Monday
Dec282009
Christmas: In Like A Lion, Out Like A {Bleep}
Monday, December 28, 2009 at 10:45PM | Mr Lady
I do my grocery shopping for Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, and I have every year. Because I'm an idiot who cannot learn a lesson, but also because it's the closest I ever come to getting in a little whips-and-chains style sadomasochism. Next Christmas, I'm resolving to shop early and ask Santa to give me Kristen's book. Give it to me good, big boy....
Did I just say that out loud?
This year, her book isn't out and my mother in law is here, so I had to settle for searching for a roll of frozen bread dough at 7pm on Christmas Eve. Which? Mission Impossible. So impossible, in fact, that this post may self destruct after you read it.
I took my daughter with me because she was driving everyone fucking nuts super duper excited that Santa was coming. She was so excited, in fact, that she decided to get to sleep early.
Except that I still had an entire shopping list to go and a veritable throng of people to beat my way through. And you know those bastards bought all the salmon before I could get back to the seafood counter.
So off to another store we went. And she stayed asleep. We found salmon, but not bread dough, and she still slept, this time in the seat of the buggy using my boobs as pillows.
We got home three hours after she fell asleep. I handed her to her father and we waited for her to wake up. She didn't.
She slept through football, through getting passed to Gramma, getting changed into her jammies, through us giving up and making Santa's cookies and the reindeer's food without her.
She slept through all the last minute moving around and wrapping and digging out Christmas gifts and general asshole loudness Santa and his reindeer coming to our house. And at 3am, when the butter was made for the turkey and the wild rice stuffing was cooked and wrapped up, when I staggered off to bed bleary-eyed and drunk with exhaustion, I just knew that Little Miss I Fell Asleep At 6:30 on Christmas Eve would be waking up right about when I was laying down.
I was wrong. Her brothers woke up instead. At 3 in the morning, right when I'd pulled up my covers and closed my eyes, they came downstairs, turned all the lights on and did I don't fucking know what until 6am when they came in to wake me up.
I did what any good mother trying to preserve the last little remnants of Christmas spirit in her children would do. I told them, "Fuck you, no" and went back to sleep until 8, when those sneaky little bastards woke up Sleeping Beauty and made Christmas begin.
And it was totally worth it.
Did I just say that out loud?
This year, her book isn't out and my mother in law is here, so I had to settle for searching for a roll of frozen bread dough at 7pm on Christmas Eve. Which? Mission Impossible. So impossible, in fact, that this post may self destruct after you read it.
I took my daughter with me because she was driving everyone fucking nuts super duper excited that Santa was coming. She was so excited, in fact, that she decided to get to sleep early.
Except that I still had an entire shopping list to go and a veritable throng of people to beat my way through. And you know those bastards bought all the salmon before I could get back to the seafood counter.
So off to another store we went. And she stayed asleep. We found salmon, but not bread dough, and she still slept, this time in the seat of the buggy using my boobs as pillows.
We got home three hours after she fell asleep. I handed her to her father and we waited for her to wake up. She didn't.
She slept through football, through getting passed to Gramma, getting changed into her jammies, through us giving up and making Santa's cookies and the reindeer's food without her.
She slept through all the last minute moving around and wrapping and digging out Christmas gifts and general asshole loudness Santa and his reindeer coming to our house. And at 3am, when the butter was made for the turkey and the wild rice stuffing was cooked and wrapped up, when I staggered off to bed bleary-eyed and drunk with exhaustion, I just knew that Little Miss I Fell Asleep At 6:30 on Christmas Eve would be waking up right about when I was laying down.
I was wrong. Her brothers woke up instead. At 3 in the morning, right when I'd pulled up my covers and closed my eyes, they came downstairs, turned all the lights on and did I don't fucking know what until 6am when they came in to wake me up.
I did what any good mother trying to preserve the last little remnants of Christmas spirit in her children would do. I told them, "Fuck you, no" and went back to sleep until 8, when those sneaky little bastards woke up Sleeping Beauty and made Christmas begin.
And it was totally worth it.
Reader Comments (22)
And yet you keep asking why I read your stuff.
Silly Lady.
Hey, I often start my mornings with "Fuck you, no" being said to me too!
I'm glad you had a nice Christmas. You are, however, out of your fucking mind to go into a grocery store on Christmas Eve. : )
This was the first year that all three of my kids slept in. It was also the first Christmas Eve that they all tried their grandma's fish in gelatin.
It's always worth it, isn't it?
That's quite a sleep she got there. You, not so much. Hope you made up for the lack of sleep since then.
I wish my kids would sleep like that!
The case of the missing Flagnard is still under investigation. Would it be Ja-Ru Flarp, a noise making goop?
: Christmas: In Like A Lion, Out Like A {Bleep} http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2009/12/28/christmas-morning/
You brave, silly woman, shopping on Christmas Eve! Glad it all worked out though. I wish I could sleep through anything like my kids do - they totally get that from their father. A mouse farts in the next county and I'm awake.
I slept on the couch because I *knew* my 6 year old would be up way to early and I couldn't trust him not to open all his presents. Sure enough, he traipses down the stairs at 2:30! Sent him back to bed and he whined for an hour. We started opening gifts at 5:30. But it was worth it!
OMG! What a sleep, I hope she wasn't coming down with something. Or maybe it was from all that energy that was driving everyone nuts.
Glad you had such a nice Christmas.
Wow! She was SOOO sleepy!! I love that you have pictures of it all. Now, can you tell me what reindeer food is? When I was growing up, I am pretty sure we left carrots out... but if there is something fancier to give them it might explain why I never DID get that easy bake oven....
ha ha, that is an amusing story. i can't imagine the kid slept through all of that. she must have needed it. cute photo in her dad's arms. she's so out.
at least you were shopping for food - imp. stuff - at a decent hour. i can't stand when i see women dragging their little babies through a department store at 11 p.m., shopping for christmas gifts or whatever. or their kids are trying to sleep in a tiny cart their bodies completely mushed. im like, go home, it's a school night for god's sake! kids get tired. i just feel bad for them.
Nice to hear everyone is doing so well. She must have really needed to sleep. That was something. Happy New Year.
You will get plenty of sleep when you're dead anyway. Sleep is for the weak. No rest for the weary. And, my personal favorite, Why is it illegal to have a lock on the OUTSIDE of the kid's bedrooms? Seriously, that would make shit soo much easier.
My kids slept until 9 Christmas morning and decided maybe they should go see what the fat man brought them. I managed to stay out of the stores on Christmas eve, but managed to also get a migraine that day too.
I, like an asshole, go to the MALL and the liquor store on Christmas Eve.
I hope you guys had a great one. The pics are great.
Hope to see you in 2010.
XO-ZDub
You'er damn lucky they let you sleep! :) glad it was worth it
<3
As I was tucking in my kids, my 10yr old daughter said "In the morning, you'll wake up to "*shriek* IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!" And I told her, no, I'd want to wake up to gentle nudging and "Mommy, it's 10am and we made you breakfast."
I got 8am and a steaming cup of tea.
I just LOVE compromise.
Aww, best Christmas story ever. :)
OK, seriously out of your fucking mind both going shopping on xmas eve and pushing around one of those freaking ass car carts. Seriously, someone without children came up with the idea of those fucking car carts.
Anyway...I was totally expecting you to tell us of her 3am wake up too!
It sounds like you all had a wonderful Christmas! Gorgeous children you have!