawed on nipples, the clove oil, the drool all over the new suede coats, the rash on the baby's little bottom lip...as much as I want to commiserate and lend you advice and tell you it will all be okay, I am officially out. You're on your own, guys and dolls.
Why?
Because almost none of you are even close to knowing the pain that comes with your precious little angel losing his first molar.
I spent months on that molar. That molar is lullabies and cuddles in my shoulder and little sweet tears and stories and love. I loved that little molar. It signaled his transition from tiny baby to person, nurser to eater, the end of me and the beginning of him.
I take him to the dentist, they put in the sealants and they say things like, Someday, when he's elllllleeeeeevennnn... because 11 is something far far away and untouchable and unimaginable. Except that it's here. It's right here under his pillow, waiting to get changed in for a fiver.
I know I'm being ridiculous. I know that I've already crossed this threshold with him a million times, but something about this just kicked me in the gut today. Maybe it's because I read all about you all and your little ones with their little milestones and I forget that it wasn't last month, it was last decade. It was a whole decade ago, and that tooth is never coming out again, never going under a pillow again.
But, in all honesty, I am kind of glad I never have to pay him for at least that one tooth ever again. The boy, he's bleeding me dry. Five bucks, my ass.
Reader Comments (85)
Fuck off. My eldest turns 18 this year. She is about to start on the pill. My middle child is 16 this year. My youngest I still have to wipe his arse.
I LIVE ON AN ISLAND.
No one is like me.
Seriously, don't you think the world is thanking God for that?
Except Kelley. Kelley wins. The pill? *shudder*
I think Kelley wins too. Heh. Do you think I should tell her what I was doing at 18?
Couldn't you, at least, take a picture where he doesn't look like he just finished a high school production of The Outsiders? God Damned Greasers.
I don't consider myself a "mommy" blogger either as my babies are older. I started blogging on a whim for me. I didn't tell anyone I had a blog, not friends or family for a while. Then I got my first comment from a "mommy blogger" and I started lurking around. First her blog and then those she followed. This lead me to more and more blogs and to the networks these blogger belong to. I was astounded on how many there are out there and how old I am compared to most. I enjoy passing thru other peoples lives, sharing stories, sometimes no longer relating to some but adding my own thoughts to theirs at times.
My baby who is 27 just got married last year. My baby who is 18 just came out that he is gay last year. My baby who is 13 just became a teenager last year. My husband and I both turned 50 last year. So I am a mom who blogs, albeit an older one, I've just taken the knocks and the joys that some are just getting to experience.
ps: The "pill" thing was easy, try talking about gay sex with your son. Life never stops being interesting.
My daughter has her first wiggly tooth, and she is beside herself with waiting for it to fall out so that the tooth fairy can come. How much do you think a first tooth is worth....a loonie? And my son is working on getting those second year molars in.
Eleven feels a light year away, but then again, the five years since my first was born seem to have passed in a heartbeat. I'm just trying to live in the moment.
That's a very handsome boy you have....you must be very proud.
Come roll with me! Preschool to high School and everything in between. The best days start now, follow the light.
Great post.
At the same time, I could steal it (I won't), replace all of the references to moms with babies and toddlers with references to the tween years, and replace the molar story with REGISTERING SON FOR HIS SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL CLASSES FOR THE FALL.
Ages and stages, baby. Ages and stages.
Did I mention that I gave birth to my first when I was four? That's why it's possible for me to have a senior.
I'm stil reeling over the fact that they are walking and talking....even if they are 9 and 11...I'm in denial over all the rest...molars, gay sex, the pill, college...What's that??
Dood, I have a 20 year-old son who LIVES WITH HIS GIRLFRIED, OH MAH GAWD. And? I have a 14 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old.
So yeah. I get it. It's a really weird island to inhabit.
I have a schizophrenic self who is about 17, he's a proper handful.
Does that count?
Oh, and I have a penis, rather than a receptacle.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
I almost crapped my pants when my son starting losing molars, because I am old enough to have forgotten that you are SUPPOSED TO lose molars. My kids are 7 years apart and I am the oldest mom at preschool.
This made me laugh but I can top it with stories of buying my 18 yr old condoms and calling his room at University at 8am only to have his girlfriend answer. She does not live anywhere near his school.
Sometimes I feel out of place with the 'mommies" too, because I'm not a mommy anymore, I'm a mom. I tend to read the blogs of mom's with older kids because really I'm not all that into little kids and babies. I never have been, and I guess I never will. I like the tweens and up stories a lot better.
I have a fairly large age gap between the two girls and it is hard to teeter back and forth between the two and realize I was here not long ago with the older one and will soon be doing this with the little one...sometimes it goes to fast and yet, not fast enough.
~K
Oh this post got me all teary.
I have little ones who haven't even lost a tooth yet, but just thinking about them losing those molars, the ones I have lost many a nights sleep over as they have come in, that's harsh.
Then there are all the comments to this post, yikes, I have a wild road ahead of me!
::: Raises Hand :::
Me too, mommy blog reader, but now I'm just "Mom" to a 20 and 23 year old.
I don't know how I got into a mommy blog reading addiction, but now I have "friends" I have to follow.
I laugh (bwahahaha, hysterically at times) when I read some dramas with the little ones ... only because I think man - O - man if that set the tilt meter off ... wait until they experience the teen years.
But nothing like this community .. eh? =)
Sometimes I miss those baby days when I look at my two who are 8 & 7 but I do honestly enjoy that they are pretty independent these days. Whoever first said to enjoy them when they're little because the time sure does fly was so right on, it doesnt seem that way when you first bring those screaming bundles of joy home but it is so VERY true.
*raising hand halfway* Guilty as charged. Sort of. WHEN I'm writing about the kids, I'm all about the goofy things five-and-unders do. (And my children will not be sexually active until they are 35, so I don't anticipate the pill or sex conversations for a good long while yet, thank you very much.)
But what I really wanted to say is DOOOD! The Tooth Fairy is ripping you off. We only got 25 cents when we were kids, and inflation hasn't gone up that much.
I hear ya. I have an 11 year old, 9 year old and a 5 year old who will be off to kindergarten. It seems he is in a preschool class with many kids who are the oldest in their families so the moms are young 30 somethings (which I think you are, too)!. There are a few of us moms hanging in the hallways though who are in our 40's and raising children who are going to junior high next year!
Devin is constantly asking me while all of our friends have kids Emma's age and 'THERE IS NEVER A KID MY AGE AROUND AND IT SUUUUUUCCCCKS!'.
I've finally told him "look, that's what happens when mama gets knocked up young and the rest of the world decides 30 is the new 'awfully young to have kids'."
I'm 42. I have kids 24, 16, 8 and 6. I have two grandkids. I too, am an island. I understand. It's hard sometimes.
Hey, my oldest is turning 10 in 2 weeks and my youngest is 3. I know a bit of what you speak. Also, sharing his socks is AWESOME. I have borrowed a couple of his t-shirts and am rubbing my hands in glee over the prospect of the years I get to steal cool boy clothes.
oh yes. i was 23 when emily was born...which isn't THAT young, i realize...but all of the other moms were always SO MUCH OLDER and always made me feel like i was a BABY. which, i guess, i was.
In that shirt and with that hair, he looks like an extra from West Side Story. He he a Shark or a Jet?!
I'm the mom of 3 teens. I feel VERY out of place in the world of diapers and teething sometimes. You BLINK and you're begging them to "take protection" with them as they head out the door to meet their girlfriend/boyfriend. I still can't figure out how the fuck it happened so quickly!
Molars! Ack! We just had our first loose tooth and I almost freaked! I can still see vividly the pic of her first tooth that I sent to everyone.
We all face challenges. I have a 2, 4, and 6 year old and I'm 40.
Really, I'm too old for this shit.
When the molars start coming out I'll be in assisted living. AT least you'll still be able to play shuffleboard when yours graduate!
I know this doesn't make it easier to deal with but at least you're not alone
kellie
I am terrified on walking in on them! You read my mind! EW! So for now I am quite happy with the other annoying little things they do at this age (5 and 6). Love your blog, love your wit. You are my people.
I feel ya. I'm an island too. I'm 32 with an almost 12 yo., 5yo., and almost 1 yo. It's hard to find that group of moms that can relate...
Love your blog, it craps my $hit up.
okay. sorry, cracks my $hit up.... my bad :(
I feel like I'm on my own little island because I have a three year old and a baby and I'm 27. All the other moms seem to be 30-ish or older. *I* feel like a slutty little girl that's too young to have kids. HAHAA
Regardless of your kids' ages, I love you and you'll always be allowed to sit with me at lunch, okay?
I just started reading, after seeing you listed on the Bloggies. I have a 2yo and a 15yo, so I am totally with you on this.
Except I also have a 5 yo, 7yo, 10yo, 12yo and 13yo.
Pass the whiskey.
You know my sister has you beat on that age gap thing, right? C turns 16 in 6 weeks. Q just turned 15 mos. You are so not an island.
But I'm confused, are you saying you aren't doing mommy blog subject matter any more?
Well I want to hear all the stories. I want to know what I am in for. Although I do have some insight from the stepsons. One is 18, the other is 20. In the 6 years I have known my husband, there have been suicide threats, an arrest by the state police for carrying illegal brass knuckles, pot, condoms and liquor being found in their room at their mother's house (two out of the three were confiscated, she let him keep the condoms), another run in with the police because of a suicide threat and then running out of the house to parts unknown, the complete destruction of not one, not two, but three cars, the last of which was his mothers. And then there is the smell that is left behind in my house when the 18 year old visits. What is THAT smell? It is boy smell. It is nasty hormonol boy smell. Which he attempts to disguise with copius amounts of AXE spray. GAK. But I have not experienced the stuff that happens before all that stuff yet, so I am interested in the stories. Share them. PLEASE. I don't watch horror movies, but I will read those posts.
Oh, c'mon. He's been reared right. Old Ponyboy there will still love his mama when he's president. :)
Girl I've got one of every age for you. But I just can't bring myself to blog about the periods. If I don't, I can pretend it's not happening.
I have a 10 year old daughter and a two year old son...I love the gap! It rocks. My ten year old and I can laugh at the two year old together, shake our fists at him together and if I am desperate for 3 minutes of peace, she, usually happily, will play with him for a while and keep him from coloring on my walls and tormenting the cat.
And she, is absolutely entertaining in her older than her years wisdom. and it is awesome to watch her learn life lessons about who your real friends are and super painful when she realizes they are not the ones she thought they were. It is so cool to help her navigate her little life and encourage her and talk to her about the choices we make and to see her try really hard to make good choices, but love her up even when she doesn't.
It is the best when they get older and you can watch them transform into individuals.
being a mom RULES,
Gabbi
Kelley wins EVERYthing. GAH.
Great... what will molars be worth in another 10 years? I better start saving now.
"That molar is lullabies and cuddles in my shoulder and little sweet tears and stories and
love."
That line just got me Mr. Lady. I'm gonna remember that one. And yeah, I'm like a lifetime away from losing that molar (okay maybe not - first kid is 6 1/2) but I'm still gonna hold on to today fast and hard.
My lil' dude is sucking some nipplage (sp?) as I type this and I had him when I was OLD, so I'm hope I'm still around when he loses his first molar. :-)
Your 1 of 3 is so handsome. What a looker........yikes.
Wait till he's 14 and his wisom teeth start bothering him and he BEGS you to make an appointment to get the suckers CUT out of his face. And since he has always been such a darling child, you do it, but you neglect to tell him that Novocaine was not his only option for the procedure. Then, on the way home, stop and get a pizza and let him hold the box, he'll enjoy the smell, trust me, and when he slips later on and tells you that the teeth you spent $500+ removing weren't really bothering him, he was just worried that they would make his other teeth crooked and all the girls at school tell him he has such pretty teeth...you won't feel bad at all that he couldn't eat that pizza you made him hold.
And I think I can waaayyy trump this Kelley person! I have one on the pill, and the darling boy who leaves him empty condom wrappers in his pockets so I find them in the dryer...and then there was the time he left the used condom in the bathroom trash and the dog dragged it through the house and my 4 year old saw it and yelled, "Mommy! Payton has a balloon and she won't let me have it!" I have 2, count 'em 2, with PMS, and 2 that still won't wipe their own butts! I told them, they start growing fur down there, they are on their own!
Xanex please.
Sheeee - it! My 7 year old just lost all four of her front teeth and I told her she didn't lose molars. Why don't I remember this stuff? The tooth-fairy is bleeding me dry!
And while I don't have quite as large a gap between my second and third, I liked what you said about the age thing this time around. I'm not younger than everyone else for once. Although I recently met a doula client who told me I looked way too young to have three kids. I'll just take it as a compliment.
By the way, LOVE the Donor's comment. Hilarious.
Nodding my head in total agreement, and then I glance over at the couch and see a toddler sleeping.
You know what that means, right?
#4
Kelley for the win. The pill?! OMG. I will be clinging for dear life onto my teething blog post!!
My stepson is 20. I helped to raise him form the age of two. I am only 33. My other kids are 14, 10 and 5. I am marrying my high school sweetheart this summer after years of us struggling apart. We want to have one more baby together. I'll happily be the island with you. By the time I am finished being a mother to minor children I will have been parenting for at least 36 years. wow. Not sure how to feel about that.
My parents had their first child when they were 21 and 23, their last at 39 and 41. So I think I have young parents. My brothers think they're OLD.
I can relate. Although I have an eleven year old and a eight month old. The best of both worlds, maybe. My eleven year old daughter also lost her first molar a few weeks ago. This was the first time she didn't put it under her pillow. She actually picked it up a few days ago and said "are you going to do something with this?" after I'm done writing this I will add to the collection in my underwear drawer (where I keep special things). Thanks for reminding me how fleeting these moments are, she is growing up so fast.
I am laughing and crying at the same time.
Are you sure you don't have a book out there? I would buy it, review it, buy more boxes of it, sell it to Oprah's book club, and join every single discussion group about it.
You are one GIFTED writer.
Hugs and hoping you get a coupon in exchange for your five bucks!
I'm sure I'll have lots of older kid stories come September when I start teaching again... high school... ;)